Stop calling me too skinny!

JenniferNoll

Are the photos I'm seeing you at your current weight? If so, I really think most people are acting out of genuine concern. At the age of 19, while I was a college freshman I got down to 110 from about 135, due to my nervous stomach. A lot of people were asking me if I was okay, and if I was eating properly. I was eating, but nothing would stay in me, and people had no way of knowing that.

The fact is we don't always see ourselves as others see us. Even at 110, I still saw myself as overweight. Could that be how you see yourself?

SocWkrBee

It's very much a cultural thing. When I gained to 120lbs at 5'4", my asian family/friends never called me "thin" or too thin - my parents actually told me to lose a few haha (my face was getting puffy).

At 110lbs, no one said a thing either. The only time I've ever gotten comments is ironically, from strangers whose opinions I disregard.

Weight is not a measure of health. Show your family your blood tests and health records if they're really that curious.

I agree. In grad school one of my classmates from Korea was distraught about getting "fat". He told me that everyone was telling him that he needed to lose weight. To Americans he was normal weight, but in his opinion he was too big.

I also think that anorexia has been so sensationalized and overeating is accepted here. When people see another straying away from the standard American diet they panic.

smelons

Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about…

A few years ago, I lost 3 stone (42 lbs) very quickly through what transpired to be an illness. It just wouldn’t stop falling off me for no apparent reason, despite not changing my eating habits. Everyone from friends, to co-workers to, worst of all, the doctor, made comments about me not eating, when I was. People were talking behind my back about my ‘eating disorder’, which was pretty upsetting. One colleague confronted me about it and despite my insistence that I did eat (confirmed by my boyfriend who was standing next to me at the time), she still went on and on about it, until I simply walked away from her. This is a woman who considered it ‘healthy’ to have a can of chickpeas and nothing else for dinner! She would also skip whole meals if she thought she had eaten too much the day before and would never miss a day at the gym.
I repeatedly visited my doctor for a year complaining of sudden weight-loss and tiredness before changing doctor and finally getting blood tests and a referral to the hospital. The first thing they would bring up was the fact that I probably wasn’t eating properly and when I insisted I was, they would try and ply me with anti-depressants, even though I had no problems with depression (although they were pushing me in that direction!)! Anyway, throughout this period when I was at my thinnest (7 stone 3 lbs or 101 lbs), I was still within the healthy weight for my height and frame and I never had any protruding bones, so hardly looked anorexic.

I’ve since gained a stone and a half (21 lbs) and would like to lose just 7 lbs. I’ve kept this information to myself, as it is nobody’s business but my own. I really just need to tone up, as I have wobbly bits and cellulite, but if people think you’re on a diet, they’ve all got something to say about it…

budru21

I was harassed about my weight loss when I was dieting down for my first physique competition by co-workers, friends, and family. I lift religiously, eat clean 98% of the time, and never miss my cardio. The reason? I had a goal, and I was going to accomplish it. Well, I dropped from 150 to 125 and did it the right way. I lost faster than anticipated, but it was as a result of hard work and discipline. During this journey, co-workers had pot luck parties at work three times a week, and found ANYTHING to celebrate with cake while at work. They ordered in food that was unhealthy and against my diet. Never once did I say anything about how they chose to eat or live their lives, but every day they did this, they teased me and harrassed me about my chicken, yams, and veggies. They would leave brownies, cake, and cookies on my desk while I was out, then laugh when I came back to find them. After asking them not to do this many times, I finally snapped and threw an entire plate of brownies at the group, while they were eating. I would send my mom progress pics, and she would respond...."you look disgusting" Friends would say, "You need to live a little", 'lighten up", "You're obsessed...give it a rest." It is fascinating to me how uncomfortable it makes others when I don't participate in unhealthy eating with them.

