I think I need to be told I am fat

ctalimenti

I'm going to cut to the chase here. You are not morbidly obese but you do look overweight. I'm going to catch crap for this (maybe) but at your height, 190 is not healthy.

ctalimenti

Something else to consider; when was the BMI scale generated? In the sixtys? People these days are much heavier. What may have been morbidly obese back then is just obese now.

camelgirlmn

You LOOK GREAT!!!

thomassd1969

I know how you feel. I was fitting in to smaller clothes, giving my big ones to good will, having small measurments and then I took my July progress pictures and thought oh my gosh I havent changed a bit. I was so discouraged that I still look like that. My friends tell me different but are they just being nice?

kairisika

It makes me so made to hear that anyone would say "your fat". I am losing weight to be healthy, screw what others think.

If a person *is* fat, what exactly does it help for others to sugarcoat and pretend she's not fat. The way she holds her weight doesn't show the fat, and she's still an attractive well-proportioned person, but at 190lbs on a 5'3" frame, even if she were heavily muscled underneath, that's a lot of extra fat - and given how she looks, there's probably a lot of it in and around the internal organs, which is the truly deadly type. She said that she needs some external reminding that she would be healthier at a lower weight, and people are providing that so she can work on the motivation she needs to be healthier.

No-one considers it mean to agree with someone complaining about their crazy hair. Most people are happy to receive a recommendation for a tactic or hair product that might help!
The only reason it's considered 'mean' to state the fact that a person is fat is that people have way too much self-worth tied up in their weight.

I like myself well enough. But that doesn't mean I need to believe I am perfect. Despite being a generally decent person, I am fat. I need to lose fat to be healthier and more able to do the sorts of things I would like to do. I also need to gain some muscle to accomplish that. And yes, I would also like to appear more attractive to my husband. I also have completely untame-able hair. I also have to work on being nicer to people when I am frustrated. Self-improvement is good, and being aware of and working on my faults (including excess fat) does not interfere with my self-respect. Not should it anyone else's.

kairisika

Something else to consider; when was the BMI scale generated? In the sixtys? People these days are much heavier. What may have been morbidly obese back then is just obese now.

Yes, but people these days are fat, unhealthy, and for the first time, may actually end up with a life expectancy lower than their parents'. The fact that millions of people are now morbidly obese does not make it any less true or any less unhealthy.

As I stated above, the fact that the 'average' person is now solidly overweight is really skewing our perceptions of what normal is. The healthy human body hasn't changed since the sixties, even if the average one has.

chezileigh

I think this is just proof that BMI is not a reliable measure in many cases, because you are clearly not obese.

I do feel the same way though, I feel fine until I see a picture, or sometimes a mirror that isn't my own, if that makes sense. I look in the mirror in the bedroom and look fine, but then when I get somewhere else and see a mirror I can look at myself I look that awful and fat.

DeeVanderbles

I feel the same way! Many days I feel like I look great! But then I see pictures of myself and wonder what the heck I could have possibly been thinking. I'm 5'1" and 171.2lbs. I feel like the only way I'll stay motivated is if someone tells me I'm fat.

I must say, you carry your weight better than I do. You don't look morbidly obese at all! Sure, there's room for improvement, but isn't there always?

I want to lose about 40lbs total. My goal is by Christmas but I don't really care how long it takes me, just that I reach my goal weight.

chezileigh

Perhaps what is a healthy body hasn't changed, but our knowledge of what makes a healthy body will have, just like all other medical knowledge. For instance, those who carry more weight around their middle have a greater risk factor for heart disease, they could have the exact same bmi as a pear shaped girl, but they are less healthy, and through no fault of their own. They have a similar diet to the pear shaped girl next to them, and a similar work out routine, but they are less healthy because of their body type.

Plus, women in the sixties didn't work out like many women today, so their lean body mass was less, also accounting partially for higher body weights.

Just a couple of thoughts.

chezileigh

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/treatments/healthy_living/your_weight/whatis_bmi.shtml

Martina_Who

Omg I have the same problem as you! Sometimes when I dress up I feel like I look great but looking back at the pics I realise I really didn't!

