Guy in Ladies locker Room

dad106

I can't see how he'd be considered "a creeper" when he clearly came in to talk to someone... it's not like he came in and just stood aside watching females dress.

I also can't understand why this is a big deal. You *do* realize that the heteronormative view of all males as interested in females and all females interested in males is not reality, right? He may have absolutely zero interest in seeing you naked... whereas the girl he talked to might've been "creeping" on you the whole time. Face the fact that any time you've ever changed when not completely alone someone was probably attracted to females there. If you didn't always dress in a stall, there is no reason to start just because some (possibly not straight) guy popped into the area once.

*eyeroll*

Umm, he is a creeper because it was a female locker room. If it were ok then why don't we make one big locker room for everyone? Better yet, why dont we all just walk around naked in public? I still say its not ok for a male to walk into the women's locker room. He should have went to get a female staff member if he wanted to talk to his daughter or waited.

Granted he should have waited. However instead of complaining about it to the staff or crying about it on the forums, if it bothered you that much why didnt you just say something to HIM?

If the staff doesn't know, then how can they prevent it from happening again?

Also, not everyone is comfortable with confrontation... and since nothing specific happened, it makes more sense to let the gym staff know so they can keep an eye on this member for next time.

JennaM222

I can't see how he'd be considered "a creeper" when he clearly came in to talk to someone... it's not like he came in and just stood aside watching females dress.

He came into the ladies locker room.. What the hell was so important that he couldn't wait until his daughter came out?

If I was OP, I'd be offended to.. and creeped out.

But according to you, it's ok for me to just walk into the male locker room if I need to talk to someone.. so I'll do that next time at my gym and let you know how well that works out :noway:

Agreed. CREEPER or blind.

Debutante55

alright I'll be the one to say it: Whatever that guy was doing, if you're creeping on me, you deserve a sight of my cellulitey tush. Hope it burns your retinas. So there. :laugh:

That is hilarious... and pretty much sums up how I feel. Yes, it IS wrong and *definitely* creepy to have some random guy suddenly show up in the women's dressing room but honestly, if someone gets a glimpse of me, well that is most unfortunate for them.... hopefully there would be one of those industrial 'eye-wash' stations close at hand. :noway:

Having said that however, if he were ogling my daughter I'd likely drop him right then and there. BAM.

JennaM222

Another point.

People who go to the same gym ever just for a few weeks KNOW where the locker room is. Specificly their gender speficic one. I am sorry but people saying honest mistake, bla bla, give me a break.

ki4yxo

Reminds me of a concert we went to when we
were still dating. The line for the women's bathroom
went out, around the corner. The men's room was
really short. I can't count how many women jumped
in the men's room line. Hell my wife used it! I wasn't
about to miss a half hour of the concert so she could
go "pee."

BlisterLamb

I once walked into the bathroom at a library. I entered and turned directly to the right into a stall. When I came out, I was horrified to see a row of urinals directly in front of me, across from the stalls. How in the world I had missed them on the way in, I have no idea. I'm just thankful there was no one using one of them.

Several years later, I went into one of those brick restrooms at a park. I was alone on my bike because my husband felt ill and bailed on me halfway through the ride. It wasn't in the greatest area. It was frequented by homeless guys, but I HAD to go. I took my bike in with me, so it wouldn't get stolen. It was just one large room with a small metal sink, next to a large metal mop sink, and a three foot wide, floor to ceiling brick wall dividing the toilet from the rest of the room. I was in there doing my thing and I hear the door open and I hear someone in there moving around. I said, "i'm in here." I could still here movement and I could tell it was a man. I was a bit freaked, and still kind of "mid business" so I pulled out my cell phone and called my husband and started talking loudly to him. I said I was just letting him know where I was and that I was in the bathroom and it sounded like there was someone in there. He asked if I needed him to come there...like he could get there before I actually needed him. I responded loudly that I was fine and that I had my gun. I didn't really, not that time, but sometimes I do. I heard movement and the door opening and closing as they guy left. I told my husband that he was gone, finished up, and exited the building. There was a very uncomfortable looking homeless guy out there, holding himself and shuffling back and forth. I said he had startled me and asked why he was hanging around outside the ladies room. He said, "Ma'am, that's the MEN's room!" I looked at the sign and sure enough it was. I apologized profusely and said I needed a keeper. He was not in the mood for apologies, he was in a big hurry to get inside. I felt horrible. He probably thought some crazy woman who couldn't read was going to blow his man bits off! I also giggled for the next 3 miles. Turns out the "mop sink" was a urinal. At a quick glance, that's what it looked like to me. It was a different kind than I had seen before...on my previous trips to the mens rooms.

