Engagement rings and men

kateanne27

You don't bean count when your in love, you give something to someone because you want to, you want to spoil or give to them. My husband gave me a beautiful ring, modestly priced but heartfelt and unique, until he found the perfect one he gave me a $5 one from clairs shaped like a big green lizard crawling around your finger. I loved that too. I gave him a set of engraved guitar pics sometime later, not because I owed it to him, or had to make up for something, because I knew he would like it and wanted him to have them.

Smuterella

In my experience engagements don't turn into marriages for two main reasons 1) the man chickens out and ends the relationship somehow, 2) the engagement drags on...and on...and on and the woman gets fed up and leave (an engagement is a commitment to marry - not a holding station to keep a woman interested when you have no intention to actually DO THE DEED).

In both cases I would lay blame entirely at the chap's door. :-P

HauteP1nk

It is a gift. If a guy wants to buy the ring for the girl than that is his choice but he shouldn't expect anything back in return.

Whatever happened to giving gifts without expecting a gift too?? Some people can be so greedy....lol

I did get my fiance a present for the surprise, but he never expected it.....

tizzie_14

You know what my husband got as his gift? Me.

Shelbert79

Why should the guy just pay for the ring? I say propose pick it out and split the cost. The whole guy buying the ring is so old fashioned...just saying

I like this suggestion.

morganhccstudent724

I think men get the short end of the stick.

Once I get engaged, my plan is to buy him a ring or something of equal value.

cmpollard01

Sadly, some do save the ring for another girl! When we split, I gave my ex-fiance the ring back-thinking it would only be temporary (that's what I get for believing what he said to me!). Yeah...6 months later, his now-wife was wearing it...AND was pregnant.

She can have the ring and the leftovers...my life turned out MUCH better! And I'm pretty sure she has NO idea where that ring came from...

cestlafete

My fiancé gave me an heirloom ring in return for the one I bought, so we both have one. Mine's Mom's wedding ring, and I'm more than happy to wear it and tell people it's my engagement ring.

Easywider

It's a horrible, rapidly depreciating, investment in a volatile and typically down trending market(ie: the female in question).

My business/logical/rational mind says stay far away.

She'll have to earn that one..and I'm speaking in terms of time - trails and tribulation.

FaugHorn

My husband proposed with his grandmother's ring, if something had happened I would have given it back. I got my husband a nice set of cuff links for his wedding day present though.

He didn't ask my fathers' permission (one dad one step-dad...which would he of picked? :laugh: ) but that's because I didn't belong to them. I never understood the asking dad's permission part, not like my dad is marrying the guy :bigsmile: I love my dad (and my step-dad) but I imagine if they had been asked they would have said "uh you're asking the wrong person...).

melinda200208

I don't think a the guy should get a gift for proposing to his significant other. If you are worried about proposing and it not working out, to me that sounds like an issue.??

My fiance bought my ring. (I love that he picked it out himself) I bought his ring (cheaper) and I am also paying for my bands for my wedding ring. To me it doesn't really matter who pays for what. My money is mine and his money is mine....hehe J/K No, I think since we are getting married all of the bills are both of ours. We are married, we are taking on all of the finances together.

Two years into our relationship, I bought him a Playstation 3 just because. I knew he really wanted one, but didn't want to spend the money. I was happy to suprise him with it. We are now planning on getting married in September! I cannot wait to marry the love of my life!!

phoenixoncemore

I'm actually going to buy my fiance an engagement ring as well. He proposed a few months ago and I felt a bit bad that he didn't get anything.

Apparently it's becoming more popular for both partners to get a ring these days, especially if it's likely to be a long engagement. When we get married he can either wear it on the other hand or just have it as a keepsake. Of course...he picked the more expensive version of the one I was looking at for him.... :laugh:

He's picked a two tone band with some small diamonds set in it.

melinda200208

Oh, and if for some reason it didn't work out, I wouldn't want the ring. Nor would I want to waste the time arguing over it.

smileitmakespeoplewonder

I think if the girl backs out, then the ring should be given back.

If the guy backs out she should keep the ring.

However if the ring is a family heirloom then no matter why the engagement broke up the ring should be given back.

Just my thought.

kirstenmaria

When my grandmother was sick she made sure the family knew that her engagement ring was left to me. I don't have the money to buy my fiance an engagement ring. I don't even have the money or the guaranteed income to buy him the wedding band he really wants, but my mom said we should think about using the diamond from my grandmother's ring in a setting of our own. My fiance picked out the setting, and then had the jeweler customize the ring so it would hold the diamond from my grandmother's ring.

While he would have preferred to surprise me with a ring, I much preferred the way I was able to help with the process. Because I was involved, he wasn't making an expensive purchase without knowing that I'm committed 100% to being his wife.

Added note: My fiance is stationed in Hawaii (4500 miles). I was on my way to visit him, and he called my dad before he left to pick me up at the airport. My dad had a lot of respect for my fiance before, but when I got home he told me how much he really respects him for calling. The talk with your future father in law is not about "asking permission," but showing how much you respect her and her family.

Assassins_Angel

i bought my Fiancé a ring too but he doesnt wear it on his ring finger as he plays guitar and it gets in the way the only time we would do that is with his wedding ring when we get married, i bought it more as a commitment ring before he proposed to me as he doesnt like necklaces or bracelets

this is my engagment ring

weeblex

We were so broke when I proposed she didn't get a ring and the wedding rings were a matching set from JC Penney's fro $99.99.

For our 5th wedding anniversary I got her a nice jeweled ring to go with the wedding ring and our 10th we bought ourselves new wedding rings that were nicer.

Ahhhh, the days of choosing between bus fair or snack food.

