my son steals food

Marlietta

I know you said it's been a problem before, and I'm sure you know your son well enough, but...

Thinking back to when I was a teenager (and pretty underweight, at that), a half gallon of milk and a dozen cookies would not have been remarkable for me. And my brother was even worse. I realize your son is not quite a teenager but he's getting to that age... are you sure it's a problem and not just a growth spurt?

You know your son better than any of us, this part is true, I would just caution you not to be over sensitive to the issue, because of what you went through.

I have two teenaged sons who would eat me out of house and home if I let them. After my 15 years olds second full butter bowl of cereal I will tell him "that's enough" but I don't really say much more than that.

I generally keep their eating "in check" by not buying junk food to keep in the house. I keep yogurt, string cheese, fresh fuits and veggies, things like that.

My kids are both pretty active, and neither have a weight issue, though they may tend to get a little "softer" around the mid section in the winter and just before a big growth spurt, when they haven't grown much for a while. Ups and downs tend to be pretty common during puberty, and I think that generally the "healthy" 11-13 year old years tend be a little soft and sometimes even chubby just before their growing really takes off. At one point I did get concerned about both of my boys because they have put on a bit of weight around the mid section and in their faces, but suddenly their growth took off and now they are both really lean.

Now if your son does not get out and play/walk/participate in sports etc. and he's pretty sendentary, the dozen cookies and half gallon of milk would be a different story.

Like I said, I don't keep junk food in the house, but if there's some sort of special occasion where we happen to have cookies or cakes or whatever, they would devour it in one day, then walk 4 miles to the park, play and skateboard for 2 hours and walk 4 miles back home.

We live in a small town though so everything is close and they can do that. "city" kids are sometimes at a disadvantage for safe outdoor playing like that.

mscrumbyy

Has he told you why he's actually doing it? That's the first step to stopping it. It could be a number of things other than him just being hungry, by the sounds of it he shouldn't be.
It was something I used to do quite a lot and very often I was bored in the middle of the night and the food was just there. It as often either boredom or emotional eating for me. The only thing that stopped me was literally not having the food there, which sucks for everyone else in the house but it may well be necessary.

PrayerofAmity

My son was the same way. All he ever ate the first 12 years of his life were carbs and junk (nothing but pizza, p/b sandwiches, fries, chips, cookies). He was heading down a very bad road and didn't seem to understand when I explained to him how he was hurting himself. Until I had him watch a show called "Honey We're Killing the Kids". On the show, they take families of kids with eating problems and uses age enhancement technology with scientific knowledge about the effects of bad eating and shows what these kids will look like as they grow into adults. After the show he asked me with very wide eyes if he could have a salad for dinner. It is very disturbing but it shows kids first hand what they are doing to themselves. Look it up on Youtube and have him watch an episode.

Fatal1ty2k5

I did that all the time as a kid, I would not be concerned unless he is not active at all during the day or starts gaining an unhealthy amount of weight.

Growing boys eat, allot.

vegannewbie12

I am sorry about your struggles...one thing I think might help (it has helped with me and my son) is to really up his activity...when
you work out, a lot of the time you don't feel hungry afterwards, and sleep much better. I noticed it has helped my son with his extreme snacking. There are still hurdles to get through, but things are improving. As for the crying, etc, I know it is hard to be
strong sometimes when you are so worried but keep trying...it may be making him feel guilty which spurs him on to eat more...also,
is there any way he could think your divorce was his fault and that he is eating to soothe his guilt? I could be completely off target
but it is just a suggestion. One last thing...does he drink a lot of diet pop or things with aspartame? I have been seriously addicted
to diet coke since about the age of 16 (I am now 37!) sometimes drinking 2 litres a day. I started drinking it because I thought
it was great, no calories, and a treat instead of eating food that had a lot of calories. Well, recently I started reading up on it
and it turns out that it is a trigger for cravings for more sweet stuff and overeating. I have battled these cravings for years.
So, I have cut it out during the last 2 weeks...yesterday I had a small one, and the cravings
flooded back full force. I had not thought it would have that much effect! I have cut out soda from our family and we drink mostly water now. It has really helped. Last of all, I would say to heave out the cookies,junk etc. because maybe these foods are a
trigger for him. I know a lot of people think, "oh they are just a kid, they deserve to eat cookies and whatever they want! " But if
that were true, there would not be such a rampant childhood obesity problem today. Kids can get diabetes, heart disease just like
anyone else. They do not deserve that. I am so sickened by the food that I have fed my child over the years, thinking I was giving him a "treat" but what am
I ultimately treating him to? A lifelong battle of obesity and all the risks with it that I set in motion. I can't do anything about the past but I can help him for the future. I am not trying to pass on the guilt to anyone...as parents we do the best that we can,
of course we love our kids and want the best for them...we do make mistakes but once we realize them, we need to regroup
and make changes. I myself have lots of wrongs to right. I wish you all the best.

