Need to Vent!!! I THINK I LOVE MY HUSBAND

BBeccaJean

Sounds like me...except my husband was in the Marines and he's gained a lot of weight! Low testosterone sounds like a good reason or he's just forgotten how lucky he is to have you. It wasn't until my husband thought he was losing me that he started to try in all aspects again...

Tell him you're frustrated and that it's not going to work if he keeps acting this way! Offer to help him make an appointment if there are libido issues.

Rhea30

As for the OP, I just can't relate to turning down sex. Even when I was at my heaviest, I never turned it down.

enjoy your stds and accidental child I'll be over here doin it with someone I actually care about while not forcing them or dehumanizing them for sex.

wow whenenever someone can't have their sex or lean someone is a virgin people get MAD hahahaha

edit: before anyone asks "well if you love him so much why aren't you having sex you're just jealous!!"

it's because I'm not on birth control yet and I'm not an idiot

If you're not sexual active and haven't been married awhile you just wouldn't understand this situation. Its a whole different ball game. We don't really know if she insulted him or not, we only know she has pointed out his weight but who knows if she did it in an insulting way or a concern way, only she knows and the situation of one spouse wanting sex more then other one is a problem that happens and can create problems that go beyond physical (feelings of being rejected, feelings of not being close with your spouse anymore, etc )so its important to address these issues. Once you find that right person you're going to be sexual active with and spend a lot of time with then you'll start to understand more.

hooperkay

thats what you get for trying to get some when football season is just starting! Espn all week, nbc sunday night, cbs fox football, college football saturday! Get used to it!

Isn't that what TiVo for???? Pause then go back and watch without commercials???

To OP
It is probably sex drive down because of weight gain. If he was in military, then he probably did work out before. Get him weights or try a sport or something yall both like. If yall been together a long time you should be able to talk to him about it in a caring way. This subject is kinda tricky for men. You don't wanna hurt his feelings, just like you don't want yours hurt. I would just explain how much happier he seemed when he was working out (or whatever else he was doing).

Rhea30

As for the OP, I just can't relate to turning down sex. Even when I was at my heaviest, I never turned it down.

enjoy your stds and accidental child I'll be over here doin it with someone I actually care about while not forcing them or dehumanizing them for sex.

wow whenenever someone can't have their sex or lean someone is a virgin people get MAD hahahaha

edit: before anyone asks "well if you love him so much why aren't you having sex you're just jealous!!"

it's because I'm not on birth control yet and I'm not an idiot

If you're not sexual active and haven't been married awhile you just wouldn't understand this situation. Its a whole different ball game. We don't really know if she insulted him or not, we only know she has pointed out his weight but who knows if she did it in an insulting way or a concern way, only she knows and the situation of one spouse wanting sex more then other one is a problem that happens and can create problems that go beyond physical (feelings of being rejected, feelings of not being close with your spouse anymore, etc )so its important to address these issues. Once you find that right person you're going to be sexual active with and spend a lot of time with then you'll start to understand more.

I do want to add that insulting him on a public forum (my post was more about insulting him to his face) isn't good and I hope the OP knows her man well enough to know if he saw something like this if it would offend him or not.

mtaylor33557

Girl, if he doesn't pay attention to you, you need to start leaving the house all dressed up and looking good. Even if it's going out to the store, let other men compliment you and make you feel good. You can let him know about it when you get home. Start going out without him and make him wonder what you're up to. It might take some time, so yeah, maybe you'll need some of what the others suggested.... In fact, that might get him interested. Stop doing the things you do for him on an every day basis (whether it be cooking dinner or washing his clothes, etc.) and let him know if he's not gonna take care of your needs, you're not going to take care of his. In fact, (thank God my husband doesn't like sports) but I'd go stand in front of him with a pair of scissors, walk over to the TV cord, and threaten to make sure he won't have the choice to pick the tv over you anymore. You probably need to tell him what you told us, and tell him seriously. Let him know exactly how he's making you feel.

None of this sounds like a good idea, just saying..

zenchild

As for the OP, I just can't relate to turning down sex. Even when I was at my heaviest, I never turned it down.

enjoy your stds and accidental child I'll be over here doin it with someone I actually care about while not forcing them or dehumanizing them for sex.

wow whenenever someone can't have their sex or lean someone is a virgin people get MAD hahahaha

edit: before anyone asks "well if you love him so much why aren't you having sex you're just jealous!!"

it's because I'm not on birth control yet and I'm not an idiot

1) Good for you for sticking with your morals.
2) People are not mad at your sexual status.
3) People are mad at your lack of foresight. Your opinion is not valid because you have absolutely NO experience with these types of situations; therefore you are ignorant to these feelings and issues.
3) People are mad because you judged others for the choices they are making and are now resentful because people are judging you in kind.

So lesson learned, you are entitled to your opinion however realize that your opinion is meaningless unless you are actually experienced in the particular situation AND if you have the bravado to judge others make sure you have enough bravado to take their potentially harsher criticism (this applies to ALL aspects of life so you better learn quick).

