I got dumped last night

2

Replies

  • filomenae
    filomenae Posts: 110 Member
    I'm so sorry this happened to you :(

    What everyone is saying is true- it's HER LOSS. You're handling this much more graciously than many others would, take pride in that if nothing else.

    This is your journey, keep that in mind! One day you may cross paths again and by then she'll realize the mistake she made.
  • ancia03
    ancia03 Posts: 43
    Jeff hun I will only say one thing : dafuq was she thinking ?
    seriously everyone says it but i must repeat it - her loss
    just wait ! she'll be back and then you can just tell her : too late darling !

    she didn't appreciate you = she didn't know you well enough !
  • Hairista
    Hairista Posts: 86
    Good for you on the weight loss. You look great! :) It is definitely her loss.
  • KaidaKantri
    KaidaKantri Posts: 401
    She sounds like she is a bit mixed up. It's probably better for you (healthier) that you go your way and let her figure some things out. And I agree, it is her loss.

    ^this. A divorce can be really hard on people. It sounds like she has some issues to work out, and she's not ready for a real relationship right now. It's unfortunate that it happen, but when you jump into a relationship so soon after leaving someone, then it's more likely to not work out. She needs time for herself, and to figure out what she wants. Keep working on yourself and what you want :)
  • 7funnygirl7
    7funnygirl7 Posts: 1,176
    <~~~~~~~ It's Boobie Friday!....sorry, that's all I got to cheer you up. :blushing: Note: I am not exposing myself for vanity or FRs but because I have a friend who is a breast cancer survivor and I do this every Friday. :smile: :embarassed:
  • nickiog
    nickiog Posts: 187 Member
    id say be glad you didn't end up stuck invested more into a person with issues ( not trying to bash her just saying ...)

    use the sting as fuel for your workouts and with what appears to be your genuinely sweet caring personality im willing to bet youll feel better and find better in no time :)
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
    Hey, your physical transformation is awesome according to your picture. Such a great accomplishment and glad you are doing it for yourself.

    Don't carry a torch, but don't lose heart either. Enjoy your life and those around you. You just never know in what direction the winds of fate will blow.
  • boatsie77
    boatsie77 Posts: 480 Member
    You don't realize it yet, but she did you a HUGE favor by finally freeing up your heart so you can now fully pursue bigger and better things. The time will come when you'll want to send her a Thank You card for allowing you to become all that you can be and find the REAL love of your life. Go ahead, take tonight off and have a Big Pity Party--get it all out of your system--then put it behind you and move on to your better life.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
    Don't worry, this isn't a self-pity post. Maybe just a little....but not too heavy on it.

    She was the girl I crushed on in high school, and we reconnected last year. We decided to stay away from each other while her divorce was finalizing, and stayed in touch with each other very sparingly. The little time I got to speak with her was always precious, and I thought I was giving her the space she needed.

    But apparently not - despite not seeing her since Christmas, she said she feels smothered. I believe that she is transferring her image of her ex-husband onto me, and perhaps freaking out a bit.....but whatever the case, it's broken my heart.

    And I am not mad at her - I don;t hate her, I don't resent her. I love the woman, so I can't speak ill of her.

    I wasn't losing the weight for her (I was losing it for ME), but she hasn't seen me since I was in the 260's. I was hoping to see her face when she got a look at my 206-pound body. Sadly, that won't happen now.

    Hey, at least I'll keep losing weight - I have no appetite, and feel like running a 10K or two this weekend. (Don't worry, you guys, I will not starve myself)

    But maybe you guys can cheer me up a bit?

    Jeff

    I went through something damned near identical several years ago. It was rough, especially the way he did it, but everything really does happen for a reason. In my case, that relationship was necessary to prepare me for my soulmate. I never would have been open to it otherwise. I've now been incredibly deeply in love and content for more than 3 years, and happily married since May 2011.