Amryfal

to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:

do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?

to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:

if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?

questiontheanswers

I also used to sneak food as a kid - and my mom found out (of course) and kept asking why? I really couldn't tell her at the time, but I've battled my weight all my life, and so has she. I can tell you I have 4 brothers, and growing up with brothers that can eat you out of house and home, and especially if their friends are over- we were going through milk and cereal like nobody's business, and all my "healthy" cereal I would pick out and sometimes buy myself, would be gone. Mom had to finally put her foot down about the friends eating over, but for the most part that's normal boy stuff I guess. I agree with other posters, maybe keep the goodies out of the house, and if you are all getting a treat to share, just get it at that time- so smaller box of ice cream cones, or smaller carton, etc. as for the cookies, and things, those are MY downfall. I usually have to just portion it out into Tupperware or snack cups/snack baggies, so that it's in an actual portion - I do this as soon as it comes home from the store, that way you actually see what a serving IS, and have it ready to go- so ONE serving of cookies at night is okay.
or my friend has a "snack basket" at her house - granola bars, fruit snacks, etc - anything in the basket is okay - again in ONE serving. I keep fruit at my house too - open bowl on the table of apples, bananas, oranges, and whatever else on sale, and a bowl of grapes in the fridge- washed and off the vine, ready to go- my kids love to "sneak" grapes out of the fridge.

My parents had 5 ravenous kids in the house, plus a multitude of friends over at all times, so they could not keep snacks in the house for more than 5 minutes. They finally devised a "mailbox" system. Each of us (including my parents) had a box into which they placed snacks that had been parceled out equally. They would hit Costco, load up, and then divy everything up. What snacks were in your box were yours to eat yourself or share with your friends at your discretion. But once your snacks were gone, that was it and you didn't get more until the restocked. I'm not going to pretend there weren't a few items that went missing from various boxes, but for the most part it worked like a charm.

ScottFree_66

Leading by example is the best option. explain about healthy eating, dangers of processed foods, and even have everyone in your family take part in helping you log food so they have a better understanind (don't force them to help you, ask them).

That way your son will know what to do when and IF he ever needs to lose weight. but children, especially young boys, do eat HUGE amoiunts of food. just try to make sure most of those are healthy.

I haven't looked, does anyone have an idea of how many calories a day an active 12 year old boy needs?

devil_in_a_blue_dress

once again, thanks everyone who has answered.

therapy would be the best, but one or two appointments before he goes home to his dad's isn't going to do much.

honestly, i stopped binge-eating because i finally, at 36, realized what i was doing. if someone had grabbed sixteen-year-old me and said, "OMG, YOU ARE EATING HALF A CAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SO NO ONE SEES YOU, YOU NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" then maybe i wouldn't be where i am.

Maybe. But you are not your son, so projecting your issues onto him isn't fair. I think you are restrictive with food but don't want to admit it. I have a 3 year old and a husband, I buy one package of cookies when I grocery shop, sometimes my husband will eat them all within a day (he has no disordered eating and is a healthy weight) and I don't get any. Sure, that isn't the most thoughtful thing to do, but it's hardly anything radical.

You seem to be very defensive about not restricting but you definitely seems like you want to monitor and control what he eats and when, which is not helpful. You might not like the food choices he is making, but as others have pointed out, you are the one providing him with his choices. Why can't he just eat whenever he wants too? Maybe if you didn't have "rules" about food, he wouldn't have to break said rules and the whole thing would become less secretive.

I am not saying he doesn't have a problem or that you shouldn't be concerned, but the only thing you can control right now is your own actions, behaviors, and reactions.

Krys_140

If you can't take your son to a counselor, perhaps you could go, and talk through the concerns you have for him, and ask a professional for advice on how to get your son to open up about what's causing the midnight food thievery.

Talking through your fears with a counselor can help you gain the outside perspective you're searching for here on the forums, and will give you a solid plan of action, and maybe even a script you can follow when speaking with your son again.

I'd just caution against trying to speak to your son again until you have looked deeper into why this bothers you so much. Is it ONLY because you're worried that he will have your issues with food, or are you also mad that he's eating treats you were looking forward to, as well? Knowing your own motivation for speaking with him will clarify what you want him to take away from the discussion. Is it "don't eat so much because it's dangerous for you" or is it "don't eat all the fun stuff in the house because the rest of us would like some, too"...

devil_in_a_blue_dress

to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:

do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?

to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:

if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?

I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.