Well, here's the kicker...after I got done with my competition season, I set a goal of adding as much muscle as possible over the next year. I knew I needed to regain some body fat to get to to optimal muscle building capability, so I added calories and carbs, decreased cardio, but I continued to eat clean. I have gained 15 pounds, but my body fat % hasn't increased. My body fat increased...but the percentage didn't. So, I gained muscle and a small amount of fat. I'm on track with my goals. What are the comments I get now? "Wow, you really let yourself go after the competition, didn't you?", "See, no one can be that disciplined forever!"

The point? People are mean, ruthless, judgemental, and insecure with their own inability to stick to their goals and dreams, so they try to tear you down, so they feel better about themselves. Know YOUR goal. Know what is healthy for YOUR body type, and work at it every day. Use people's comments as fuel for your fire!! Good luck!

amoffatt

Maybe if you just replace "trying to lose weight" to "wanting to get fit" then maybe they will back off some.

Helenatrandom

Heavier people believe they are complimenting you. I realize you don't feel complimented. It makes perfect sense to me that there is no excuse for telling someone they are too thin if one believes it is rude to tell them they are too heavy. "You look good to me...." and leaving it at that should be sufficient.
I would suggest just telling these people that you LIKE eating healthy and that you ENJOY exercising. They believe they are trying to talk you out of depriving yourself. Point out that you feel less deprived now than you did before because you enjoy your life more now. Well meaning people should then at least agree that "to each their own..." Smile indulgently at truly concerned people and point out that your doctor is pleased so far. You trust his / her judgement as to whether you are "too skinny" and "don't eat enough", not even the most loving and well meaning lay person.

callmebryntax

The 6 pounds I want to lose is not set in stone. That is just based on some body fat calculator that says I would need to be 107 if I wanted to be 17%. The 17% is not set in stone either- it's just where I think I would like to be. My main concern is being healthier and stronger and I wasn't getting results eating nothing but cereal and bread and smart ones frozen meals.

It seems like you are completely in charge of what your health goals are, and that is awesome! If your goal is being healthier and stronger, it might make sense to switch your approach from what you were doing to something more geared towards creating lean long muscle instead of looking at weight.

I understand what it is like to be concerned about someone because their diet appears to being going *too* well, and might be observed as being obsessive or on the path to eating disorders. I'm not saying it's fair that it's socially okay to comment on a very thin person's weight and not a very large person's weight, but I'm just saying that it can be scary!

And this isn't going to be a popular comment (I'm prepared for that!) but you might want to talk to your husband about your goals and how he feels. I think it can be hard for a husband after his wife has a baby and is focused on the babe and getting her figure back. Like I said, it's not popular (but divorce is popular these days, so why listen to whats popular!), but you may want to take his opinions into account, or at least discuss them with him

nxd10

Sounds annoying and inappropriate. Even if it's a backhanded compliment (how many times can you say - you look great losing all that weight - I so admire you?).

But I would also take a step back.

I have two sons (one 24, one 13) with BMIs of 17. They ARE skinny. Muscley, look great, and skinny. Put them in the wrong clothes and they look TOO skinny. The oldest is in the Peace Corps right now living in a tin roofed cinder block shack with no water. I saw him two weeks ago and hugged him and he IS too thin - all ribs and backbone (6'2" and maybe 135 lbs). 17 is the bottom end of healthy. When I got that thin (long ago) my ballet instructors told me I should gain weight.

When my 6' sister dropped 65 pounds very quickly it was also scary to us. Not that she was too thin (she wasn't - it was weight she needed to lose and she looked great), but because she showed no signs of stopping losing when she had hit her goal weight. The dieticians she was working with told her she HAD to eat more calories because they were worried about her becoming too obsessive about her diet and developing an eating disorder. (It turned out that she did have one.)

It's inappropriate for colleagues to tell you this. But maybe the worry isn't that you're too thin now, but that they're worried you are very thin now and are still trying to lose MORE weight.

rrrbecca11

From your pictures you don't look too skinny to me. But then again, I'M skinny and I like it that way. I am also healthy as a horse and eat like one too, I'm just careful WHAT I eat (vegetarian and clean-eater). People sometimes say to me that I'm "too" thin. I invite them to run or work out with me anytime. :bigsmile:

skonly

I have a friend who always says that. It's just because she is way bigger than me. Ignore people.