    There is someone you are meant to be with. She'll be perfect for you, and you'll be perfect for her. No way of knowing who she is, but you will have to ready, and she will have to be ready (the part that can frustrate some) before she can come into your life. In the meantime, grieve this loss knowing there is something wonderful waiting for you. :flowerforyou:
  • blondie6688
    blondie6688 Posts: 57
    I'm sorry. I believe it's her loss. I wasn't ready when my ex and I broke up after many yrs together. It sounds like she is "finding" herself. I'm sorry that you got hurt in the mean time. Keep up the good work!! Congrats to you on your weightloss!!!!
  • PrettyGirlPayton
    PrettyGirlPayton Posts: 93 Member
    I know it's your broken heart in the end. But guess what? That will heal with time. Everything does happen for a reason. I am 20 years old and I am learning that a young age. If it's meant to be then it will be. If not then still just be her friend. I know that sounds like bad advice.But it will really make you better in the end. If she rejects your friendship then just let her be and pray for her. You WILL HEAL. And you look great. Congrats on your weight loss... I won't talk your ear off.But keep up the good work..And in due time you will reap your benefits! BEST WISHES! MECHELE P.
  • hockeymama1963
    hockeymama1963 Posts: 45 Member
    It is her loss sweetie but I thinkshe is a bit confused right now. I went thriugh a pretty traumatic divorcemyelf and it took me more than a year to get my head straight and be able to trust again. She will heal and if it is meant to be yiu two will be together again. If she is worth it to you just be there for her and wait. Just be a loving friend that I can see that you are. SHe needs to find herself and love herself again before she will be able to love anyone else. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs,

    Angela
  • Cindy_Fit4Life
    Cindy_Fit4Life Posts: 147 Member
    You sounds like such a great guy, definitely her loss! :flowerforyou: If you do get the opportunity to see her show yourself off, you deserve it!
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
    Awe. She's missing out...you were thinking of her and wanting to show her how you've changed. Sorry to hear this I hope you feel better soon.
  • JeaninePaige
    JeaninePaige Posts: 464 Member
    That just means there is someone even better in your future. Keep your head up. You look great, and like you said, your weight loss is for YOU. Just echoing what everyone else said here, her loss. :flowerforyou:

    Keep up the good work and don't stress about the love life... It will all fall into place when you least expect it.
  • mdelcott
    mdelcott Posts: 529 Member
    Go running!! Get sexier!! Find a better woman! ;) Best wishes!

    ^^^^^This exactly^^^^^
  • Gidzmo
    Gidzmo Posts: 905 Member
    I am sorry :( She is probably going through mixed emotions with the divorce... and you certainly don't want to be her 'rebound'. Give her some time, keep in touch, and be her friend, and I can almost guarantee she'll come around. My friend just went through this with a recently divorced man. Almost a year later, they are happily together.

    I quite agree--if she was just coming off a divorce/bad relationship, she's dealing with the loss. Give her some time and space, but leave the door open (she might want to reconnect).
  • dkpk1965
    dkpk1965 Posts: 17
    whatever pain you are feeling will pass. just focus on your personal goals and the rest will fall into place. remember you are losing the weight for YOU.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
    Oh honey.... your loss (in weight) her loss in reality. seriously, who wants a drama queen?

    You are much better off, though you dont see it now!

    PS you are a cutie patootie too! =D
  • Ayla70
    Ayla70 Posts: 284 Member
    Seriously. . . It's HER loss! :flowerforyou:

    ^^THIS!!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • MNguerita
    MNguerita Posts: 199 Member
    I know how you feel, about not doing it for her but wanting her to see...I am definitely doing it for myself, but want to scream it off the rooftops to anyone who will listen whenever I lose lbs. You have much to be proud of, you look fantastic, and I am sure people have taken notice, even if it may not be the specific person you wished would. Keep up the great work, someone will come along who can appreciate everything about you.
  • glittermouse
    glittermouse Posts: 582 Member
    Trust me, after you get past the sadness, you will wake up one day and realize you two were not really right for each other and you will be happy for unanswered prayers. As for now, make a playlist to get you worked up and keep you motivated at the gym. Recommendations....
    Since You've Been Gone - kelly Clarkson
    Stronger - Christina Aguliara
    Not Meant to Be - Theory of a Deadman
    Irreplaceable- Beyonce
    Cry Me a River- Justin Timberlake

    You get the idea. Not songs that will make you sad, but more of the "screw this, I deserve the best" type music! Good Luck!


    To add to the above list, here are two songs I played a lot last spring when my relationship was over.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSIrOq6S5Uo (Stevie B - When I Dream About You. Favorite line: "When you love someone you've got to learn to let them go")

    And

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3bjMtqpGBw (The Supremes - You Keep Me Hangin' On. Favorite lines: All of them! It's strange because the lyrics are a little sad, but its upbeat and cheers me up.)