You look good in this pic tho! :-)

twinmom14ek

I've faced the exact same issue. I gain weight very proportionately across my body, and it was easy for me to rationalize that because I held my weight "better" than so many other people, it wasn't that big of a deal that I gained a few pounds here and there. It took five years and fifty extra pounds before my motivation finally kicked in.

Having people tell you whether or not they think you're fat is most likely not the solution. About ten pounds before I hit my max weight, my parents tried to tell me that I was fat and needed to lose weight (not nearly as harsh as it sounds; they were really concerned that I was becoming more and more unhealthy). While a very rational part of me understood what they were trying to get across, the formerly skinny me still clung to the fact that I "wasn't that bad" and I was still skinnier than a large portion of the population. As kind as a lot of the above responses are, I feel like a lot of them reinforce that mentality.

Ultimately, the choice to lose weight is one that only you can make, and you have to find your own motivation. It may be as simple as seeing one too many pictures of yourself and going, "Who is that fat person and what's she doing in my clothes?" It may be when you get tired of being winded from going up one flight of stairs in your house. It may be when you realize that you're the "fat chick" on your rec soccer team, or it may be when you can no longer buy pants at your favorite clothes store. All these were just some of my motivating factors. Getting healthy and losing weight is a struggle, and it's not something you can accomplish overnight. To do so, you have to truly believe that you want the ultimate results.

I hope you find the motivation you're looking for. Good luck!

lean4life2

You do not look morbidly obese, but I think that you could lose 40 pounds and look very healthy looking. In saying that, you do carry your weight very evenly, which makes you look proportioned and not morbidly obese.

Also, you said that you were 240 when you delivered your son, and you haven't been under 170 in 10 years. I would think that you are probably somewhat used to seeing yourself as a bit bigger, and can't even fathom being 140. Honestly, to me you look average, but average these days is not necessarily healthy. Good luck

I think you are bang on with this!I have gotten down to 170 -3 times and EVERY time it seems I self sabatoge and gain the weight back.
You are correct,I cannot even fathom being 140 :noway:
But that doesn`t mean I am not going to work towards getting healthier and smaller, thank you :flowerforyou:

LisaJ2904

I think that yes you do look morbidly obese.

Please let me justify before everyone freaks out at me.

Firstly you asked.

Second I am 5'6 and at 154 looked great. However I was pushing the top end of the healthy bmi. If i'd have gained a couple more pounds I would have been overweight, a few more and obese and a few more ..etc etc

To me you are very pretty and there are plenty of people bigger than you but that's no way to judge. Just because the average size has increased does not mean you need to go with them. You are not hideous, or disgusting and if you are happy in your skin then bravo. I wish everybody loved the person on the inside, however losing just 10% of your body weight will have major health benefits for you.

You wanted to know so I'm giving my honest opinion. Hope you are happy, honestly, with whatever you decide xx

lean4life2

I think that yes you do look morbidly obese.

Please let me justify before everyone freaks out at me.

Firstly you asked.

Second I am 5'6 and at 154 looked great. However I was pushing the top end of the healthy bmi. If i'd have gained a couple more pounds I would have been overweight, a few more and obese and a few more ..etc etc

To me you are very pretty and there are plenty of people bigger than you but that's no way to judge. Just because the average size has increased does not mean you need to go with them. You are not hideous, or disgusting and if you are happy in your skin then bravo. I wish everybody loved the person on the inside, however losing just 10% of your body weight will have major health benefits for you.

You wanted to know so I'm giving my honest opinion. Hope you are happy, honestly, with whatever you decide xx

when I am not dressed the morbid part becomes A LOT more obvious :sad:

clothing can hide many things and make us(me) feel thinner than I actually am :laugh:

I did put up a bikini pic on here awhile ago that shows more of the obese part ...dont know if I am up for that again,people were quite kind then,but now if you compare....probably wouldnt be as nice

LisaJ2904

I think that yes you do look morbidly obese.

Please let me justify before everyone freaks out at me.

Firstly you asked.

