Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?
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Well my friend.. Its hard to say. The truth is...attraction plays a great role in a relationship... sexual attraction is THE most crucial tool to a successful relationship.. no matter what anyone says...its the brutal truth! So..honestly..if u are on here asking for people to convince you..That ALONE ..is ur answer.0
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acutally ... no. i agree with her^^^^^^^^^^
my friends tried to convince me to go out with this guy in hs... he even bought me a sweetest day present! but attraction plays a huge role. cold truth..0 -
Well my friend.. Its hard to say. The truth is...attraction plays a great role in a relationship... sexual attraction is THE most crucial tool to a successful relationship.. no matter what anyone says...its the brutal truth! So..honestly..if u are on here asking for people to convince you..That ALONE ..is ur answer.
I would have to disagree. I have seen very several attractive people, but once they open their mouths they seem more foul than the typical hobo picking out of the garbage. And on the other hand, there are not-so-attractive people that I have seen, and once they open their mouths there are beautiful things I can see in them that I see in a totally different way.. Personality takes up a large role in SEXUAL and PHYSICAL attraction, even if it isn't because of PHYSICAL characteristics in a person.0 -
I dated a girl in high school that had a cleft palate that because of surgery had her lip pulled up...I didn't see it as a flaw I saw it as a part of her personality and made her cute in her own way. I've never been worried about what people thought...and everyone has some imperfections of some kind. I'm still friends with Dawn from 30 years ago...good luck0
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I'm married, so I wouldn't now, but I totally would have when I was single! Some people are born with disfigurements and others may be injured in some kind of an accident or even in war. Many brave men and women have come back from war with injuries, and they are heroes. I love Dancing With the Stars, and J.R. Martinez was on there a few seasons back. He was burned on a large portion of his body in the war, including his face, and his personality shined through in the show. He was such a wonderful example of perseverance and not letting something like that keep you down. I would totally date someone who was disfigured if they had a great personality.0
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I think it's great that you are going out with him and I don't think that it's horrible that you are surprised by your reaction. I think it shows honesty and maturity. Many people would likely say that they would have no issue with it but find other reasons why it wouldn't work out. I'm not saything that is the case with anybody that posted but a lot of people don't practice what they preach. It's way better to think that you are "shallow" or "superficial" about such things and then be surpised that you aren't as much as you thought than to think or tell yourself that these things wouldn't bother you only to find that they really do.0
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I haven't but I wouldn't rule it out.
I have a friend who has had a stroke (in his early 40s) and sometimes comes across as very down on how he now looks. Our friendship is platonic - since long before the stroke - but I genuinely can't see why he thinks that way and repeatedly want to argue with him whenever he makes such comments... I recently told him if he described himself as a cripple once more I would hit him, and I wasn't joking....0 -
I think you need to chill, this thread is not about you. I am sorry you have had a rough time with your health and had people make nasty comments to you due to the side effects, but it seems like your taking out your anger on the OP.
Please read her post again. She is going on a date with the guy and is actually surprised about the fact that his facial disfigurement hasnt stopped her from doing so. Atleast she isnt lying about the fact that she is aware that it is there. She is asking a genuine question from an honest place and i think that the fact that she is giving him a chance and trying to get to know him speaks volumes.
That being said, you can never really get to know someone unless you move beyond initial impressions. If i met someone who had some kind of obvious disfigurement, of course i would be aware of it, but that wont stop me from getting to know the person if he is able to catch my attention with a good convo, sense of humor and intelligence.
First, I will admit that I was irritated when I wrote that. But I don't think I made this thread about me because of one comment. There are many people ITT that have talked about personal experiences and mine is just as valid. Now off of the subject of me.
I did go over her post, at your request, and I can understand what you're getting at. Being honest with your feelings is something that we rarely do in this society when it comes to tough emotions. However, do I believe she's a great person because she's going out on a date with a guy? Quite simply, no, I don't believe that constitutes my and other users' opinions invalid. Making a thread about his possible disability in a thread where the entire world may see and speak about him without his knowledge about something very vulnerable is disheartening. I understand that people go to the internet to seek out advice, we all have at some point, but can't you see how this could be harmful? Even if he personally never reads it?
The bottom line is that she asked for advice and she's getting it. This is a public forum where all kinds of nasty, beautiful, articulate, repugnant and all other adjectives of an opinion can be given. This was mine.
First of all, i didnt think your experience was any less valid than others shared here, so if it came across that way i apologize. We all have a personal story and i can understand how that informs the way we see the world.
I wasnt in any way implying that going out on a date with him makes her a nice person, i just feel as though people are making snap judgments about who she and rudely pointing out her age and such without taking into consideration the fact that people discover new aspects of themselves every day and the OP just discovered that she isnt as shallow as she thought she was.
I do understand what you mean about having a discussion about this and the guy not knowing this is the case, but in real life we do the same thing. When we meet a guy, we have convo's with people in a bid to find out how we truly feel about the issues that seem to stand out the most for us. For some people it confirms what they have known all along about themselves, for others they discover a new side to themselves. I do not think the OP meant this as a thread to bash the youngman. sounds more like she is working through her thoughts.
cheers0 -
Not sure why people are over-reacting or coming with a holier than thou attitude, but 'tis the nature of these forums.
Anyway, OP, to answer your question; I'm not sure.
I don't regard myself as a shallow person, the opposite, in fact. But I appear to have issues surrounding dating. It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with a man in the relationship sense. Attraction is a big part for me, and while I couldn't, and wouldn't, date a person who was merely attractive with no substantial personality and/or compatibility, I am not sure I could feel comfortable dating someone I wasn't attracted to. That being said, I think it depends on the circumstances. When just meeting a guy for the first time, I tend to be very aware of my level of attraction to them, but if I know them (say .. work with them or otherwise see them often in a non-intimate setting), I can find myself becoming attracted to them if we have a good rapport.
OP, I don't think you're a bad person or shallow. You're human, and you're being honest. You're not being mean, or rude. I wonder how many of these posters who are being critical would REALLY date someone they weren't attracted to and/or someone who had a facial disfigurement.0 -
You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.0 -
I would but I don't know if it's for you. If you have to ask a forum of strangers he might you might not be ready for him. Not trying to be mean here though, give it a shot and if you really like him then why even think twice about it.0
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You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.
If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.0 -
Depends on the facial disfigurement.0
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To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
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My first long term ex had a scar running most of the length of her cheek that she'd had from birth, so yes.0
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To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
Glad to hear that it went well. I'm not sure how I would handle such a situation, but kudos to you for not letting what other people might think stop you.0 -
I guess I'm just surprised that this would even be a question. It doesn't sound like he's John Merrick and even then if he has the qualities you desire does it really matter?
^^ this ^^0 -
So glad to hear you had a great time! Wishing the best for many dates to come.... 0
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My experience...look doesn´t matter when you really truely like someone and they touch your heart you won´t see their lacks, you will see them differently than others.
Brain and personality comes first for me.
That may not be so for you but one date might give you some clue. Good luck and have fun.0 -
To all those that actually read my post in detail and have either just responded, been supported, or gone out of their way to defend me, thank you.
I was just nervous before our date, and I reached out to see if anyone else had been in this situation. You are all entitled to your opinions.
Just as a follow up, we had a great time and we even kissed. He talked about it right from the get go, it's not genetic - no one else in his family has it, but he's had 20+ surgeries and it affects half of his teeth. He has a lot of extra blood vessels in one cheek and refers to his face as the $6 million dollar face.
We will be going out again
I'm glad it went well... he's a lucky guy.0
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