DeeVanderbles

I agree that men should get engagement gifts, too. My fiance wears a ring, too, though. We'll probably get a different one for the wedding. Or maybe not. I don't know.

I wouldn't give my engagement ring back if we broke up but that's because he used my grandma's diamond and had it reset. It's going into it's 3rd or 4th generation. But if he had bought a new diamond, I'd probably attempt to give it back.

fatcitizen

If you go into an engagement/marriage thinking about what will happen when it is over, maybe it shouldn't happen in the first place.

vicky1804

We chose an engagement ring together and my other half had final say since he bought it. We got engaged in September, as a surprise for christmas I bought im a ring.
Its very simple and plain as he wear no jewellery. Its a plain titanium band with a small diamond.
He's going to swap it to the other hand when we replace it with a wedding ring in September.

JustJennie1

I understand the whole "it's a gift" thing however technically it's a conditional gift. It was given to you as a promise to marry. If the promise isn't met then it's no longer a gift and should be returned.

Personally I wouldn't feel right keeping it unless I gave it back and he said no, you keep it. After a while I'd probably have it reset into another piece of jewelry.

It's also classier to give the ring back no matter what the circumstance.

SPNLuver83

Actually, the girl is suppose to give the ring back, unless the man did something to break the promise, like cheat. If she doesn't you can take her to court and win.

MizSaz

Depending on the state you live in, she may be legally obligated to give it back if the couple never married. When my ex and I divorced and I was trying to sell my jewelry, the first thing everyone said to me was "Did you actually get married? because if you didn't, I can't take the ring." This was in MA. According to the laws there, an engagement ring is a conditional and contractual gift, and actually legally still belongs to the person who gave it until the wedding.

Fun fact to tell at parties.

SPNLuver83

Some things are better left old fashioned. Pancakes, apple turnovers, biscuits and engagements. I asked my wife's dad for permission to court AND get engaged. I earned his respect and my wife was all about dady being the only female child her parents had. If, God forbid, I ever have a daughter, I would expect the same thing. Regardless of what generation we live in. I have to know someone will honor as I honored my wife. Oh, my wife designed and bought my wedding ring. She gave me a Nintendo Gamecube as an engagement ring.


EDIT: when I proposed to her, I had a rose in hand. I gave her the ring after she said yes.

o do i love the way you think!!!!

rossi02

My husband bought my engagement ring.. and I did get him a very nice watch as a gift because I wanted to. Not because I felt I needed to even up the score. Plus, me and my family paid for the wedding.. so he wound up on the better end of the deal if you are talking money wise. I refused to let my parents pay for the entire wedding, while it was a very nice gesture I was 28 and had been supporting myself for several years at that point.

portalm

I think the overwhelming answers from where here are that An Engagement Ring is a gift. That is great and all, But realize this is an out dated thing. Men used to bring home the bacon. And while men still have higher salary caps then women do (DONT KILL ME I BELIEVE IT SHOULD BE EQUAL, JUST STATING FACT) you are just as successful if not more then men are now adays!

So when you sit there after 4 years wondering why the heck we havent proposed, Perhaps its cause we cant live up to the 3 month salary for a ring "GIFT" that you expect.

So when you are sitting there after 4 years thinking when is he going to propose, and we dont, maybe its time for you to present us with an engagement "GIFT" and ask us to marry you.

I mean its an equal opprotunity world now adays.

marie_cressman

Some things are better left old fashioned. Pancakes, apple turnovers, biscuits and engagements. I asked my wife's dad for permission to court AND get engaged. I earned his respect and my wife was all about dady being the only female child her parents had. If, God forbid, I ever have a daughter, I would expect the same thing. Regardless of what generation we live in. I have to know someone will honor as I honored my wife. Oh, my wife designed and bought my wedding ring. She gave me a Nintendo Gamecube as an engagement ring.


EDIT: when I proposed to her, I had a rose in hand. I gave her the ring after she said yes.

^this

I like "old fashioned". My husband asked my father for my hand after we had only been dating 2 months. My husband was the only one to do that (I have 3 sisters who are married/engaged). He earned my father's respect. It was funny though because my stepmom told me "I knew he would be the man you marry from the first time we met him." My ring isn't anything fancy. We had very little money. I love it just the same. Our wedding bands were even cheaper, and although they are 3-4 sizes too big for me now, I will never get rid of them. I wear them with a plastic piece around them to make them fit well enough to wear. He talks now of replacing them for a more expensive set that actually fits, but I am not letting that happen.

If anything were to ever happen between us, I wouldn't want the rings. I'd give them back. He could pawn them, but he wouldn't get much. LOL

Chrissieneave

When me and my Fiance got engaged I actually bought him an engagement ring, too (you can get them for men, also)

weevil66

Bahaha....the ad at the top of my page says "buy her the ri g of her dreams "

courtneymal17

This thread makes me so sad! haha. If you're thinking about what will happen when "if" it's over, or what type of an investment it is, or if you want to broadcast you're taken or not or what you'll get back for your ring...maybe you should think about waiting to agree to marry the other person. I mean, let's talk about what a good marriage should be: committed, loving, sharing, unconditional. Are you really *that* committed if you're planning your exit strategy, or wanting to hold off on broadcasting you're off the market? What happened to giving something to someone for the thought of it? Yes, I understand they're expensive, but if it's 'too' expensive, maybe just think about getting a more affordable one. After all if she really is committed to being with YOU she should understand the circumstances. Not to mention, if you're getting married that's money that would have been 'shared' anyway. That being said when I get engaged I most likely will get him a gift...a watch, cuff links, or something appropriate...and I wouldn't want to keep the ring if we split....unless it has sentimental value, why remind yourself of someone that's your past, not your future?