Tactless Boyfriend!

124

Replies

  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
    You are getting loads of advice of your relationship but you may be overdoing the diet. Its good to be fit but do what you want for you and not him. He may or may not be a nice bloke, I don't know him but 3 hrs exercise after bluberries and 2/3 cup of yoghurt is going some so my advice would be to take it easy :-)
  • Taneil27
    Taneil27 Posts: 253
    Sorry, but your boyfriend sounds very insensitive, and not supportive of you. First of all he thinks Greek yogurt and berries is too much? To me, that's not enough for a lunch. And 3 hour long classes at the gym is not enough? To me, that's TOO MUCH! All you should do is one hour long class. Tell him to shut his pie hole and start treating you with respect. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" :-)
  • 17ChargerGirl17
    17ChargerGirl17 Posts: 441
    Wow... My boyfriend has never once said anything negative to me since I've started on this journey.
    We got together when I was 70 lbs heavier than I am now and he Loved me then as well as now. I can not imagine him ever saying anything about what I eat or my gym time. He tells me how beautiful and sexy I am in stead. LOL

    I think maybe he needs a lesson on motivating someone. Telling you how proud he is of you and how sexy you are is a lot more of a motivation then "Are you going to eat all that"? That's horrible.
  • HausfrauB
    HausfrauB Posts: 104 Member

    ...some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.

    I think most of us are concerned that your boyfriend is not treating you with respect. Of course, none of us really know either of you. However, many of us are speaking from experience when we say you should be wary.

    I sincerely wish you all the best life has to offer. :)
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
    Not to be insensitive to your past, but it sounds like you are a bit obsessive about your diet and exercise. His comments may be his way of trying to point out that your relationship with exercise is more important than spending time with him.

    Guys don't always come out and say what's bothering them. I truly think he may be a little hurt that you take so much time away from him to exercise. Especially since the time you have together is short.

    3 hours is way too long, IMO.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I am sorry if I offended anyone with my anger or outburst's. I don't like to see women be hurt by men.. It's personal and I have seen it so much. Make's my blood boil... I will try to sit on my hands. I just hope the original poster can see where he is wrong. It's abuse period!

    There are a few things about the OP: She is 18 so I imagine her BF is young, too. She has not told him about her ED.

    It is entirely possible that there is a lot of misunderstanding due to their ages and trying to navigate through a relationship with little life experience. The boyfriend may just be a dumb kid and not realize what he's saying. Or he may be a creep. But either way, she needs to talk to him about her ED and his comments made her feel to find out which.
  • Keegansmum6
    Keegansmum6 Posts: 193 Member
    You say he knows nothing of your past? People cant read minds ,I think you should sit down with him and have a talk.
  • dbarrett30
    dbarrett30 Posts: 17
    Agreed! WHY in the heck are you taking that many classes in one day? I'm not only concerned about your man's comments (or you perception of them, whatever the case may be) but your overall plan here. None of this sounds healthy to me. Do you have a mentor or fitness pal around that you can work with on these issues?
  • AnitaVolpato
    AnitaVolpato Posts: 204 Member
    I am sorry if I offended anyone with my anger or outburst's. I don't like to see women be hurt by men.. It's personal and I have seen it so much. Make's my blood boil... I will try to sit on my hands. I just hope the original poster can see where he is wrong. It's abuse period!

    There are a few things about the OP: She is 18 so I imagine her BF is young, too. She has not told him about her ED.

    It is entirely possible that there is a lot of misunderstanding due to their ages and trying to navigate through a relationship with little life experience. The boyfriend may just be a dumb kid and not realize what he's saying. Or he may be a creep. But either way, she needs to talk to him about her ED and his comments made her feel to find out which.

    Yeah, my daughter is around that age and I hope she never ever has to deal with any of this, of course she has ol mom here to drag him out by his ears if so... LOL
  • mrsslimkatie
    mrsslimkatie Posts: 46
    Thanks for being so helpful and supportive by the way - some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.
    [/quote]

    One of the toughest lessons anyone will ever learn in life (some people never learn) is to take what is helpful to you and sh!%can the rest! None of it is a direct reflection on who you really are as a person. Your boyfriends negetive comments, all the comments on this thread including my own, even your own eating disorder, none of it has anything to do with who you really are deep down at the core of your being. The whole lot of it is just individual perspective based on the accumulation of individual circumstances. Each and every one of us is a whole, healthy, magnificent creature who's whole life purpose is to reconnect with that wholeness. Everything you are going through is part of your journey in finding it. You have the choice to be impowered by it towards positive forward movement or not. Either way it is ok. In the long run we all get where we are going anyway.
  • dbarrett30
    dbarrett30 Posts: 17
    PS: , MFP is a good place for support too, but you may benefit from some face-to-face time with a pal who can be there for you as you work through your plan and situation. This situation is worrisome to me.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Thanks for being so helpful and supportive by the way - some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.

