Unfriended for being too fat?

miracle4me

This made me angry when I read why you were rejected. Please do not allow this to grieve you instead rejoice this is not someone you would want for a MFP Friend anyway. I would be honored to call you Friend and sent you a invite.

direwolfprincess

I guess I can see people wanting friends with similar goals. However as a personal preference I like the great deal of diversity I have. To each there own. You can not force people to be open minded. Do your best to brush it off.

Pie319

I doubt her intent was malicious at all, she just needs a certain kind of support and doesn't know how to relate to someone with different goals. She didn't unfriend you for being fat. she unfriended you because she didn't believe you could give her the support she needs because you have different goals. And maybe you could have and she'll never know that, but that's no reason to start a witch hunt on a message board to ostracize someone who may have just been unable to articulate what she wants.

Kathy53925

I notice on MFP that there is a distinction between those who have 20lbs or less to lose, the people in between, and then the obese people who have 100lbs or more to lose. I don't really give a crap anymore. I'm on here to lose weight, plan on losing it, and if you can't support that, leave me the hell alone.

Agree!!!

muddyventures

Looks like you dodged a bullet on that one. I have a feeling that probably isn't her only character flaw. Pray for her and move on. xoxxo Percy

this

kmaddox1969

Wow that's just sad... don't take it personal... look at all the wonderful support you are getting right now. Use that - as a + and get to your goal. :flowerforyou:

MandiS80

Oh geez, I hope that self righteous b isn't on my friend list.... I'm guessing not cause I'd be too fat for her anyways. Add me if you want... I have a lot to lose....

essjay76

Hmmm... I might be in the minority here, but maybe she didn't know what your goals were? I would like to think I have friends on here who share similar goals and have similar views. It might've been hard for her to relate to someone who had more to lose.

I have been making the mistake of adding everyone, even the ones who don't include a message, and I ended up friending a pro-ana person. I didn't know what she was about since her profile was private. When I finally added her, I realized she had goals of netting 400 calories a day, and she consistently put herself down by calling herself a pig even though she was clearly thin enough already. I politely told her I probably wouldn't be the best support for her, because I eat 1400-2400 calories a day, and I defriended her. I don't see anything wrong with what I did. I don't think she read my profile. Perhaps this person that defriended you didn't know what you were about either?

Either way, I'm sure you have plenty of supportive people on your friend list already, and you are better off without her.

PurpleEpiphany

The only people I've unfriended on MFP so far have been people who:

1. Had extremely unrealistic or unhealthy goals or habits (massively restricted calories, diets that seem to lack any solid food but are not part of a doctor-supervised plan, etc).

2. (This one is a pet peeve of mine.) Grossly overestimate the number of calories they are burning. I'm sorry, but if I can spend an hour at the gym doing weights/bike/elliptical and burn around 350 calories, there's no way you burned 500 from cleaning your house for half an hour. That would be nice, but unless you're cleaning the house with several huge weights strapped to yourself or running up and down the stairs between bouts of vacuuming, it's just not likely.

This second one, though, I almost can't blame on the people. The way MFP is structured unfortunately makes it easy for people who don't have a concept of how many calories are burned during an activity to massively over log them, just as other people tend to under-report how much food they're really eating.

eig6

I notice on MFP that there is a distinction between those who have 20lbs or less to lose, the people in between, and then the obese people who have 100lbs or more to lose. I don't really give a crap anymore. I'm on here to lose weight, plan on losing it, and if you can't support that, leave me the hell alone.

I've noticed that too, especially the >20 and 100< groups. Then there are groups of maintainers... It is very sectional on MFP, which is odd considering that everyone's end goal is personal health and fitness!

Definitely agree.

OP, just have to echo everyones thoughts- good riddance!

maaleka

The only people I've unfriended on MFP so far have been people who:

1. Had extremely unrealistic or unhealthy goals or habits (massively restricted calories, diets that seem to lack any solid food but are not part of a doctor-supervised plan, etc).

2. (This one is a pet peeve of mine.) Grossly overestimate the number of calories they are burning. I'm sorry, but if I can spend an hour at the gym doing weights/bike/elliptical and burn around 350 calories, there's no way you burned 500 from cleaning your house for half an hour. That would be nice, but unless you're cleaning the house with several huge weights strapped to yourself or running up and down the stairs between bouts of vacuuming, it's just not likely.

This second one, though, I almost can't blame on the people. The way MFP is structured unfortunately makes it easy for people who don't have a concept of how many calories are burned during an activity to massively over log them, just as other people tend to under-report how much food they're really eating.

I love this totally!! ^^^^^ so true so true...

StevLL

How unfortunate for her, interesting that on a site to lose weight we still find ways to box ourselves and reject others. I like having a diverstiy of friends with different goals. I have learned so much from so many folks. I like the positive synergy that happens here in MFP land. Having friends with different goals makes it easier to navigate the different stages of weight loss. Good luck!

aliciagudino

Sorry that happened to you. Obviously she's got issues and doesn't know anything about real support of each other. Do you remember her screen name, I'd like to send her a little "motivational" message....hehe.