Roadie2000

I think the issue is more along the lines that the poster is not comfortable with this man seeing her naked. She prepared herself for a bunch of women to see her naked. It doesn't matter that he might be interested in her sexually, it is a person that she is uncomfortable with seeing her naked. We all have our own comfort boundaries, and that needs to be respected. The fact that he acknowledged he shouldn't be there makes it obvious that there is a boundary being crossed.

Since this is a gender specific area I would be unhappy, too. You can't just expect people to be okay with something because you are.

Fair enough. Some people put up half naked pictures of themselves on fitness websites for hundreds of people to see, and some are so mortified at the thought of someone else possibly seeing some skin they won't even leave the house. I get that, everyone's different and some people are A LOT more sensitive than me. I'm not trying to defend the guy, maybe he is a pervert, I don't know how it went down. But also some men will do ANYTHING for their daughters. Gotta respect that.

maher2000

Mmmhhhh.... this would have been creepy... It is clear from what you say about his statement that he was intentionally there. Maybe the person he was speaking to called him in (texted him and let him know you were dressed)? Either way, there really is no excuse.
I have a young daughter who goes to the gym as does my wife and reading about events like this one does not make me comfortable.
What did the gym staff do or say to him or to you? Were they in any way concerned about your privacy or escort the person out?
I am glad that at least you were not in your birthday suit at the time!!!
I hope no one else was.

mama2shi

said like he already knew where he was, “ok, lets go back up stairs I am not supposed to be in here,” and then walked back up stairs.

Uh, this sounds like it was not an honest mistake...otherwise why state he knew he wasn't supposed to be in there??? Also does not sound like something that could not wait it he was ready to go back upstairs and not rush out for any type of emergency with her. It is not his daughter's locker room, it is all of the women's. He doesn't get a special pass.

glovepuppet

And did you read the same post - he didnt confront anyone but his daughter. It was an error on his part but really - it was I am sure if management talked to him about it wont happen again. I seriously think it was a mistake not what you are making it into. Mistakes do happen - its called LIFE. And BTW I have been a victim of rape - and if they have such a big issue with it SEEK THERAPY!!!!

i didn't say he confronted them, i said they were confronted by him. given the context it would seem obvious that my meaning was that they were confronted by his presence.

it's not a mistake to walk in, see that it's the ladies' locker room, then walk further in in order to have a conversation.

so... therapy always works and always works fast? and no victim should have a life or worry about her health until she is fully recovered to the point of not caring if a stranger sees her changing? even if that's never...

and what of those for whom it is a matter of faith, an order from god, that they cover their bodies in front of men?

i don't think i'll ever agree with that view point.

songbyrdsweet

Creepy is going in and looking around when you're not supposed to be there. Creepy isn't going in to check on your daughter. What if he's a single father? He was probably just as uncomfortable being there as you were having him there. Jeeze, everyone takes things so personally.

amyjax

Your internal sensors are correct. He is a perv.

Unfortunately for his daughter, he probably walks in her room unannounced often as well. Poor girl.

Disgusting.

This is an INSANE leap. I've gone into the men's locker rooms to check on my son (make sure he was getting dressed and not using the tap as a watergun etc etc), so that means I must be perving on him at home? Urgh.

OP, the guy probably hated being in there as much as you hated him being there. From your description it sounds like he walked in, looked around for his daughter, found her, spoke to her, they both left.

