Question for the Men

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  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
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    Duh, hes cheating

    Just to make sure, you should check his texts and email

    I wouldn't go there. That is a slippery slope. If I ever found out someone did that to me, I would blow up. Talk to him. Seek counselling if it is something you can make work.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    getting married and having kids didnt change who you are at all? It didnt mature you, change your personality and priorities or intuition? All that changed was your body?

    weird.
  • KC4800
    KC4800 Posts: 140 Member
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    Maybe he just doesn't want the daughters walking in unexpectedly or he's afraid they might hear something from the other room even? That could be a hidden stressor. Plus the whole raising a family commitment for the rest of his life thing may have gotten him down. Maybe he doesn't want more than 2 kids, but hes never told you that? Hard to say.

    There's lots of ways to be intimate, take a bath together or a shower, wash each other, back rubs...see where that leads.
  • quixoteQ
    quixoteQ Posts: 484
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    Chain of Events...

    1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
    2. Marriage, kids, body changed
    3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
    4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

    Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

    Note: It won't hurt my feelings

    Don't forget that men get older, too. There is often a difference between a fourteen year old boy's libido and a forty-five year old man's libido.
  • weeblex
    weeblex Posts: 411 Member
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    Chain of Events...

    1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
    2. Marriage, kids, body changed
    3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
    4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

    Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

    Note: It won't hurt my feelings

    Maybe he is tired of trying, my wife lost interest, I got tired of always being he one to have to start anything, so like her I just didn't bother. It'll take more than a just "hey honey I'm thinner" to get him back on. Be Pro-active :)
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    So it could be any of the reasons stated. But that isn't going to help you. You need to speak to him. Ask him what the deal is. It's the only way you are going to get what his answer is.
  • weeblex
    weeblex Posts: 411 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    5) the quality of bacon has declined.

    Or wrap yourself in Bacon, see the other posts about people not being able to resist anything wrapped in bacon. But beware of the neighbours :D
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Honestly... he has changed too. His disinterest might not have anything to do with you. Don't take it personally. But you may want to talk to him about it because it could be a health issue for him.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Duh, hes cheating

    Just to make sure, you should check his texts and email

    Crazzzzyyyyy
  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member
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    Did he witness the birth? My husband says that after watching that, he had a hard time for a while with relations with his wife. Seeing that the female body is more than just a playground I think disturbs some men.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    wait wait wait wait

    what about - he's under a ridiculous amount of stress
    He's worried about his immediate physical health or is ill or has diarrhea
    He's depressed
    He's taken a blow to the ego recently
    He's just gotten into a fight with his boss, and lost
    You treated him like sht this morning and he doesnt feel like you deserve it...

    there's lots of reasons, you guys are not that shallow man :(
  • brentdaniels
    brentdaniels Posts: 127
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    I'm not a man, but here is my thoughts....

    Once you have children, you life changes... You are less focused on him and focused on the children. Maybe it's not the weight, but how you look??? i.e... you used to take time to put on pretty lingerie, makeup, hair, etc, now you don't feel like it? Maybe he is stressed by being a father (and now a provider for a whole family). There could be a lot of different reasons, it's hard to say without knowing you guys.

    This pretty much sums up what has/did happen in my marriage...married 19 years, 2 teenagers, in short life happens and gets in the way and we BOTH pretty much quit trying. Luckily, we do realize what is going on and talk it out.

    That being said, I don't think I have ever turned her down
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    You said "relations"...that makes me giggle :bigsmile:

    Sorry...resume your discussion...


    OK i laughed a little too. On a serious note, my wife and i have 3 kids. We're about the same age group. Unless i'm overwhelmed at work and totally stressed when i get home...if she's doing ANYTHING i'm all over it. LOL. Typically if i'm overly stressed a back-rub or a shower together cheers me right up...then it's back to fun as normal. My personal thought is that he's either stepping out or he's got some issues that he's dealing with (stress / depression / ect..)
  • weeblex
    weeblex Posts: 411 Member
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    That being said, I don't think I have ever turned her down
    You can't turn her down when its only Christmas and Birthdays, it'd be impolite :)
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
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    Duh, hes cheating

    Just to make sure, you should check his texts and email


    BAD IDEA
  • paul7799
    paul7799 Posts: 98 Member
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    Not really an answer to your question but you are lovely!

    Anyway . . .

    When a guy has these problems it is NOT I repeat NOT usually because he no longer thinks you are attractive.

    There really are a lot of things that could be going on here as the equipment he uses to make love to you is connected to his brain.

    How old is he? If he just turned 30ish he may have hit a wall emotionally in terms of what he has accomplished and what he can offer his beautiful wife (you) at this stage in his life. Want more for the both of you and it is messing with his head basically.

    Internet porn could be an issue. It is about the worst thing a man can do to himself in terms of psychology and sex. If he is using it he needs to stop. And if he can't get help. And if he is using porn, it is not because you are not enough for him it's because Internet porn just puts men in a trance, its like meth for a guy's brain.

    Is he anxious as a person? Anxiety can be a huge factor. Job, financial difficulties, family stress can all take its toll on a guy's sex drive. Maybe there is something bothering him and he is afraid to talk about it, doesn't want to feel like a "wuss."

    Also, if he drinks a lot of coffee and booze. That needs to stop. Smoking too.

    Is he bisexual? The yin and yang of his sexuality may be in a tug of war.

    Is he overworked? May just be tired.

    There is the terrible chance that he is cheating. But whatever it is he's got to talk to you and you have got to talk to him about it.

    Good luck.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    getting married and having kids didnt change who you are at all? It didnt mature you, change your personality and priorities or intuition? All that changed was your body?

    weird.

    no seriously- id like to know.
  • ljd0693
    ljd0693 Posts: 289 Member
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    Take away his porn for a week and see what happens.
  • collinj8
    collinj8 Posts: 98 Member
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    First have you asked him what the problem is? If he is using the to much pressure on him, then something is stressing him more then you. My wife and I went through a rocky area at 10 years. It did start going down hill at about 5 years(pre kids). It could be he is not getting enough Quality time with you, and I don't just mean the bedroom. We men are just as hard to read as women. I would suggest a good talk. If he does not want to, let it go at that time. Ask him again. If he still does not want to talk about it, then I would suggest getting professional help.

    Another option is to look at this website. http://www.5lovelanguages.com. This is a great read for any marriage at any stage. Also peoples interest change over the years.
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,077 Member
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    Just talk to him and tell him what your thinking and how your feeling. You wont get anywhere asking online, there are too many possibilities and everyone is different.

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