Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

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  • ChelseaGoneAwry
    ChelseaGoneAwry Posts: 53 Member
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    He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.

    This^ is exactly right.
  • lbigham1
    lbigham1 Posts: 132
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    He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.

    ^ Totally THIS!!!!! He doesn't deserve you!
  • fatgirlslove
    fatgirlslove Posts: 614 Member
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    OH NO!! So what happened after you broke up with him and hung up the phone???
  • cls4you
    cls4you Posts: 1 Member
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    RUN, don't walk. He will never treat you as you deserve to be treated.

    Well said! This guy is obviously pigheaded and focuses on your outer appearance. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't kind or supportive of you? If you are like mosst people you will fluctuate in size from time to time, do you really want to be critized all the time for not being what HE thinks you should be.

    Don't sell yourself short, there are amazing guys who truly will love you for you and be supportive of your goals. You were not put on this earth to please some *kitten* who is unhappy with himself. <3
  • spoonful
    spoonful Posts: 200 Member
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    There's that old saying... what was it again? Oh yeah. "Goodbye and have a nice life."

    Then, when you have met your goals, let him see you walking hand in hand with another guy.
  • msgremmy
    msgremmy Posts: 88
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    I know you've gotten tons of replies, but...

    Don't give up just because some stupid boy said something mean. Make these changes for you, so you are happy with you. if others notice, then great, but that's not the point. You should be happy and healthy.

    As for the guy- Well, is he worth it? If he's not all that special to you, I'd say drop him. If you think he just said something stupid (as all men do), then just have a chat and ask "What did you really mean by that?" If he's a good guy, he'll smother you with complements and apologies.
  • cmpollard01
    cmpollard01 Posts: 246
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    I am SO absolutely sorry that one of the people who is supposed to treat you the best felt it okay to say something so hurtful! This makes me very fortunate to have such a wonderful, loving and supportive man in my life. I know he'll be honest, but not cruel.

    Don't let his careless and caustic words deplete your motivation-you look amazing! And I'd KILL to have legs that were pure muscle! I can't say dump him or keep him-that's something you have to ponder on (though honestly, it's my first instinct). My advice: tell him the exact impact his words had. Maybe he's like many people and what he really thought didn't get from his brain to his lips correctly. If you let him know exactly how it made you feel and you don't get an "appropriate" reaction, follow your heart. You deserve support from those closest to you, and you deserve to be treated wonderfully. Don't allow anything less than that!
  • Chipmaniac
    Chipmaniac Posts: 642 Member
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    It hurts me how much women on these boards are so eager to tell a stranger to dump the douche the first time he says what they consider the wrong thing. Hen house terrorism.
    It hurts me how much abuse women are willing to put up with from jerks.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    It hurts me how much women on these boards are so eager to tell a stranger to dump the douche the first time he says what they consider the wrong thing. Hen house terrorism.

    Whatever . . . hen house terrorism or not, it's what we would do in that situation. Also, I do believe there have been more than one guy commenting on the situation, not just chicks. I dated/married my husband between 160-180 lbs. I'm now above 200 since our son was born and he STILL comments on how beautiful I am and how sexy my *kitten* is now (he did it then too). He genuinely makes me feel loved and beautiful every single effing day! I truly feel sorry and pity any woman or man who accepts less than superb treatment!!

    Op, granted you can tell him that his comments hurt and depleted your motivation to continue. Tell him you need encouragement (giving examples of what specific kinds of encouragement work for you). See what he says then; it may all be a misunderstanding. But, if he truly is *that kind of douche* please, please have respect and love enough for yourself to let him go and not surround yourself with that negativity.
  • _Punjab
    _Punjab Posts: 67
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    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.

    It's so sickening to think that someone can work so hard to improve themselves and then someone else can come along and say something like this, making us all believe that unless we are perfect, we can never really be beautiful to anyone else.

    It is very narrow minded of whoever originally posted this comment to say that someone else could not honestly be attracted to a different body than the skinny body that the commentator is attracted to.

    "It is the mind which creates the world around us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched."

    Loving the appearance of someone who is heavy exists. Love that transcends a persons outward appearance exists.