BUT, I will say this, you genuinely felt uncomfortable, so it was a good thing that you felt able to speak to the staff about it. If (and I really, really, really do mean "if"), this guy was to turn out to be a creep, the gym will have more "evidence" because of your complaint. Due to the intimidation/"they won't believe me" factor, so many people (male and female) DON'T report instances where they've felt intimidated or that something was "wrong" in that way, so it's good to know that you felt able to do so.

DopeItUp

Reminds me of a concert we went to when we
were still dating. The line for the women's bathroom
went out, around the corner. The men's room was
really short. I can't count how many women jumped
in the men's room line. Hell my wife used it! I wasn't
about to miss a half hour of the concert so she could
go "pee."

Let me guess, several men were mortified and went to get management about it. They also posted stories on various forums later about these creepy, perverted women who like to spy on little boys.

Oh wait, that would never happen.

The guy needed to talk to his daughter. Maybe her mother got hit by a car or grandma fell down the stairs. Who knows, get over it. Accusing the guy of being everything vile under the sun is a bit extreme. Maybe he was even from a family or culture that doesn't have such a big problem with the situation. Maybe you could have just asked him politely to leave because it freaked you out.

songbyrdsweet

Reminds me of a concert we went to when we
were still dating. The line for the women's bathroom
went out, around the corner. The men's room was
really short. I can't count how many women jumped
in the men's room line. Hell my wife used it! I wasn't
about to miss a half hour of the concert so she could
go "pee."

Let me guess, several men were mortified and went to get management about it. They also posted stories on various forums later about these creepy, perverted women who like to spy on little boys.

Oh wait, that would never happen.

The guy needed to talk to his daughter. Maybe her mother got hit by a car or grandma fell down the stairs. Who knows, get over it. Accusing the guy of being everything vile under the sun is a bit extreme. Maybe he was even from a family or culture that doesn't have such a big problem with the situation. Maybe you could have just asked him politely to leave because it freaked you out.

Seriously. Why does it have to be a personal affront?

Lyerin

He may not be a creeper, but he does sound fairly clueless. He shouldn't be walking into a women's locker room at any time. He could easily have said to someone going in "hey, would you mind telling my daughter to come out because I need to talk to her. She's about 5'2", blond hair, wearing a blue shirt." No problem and everyone is comfortable.

tshirt_tt

Your instincts were absolutely spot-on right. Do you know any father who would walk into a woman's locker room to talk to his daughter? The presumption in a locker room is that people are in various stages of disrobing, including his daughter. Never mind the adults, what is he doing to his daughter?

The guy knew EXACTLY where he was and said so, no "honest mistake" was going on.

I would definitely find out who this guy is and take it to higher level management, because the regular staff will ignore you, it's too much trouble. And if upper level staff doesn't want to deal with this (they might after all lose money if he leaves) I would take it to the police.

And if you are thinking you might be raising a "fuss," think about what NOT reporting it may do, namely have it happen again and escalation of those episodes. Oh pardon me, "honest mistakes". What if there had been other children in there, and I'm sure he was hoping for that too.

songbyrdsweet

Your instincts were absolutely spot-on right. Do you know any father who would walk into a woman's locker room to talk to his daughter? The presumption in a locker room is that people are in various stages of disrobing, including his daughter. Never mind the adults, what is he doing to his daughter?

The guy knew EXACTLY where he was and said so, no "honest mistake" was going on.

I would definitely find out who this guy is and take it to higher level management, because the regular staff will ignore you, it's too much trouble. And if upper level staff doesn't want to deal with this (they might after all lose money if he leaves) I would take it to the police.

And if you are thinking you might be raising a "fuss," think about what NOT reporting it may do, namely have it happen again and escalation of those episodes. Oh pardon me, "honest mistakes". What if there had been other children in there, and I'm sure he was hoping for that too.

