When to get Married...

kmm7309

wait'll you do get maried and they start with the "when you gonna have a baby!" My wife and I were married for 15 years and everytime we went to her familys house it was endless. I fnally told them i was sterile!, lMAO

LMAO I've been married 7 years, and I hear that ALL THE TIME. My hubby is sterile too. We do plan on trying next year (with a donor) but it still sucks

HauteP1nk

Personal choice and depends on the person. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for another.

For me, 28+ is a good age to get married.

purplegoboom

Does anyone else have their ENTIRE family bugging them to settle down? Just curious lol.

BTW I'm only 23

Getting married? Nope, never got that.

But now that I am married, I'm getting numerous hints about having children. I, however, don't want kids and hubby got a vasectomy shortly after we tied the knot.

BabyLeila23

Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you

purplegoboom

Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you

Yeah, this is excellent advice. Especially when you consider the number of people who get married in their teens and early 20s and then divorce in their late 20s or early 30s. It seems alot of people I know who got married shortly after high school are now divorcing.

yoovie

my greatest hope for people is that they find happiness at their own pace, and not marriage because of pressure to fit into societal norms.

DMZ_1

@BabyLeila-At 23, you shouldn't be getting that much pressure to marry. With that said though, don't dawdle either. If having kids is a goal, female fertility drops significantly around age 35.

I am the oldest bachelor in my family. Everyone in my family over age 25 is married.

The family never mentions this to me, but everyone knows it.

I don't have pressure much because I don't see my family in person much. Most family members live more than 1,500 miles away from me. But I realize that a lot of the long distance family lives a more couple and/or child centric existence than I do.

I think it is best to get married between 24-26 for women and 26-28 for men.

DMZ_1

my greatest hope for people is that they find happiness at their own pace, and not marriage because of pressure to fit into societal norms.

Great! I like this idea. I have felt the pressure of societal norms in relation to me not being married.

jella74

I got married at 21 to my High School sweetheart. My son has just gotten married at 18. Yes, I will be a grandfather soon (in November).

I think the most important thing to remember about getting married is that you need to find someone who will be willing to submit to. And someone who is willing to submit to you. If you are both in a role where you are looking out for the others best interest, your marriage will flourish. If you are just getting married because society say's you MUST, then I would recommend that you don't. You'll probably just end up another divorce statistic.

Marriage is a sacrifice of your self to include another person as a part of you. It's that whole 2 become 1 flesh thing. That's when it works best.

It's not 'when' to marry, but 'why' to marry.

I very much agree with this.

Though my situation is a bit different but the values and outlook are the same.
My 1st marriage was not a very good one.
So I agreed to follow tradition (I did put up a little fight and argument) and went for the arranged marriage. My brothers picked out a great one for me and we have 3 little ones, we have been married for 9 years.

VirtuousVal

Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.

This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you

Yeah, this is excellent advice. Especially when you consider the number of people who get married in their teens and early 20s and then divorce in their late 20s or early 30s. It seems alot of people I know who got married shortly after high school are now divorcing.

@BabyLeila23...I am so glad that someone gave you the advice that you needed to hear. I second the advice that was given. Very WISE WISDOM!

I agree with gopurpleboom stated too! I was one of those...I married my Jr. High School sweetheart after graduating High School because ever one expected that since we dated all through our teens that we should/ and every one expected us to get married right after graduating High School. We were together for 17 yrs and married for 12 yrs. I was more his mother than his wife. We grew apart especially since we were not the same individuals as young teens than who we were as we grew more mature into adult hood. Like someone stated that when you go through your late 20's and early 30's regardless of your circumstances...Everyone goes through a change in who they are and what they want in life.

I had never dated or kissed any one else until I was 30 yrs old....I was 30 yrs old, having to figure out the whole dating/ rules & the dating scene. I also needed to figure out who I was as a woman and what I wanted for my own life and my own happiness.
I had a been single for 14 yrs....good and bad relationships while I was single.
After being single for 14 yrs......

I am now in a healthy, fulfilling and loving marriage that is Christ centered. I am getting the healthy kind of love that is mutual, respectful and mature. I am NOW finally with the "MAN" who God created just for me! He exceeds my expectations!

Even though some of those years and relationships were life lessons and difficult at times. It has made me into the woman and wife I am today. Like the wise advice that was given...I had to know who I was before finding what the other half of my dream team would look like. I think it is important that we should pray for who our wife or husband will be while we are single. I think it is also important for our parents to be in prayer as well for who are other half will be before they come across our life path.

Now that I look back I would not have rushed into "MARRIAGE" so young. There were so many of Life opportunities and dreams that I passed by or I did not pursue because I was always in my ex's shadow and career.

My advice, is also like what DM1983Z stated in his advice...Don't let the pressure of societal norms and family members expectations make you have made a mistake or bad decision about YOUR life, happiness and dreams.

OP, BabyLeila23, I wish you LOVE, JOY and HAPPINESS in your Life journey. Be blessed †

sportyredhead01

once you do get married, it doesn't just stop there.. then they are on you to have children...

^^^^^ this! yeah, it never ends.

When to get married is when you have the right one (took us 7 years to finally get hitched)...until then, like fish, throw'em back in the sea.

weighlossforbaby

We met online in July 2006 when I was 23 years old. He asked me to marry him on the phone in April 2007. We met in person for the first time in July 2007. I went to Indiana where he is from in November 2007 and we got married in a court house. His siblings never wanted him to be with me so they and his sister-in-law don't like me much. We have been married for almost 5 years We don't have kids yet cause he wanted to wait til he got out of the National Guard and he did last summer so it's about that time :happy: I will be 30 years old in January.

Get married when you feel like it's the right time for you and not because everyone wants you to.

RMuske

My family in not rushing me to get married but my clock is ticking in my mothers body.. I feel the pressure to have children but not to get married, although I think they would all prefer if I was married before hand.

aproc

23?? Geez. :laugh: My family thinks thats too young to settle down.