The most off the wall pickup lines

DontStopB_Leakin

This happened to be about 5 minutes ago.

I went out to my mailbox, and the UPS guy drives by. He stops his truck, puts it in reverse, and pulls up in front of my house. My initial reaction is "OH YAY I GOT A PACKAGE! WEEE!". But then he says "I just wanted to get a real good look to see if the face matched the hot piece of *kitten*. Good to know it does.".............

So I'm not gonna lie, this inflated my ego to the size of a hippo, but it was still incredibly lame. So I let him down easy.

"Uh, I'm married. Happily. Very happily married"

"That never stopped me before"

"Oh, ok good. Yea I totatlly want to cheat on my husband with a guy who obviously idolizes The Situation. Let's do this."


So, let me hear yours. I need a good laugh.

Oh and men, you're invited to the party, too. I know ladies can throw out some gems, too.

FuneralDiner

"Get in my car."

When I was about 14.

I was tempted, but nah.

NormalSaneFLGuy

"Get in my car."

When I was about 14.

I was tempted, but nah.

Funny you should bring that up.
I was the cutest kid you ever did see. PRIME real estate.
When I was 5, a guy in a car kept begging me to get in his car. I didn't know why cuz I was 5.
He showed me candy and was like "come on in, I have all this candy" and I responded "I just ate lunch, I'm not hungry"
Then he switched gears and offered me money. He held up a $20 bill. I replied by laughing and going "that's all you have? My dad is way richer than you!" and I walked off.

Ohhh the joys of youth.

koen612

Hey! Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?? haha never used it but have heard it tossed around hahahahaha

DontStopB_Leakin

Hey! Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?? haha never used it but have heard it tossed around hahahahaha

My husband used this one on me. It worked, obviously.

Molly_Maguire

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

NormalSaneFLGuy

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

DontStopB_Leakin

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

Lmao.

DontStopB_Leakin

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

That's a great one as well. Any guy tells me his name is Drake, I'm Audi 5000.

DontStopB_Leakin

The one I always use at the club is "Baby, that cute face of yours is just begging to be suffocated in a bag while I tap that behind of yours in a graveyard. Lets go put that *kitten* to rest "

It hasn't worked yet, but it's oooonly a matter of a time.

Now see, that one is right up my alley. Why can't more guys use clever ones like that?

Jesus people, think outside of the box.

I wasn't being clever. I have 13 prostitutes in my backyard. =\

on the plus side, that's got to make for some great, nutrient rich, soil, no? You could have an orchard by now!

There's always a bright side

NormalSaneFLGuy

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

That's a great one as well. Any guy tells me his name is Drake, I'm Audi 5000.

I don't get it. Is he like that dude on Taboo who sexes cars?

moreno89

hmm i don't have one,but i will say this is lame when people stop in the middle of traffic when i'm running and try to talk to me,or honk their horn it scares me lol i just get alot of stares....there was this guy at the mall in the parking lot who tried to get my number,he was so nervous,he complimented my lighter and said oh white thats a good look lol

moreno89

The one I always use at the club is "Baby, that cute face of yours is just begging to be suffocated in a bag while I tap that behind of yours in a graveyard. Lets go put that *kitten* to rest "

It hasn't worked yet, but it's oooonly a matter of a time.
thats just creepy lmao

SofaKingRad

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

moreno89

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.


yikes lol

FuneralDiner

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

That is actually genius.

NormalSaneFLGuy

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

With a line like that, you could even get in my pants

DontStopB_Leakin

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

That's a great one as well. Any guy tells me his name is Drake, I'm Audi 5000.

I don't get it. Is he like that dude on Taboo who sexes cars?

Audi 5000 <<< You obviously haven't seen Stepbrothers. You should change that.

DontStopB_Leakin

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

If only more men were like you.

NormalSaneFLGuy

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

That's a great one as well. Any guy tells me his name is Drake, I'm Audi 5000.

I don't get it. Is he like that dude on Taboo who sexes cars?

Audi 5000 <<< You obviously haven't seen Stepbrothers. You should change that.

I think I slept through the boring 90 minutes of that movie...
I love will ferrel but that sucked...

SofaKingRad

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

If only more men were like you.

There can be only one SofaKingRad.

Cliffslosinit

Bend over I think I love you.

Sidesteal

My all time favorite that totally gets me in any girl's pants I want...

I put the STD in STUD. All I need now is U.

^ I'm speechless at how awesome this is.

DontStopB_Leakin

*Random dude screams in my face over music*

"WAZZ SHZER NAME?? I'M DDRRUNK!"

I ran.

I was high, not drunk. I was saying "what's your name my dear, I'm drake."
You must have heard it with drunk ears.

That's a great one as well. Any guy tells me his name is Drake, I'm Audi 5000.

I don't get it. Is he like that dude on Taboo who sexes cars?

Audi 5000 <<< You obviously haven't seen Stepbrothers. You should change that.

I think I slept through the boring 90 minutes of that movie...
I love will ferrel but that sucked...

.....

I am speechless. You have crushed my soul and broken my heart.

MaryJane_8810002

"Girl your eyes are so pretty I wanna cut them out and add them to my collection"

I stopped hanging out in Soho for a while.

El_guapo22

Do you believe in love at 1st sight or should I walk by again?

saramariebabyy

hmm i don't have one,but i will say this is lame when people stop in the middle of traffic when i'm running and try to talk to me,or honk their horn it scares me lol i just get alot of stares....there was this guy at the mall in the parking lot who tried to get my number,he was so nervous,he complimented my lighter and said oh white thats a good look lol

The horn scares me EVERY single time. like seriously??? STOP doing that!

Tony_Brewski

Nice shoes want to ****?

slkehl

From the great May West:

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?"

Tony_Brewski

From the great May West:

"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?"

Actually yes it is a gun.

bennysammysofie

you wanna get a pizza and *kitten*?
No? Ok, forget the pizza.