So....my dad is a pedophile or something for having taken me into the public bathroom when I was 5 and my mom wasn't around? What the hell.

kittyhasclaws

Sorry, if dad REALLY needed to talk to his daughter, he could've called in to her. There was no reason for him to walk into the locker room. If you have no problem with others seeing your naked body, more power to you. Sorry guys, but this isn't really something you can weigh in on too heavily. Men aren't normally sexually assaulted by women, so there's very little threat from a woman entering your locker room. She'd be wrong to do so, though. There is a VERY easy way to check on opposite sex children without entering their locker room: Ask a staff member of that gender to go check on them. How freaking hard is that? People deserve their privacy. I don't care if the guy wasn't in there to sneak a peek. It's wrong. I've had doctors and medical students looking up in clown hole, but they were given explicit permission to do so. And to the person who said for a sexual assaulted woman to get therapy: Uh, you think that really makes everything all better? What delusional planet do you live on? That type of experience can completely change a person, how they act and how they see incidents like this. Not to mention finding a good therapist that you actually feel you can trust. Where the heck is common courtesy? Compassion? When did it become totally okay for someone's privacy to be completely violated?

ki4yxo

Reminds me of a concert we went to when we
were still dating. The line for the women's bathroom
went out, around the corner. The men's room was
really short. I can't count how many women jumped
in the men's room line. Hell my wife used it! I wasn't
about to miss a half hour of the concert so she could
go "pee."

Let me guess, several men were mortified and went to get management about it. They also posted stories on various forums later about these creepy, perverted women who like to spy on little boys.

Oh wait, that would never happen.

The guy needed to talk to his daughter. Maybe her mother got hit by a car or grandma fell down the stairs. Who knows, get over it. Accusing the guy of being everything vile under the sun is a bit extreme. Maybe he was even from a family or culture that doesn't have such a big problem with the situation. Maybe you could have just asked him politely to leave because it freaked you out.

Nobody cared. People just needed to take a leak.
The guys stuck to the urinals, and the women got
the stalls. It was actually pretty civil.

kittyhasclaws

Your instincts were absolutely spot-on right. Do you know any father who would walk into a woman's locker room to talk to his daughter? The presumption in a locker room is that people are in various stages of disrobing, including his daughter. Never mind the adults, what is he doing to his daughter?

The guy knew EXACTLY where he was and said so, no "honest mistake" was going on.

I would definitely find out who this guy is and take it to higher level management, because the regular staff will ignore you, it's too much trouble. And if upper level staff doesn't want to deal with this (they might after all lose money if he leaves) I would take it to the police.

And if you are thinking you might be raising a "fuss," think about what NOT reporting it may do, namely have it happen again and escalation of those episodes. Oh pardon me, "honest mistakes". What if there had been other children in there, and I'm sure he was hoping for that too.

So....my dad is a pedophile or something for having taken me into the public bathroom when I was 5 and my mom wasn't around? What the hell.

No, but your dad would be a perv if he just nonchalantly walked into the women's locker room with no concern for other patrons. Your dad bringing you into the men's room is different. He could protect you. This is a gym. Most gyms I know of don't allow you to have kids under 16 with you unless it's in a child care facility. And at that point, the child would have no reason to be in the locker room. This girl the OP was talking about probably wasn't a little kid that needed to go potty with only daddy around.

datenshi

it's not just about stigma.

it's estimated that upwards of 1/5 of women will suffer rape during their lifetime. for someone who has been through that trauma, how do you think they feel being suddenly confronted by a strange man when they're naked?
and what about muslim women, for whom being seen naked or semi-clothed by men is in serious conflict with their faith?

it has a sign on the door saying it is an area for women. women go in there with the reasonable expectation that there will only be women in there. a place where women can feel safe, can get changed without compromising their faith, can just not have the shock of some dude waltzing in.

the guy could have called through the door. he could have asked a female member of staff. he chose instead to go inside.

This.^

Keightisgr8

alright I'll be the one to say it: Whatever that guy was doing, if you're creeping on me, you deserve a sight of my cellulitey tush. Hope it burns your retinas. So there. :laugh:

LOL

Sharyn913

I think the bigger issue here is not the fact that he walked into the ladies locker room, but the fact that he thinks it's okay to walk in to talk to his daughter who was (more than likely undressing)!!! Most gyms require you to be a certain age to work out. I don't care WHAT the age is-- It is NOT okay for my dad to see me naked. The only acceptable time would be toddler age while bathing. THAT is what is weird.

