Would you be brutally honest to a friend??

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  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.

    I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.

    Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    I would be honest, if asked, but I wouldn't use the honesty as an excuse to be mean. I hate people who are mean, and then blame you by saying, "Well, you did ask."

    If the friend had an opportunity to change, or not buy the outfit, then I would say, "It doesn't suit you" or "It makes you look X." I went wedding dress shopping with my best friend and she really loved a dress that was just TERRIBLE on her. I didn't say, "It looks terrible" but I did say, "It's exactly the same colour as your skin, so from a distance you look naked" which was true. She didn't buy it, and ended up later finding something that she looked magnificent in.

    If we were out for a night out and she were wearing something unflattering, then it would be difficult to say even if asked. In that situation I would say she looked nice, if asked ((saying nothing if not asked), and later, after the event, play up other items of her wardrobe and say how lovely THEY were, to encourage her to wear them instead.

    Edited for spelling!
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
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    Yes, I would be honest, but only if asked. If the skirt was too short or too tight, or whatever, I'd say so and suggest something else.
  • icandoit203
    icandoit203 Posts: 170 Member
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    I don't know your friend but you can look at it either you really would look awful in a 2piece and she is doing you a favor of not embarrassing yourself. The second could be she wants to wear one and cannot so she could be jealous.Either way I wouldn't get offended sometimes we as women are sensitive especially when it comes to weight just shake it off and say thank you. I would like pure honestly don't sugar coat it or lie to me.
  • rose313
    rose313 Posts: 1,146 Member
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    I would be honest but nice about it.

    Instead of "That makes you look so fat, it's gross" I'd say "I liked the other one better. That one makes you look bigger than you really are."
  • MooMooooo
    MooMooooo Posts: 306 Member
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    Does it look good?

    Yes/ No

    What's brutal about the truth?
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Absolutely because I would expect the same in return.

    There have been plenty of times my husband has asked me if something he put on looks 'right' and I'll be blunt and say no. On the flip side I've put on things that he's flat out busted out laughing at -- an example would be these checkered shorts that I thought were super cute that he said looked like an old dude's golf pants -- and I immediately changed out of or returned.

    If you're supposed to be my closest friend then I would expect nothing but honesty from you even if it hurts my feelings.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.

    I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.

    Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe

    Yes, lying is definitely always the way to go.... :noway:

    Better to have your friend walk around in an unflattering outfit rather than being honest and then helping them choose something more flattering.
  • HeatherNoyes
    HeatherNoyes Posts: 114 Member
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    My rule is "If you don't want to know, don't ask."
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    If the friend ASKS your opinion, I'd be honest, but in a nice way. "You know, that is a great color on you, but the cut isn't the most flattering. Try this on instead..."
  • jrs5444
    jrs5444 Posts: 86
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    If asked...yes I would certainly tell them the truth. I would try to word it nicely, but I would still tell the truth. My mother in law is still upset about her "back boobs" that I commented on...BUT she asked!
  • tracyface399
    tracyface399 Posts: 83 Member
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    I would absolutely tell my friend if they looked horrible in something if they asked or not! And they would do the same to me, which is why I have the amazing long lasting friendships that I have with them!
  • imogenjade
    imogenjade Posts: 131
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    find a different outfit and tell her it looks better. dont tell her she looks fat cos you will just be a *****. dont hurt her feelings . tell her nicely by either complimenting a different outfit or say her dress looks a bit tarty/ cheap...dont slate her body
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    Interesting questions. Does honesty have to be brutal? To me putting it that way implies a deliberate effort to make the other perason feel bad.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    I would be honest, if asked, but I wouldn't use the honesty as an excuse to be mean. I hate people who are mean, and then blame you by saying, "Well, you did ask."

    If the friend had an opportunity to change, or not buy the outfit, then I would say, "It doesn't suit you" or "It makes you look X." I went wedding dress shopping with my best friend and she really loved a dress that was just TERRIBLE on her. I didn't say, "It looks terrible" but I did say, "It's exactly the same colour as your skin, so from a distance you look naked" which was true. She didn't buy it, and ended up later finding something that she looked magnificent in.

    If we were out for a night out and she were wearing something unflattering, then it would be difficult to say even if asked. In that situation I would say she looked nice, if asked ((saying nothing if not asked), and later, after the event, play up other items of her wardrobe and say how lovely THEY were, to encourage her to wear them instead.

    Edited for spelling!

    Ditto.

    At the end of the day, there are very few situations where "brutal" honesty is really needed to accomplish the goal. You can tell a person that an outfit doesn't suit them, that their performance was subpar or that you don't like something without you giving them your most unfiltered, visceral response. If you can get your point across and accomplish the same goal without making the person feel foolish or alienating them, why choose the harsher route?

    I always associate brutal honesty with a little bit of social laziness or thinly veiled resentment.
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    Interesting questions. Does honesty have to be brutal? To me putting it that way implies a deliberate effort to make the other perason feel bad.

    Bingo.
  • StephStepByStep
    StephStepByStep Posts: 131 Member
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    I wouldn't tell my friend she looks fat, but I would tell her that her outfit doesn't look good...but this is mostly if we are going out somewhere.
  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.

    I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.

    Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe

    Yes, lying is definitely always the way to go.... :noway:

    Better to have your friend walk around in an unflattering outfit rather than being honest and then helping them choose something more flattering.

    Yeah, I'm kind of lacking in the social skills department. I have a lot of problems with tact. When I try to be honest, it always comes off rude. So yeah, I just stick to saying nice things. Plus a lot of my friends have some intense body issues, and I'm not opening that can of worms.

    Clothes are all about preference anyway; just because I might think a friend doesn't look good in something doesn't mean much. I have *kitten* fashion sense. But maybe I'm just making excuses.
  • pinkly14fun2
    pinkly14fun2 Posts: 55
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    I would tell any of my friends if an outfit didn't work for them. I would hope they would do the same. Don't ask for honesty if you don't want it in return.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Here's an example of a girl who I would want as my BFF:

    I was in Forever 21 last year. There was this girl who was a bit over weight trying on clothes in the dressing room. I was in line waiting for one to open up. The girl peeked her head out of the dressing room and called her friend over. She opened up the curtain and I could see what she was wearing and it did NOT look good on her. Her friend comes over and looks at her and says:

    "You know I love you but no. No. No. No. No. NO!"

    THAT'S the kind of friend a girl needs. Not someone who looks at you and says "Yes. Buy it!" When they're really cringing inside and thinking "Hell to the NO!" If my BFF ever lied to me and said something looked good when in reality it looked absolutely horrific on me and she allowed me to 1) purchase the item and 2) go out in public wearing said item I'd be PISSED and guess who wouldn't be my BFF anymore?

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