Question for the Men

HulaHips83

Chain of Events...

1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
2. Marriage, kids, body changed
3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

Note: It won't hurt my feelings

warmachinejt

you can't tell your personality changes. someone else notices.

supatim

Try lots and lots of oral.

oregonzoo

Is he depressed? This same thing happened with my EX husband.

trinitrate

What time frame is involved? years I assume? A man at 25 compared to 40 might be a bit different regardless of your looks.

Also, how has his fitness level changed during the same time period?



-- Sorry just saw your age on your profile, if he's near your same age I guess my first point isn't too valid...

Maybe something else... Ask him what he wants.... Not everyone can express whats missing without a little prompting...

HulaHips83

What time frame is involved? years I assume? A man at 25 compared to 40 might be a bit different regardless of your looks.

Also, how has his fitness level changed during the same time period?

5 years. He's still thin and toned.

Carolyn_79

I'm female but I've had experience with this so I'm going to ask a question. Does he just not initiate? If you initiate, will he shut you down?

My husband was turned off a bit by my weight gain but I noticed as I began losing he still wasn't initiating that much. Then I decided to kink things up in the bedroom and he's been on board ever since. I would say if he doesn't shut you down then try initiating and do something different than usual. If he does shut you down then I think it's time to have a serious heart to heart talk and perhaps seek some counseling if you can't resolve it on your own. No shame in that.

Fit2morrow

I've never experienced anything like that in my relationship with my wife, regardless changes over our 21 years of marriage, but I know that stress can play a major factor. If he's having employment difficulties or is worried about family, work, etc., I wouldn't be surprised if the physical side becomes strained. I would guess it has more to do with something about him than anything you have done or any changes in your body.

We've found over the years that doing something significant for a temporary change can really help. Maybe take a 3 or 4 day long weekend, go camping and just talk, hit the beach, or treat yourselves to a mini-spa experience where you can just relax and enjoy time together talking. Something to re-kindle the spark and relieve the tension or stress perhaps?

iWaffle

I'm female but I've had experience with this so I'm going to ask a question. Does he just not initiate? If you initiate, will he shut you down?

Great question. A lot of things could be going on here. If you were shutting him down for a period of time or rejecting him he might have the impression that he's just annoying you. You might need to let him know that you're interested if he has the impression that it's not a big deal to you. Communication is everything.

YaBoiMUGS

Yeah, I wouldn't immediately say it's just because of your body. There's a lot of factors that can be in play here.

I mean, I personally don't get it. You're a married man, and have a woman who's willing to give it up on a regular basis, why are you not taking advantage of that? lol

HulaHips83

I'm female but I've had experience with this so I'm going to ask a question. Does he just not initiate? If you initiate, will he shut you down?

My husband was turned off a bit by my weight gain but I noticed as I began losing he still wasn't initiating that much. Then I decided to kink things up in the bedroom and he's been on board ever since. I would say if he doesn't shut you down then try initiating and do something different than usual. If he does shut you down then I think it's time to have a serious heart to heart talk and perhaps seek some counseling if you can't resolve it on your own. No shame in that.

It's a bit of both. He doesn't initiate. I was initiating and stopped a while back because my self esteem can only take so many rejections.

cheerforsteelers

I'm sorry you're experiencing this! I'm not married and don't have any children, but have friends who have their own families with babies. Of course the body goes through changes and the point of a relationship is to love one another and support each other through various stages. I don't believe you should be penalized for having children and then for your body going through changes. I wish you didn't have to deal with this.

HulaHips83

I'm female but I've had experience with this so I'm going to ask a question. Does he just not initiate? If you initiate, will he shut you down?

Great question. A lot of things could be going on here. If you were shutting him down for a period of time or rejecting him he might have the impression that he's just annoying you. You might need to let him know that you're interested if he has the impression that it's not a big deal to you. Communication is everything.

Oh he knows. I've NEVER told him "no" a single time. When I tried to talk to him, he said I was putting pressure on him.

Lone_Wolf70

Duh, hes cheating

TheRoadDog

You seem way to young for this to be happening. You should discuss it with him.

I'm 58 this month and we celebrate our 20 year anniversary next month and my wife still takes my breath away when she enters a room.

rbjcksn

I didn't read the whole thread. Imo, change for yourself and nobody else. If your happy with your figure why change it to please a man ?