Second I am 5'6 and at 154 looked great. However I was pushing the top end of the healthy bmi. If i'd have gained a couple more pounds I would have been overweight, a few more and obese and a few more ..etc etc

To me you are very pretty and there are plenty of people bigger than you but that's no way to judge. Just because the average size has increased does not mean you need to go with them. You are not hideous, or disgusting and if you are happy in your skin then bravo. I wish everybody loved the person on the inside, however losing just 10% of your body weight will have major health benefits for you.

You wanted to know so I'm giving my honest opinion. Hope you are happy, honestly, with whatever you decide xx

when I am not dressed the morbid part becomes A LOT more obvious :sad:

clothing can hide many things and make us(me) feel thinner than I actually am :laugh:

I did put up a bikini pic on here awhile ago that shows more of the obese part ...dont know if I am up for that again,people were quite kind then,but now if you compare....probably wouldnt be as nice

Like I say if you are happy as you are then I am super happy for you. I do see a lot of people in my work and unfortunately get to work out BMI's daily so maybe that's why I am comfortable saying you look morbidly obese even dressed. It doesn't give me any pleasure telling you, I don't want to be mean but I don't think sugar coating will benefit you. :flowerforyou:


ps: I don't like the term morbidly obese I think it sounds terrible but it does indicate what can happen x

b1t3m3

You don't look fat. But - you clearly want to make a change.
I know what you mean though. I'm finding right now, I've been doing really well, and have lost more weight than I expected I would have... oddly, that's un-motivating. Part of me is going okay, almost 10 pounds down, I feel great, I think I look great... can I go eat a cheeseburger now?
Usually at this stage of the diet/workout/lifestyle blip I give in to the cheeseburger. This time I'm sticking with it. Because if I do, I just be back where I was again in a week or two. This time, I'm going to lose another 30, and a few clothing sizes while I'm at it.
Personally, I find the scale really, really helps me (when I need to feel fat). The numbers still aren't where I want them to be, so I can tell my chubby *kitten* that when it wants to misbehave. I know it's not the be all end all... at this stage, I don't have enough muscle for it to lie to me.
Also, do calculate your body. (You can google a few different calculators, I'm a bit skeptical of the accuracy, but it gives you a guideline). Ignore the BMI, and pay attention to how much fat you have.

lean4life2

okay I just posted another thread of me in a bikini

:noway: :noway:

this makes it more real

Cindym82

You're not obese, but you could spare to lose a few lbs. Sometimes pictures help you more to figure out where u need to get to....good luck girl

noellej622

First of all, I think it's fantastic that you were feeling pretty good about yourself in your outfit.. I think you should feel good and love your body WHILE you lose the weight. You don't need to be told you're fat, you just need to decide if you like the way you look. And if you do, GOOD for you!!! And if you don't, then you have much support on this site to make a change.

KodAkuraMacKyen

OMG! I've actually tried to talk to people about this before. Nobody understands. I've said that I have body dysmorphia - only with me, I see a thinner person than I really am. Like you, I look in the mirror and think I look pretty darned good. But I am actually 50+lbs overweight. The funny thing is that people took pics of me at different events over the last 9 months and I think I finally saw what I look like. I'm actually in the obese category!

Viewing yourself as looking better than you really do is a problem. I find that I'll lose 15 pounds or so and then I decide I look and feel really great and so, stop my fitness and diet plan. I am determined not to let that happen this time. A part of the problem is that I carry my weight all over - it's distributed fairly evenly. Most people would not dream that I weigh what I do.

I'm focusing on small goals and getting fit. Thank you for sharing this. I truly have never met anyone with the same problem/view. ~KL

I have this exact issue too. You're not alone. It took a picture taken back in April to get me to see what I really look like and is what started this whole fat loss journey for me.

meshashesha2012

I think that yes you do look morbidly obese.

Please let me justify before everyone freaks out at me.

Firstly you asked.

Second I am 5'6 and at 154 looked great. However I was pushing the top end of the healthy bmi. If i'd have gained a couple more pounds I would have been overweight, a few more and obese and a few more ..etc etc

To me you are very pretty and there are plenty of people bigger than you but that's no way to judge. Just because the average size has increased does not mean you need to go with them. You are not hideous, or disgusting and if you are happy in your skin then bravo. I wish everybody loved the person on the inside, however losing just 10% of your body weight will have major health benefits for you.

