my son steals food

dayone987

Like others posted youg men sometimes seem like they have no end to their appetite. My husband tells me that he used mixing bowls for cereal as a "snack" cuz regular bowls wouldn't hold enough.

I would keep more healthy food that he can eat if he's hungry (like pb sandwiches). Confronting him about what he eats is just going to make him hide it more not eat less.

Not to be harsh but perhaps you are projecting your emtoional issues with food and weight onto him. He could simply be hungry and like many of us he'd rather eat cookies than carrots sticks if they are available.

Mina133842

I also used to sneak food as a kid - and my mom found out (of course) and kept asking why? I really couldn't tell her at the time, but I've battled my weight all my life, and so has she. I can tell you I have 4 brothers, and growing up with brothers that can eat you out of house and home, and especially if their friends are over- we were going through milk and cereal like nobody's business, and all my "healthy" cereal I would pick out and sometimes buy myself, would be gone. Mom had to finally put her foot down about the friends eating over, but for the most part that's normal boy stuff I guess. I agree with other posters, maybe keep the goodies out of the house, and if you are all getting a treat to share, just get it at that time- so smaller box of ice cream cones, or smaller carton, etc. as for the cookies, and things, those are MY downfall. I usually have to just portion it out into Tupperware or snack cups/snack baggies, so that it's in an actual portion - I do this as soon as it comes home from the store, that way you actually see what a serving IS, and have it ready to go- so ONE serving of cookies at night is okay.
or my friend has a "snack basket" at her house - granola bars, fruit snacks, etc - anything in the basket is okay - again in ONE serving. I keep fruit at my house too - open bowl on the table of apples, bananas, oranges, and whatever else on sale, and a bowl of grapes in the fridge- washed and off the vine, ready to go- my kids love to "sneak" grapes out of the fridge.

Monny287

It's hard, because as others have pointed out, this might just be the first signs of a growth spurt. When I was between the ages of 10 and 12, I felt like I ate my body weight in food every day. I couldn't get enough. I was also a fairly active child and spent 75% of the year in some kind of sport, but even when I wasn't doing any sports, I ate like a linebacker. I also outgrew all my clothes in a six month period and grew 6-7 inches in that two years, so we definitely knew it was a growth spurt.

You mentioned that he came to you skinnier this year as opposed to previous ones. I wonder if his dad put his foot down on junk food, and he's binging just because he's not allowed that kind of food at his other home? And he might be hiding it because he's afraid he'll get in trouble for it. In which case, offer it to him in moderation. No free-loading on the junk. Perhaps leave him a midnight snack of three cookies and a banana, and hide the rest. Teach him it's okay to have some, but binging is unhealthy.

I don't think taking the junk food entirely out of the house is going to help. He'll just binge on it when he gets older and is more able to buy his own food. It shouldn't be forbidden...forbidden foods just heighten the craving. Not to mention the little brother will feel as though he's being punished for something he didn't do, and resentment might form between brothers.

MeMyCatsandI

QUOTE:
"um, so he should be able to eat ~1400 calories of pure sugar any time he feels like it?"

He's a child. If you don't provide sugary treats, he can't consume 1400 calories of sugary treats.

QUOTE:
"and i call it "stealing" because there are five people in the house, and if he eats an entire batch of treats that were for everyone to share, it's selfish, and if i've told him "don't eat *all* of this because it's not fair to everyone else" and he does it anyway and hides it, there's a problem there. "

You're really placing a lot of blame on your son. I realize that you're frustrated, but perhaps you need to try harder to be frustrated by the situation and NOT frustrated with your son. And keep in mind, he's probably AS frustrated or MORE frustrated than you are!

ETA: sorry, my quote boxes diappeared!

Amryfal

once again, thanks everyone who has answered.

therapy would be the best, but one or two appointments before he goes home to his dad's isn't going to do much.

honestly, i stopped binge-eating because i finally, at 36, realized what i was doing. if someone had grabbed sixteen-year-old me and said, "OMG, YOU ARE EATING HALF A CAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO NO ONE SEES YOU, YOU NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" then maybe i wouldn't be where i am.

vim_n_vigor

I know you said it's been a problem before, and I'm sure you know your son well enough, but...

Thinking back to when I was a teenager (and pretty underweight, at that), a half gallon of milk and a dozen cookies would not have been remarkable for me. And my brother was even worse. I realize your son is not quite a teenager but he's getting to that age... are you sure it's a problem and not just a growth spurt?