    As everyone is saying, Jeff, you sound like a great person and an awesome friend. I would suggest keeping the lines of communication open so she can contact you if/when she's ready. And in the meanwhile, keep working on yourself. Glad to see your MFP friends rallying around you. We're all here for you!

    ~G.Mouse
  • rozsbluejay
    rozsbluejay Posts: 303 Member
    Just keep swimming. There are plenty of fish in the sea. :)
  • My_Own_Hero
    My_Own_Hero Posts: 71
    plenty-more-fish-sea-sharks-1304224601h.jpg
  • trinitylyons01
    trinitylyons01 Posts: 126 Member
    I'm so sorry this happened to you! What I will say is, typically, the first relationship after a divorce doesn't work. There are many divorced couples who get into relationships after their divorce as a way of healing or just finding someone to be there for them and take their mind off the loneliness. However, when the other person gets serious they are ready to end things and sprint away. It's better this happened now then after you were even more in love with her.

    Congratulations on losing so much weight and getting in shape. I am confident you will find a woman to love you for you and to be there with you through thick and thin. The woman who dumped you may even realize down the line - after dating some really "great" guys (and I do say that sarcastically) that you were the perfect guy for her. When and if she comes running back you can decide if you deserves you or not.

    In any event, hang in there. You will get over her and move forward. And I do agree with others that you should somehow make sure she sees your new lean body at some point just so she can see what she missed out on. Her loss is a good woman's gain!

    Be blessed!
  • noirnatural
    noirnatural Posts: 310 Member
    Def. her loss and I'd be sure to show her the new you just as a oh sorry, but you lose :)

    I AGREE!
  • CassandraM22
    CassandraM22 Posts: 89
    Hmm..how to cheer you up? I once dated a dude with blue hair. Yep. Blue hair. Smurf blue hair. And sometimes when he'd get angry at wrestling (yes he took that crap seriously) he would turn red and have a blue vein pop out on his forehead..that matched his hair. I hear he is now happily married to a girl with green hair and theyve had some little Jolly Green Giant babies....
  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
    That really sucks. I am losing weight so that I can go see my mother in law who lives in Florida. She has no idea that I am losing weight and I can't wait to show her my new self. (It's still a work in progress.) I don't know what I would do if for some reason I never got to show off the new me. It must be harder when it's your gf. I have to agree with everyone saying it's for the best. If she feels smothered and you haven't seen her since Christmas, she has some issues to work out before she should be back in the dating game. It's her loss. Still hurts. (This used to work for me- watch a good movie and talk it out with a few friends over a hmm I was going to say pizza. Is there a healthy pizza?)
  • DaneDillinger
    DaneDillinger Posts: 70 Member
    Buddy, girls run like buses- you might miss one, but can catch another every hour, on the hour, promptly (words of wisdom brought to you courtesy of Puffy & Ma$e, circa 1998). She probably feels "smothered" because of the divorce and needs to find herself and heal those wounds. I applaud your lack of resentment/anger towards her, because that resentment/anger will only weigh YOU down, it won't affect HER in the slightest. Continue to focus on YOU. You just got more ammunition for the gym, which, for me, is the best therapy (besides getting tattooed, and the gym is a hell of a lot cheaper). If you two were meant to be, it'll be, just not at this exact moment. Hopefully she works on healing herself, because from what you've stated, it sounds like you'll be fine regardless.
  • bigphatcat
    bigphatcat Posts: 7,843 Member
    Ummm....I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have some experience here. 14 years ago my best friend died. His wife after a period of not talking to anybody decided to contact me. At first I was there to be her friend and support her...but this came to that and all of a sudden we were in a relationship. Time passed and I was in love with her. F'ed up I know...but it is what it is. After some time she began to resent me because she did not have enough time to heal. After our breakup she blamed me for not being strong enough to resist her advances. I truly did love her, but because I was the first after her loss she was bitter towards me. since then I have not talked to her, but we are both married....I heard she was from friends. I was crushed when she left me, but now I am with the woman whom I love and is truly right for me. I am not saying that your story will end the same as mine, but I am trying to let you know that that things happen for a reason and some of them shape you into the person you will be for the woman who is right for you

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