You wanted to know so I'm giving my honest opinion. Hope you are happy, honestly, with whatever you decide xx

when I am not dressed the morbid part becomes A LOT more obvious :sad:

clothing can hide many things and make us(me) feel thinner than I actually am :laugh:

I did put up a bikini pic on here awhile ago that shows more of the obese part ...dont know if I am up for that again,people were quite kind then,but now if you compare....probably wouldnt be as nice

Like I say if you are happy as you are then I am super happy for you. I do see a lot of people in my work and unfortunately get to work out BMI's daily so maybe that's why I am comfortable saying you look morbidly obese even dressed. It doesn't give me any pleasure telling you, I don't want to be mean but I don't think sugar coating will benefit you. :flowerforyou:


ps: I don't like the term morbidly obese I think it sounds terrible but it does indicate what can happen x

morbidly obese isn't just a term, there's a medical definition for it. morbidly obese means that someone has a body fat percentage of 40% or more. i dont know what you work in , but if it's in the medical field i'd certainly hope that you knew what morbidly obese means.

there's no way the OP looks like she has 40% or more body fat.

i'd got with 28-33% which would put her in the overweight.obese category NOT morbidly obese

Sharyn913

Something else to consider; when was the BMI scale generated? In the sixtys? People these days are much heavier. What may have been morbidly obese back then is just obese now.

I think BMI is a load of crap, however, just because the times have changed shouldn't mean our weight should. If it was morbidly obese in the 60s, it should still be considered morbidly obese. We've just accepted that it's more normal.

amatiq

You look overweight. You do not look like my mental picture of morbidly obese. What I am seeing, in details, is a lot of overspill over the jeans, jeans very tight on legs, upper arms heavy enough to hide muscle definition. I would guess that from the side you've got more stomach sticking out than you think you do (because I have the same thing)
You're carrying the weight well, but you'd look and feel better with less fat.

I am 5 ft tall and carry my weight very proportionally. I have an hourglass body structure, so until I'm quite, quite, quite overweight I can fool myself that I'm not. My eye automatically checks out my good places and ignores the unsightly areas, also people tend to tell me that I'm fine, look great, don't look heavy...but the pictures don't lie. Neither does the aching knees and feet from too much stress.
Take measurements, because those aren't as forgiving as flattering cuts of clothes and soft lighting.

Reneefit135

Are you up for brutal honesty?
I think many of us have started to lose our sense of overweight, because so much of the population is overweight. When we compare with 'average', we often forget that the average person these days is overweight.
I definitely don't see morbidly obese, but I definitely see overweight.

You look like you carry your weight very similarly to me - it's evenly distributed across your body. Some people gain weight and it turns into one big beer belly, or spare tire, or huge thighs. Some people instead gain weight very very evenly, and that makes it less visible. Instead of seeing one big fat area, it's a smaller layer of fat all over. So you don't look as heavy, and it's easy to not notice the pounds for a while.
Looking at your photo, there's no big fat area, but everything looks soft and having some extra width. Your waist doesn't go in much, but your body appears as though it naturally would. Your widest part is not at your hipbones, but below that - suggesting extra weight carried on your thighs. Your arms are extremely soft, and your wrists and hands look a bit puffy.

So I don't think you look too bad, and you definitely carry your weight well, but you probably do have a fair bit of extra fat on your body that doesn't do you any favours, and would probably be healthier losing some of it.

This...i totally agree

laprovocateur

The healthy human body hasn't changed since the sixties, even if the average one has.

i think this needs to be plastered on a billboard on every major US highway. I want to scream it out on the street corner. The world is ending? No. You're just killing yourself with french fries.

evahall123

My reality check was seeing myself in a full length mirror when I got out of the shower!!! I thought I looked good too until that! I think you look fine. There surely are ALOT worse looking people out there that apparently don't look in a mirror before leaving home. Good luck with your journey.