    One of the toughest lessons anyone will ever learn in life (some people never learn) is to take what is helpful to you and sh!%can the rest! None of it is a direct reflection on who you really are as a person. Your boyfriends negetive comments, all the comments on this thread including my own, even your own eating disorder, none of it has anything to do with who you really are deep down at the core of your being. The whole lot of it is just individual perspective based on the accumulation of individual circumstances. Each and every one of us is a whole, healthy, magnificent creature who's whole life purpose is to reconnect with that wholeness. Everything you are going through is part of your journey in finding it. You have the choice to be impowered by it towards positive forward movement or not. Either way it is ok. In the long run we all get where we are going anyway.
    [/quote]

    ^^very wise :heart:
  • HausfrauB
    HausfrauB Posts: 104 Member
    Thanks for being so helpful and supportive by the way - some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.

    One of the toughest lessons anyone will ever learn in life (some people never learn) is to take what is helpful to you and sh!%can the rest! None of it is a direct reflection on who you really are as a person. Your boyfriends negetive comments, all the comments on this thread including my own, even your own eating disorder, none of it has anything to do with who you really are deep down at the core of your being. The whole lot of it is just individual perspective based on the accumulation of individual circumstances. Each and every one of us is a whole, healthy, magnificent creature who's whole life purpose is to reconnect with that wholeness. Everything you are going through is part of your journey in finding it. You have the choice to be impowered by it towards positive forward movement or not. Either way it is ok. In the long run we all get where we are going anyway.

    ^^very wise :heart:
    [/quote]

    Agreed. Much better than I put it. :)
  • nikkiprickett
    nikkiprickett Posts: 412 Member
    1 WORD!

    BYE!!

    How insensitive can one person be! especially since you've had an eating disorder and have had struggle with this!
    This is your body and can mean life or death and, from someone who knows to have had one in my life, whenever someone has said anything remotely close to something about my weight/looks I just think about why did I ever stop exercising so much and not eating.

    Please do something about this and talk to him! that's the most important thing, we have know idea what you guys have been through and stuff so communication is always the best way to get answers and find out what you need to do.

    If you tell him very seriously and sternly that this is a very big issue for you (and most people) and to stop with the little comments. if he keeps doing it, I'd leave. if he works on it and fixes it, stay.

    A lot of men are clueless that what they say can really have effects on us since the way they talk to each other is mindless and they don't even give a second thought about it because it doesn't bother them, not like it does women anyway.

    hope that helps. I've had problems like this so feel free to add me or message me to talk!
  • mrsslimkatie
    mrsslimkatie Posts: 46
    To lighten things up I thought Id share this quote I just saw on Facebook!

    Dont make excuses for him. You cant put flowers in an *kitten* and call it a vase.

    HAHAHA!! I almost spit my water on the screen when I read that!!!
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    To lighten things up I thought Id share this quote I just saw on Facebook!

    Dont make excuses for him. You cant put flowers in an *kitten* and call it a vase.

    HAHAHA!! I almost spit my water on the screen when I read that!!!

    aww... i want to post this as my facebook status but people will think i'm talking about my husband. LMAO
  • prism3
    prism3 Posts: 10
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  • mrsslimkatie
    mrsslimkatie Posts: 46
    aww... i want to post this as my facebook status but people will think i'm talking about my husband. LMAO
    [/quote]

    I know thats why I didnt post it on mine either!!! Cant manbash the good ones!!! And thank the universe there are still a ton of good men out there!
  • MandyJaneRose
    MandyJaneRose Posts: 29 Member
    I could write a 10 page essay on what is wrong with what a man who loves you has said to you, but I will spare everyone the rant, and just say this: You are 18 years old. Maybe this is your first love. This is probably not the man for you, and one day you will find someone wonderful who will learn to love and support you through an eating/exercise/body-image disorder. Your boyfriend is young, and probably didn't mean to hurt or affect you as negatively as he did. Maybe he will change. There is a learning curve in dealing with people who have eating disorders. They are touchy subjects, and my god can it ever be difficult to "say the right thing" all the time when you don't know what might trigger someone. However, your boyfriend is saying things that are damaging and hurtful.

    I have had an eating disorder for the past 10 years, and I have grown really damn tired of waiting for some guy to learn to stop saying things like, "Well why didn't you go to the gym today when you said you did?" when I haven't left the house all day, or "Wow you can eat a lot!" in public at a restaurant, or "I thought you said you wanted to lose 10 pounds..." while I'm snacking. On the flipside of that, I have dated guys who have tried to encourage me to eat poorly and gain weight, because they worried I was too thin. There are definitely helpful comments about weight/diet/exercise that can be made, but I would apply this more to women who have asked for helpful, supportive reminders from their partner, not unsolicited negative comments.