Exactly. Your opinion/advice is invalid if you have absolutely no experience in the subject at hand. And you're self-righteous and obnoxious about it.
I had sex with my husband on our second date. Don't regret it and don't have kids. And you can ask him if he feels dehumanized if I pounce him because I had a bad day and I want to feel better, or if I had a good day and want to celebrate, or if I'm feeling frisky, or bored, or can't sleep, or just want to be close. I certainly don't feel dehumanized if he does the same to me. Even if I'm not initially in the mood he can generally convince me. His oral arguments are very compelling. Sex is not dirty or wrong. It is a wonderful part of a healthy relationship. It fosters emotional closeness and connection (and, done well, feels REALLY good). I know you're going to say that you are close and connected with your boyfriend but trust me, it's different. I know about this, you don't.

OP, talk to your husband. Tell him you feel unloved, unwanted. He may need a doctor, maybe a therapist. Something needs to change.

wbandel

I'm going to speak from my own experience here, so I hope you find it helpful as this isn't an easy thing to write about.

I've been with my partner for 12 years, and been married for the last 7. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs - personally I hate confrontation and will always walk away from an argument if it makes me angry so I can talk it through later when I'm calm - retrospectively my OH would probably have been better off having a short (verbal) fight followed by make-up sex: something I never condoned as I have always tried to keep sex for tender and loving moments... which sound good on paper but actually probably takes some of the fiery passion out of it.

Anyway - during one of our more difficult periods this led to us going for several months without sex and after that it got awkward for both of us - we both got scared to initiate things in case we were rejected and were both prepared to reject advances as a sort of defence mechanism. If you are in this sort of phase 'jumping' him will not work: In fact it is likely to just make him irritated, then you will be frustrated and he will know it feel inadequate and angry with himself.... My suggestion is that you create an environment where you can both relax and build up to things slowly. Ask him if he can give you a back massage for example, then another night ask him to return the favour, - turn the TV off and put music on. Get used to spending that half an hour or so together in an intimate way without him feeling like you 'have' to have sex or he's failed.... Be patient with this - after 3 or 4 weeks you will have built up intimacy again and sex will start feeling like love making - and once you are there I promise he will wont be able to keep his hands off you when you 'jump' him.

Its normal for both men and women to go through periods of depression where they have low sex drives - and if its happened once to someone its likely to happen again. You can reduce the frequency through healthy living and you can deal with the issue it raises through recognising and addressing the behaviour. Its a lot easier to get over the fact you had a low libido for for a month because you were sick than because (you think) there is a problem with your relationship.

Good Luck

I think this is an excellent post. My husband has gone through a lot since we first started dating (8 yrs ago), while he was in the army and afterwards he'd often get depressed. This affected how talkative he was as well as how intimate. This also now happens whenever we move or when he is looking for a new job. Sometimes there are just bumps in the road, it's normal. I don't know if that is your husband's situation or not, but it can be kind of tough if you don't know where you are going in life. You mentioned he is now out of the army, does he know what he really wants to do with himself now?

I think the best thing you can do is try to make him feel loved. Write him notes and leave them on the mirror, or just sit next to him on the couch and rub his shoulders. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just be patient. And eventually through open communication and problem solving things will work out. If you constantly pressure him, then it could just make him feel more stressed out.

hazelovesfood

Girl, if he doesn't pay attention to you, you need to start leaving the house all dressed up and looking good. Even if it's going out to the store, let other men compliment you and make you feel good. You can let him know about it when you get home. Start going out without him and make him wonder what you're up to. It might take some time, so yeah, maybe you'll need some of what the others suggested.... In fact, that might get him interested. Stop doing the things you do for him on an every day basis (whether it be cooking dinner or washing his clothes, etc.) and let him know if he's not gonna take care of your needs, you're not going to take care of his. In fact, (thank God my husband doesn't like sports) but I'd go stand in front of him with a pair of scissors, walk over to the TV cord, and threaten to make sure he won't have the choice to pick the tv over you anymore. You probably need to tell him what you told us, and tell him seriously. Let him know exactly how he's making you feel.

None of this sounds like a good idea, just saying..

Nope i dont think its a good idea at all, all its going to do is make it worse, coz he will start wonderign why you are getting dressed up and liking the comments of other men, a sure fire way to spilt up imo

hazelovesfood

I'm going to speak from my own experience here, so I hope you find it helpful as this isn't an easy thing to write about.

I've been with my partner for 12 years, and been married for the last 7. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs - personally I hate confrontation and will always walk away from an argument if it makes me angry so I can talk it through later when I'm calm - retrospectively my OH would probably have been better off having a short (verbal) fight followed by make-up sex: something I never condoned as I have always tried to keep sex for tender and loving moments... which sound good on paper but actually probably takes some of the fiery passion out of it.