Enonoid

Chain of Events...

1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
2. Marriage, kids, body changed
3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

Note: It won't hurt my feelings

Maybe it's not you, it's him.

Darrell916

I wouldn't say it's you. Maybe he is stressed or maybe depressed. I know when I went through depression, before I got medication for it I didn't want to do anything or wasn't interested in my wife.

Enonoid

Try lots and lots of oral.

This. And cook him a meal.

thebigcb

Say no a few times

We always want what we can;t have, FACT.

Dress up a little more in the bedroom department, not crotchless panties, maybe just something he wouldn;t be use to seeing you in, to arouse his interest and don;t offer it

Do that for a few weeks and he'll be begging

thebigcb

You seem way to young for this to be happening. You should discuss it with him.

I'm 58 this month and we celebrate our 20 year anniversary next month and my wife still takes my breath away when she enters a room.

She keeps catching you at yourself yeah? I knwo the feelign brother lol

Lone_Wolf70

Honestly, it could b u

Ashatack

Your beautiful and so are your children. I dont have experince with this but keep up the good work and stay strong if you want it to change continue trying to change it. Work even harder to do better and he will see the effort you are putting in to make him happy. If he dosent make it more obvious. cook for him and cater to him and if it dosent change there might be an issue... You get more bees with honey....

Krizzo87

I have the same issues with my husband to be quite honest. He doesn't seem to want me, either. Good thing I know how to take care of myself..

melann1974

I'm not a man, but here is my thoughts....

Once you have children, you life changes... You are less focused on him and focused on the children. Maybe it's not the weight, but how you look??? i.e... you used to take time to put on pretty lingerie, makeup, hair, etc, now you don't feel like it? Maybe he is stressed by being a father (and now a provider for a whole family). There could be a lot of different reasons, it's hard to say without knowing you guys.

EyeLikeTacos

Chain of Events...

1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
2. Marriage, kids, body changed
3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

Note: It won't hurt my feelings

Yes and no...I went through this with my ex....

When I met my ex she was on the College Dance team...SMOKIN Body...
After she had our son...she gained a lot of weight and she had a gut like really bad.

She hated the gym...never changed how she ate (At like McDonald's and fast food all the time) She even hates cooking...Every dollar she got she spent it on hair dos and clothes...she tried to find comfort and sex appeal by buying expensive clothes and purses....instead of focusing on taking care of her body....

my disinterest was the fact that she would not do something to take care of her body...I communicated with her she may never have that pre-baby weight...but at least do the best you can...She sat around on her butt and ate crappy food and watched Reality T.V...and never did anything...so I didn't want to have sex with her becasue her attituted towards taking care hersself wasn't on my level..she had no more sex appeal for me...

AmyLRed

the basic answer is no.

How old is he? your profile says you are 29, so you are in or entering your sexual peak. Male peak is like 18. His sex drive has likely changed alot over the last 5 years, especially with kids in the house. Everyone is different, and some guys on here will still clam to be studs with an 18 year old sex drive. Im sure some of them are, but definitely dont assume its you or your body. I would look at your relationship over all, how it has changed and evolved, do you feel close in other ways too, etc.

Lone_Wolf70

So urself a favor & do not listen to other women

cheerforsteelers

I want to say this kind of pisses me off that you have to try and do all these things to get him interested or whatever. He should communicate with you. He should also put in effort, but I don't see anything about him trying. You shouldn't have to be the one to please all the time. I always hear how you should never say no to sex with your husband, but what about the husband saying no? Takes as much toll on the woman as it would on the man. Also, YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You're not sitting around complaining about your body. You're working on it and that takes time.

galaxiegal

the basic answer is no.

How old is he? your profile says you are 29, so you are in or entering your sexual peak. Male peak is like 18. His sex drive has likely changed alot over the last 5 years, especially with kids in the house. Everyone is different, and some guys on here will still clam to be studs with an 18 year old sex drive. Im sure some of them are, but definitely dont assume its you or your body. I would look at your relationship over all, how it has changed and evolved, do you feel close in other ways too, etc.

this... been with mine for 5 years and the drive just kinda fizzles after a while. As far as I'm concerned its normal because when he does want some, I'm not worried about whether or not he finds me attractive!

Lone_Wolf70

Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

His junk dont work
He thinks ur ugly
Hes gay
Hes cheating

Thats it, end of story