I kind of have to agree here. I know I ate non-stop. When my brother was that age - holy crap! He could have eaten a whole horse in one sitting. Maybe he did and I just wasn't there!

Amryfal

QUOTE:
"m, so he should be able to eat ~1400 calories of pure sugar any time he feels like it?"

He's a child. If you don't provide sugary treats, he can't consume 1400 calories of sugary treats.

QUOTE:
"and i call it "stealing" because there are five people in the house, and if he eats an entire batch of treats that were for everyone to share, it's selfish, and if i've told him "don't eat *all* of this because it's not fair to everyone else" and he does it anyway and hides it, there's a problem there. "

You're really placing a lot of blame on your son. I realize that you're frustrated, but perhaps you need to try harder to be frustrated by the situation and NOT frustrated with your son. And keep in mind, he's probably AS frustrated or MORE frustrated than you are!

ETA: sorry, my quote boxes diappeared!

i do try to keep these things in mind, and i haven't shaken my fist and yelled at him that he's stealing. a lot of what i'm saying is personal frustration over gut-knowing what he's going through.

but really...no one should be able to have cookies once in a while because he has a problem with it? that doesn't solve his problem, it just shelves it until he's old enough to go to the store.

tajour

i didn't get on him because my family was on me ALL THE TIME and it didn't make a bit of difference except to give me an eating disorder. this year when he arrived he was in much better shape, a typical growing 11-almost-12 year old, and i thought, ok, we've got this. but apparently not.

Don't "get on him". You already know what happens with that. Instead, try to model healthy habits and keep the binge-easy foods out of the house.

No bake cookies are the devil's food of choice. I know this. When I was in my early teens, I would make a batch JUST FOR MYSELF after school when no one else was home. I'd hide it in the closet and eat the entire thing within two days.

My daughter is 13, and this week has made these VERY SAME cookies on two nights after I went to bed. At least she isn't hiding them in her closet like I was, but still... I know where you're coming from.

I've been using the recipe calculator regularly at family meals and don't keep my calorie counting results secret from my family. Every single homemade goodie gets run through it and they get to know just how many calories each cookie is. Has it helped? Meh. I'm not sure. But I'm not preaching, just informing. I do that with my increased activity too, and my daughter has joined me in Couch to 5K.

One other thing, my son put on a lot of weight when he was about your son's age. For a year, I worried in silence, as he grew out but not up. The following year he shot up 6 inches and everything stretched into place. He towers over me now.

So I guess, my advice would be to keep modeling the healthy habits and not focus on him. It will work out.

Bobby_Clerici

We have 5 kids, and anything within reach gets devoured like locust were here.
I have a lock on the freezer, fridge and cupboard.
Problem solved!
No need for a shrink and none of our kids are fatties or bingers. :drinker:

Sometimes parents need to just take charge.

NoAdditives

A professional therapist is really the only person who can help with something like this.

Amryfal

No bake cookies are the devil's food of choice. I know this.

TRUE DAT lol. I used to LOVE them and this is the first batch i've made in YEARS.

One other thing, my son put on a lot of weight when he was about your son's age. For a year, I worried in silence, as he grew out but not up. The following year he shot up 6 inches and everything stretched into place. He towers over me now.

So I guess, my advice would be to keep modeling the healthy habits and not focus on him. It will work out.

i hope so. he did shoot up this year, and has evened out. the evening-out never happened for me, though that's my biggest concern...that he needs to know now that binges lead to trouble. not when he's in his twenties or thirties and realizes suddenly, like i did.

Amryfal

We have 5 kids, and anything within reach gets devoured like locust were here.
I have a lock on the freezer, fridge and cupboard.
Problem solved!
No fatties or bingers. :drinker:

haha...i'm about ready to go there.

Lauren8239

Going by my experience with my 16 year old daughter........your son is 12. He is going to go through stages of ravenous hunger, followed by growth spurt and tiredness. Be normal for a bit, and the cycle repeats itself. The hunger he feels is not what we feel, it's the "i gotta eat something NOW cause I'm dy'n..." lol. Instead of having junk available, have fruit and things like good bread and lunch meat. They just want to fill that hole of hunger they feel. Pre-making some pasta and meat such as chicken or beef that can be heated up in the microwave will satisfy his hunger. Hope this helps, I feel your pain. Just keep in mind that he's 12-and his body is going into overdrive for growing.

fbmandy55

I am a little concerned with the terminology. A kid getting up for a midnight snack isn't stealing anything, unless you've made some pretty restrictive rules about what and when he can eat. That could lead to some unhealthy behaviors if he feels insecure about having access to food.

i don't restrict him, and if he wants to eat at midnight, that's fine. but not getting up and cleaning out every bit of candy, ice cream, cookies, or whatever else he can find and hiding it.