Kendrawinn

Wow!

ldrosophila

I notice on MFP that there is a distinction between those who have 20lbs or less to lose, the people in between, and then the obese people who have 100lbs or more to lose. I don't really give a crap anymore. I'm on here to lose weight, plan on losing it, and if you can't support that, leave me the hell alone.

Agree!!!

Agree too!!

RedHeadDevotchka

Pretty soon you'll have less than 20 to lose. Don't focus on stuff like that. I bet you have an awesome friend list. Focus on that.

erinxo13

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I'll gladly be your friend!

sarahbethfit233

People like that clearly have no conscience. I did delete a few people awhile back, because our goals were much different, and because they added me, but never talked to me. But at the same time, small people get hate too. I posted a status the other day, just saying that I was going to delete a few people, if we never talked or if their goals were nothing like mine, etc. And not to take it personally. And I had a guy who kept posting really negative stuff on my diaries and whatnot. He commented on it and said, "Fine, I'll delete you. I don't need someone with an eating disorder on my friends list." Talk about feeling like crap after that. So, just remember, it's not just you. everyone gets this kinda stuff from people. Let them hate, stay classy, and get fit. The people who really matter will support you

Pimpmonkey

I doubt her intent was malicious at all, she just needs a certain kind of support and doesn't know how to relate to someone with different goals. She didn't unfriend you for being fat. she unfriended you because she didn't believe you could give her the support she needs because you have different goals. And maybe you could have and she'll never know that, but that's no reason to start a witch hunt on a message board to ostracize someone who may have just been unable to articulate what she wants.

If she'd been trying to start a witch hunt, shouldn't she have included the name of the person (which she purposely did not do) to start said witch hunt?

jvhall83

I agree with everyone here. It happened for a reason cus you certainly dont need someone like that as a friend or in your circle here. Not everyone is meant to be friended anyway so count it all joy and keep it moving because you have your goal and no one can take that away from you

thebrianmo

I've faced discrimination but the haters can hate, I'm not doing this for them, I'm doing this for me. Remind her that the people with the most weight to lose, who do it safely and successfully, are the ones who get the television and book deals. Dr. Phil and the New York Times could care less about someone losing 25 pounds. But when a person like me who originally weighed 430 pounds reaches their goal weight of 285, they will notice. (yes I'm having fun here)

moonlightturk

Lol wtf. We're all here to lose weight...

gmon87

I had something similar happen to me.
I was on MFP not too long ago with a different user name. Although I wasn't very active on the forums I did ask questions on occassion or joined groups, friended people/ or receive friend requests.
I don't have much to lose, maybe 10lbs.. My main reason for being here is to stay healthy and get fit.. I am here to receive support and give support to anyone who has healthy goals. Losing weight is just a part of the equation. So anyways.. one of my "friends" who had about 100lbs to lose sent me a PM saying she saw my pictures and was "just wondering why the hell I was on mfp.. clearly it must be for attention". I have no idea how I was asking for attention from the few posts I made on the forums.. Needless to say I deleted this person. Then I responded to a forum post about vegetarians, (I only eat seafood on ocassion). My profile at the time said I was on MFP to lead a healthy lifestyle or something like that. After that post I got emails from random judgmental people who have checked my profile, saying how could I be leading a healthy lifestyle if I don't eat meat. It got annoying so I deleted my old account, created this one where I have absolutely no friends. I know there are awesome people on here but there are also people who will say stupida** things when you're just minding your business.
Don't let it get to you, you are here for yourself only.

nalfavi

I doubt her intent was malicious at all, she just needs a certain kind of support and doesn't know how to relate to someone with different goals. She didn't unfriend you for being fat. she unfriended you because she didn't believe you could give her the support she needs because you have different goals. And maybe you could have and she'll never know that, but that's no reason to start a witch hunt on a message board to ostracize someone who may have just been unable to articulate what she wants.

I don't see how she's starting a witch hunt, as I've yet to see her post any names of the person that defriended her. IMO the OP was just venting. Far from a witch hunt.

But, I agree with the majority of posters here. We all have weight to lose, or are here to reach some health goal. Yes, it's many different journeys, but in the end, we're all just trying to get healthy, and I think too many people are focused on HOW many pounds to lose, rather than just support and companionship and making good friends on the same path. I have 200+ to lose, and I have friends on my list that are fit, or are aiming to lose around 30. We all go through the same things, trying to eat healthy, be active, and resist temptations. More people need to realize that and be awesome to each other, like most MFPers are Although, I did have one "friend" say that I will always be fat and never see my goals through, because according to her, I wasn't changing the way I was eating or my lifestyle. Little did she know, I had changed A LOT, and was still on the start of my journey. I'm happy to say 30lbs off and kept off! People will find a way to rain on your parade no matter what. Some people get their kicks from it. In the end, they will forever have their flaws, misconceptions, and whatever makes them miserable. Don't get me wrong, everyone has them, but better to surround yourself with supportive people rather than judgemental. Good riddence she's gone! ^_^

bronnibee

That's so sad.