    To the person who did post that comment, I'm sure that you believe that you are just being honest with the statement that you posted, and that you aren't trying to be malicious or do any harm, but you have the viewpoint of one singular person.

    Your statement has more of an impact than you realize, so please be careful.
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
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    You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

    And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

    If my Fiance ever told me he wasn't attracted to me, I wouldn't be able to be with him. If someone isn't attracted to you, why would you stay with them? There's really no point, because if you are not attracted, you're not in love. Attraction and Love goes hand in hand.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
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    It hurts me how much abuse women are willing to put up with from jerks.
    ^^^ This...completely!
  • erniewebbiii
    erniewebbiii Posts: 1,174 Member
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    Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?

    Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"

    I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.

    I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.

    Sorry it's so long.

    Work out for you, not him. I lost some weight before I realized that, but it really took off after I realized it. Your motivation should be to be healthy, and do so by loving yourself (and not in a Divinlys kind of way!). I echo what many others have said ... might be time to move on. That is not support.
  • Kindone
    Kindone Posts: 138 Member
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    I was married to someone like this and you cannot even begin to imagine the level of pain and agony this brings you in the long run. As most here have said... Run - don't walk- away. The damage this has the potential to bring you if you stay in this relationship is so far reaching that it will ruin your sense of self worth. Please align yourself with a partner who adores you as you are right now. Not who you might be in the future or who you were in the past. I am so sorry he talked to you this way. You deserve better than this.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    @ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?

    I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.

    I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.
    I wrote that you don't seem to like him very much, based on the posts I read:
    OK, I've read some of your follow-up posts in this thread. You don't seem to like your boyfriend very much. *THAT'S* a good reason to end the relationship.
    I was seeing a lot of responses to dump him, and was confused. Then I saw some of your follow-up posts, and combined with your OP, I got the impression that you were not painting your boyfriend in a very positive light on a website that I presume he has not access to. So I assumed you were doing this behind his back. And to me, that sounds like something a person would do to someone they don't like very much.

    I'm sorry if I've completely missed your point. I don't have the right to judge your relationship. I was going by what you posted, including a follow-up comment that included this:
    and honestly, I knew my BF was shallow when we met

    Your original post sounded like you were frustrated with your own progress and wanted to paint your boyfriend as an insensitive jerk, and get other MFP users to rally around you disparaging him. If that was your intent, it certainly worked.

    If your boyfriend were to read your posts in this thread would he feel like you like him very much?

    Based on previous conversations between my BF and I, he KNOWS how it makes me feel when he says such things, so I doubt he would be surprised by anything I wrote in any of my posts. Both he and I are both honest to one another :tongue:
    Great. You're lucky to have that with him.

    Do you find it interesting at all how many people are posting that you should break up/leave/dump him? Where do you think those people are getting the notion that might be a good idea?
  • SWilkins75
    SWilkins75 Posts: 277 Member
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    Yep if this had happened to me I would now be single and looking for someone less shallow and worthy of my time and effort....what a douche!

    I agree ^^ Drop that jerk right now!!!!! Oh no 145lbs! Imagine if you were to become pregnant and gain weight. Would he just abandon you? Would he cheat on you with thin girls bc he is so judgemental? uGH!
  • amberrrrh
    amberrrrh Posts: 63 Member
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    Yikes. He's a major loser girl! You look great now, and you'll look great when you reach your goal. You need to find someone that thinks you look great all the time!
  • busymomto5PA
    busymomto5PA Posts: 62
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    Definitely sounds like someone who is not worthy of being your boyfriend! Find someone who will cherish you for you and if you want to change for you and to be more healthier more power to you. Don't ever change for a man because most won't change for you!
  • SarLem81
    SarLem81 Posts: 115 Member
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    I had an ex who hinted to that being a problem after I finished grad school and got up to 160. Note that he is my ex. Please make this *kitten* your ex. If you're going to do this, do it for YOU and no one else.
  • o2barichgirl
    o2barichgirl Posts: 10
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    He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.

    I couldn't agree more with this comment! Please ditch this jerk....he certainly doesn't respect you.

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