But why do you call it stealing? If he's not restricted then it's just a kid having a snack. I'm guessing that he's picked up on this attitude and that's why he feels like he has to hide it. Especially under threat of punishment.

She's already stated more than once that he is sneaking and hiding it. That's not getting up at night for a snack.

She is showing concern for her child because she's done the same and ruined her health and she knows there is an underlying issue with him.

reallyally1

You're going to make the problem so much worse by attempting to force him to change his habits. Up until two years ago, I used to sneak food all the time. I would hoard snacks in my room and binge when no one was looking. It's been a problem that I've been dealing with since I was about 9 (I'm 22 now). When it first started, my parents would hide junk food from me, and I would become obsessed with finding it and eating it. I had to ask permission before I ate anything. They even went as far as to lock up all of the junk food into a cabinet, but then I would eventually find the key after compulsively looking everywhere for it. In the long run, it made the problem so much worse. When my parents stopped buying junk food, it helped for a while, but then every time I went to a restaurant or to someone's house to eat, I would always eat way more than I should and I always made extremely unhealthy choices. It eventually got to the point where I would go buy my own junk food at the store in secret and eat it all.

In my case, I'm fairly certain that I can attribute my eating disorder to my parent's obsessive desire to stop me from having an eating disorder. I don't blame them, because I know they were just trying to help me. Honestly, I have no idea what I would have done if I were in their shoes, but I do know that what they did just made the problem worse. I would suggest leaving junk food out and telling your son that it's okay for him to have some. Hopefully having it readily available will help keep him from binging.

EDIT: Also, my parents frequently called attention to my sneak eating... my mom would find empty packages in my room and would put them all on my bed. It made me feel so much worse. I knew EXACTLY that what I was doing and that it was not normal. I always felt guilty/embarrassed about my eating habits. My mom calling me out on my binges did not help in the slightest.

kateanne27

We have 5 kids, and anything within reach gets devoured like locust were here.
I have a lock on the freezer, fridge and cupboard.
Problem solved!
No fatties or bingers. :drinker:

Way to set a great example of a healthy relationship with food and lifestyle :P

chimpy_chimp

My brother ate quite a bit growing up, and he was never overweight. I think the real issue is making sure your son is physically active. Present only "healthy" options in the home and make sure the two of you make time for physical activity. It seems to me that being ravenous is pretty normal for a soon-to-be teenage boy. My son is 16 and he eats like a horse, but he is thin and very active. As long as he is active, your son will be fine. Try not to assume he will have the same relationship to food as you have/had.

ItsMeRebekah

love the heck outta the little guy and only keep good foods in the house ... that should solve the problem while he is home. being an example is the best thing you can do to show him how to have a healthy relationship with foods. good luck to you and yours!

firstnamekaren

Not to be harsh but perhaps you are projecting your emtoional issues with food and weight onto him.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Bobby_Clerici

We have 5 kids, and anything within reach gets devoured like locust were here.
I have a lock on the freezer, fridge and cupboard.
Problem solved!
No fatties or bingers. :drinker:

haha...i'm about ready to go there.

not every problem is complicated, and some are a bit too fast to pawn off the problem to Dr Phil.
I locked everything up. Simple.
No more issues!

cristaine

I think your own history of disordered eating may (may) be making the situation a little skewed for you, if you don't mind my honesty. If his weight is normal, I would simply make sure you only have healthy foods in the house and just monitor. Getting up and eating food at night is not "stealing" unless he breaks a lock or something to get on it.

And you say you didn't "get on him" about it, but showing him your stuff, talking about it and crying with him about it? That IS getting on him about it, just in a round about way.

Model good behaviours and don't stress out. Kids eat, a LOT. It could very well be he already knows eating is a sore point for you and so is waiting until you are sleeping to e\at the food he normally would during the day, or the kid is just hungry, or it could be the start of something worse, but I am not sure you would be the best judge of that, to be honest, as it is too close to home with you.

If *you* went to talk to a therapist about your own past issues and discussed your concerns about your son, I am sure you would get some wonderful advice. the last thing you want to do is pass on a preoccupation with food simply by OVERthinking this (aversion is sometimes attraction)

You can tell you are just worried about your child, and that is commendable. But you may want to step back a bit, talk to a professional trained in these areas, and approach it rather impartially. These are moments where emotions and concern tend to complicate our best intentions.