On another note-- if my husband knew my gym allowed men to freely walk into the womens changing area, he would put his foot down about me going there and to find another gym.

krueandliz

[/quote]
oh, yeah, and flashers are just guys whose bits get too sweaty if they wear pants.
[/quote]

Priceless!

shelbynicole32

In the mens lockeroom in my gym all of the men walk around and sit in the hot tub naked (so my husband says) so I would NEVER consider walking in there to get my husband. I will call his phone 10000 times before I ever walk in there to get him because that is the mens private area to do what they want and walk "freely" in... Not mine.

So agreed, I might have been a little bothered had I walked around the corner butt naked to some dude. He might not would be, but I would have.

glovepuppet

He may not be a creeper, but he does sound fairly clueless. He shouldn't be walking into a women's locker room at any time. He could easily have said to someone going in "hey, would you mind telling my daughter to come out because I need to talk to her. She's about 5'2", blond hair, wearing a blue shirt." No problem and everyone is comfortable.

or at the very least yelled through the door that he was coming in, just to give people the chance to cover up.

faylenechung

I think the issue is more along the lines that the poster is not comfortable with this man seeing her naked. She prepared herself for a bunch of women to see her naked. It doesn't matter that he might be interested in her sexually, it is a person that she is uncomfortable with seeing her naked. We all have our own comfort boundaries, and that needs to be respected. The fact that he acknowledged he shouldn't be there makes it obvious that there is a boundary being crossed.

Since this is a gender specific area I would be unhappy, too. You can't just expect people to be okay with something because you are.

THIS

i agree with this post right here. I also want to say the our gym does have a family locker room that the guy could have taken his daughter had he needed to be with her. She was old enough for Women's locker room. When I have my kids I do take my kids to the family locker room which has changing rooms for a family of four to fit in easily. I

faylenechung

Mmmhhhh.... this would have been creepy... It is clear from what you say about his statement that he was intentionally there. Maybe the person he was speaking to called him in (texted him and let him know you were dressed)? Either way, there really is no excuse.
I have a young daughter who goes to the gym as does my wife and reading about events like this one does not make me comfortable.
What did the gym staff do or say to him or to you? Were they in any way concerned about your privacy or escort the person out?
I am glad that at least you were not in your birthday suit at the time!!!
I hope no one else was.

The gym staff confronted him and gave him a warning.

Bridget0927

I can't see how he'd be considered "a creeper" when he clearly came in to talk to someone... it's not like he came in and just stood aside watching females dress.

I also can't understand why this is a big deal. You *do* realize that the heteronormative view of all males as interested in females and all females interested in males is not reality, right? He may have absolutely zero interest in seeing you naked... whereas the girl he talked to might've been "creeping" on you the whole time. Face the fact that any time you've ever changed when not completely alone someone was probably attracted to females there. If you didn't always dress in a stall, there is no reason to start just because some (possibly not straight) guy popped into the area once.

*eyeroll*

oh, yeah, and flashers are just guys whose bits get too sweaty if they wear pants.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA Genius!!!!!!!

faylenechung

Reminds me of a concert we went to when we
were still dating. The line for the women's bathroom
went out, around the corner. The men's room was
really short. I can't count how many women jumped
in the men's room line. Hell my wife used it! I wasn't
about to miss a half hour of the concert so she could
go "pee."

Let me guess, several men were mortified and went to get management about it. They also posted stories on various forums later about these creepy, perverted women who like to spy on little boys.

Oh wait, that would never happen.

The guy needed to talk to his daughter. Maybe her mother got hit by a car or grandma fell down the stairs. Who knows, get over it. Accusing the guy of being everything vile under the sun is a bit extreme. Maybe he was even from a family or culture that doesn't have such a big problem with the situation. Maybe you could have just asked him politely to leave because it freaked you out.

IF he needed to talk to his daughter he should have gotten a female staff member.