Amryfal

the activity is the biggest problem right now. the heat index has been 100+ almost every day for weeks here, and i can't reasonably tell them to get outside and play because it's a health risk.

he gets enough to eat. i'm not starving him or feeding him alfalfa sprouts and nothing else for every meal. he gets junk food occasionally - i keep a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables and peanut butter and jelly on hand, with the occasional bag of cheetos, and i bake treats maybe once a month, because for my own health i've had to curtail it.

he's binging. in secret. that's a problem.

and yes, counseling is probably the only way to fix it, and i don't have that option right now, but i'm working on making it more possible.

Amryfal

If you can't take your son to a counselor, perhaps you could go, and talk through the concerns you have for him, and ask a professional for advice on how to get your son to open up about what's causing the midnight food thievery.

Talking through your fears with a counselor can help you gain the outside perspective you're searching for here on the forums, and will give you a solid plan of action, and maybe even a script you can follow when speaking with your son again.

I'd just caution against trying to speak to your son again until you have looked deeper into why this bothers you so much. Is it ONLY because you're worried that he will have your issues with food, or are you also mad that he's eating treats you were looking forward to, as well? Knowing your own motivation for speaking with him will clarify what you want him to take away from the discussion. Is it "don't eat so much because it's dangerous for you" or is it "don't eat all the fun stuff in the house because the rest of us would like some, too"...

what i'd like him to take away is that eating everything sweet in the house is not fair and bad for him. i see those as separate but interrelated issues. and i've taken both tacks, separately and together, and it doesn't seem to get through to him.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:

do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?

to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:

if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?

I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.

Just wanted to add:

You approach just seems to be "LOOK AT THE INJUSTICE YOU ARE CAUSING OTHERS, SON!" and I think to somebody who might already have issues with food, this will not promote a healthy relationship.

Amryfal

to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:

do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?

to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:

if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?

I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.

seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?

ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol

takingnameskickingbutt

to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:

do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?

to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:

if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?

You aren't being fair with your analogy to money. Do you ration out all your food in 1/4th increments, allocating 1/4th to each person in their proverbial food wallets. If that is the case, and he went into his brother's or your "ration", it would be more analagous to stealing than just plain eating.

In addition, as a former "binge eater/emotional eater", I wouldn't be quick to diagnose behaviors to a growing child, or frankly anyone for that matter. Again, I think not having foods that would trigger a binge (such as sweets and starch) would be the best bet. When there is only fruit/veg/lean protein in the house, I don't tend to binge.

DelilahCat0212

In my opinion i would replace the high sugary stuff with a healthier option and i would put him on a calorie based diet make sure he is getting what he needs and is filled so in the middle of the night he isnt wanting to snack break the bad habbit before it is to late i would also suggest getting him a pack of gum and tell him whenever he feels the need to snack to chew a piece of gum

nononononononono NOT KIDS!

jadedzen

the milk and cookie thing may not be a "binge" but three drumstick ice cream cones at a pop? that were meant for everyone to share?

i really, really, really appreciate the feedback, everyone.

My brother used to do this. at about the same age. He had a history of even taking the honey pot to bed, we'd find it under his bed. I think it was a greed/not wanting to share with his sister thing personally. But as a child he had a hollow leg and a sweet tooth. He's 31 now and has grown out of it.

While growing up though mom would take candy bars etc and lock them in a toolbox in the garage so they would still be there for when she wanted to reward one of us. till my brother found the tool box, broke/picked the lock and gorged himself on candy. To be honest it lead to me hiding/stockpiling food because I'd buy a special cereal (mom would let us get sugary cereals on rare occasions) and would have to keep it in my closet in a box that says 'dance stuff'. The main point is that he grew out of it. does he have siblings or anything? I might be totally off base, if so just take it for my two cents from having grown up with a kid like that.

jenniferpowell2012

I also have a 12 year old son, (among others)hes going through puberty and also LOVES milk and snacking. Im assuming the draw to the milk is their bodies screaming for calcium for their bones which are going through a massive growth stage, just a guess though, but i remember being mad on milk at that age too.
My view is, no biggy, i swapped the whole fat milk to semi skimmed, stopped buying 'munchies' for him to snack on and replaced them with dried fuit, canned fruit, bread sticks, humous and wholemeal pittas and fresh fruit. I also make him pitta crisps with cinnamon on them, they go down really well. I also started family walking in the evening to get them all walking a few miles each day. (This is on top of their usual exercise)
He still drinks loads of milk and eats all the time, but hes snacking on healthy food and getting regular exercise, so theres no problem.
I personally wouldnt even mention it to him, why would you want to make him feel bad, just make the swaps and dont make it into a big thing.

DelilahCat0212

In addition, as a former "binge eater/emotional eater", I wouldn't be quick to diagnose behaviors to a growing child, or frankly anyone for that matter. Again, I think not having foods that would trigger a binge (such as sweets and starch) would be the best bet. When there is only fruit/veg/lean protein in the house, I don't tend to binge.

absolutey!!! kids are ravenous at that age. give them healthier choices and let them eat.