Good luck!

Bobby_Clerici

We have 5 kids, and anything within reach gets devoured like locust were here.
I have a lock on the freezer, fridge and cupboard.
Problem solved!
No fatties or bingers. :drinker:

Way to set a great example of a healthy relationship with food and lifestyle :P

Not every challenge requires a bunch of histrionics and sniveling.
Sometimes a $5 padlock is all you need.

LolaVersion2

Your son's sneak eating is symptomatic of a greater issuer. Eliminating the sneak eating will only be solving the symptom, but not treating the problem. There is obviously something greater at play than his eating. You need to figure out WHY he is doing this and focus on treating that issue and then you can treat the eating disorder.

ZiezieO

Sneaking sounds like there is a much bigger problem at hand.

lindsayforlife

I used to do this. My mom would buy groceries for the week, and put the meat in the freezer. She wouldn't get home until about 6pm and by that time i would already have binged on porkchops, made some chicken (ya, I was a good cook and ended up becoming a chef later)...This started when I was about the same age. She would go to make dinner, open the freezer and be like, "um..didn't I buy a whole pack of porkchops?" i would lie as much as I could to hide the fact that I had cooked and ate them all, but she knew what was going on and my fat was the proof. I would strongly suggest trying to figure out what kind of stress or emotional turmoil your child is under and try to get it under control now, because i know for me, 20+ years later, emotional/binge/secret eating is still a huge problem for me. The triggers for me at the early age was mental and physical abuse from schoolkids, parents divorcing, mental and physical torment from my sister and self-hatred. Something external is causing your son to do this, and it's affecting the way in which he deals with his emotions. Please go to a doctor, psychologist and nutritionist and find the underlying reason for him doing this.

kathym59

Is he actually overweight? My two sons, neither of whom are now overweight, used to eat absolutely masses of food, enough to feed the 5000. Boys in their teens often to do eat loads. He's probably hiding the food because he knows he shouldn't have eaten all the cookies and knows you'll be angry with him. Tell him exactly what he can eat when he gets ravenous at midnight. Cooked chicken or cereal is good, but just let him know it's ok to eat if he really is hungry.

lindsayforlife

It really is a tough call. I would suggest not having junk food in the house if your worried about him devouring it. I can tell you that at that age, boys can EAT!!! They will eat everything in sight. You need to keep him moving though. Make sure he is outside playing not just sitting inside playing video games or watching tv. Good luck!

My mom tried this, but all I ended up doing was taking money from her wallet to buy the junk I wanted. If he wants the junk bad enough to ease whatever pain he is in, he will find a way to get it.

auroranflash

once again, thanks everyone who has answered.

therapy would be the best, but one or two appointments before he goes home to his dad's isn't going to do much.

honestly, i stopped binge-eating because i finally, at 36, realized what i was doing. if someone had grabbed sixteen-year-old me and said, "OMG, YOU ARE EATING HALF A CAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO NO ONE SEES YOU, YOU NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" then maybe i wouldn't be where i am.

You're still trying to fix 'you' when you were sixteen... your son isn't you. I don't mean to be rude, that's just the thought that came to mind. Hope things work out.

meshashesha2012

is it possible that your eating disorders are affecting your son?

i ask because my mom had an eating disorder (anorexia). she underate regularly and consequently pressured me into undereating.

kids need lots of calories because their bodies are growing and because (hopefully) they are playing. i ended up doing a lot more binge eating than i probably would have normally done had my mom not set up such an environment of "lack" when i was at home.

so if i know at home i'm going to get shamed out of eating any food that doesnt fit on a teacup saucer (that was the plate size she fed me) and shamed out of getting seconds, then heck yeah i'm going to binge eat whenever i get a chance.


if you're concerned, then just make sure there are healthy foods for him to eat. make sure he's getting plenty of exercise and just let him be

takingnameskickingbutt

Your son does not steal food. He eats the food that you have in the house. It is patently absurd to accuse a child of stealing communal food. If you don't want him eating ceartin food, I would suggest that you, as the adult, not purchase it.

Truth be told, his "stealing" is likely the result that is when he is hungry or has other people suggested is symptomatic of your food issues. My brother, who was always and is always, naturally thin, eats at all hours and would probably still eat a dozen cookies.

Again, I understand you are worried about him, but the terminology is a bit disturbing.