    If you are going away to university in a month and you just want to have one fun month with this guy and then go off to university, then I say DO IT. Have a blast. Don't let his negativity cloud your progress. Have fun, enjoy the summer, and give yourself a fresh start in the fall. New school, new life, new loves. You're young and beautiful and you can do this.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Youre filtering his silly happy go lucky comments into your negative perception.

    you cannot fault him for your skewed vision of whats happening, as you are recovering from an ED and he isnt. He is acting like boys always do.

    FYI for the rest of your life - your boyfriend and you are supposed to tease each other. if you cant take it, and you cant give it, and you cant play back and forth over breakfast - youre missing out and should try to breathe and instead of responding with self-deprecating comments about yourself - TEASE HIM BACK.

    Oh you just needed every last little bit huh?
    yeah, well, if im not satisfied in bed, i might as well get as much as i can out of breakfast ;)
  • MandyJaneRose
    MandyJaneRose Posts: 29 Member
    One of the toughest lessons anyone will ever learn in life (some people never learn) is to take what is helpful to you and sh!%can the rest! None of it is a direct reflection on who you really are as a person. Your boyfriends negetive comments, all the comments on this thread including my own, even your own eating disorder, none of it has anything to do with who you really are deep down at the core of your being. The whole lot of it is just individual perspective based on the accumulation of individual circumstances. Each and every one of us is a whole, healthy, magnificent creature who's whole life purpose is to reconnect with that wholeness. Everything you are going through is part of your journey in finding it. You have the choice to be impowered by it towards positive forward movement or not. Either way it is ok. In the long run we all get where we are going anyway.

    ^^ And you, m'lady, are awesome.
  • gkflowe
    gkflowe Posts: 2
    Where ever you are going, contact the local health department, they will have places to help at no cost to low cost. Find an online support group. As a single mom and have dealt with ED, boyfriends who say and do absurd things, you need to surround yourself with those who know what you are going through.

    I wish you the best in college, and keep in contact with your MFP friends.
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    Next time you guys are done having sex say " really thats all today? you used to do so much more"
    That should shut him up
  • mrsslimkatie
    mrsslimkatie Posts: 46
    One of the toughest lessons anyone will ever learn in life (some people never learn) is to take what is helpful to you and sh!%can the rest! None of it is a direct reflection on who you really are as a person. Your boyfriends negetive comments, all the comments on this thread including my own, even your own eating disorder, none of it has anything to do with who you really are deep down at the core of your being. The whole lot of it is just individual perspective based on the accumulation of individual circumstances. Each and every one of us is a whole, healthy, magnificent creature who's whole life purpose is to reconnect with that wholeness. Everything you are going through is part of your journey in finding it. You have the choice to be impowered by it towards positive forward movement or not. Either way it is ok. In the long run we all get where we are going anyway.

    ^^ And you, m'lady, are awesome.

    Thank you and so are you :flowerforyou:
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    question though, why is it up to the man to show the woman more respect than she shows herself?

    i know the OP is young but more mothers need to teach their daughters that respect isnt something they are automatically OWED by virtue of having lady parts.

    why are we now teaching our daughters that it's up to men give them respect yet the girls have no personal accountability for first and foremost respecting herself?
  • lick_broccoli
    lick_broccoli Posts: 53
    I disagree. I don't think he means for it to come out quite like it is. Perhaps he is being a little insensitive since you have had an ED in the past, but that's a guy for you.It's silly to spend to much time picking apart little comments.

    Don't fret. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're beautiful. As long as he makes you feel that way, then don't let any doubts creep in and steal that from you.

    I agree with this comment. My husband does things like that too, but I don't think he thinks about my past when I "restricted". I've notice that most people with an ed will overanalyze when comments are made like that. I still struggle with this. Guys definitely don't think the same as women. :P
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    question though, why is it up to the man to show the woman more respect than she shows herself?

    i know the OP is young but more mothers need to teach their daughters that respect isnt something they are automatically OWED by virtue of having lady parts.

    why are we now teaching our daughters that it's up to men give them respect yet the girls have no personal accountability for first and foremost respecting herself?

    So, basically, he can say and do anything to her because she has an ED? And she should just put up with it?
  • mtaylor33557
    mtaylor33557 Posts: 542 Member
    Next time you guys are done having sex say " really thats all today? you used to do so much more"
    That should shut him up

    :laugh:
  • Beezer322
    Beezer322 Posts: 69 Member
    I accepted :)

    Well I hope things work out for the best! Maybe instead of straight up talking about your ed issues you could just explain to him that it's bothering you. Not in a confrontational way, but in a "hey I just want you to know that what you're saying is kind of hurting me" kind of way. Maybe he'll get it then :)
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
    He does not know about your ED....He said something silly....Even at 18 you should know that most "Serious" relationships requires absolute honesty....
    How can the poor guy know what not to say if you don't talk to him about serious issues like this?
    And eating blueberries and yogurt and exercising 3 hours a day is still extremely close to ED behaviour - maybe talk to him about it and he can help you deal with it rather????

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