Sharyn913

You don't have to lose more weight to decrease your body fat percentage. Just focus more on strength training and less on cardio!

lizzybethclaire

Ignore them. That sucks that they do that to you. I have to be honest though, I am Italian and it is in my nature to feed a person no matter what shape they are in. It is part of our heritage to "put a little meat on those bones."

Brent_J

I agree with impyimpyaj. Don't guess at your body fat %. Get it tested and then you won't need to be self conscious about coments other people make because you will have facts.

susansan2

Honey, you need to be taking advice from your doctor and a nutritionist, not a message board on a web site, and not your co-workers.

Sharyn913

oh my cry me a river but look your on the lower side of a healthy weight for ur height any lower and u will be under so ya eating a piece of cake aint gonna hurt you i dont thnk these ppl r being mean or rude or are jealous of what youve done and i mean if your own husband is making comments about it then maybe you do need to move your thoughts away from loosing weight and lift sum weights or something and no im no where remotly close to being jealous and thats why im saying this i have no desire to be "skinny" im not envious of skinny girls or anything but there is a such thing as too skinny and im affraid your headed in that direction

Punctuation is your friend.

Clearly, it's not! LOL :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

biznoche

No, but I am very close to several people who have this same problem. Some people are just naturally smaller framed, and us "bigger" ladies are just jealous of that because we struggle too. I can indulge in 6 beers and a hamburger one night after being healthy all week and it entirely undermines all the effort I have put in. It doesn't seem fair that I'm not allowed to treat myself once if i want to lose any weight. But it is what it is and that's how it goes for me. But I digress...I think people like me see people like you and start harping because they can't understand that you are struggling to be healthy just like the rest of us. It's all relative. Just because someone is thin doesn't mean they are healthy, and people don't get that. My friends just don't discuss weight loss efforts with co-workers and when they are approached they politely put out an exasperated "*sigh* I'm so tired of being mocked for choosing to live a healthy lifestyle...I mean, I thought that was supposed to be a good thing." and walk away. It usually ends up never coming up again.
Us ladies will never be totally happy with our bodies. Theres always going to be a flaw. So keep up your good work and don't let people get you down, but remember to love yourself too in the process and embrace your flaws. (Sorry about yur boobs, though...that does kinda suck.)

JeSuisPrest

I'm an inch shorter and 3 lbs more than you and yes, I hear it quite often. If I was too skinny I wouldn't have the belly that I have....lol Anyhow hold your head high and just smile. From some it's coming from a good place, from others it's jealousy. Eventually those around you will get used to seeing use this way and back off. But I understand how you feel, I find it quite offensive.

ninakir88

I think it just depends on your body type.

I am 5'4 and at one point i got down to 108 (from illness) I looked horrible and I was all skin and bones, I had absolutely no boobs left whats so ever. Not to mention my muscle definition was disappearing. I felt way too skinny, and everyone around me was telling me to gain weight (and they were right).

Eventually, I got up to 115 and already looked much better, now i am back to 120 and people stopped making comments. I just look fit, but not too skinny.

Maybe sometimes people are just worried or concerned. If I were you, I would do more lifting less cardio, eat more protein, and see where that gets you

VanillaBone

Well, you've gotten a lot of great advice about how to feel about it, now here's what you should do.

Person: "You're too skinny."

You: "No, YOU'RE too skinny."

Person: "One piece of cake won't hurt!"

You: "So's your FACE."

I mean, if you feel insulted, treat it like an insult. Otherwise, they are going to think they're just being nice by showing concern. You may not want to do this to your 80 year-old, delicate Auntie, but if they can take it, why not?
When someone tells me "You're fading away", which I hear a lot, I just smile and tell them I love hearing it. I do.

My progress is so awesome, it worries people. :laugh:

MassObserver

They are jealous because you are making amazing changes and look fantastic! Look up you BMI and just tell them that. You are normal and at a healthy wt. Just let the haters hate, and block them out! Stay strong!