Anyway - during one of our more difficult periods this led to us going for several months without sex and after that it got awkward for both of us - we both got scared to initiate things in case we were rejected and were both prepared to reject advances as a sort of defence mechanism. If you are in this sort of phase 'jumping' him will not work: In fact it is likely to just make him irritated, then you will be frustrated and he will know it feel inadequate and angry with himself.... My suggestion is that you create an environment where you can both relax and build up to things slowly. Ask him if he can give you a back massage for example, then another night ask him to return the favour, - turn the TV off and put music on. Get used to spending that half an hour or so together in an intimate way without him feeling like you 'have' to have sex or he's failed.... Be patient with this - after 3 or 4 weeks you will have built up intimacy again and sex will start feeling like love making - and once you are there I promise he will wont be able to keep his hands off you when you 'jump' him.

Its normal for both men and women to go through periods of depression where they have low sex drives - and if its happened once to someone its likely to happen again. You can reduce the frequency through healthy living and you can deal with the issue it raises through recognising and addressing the behaviour. Its a lot easier to get over the fact you had a low libido for for a month because you were sick than because (you think) there is a problem with your relationship.

Good Luck

I think this is an excellent post. My husband has gone through a lot since we first started dating (8 yrs ago), while he was in the army and afterwards he'd often get depressed. This affected how talkative he was as well as how intimate. This also now happens whenever we move or when he is looking for a new job. Sometimes there are just bumps in the road, it's normal. I don't know if that is your husband's situation or not, but it can be kind of tough if you don't know where you are going in life. You mentioned he is now out of the army, does he know what he really wants to do with himself now?

I think the best thing you can do is try to make him feel loved. Write him notes and leave them on the mirror, or just sit next to him on the couch and rub his shoulders. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just be patient. And eventually through open communication and problem solving things will work out. If you constantly pressure him, then it could just make him feel more stressed out.

I think the best thing to do, would be write him a letter and tell him how you feel, then he can write you back and read alone maybe, no arguments etc, much better than being put on the spot.

Irisheyes88

Ok seriously what guy in the world turns down sex when there wife is basically begging for it! WTF I understand "sex" is not what makes a marriage, BUT since I dropped the 10 lbs Still have a ways to go (45) and been working out 5x a week its all that is on my mind. All my husband wants to do is sit on the damn couch be boring and eat chips. I do not get it in any way, been married to the man since I was 17 WTF. He has just gotten so damn lazy since he got out of the ARMY i mean god I think he has gained atleast 40lbs I have pointed it out to him! Like everyone already knows until he wants to change it, its not gonna change!


Anyways sorry just had to get it out GRRR. Please no negativity its not like that at all.
Anyone feel free to add me!

HAVE TO SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ANSWERS I GOT ABOUT ME POST LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING. I really was not trying to upset anyone and I appoligize if I did just wanted to get stuff off of my chest and doing it on here is easier then talking to the ppl that I talk to everyday.

HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY AND GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY'S:)

cyndymar

OMG you are funny my hubby is the same way , I have a treadmill at home I try to get him on it I try to tell him hes not eating healty and he needs to lose weight but even though I am exercising and eating healty he doesnt seem to wanna change . Ugh I get frustrated I would have wanted him to tell me hey honey your getting kinda large there . No he never said anything that made me think it was wrong that I was growing everywhich way in width and inches . Not sure what more to tell him its hard to because he eats everything I won't its tempting . I feel you

Luvmesumkenny

Pull a Jennifer Aniston in THE BREAK UP Move..
Go get yourself waxed and jump in the shower and walk into the kitchen butt *kitten* naked and make sure he sees you of course and i bet the only thing he will want to eat / watch is you

meerkat70

**** you. Instead of venting on the forum like a 17 year old talk to your husband about it instead of dehumanizing him like this. It might be a psychological issue. Oh wait, I forget most people completely lack any empathy.

for people who are SO WISE AND EXPERIENCED than me, you all are some of the stupidest people in the world.

Bless.

This is, of course, is the post that appears under the dictionary definition of 'empathy'....

coffeean2000

I know, you lose weight, you get more energized, and yes even more cravings for the man in your bedroom. It's okay. Keep up the good work and don't tell him how he looks anymore, just do you girlfriend and love him anyhow. You love him you just desire him to love himself enough to get up and move then "move with you". It will come. Don't stop you have already lost a lot.

coffeean2000

I chuckle...been there too! It wasn't funny then but now I laugh.

kdaxon

thanks for reminding me not to get married ;D

DITTO!!! lol.

Nonya81

Dont beg for it! Just go up to him without saying a word and suck his d.... (and do it like you like it). Maybe that will get him in the mood

SerenaFisher

That's when you start seeing B.O.B

B.O.B is always ready when you're ready
B.O.B is reliable
B.O.B is honest
B.O.B will not cheat on you
B.O.B doesn't watch TV
B.O.B doesn't need adam and eve - though B.O.B frequents there!, or anything to get you in the mood
B.O.B can join you and your hubby if your hubby isn't scared of B.O.B's size.
Over all it's win win with B.O.B (and we all know what B.O.B is right ladies?)
'

Hint: Not the mail man.

jillyk89

Wow. Obviously you need to go cheat on him. Us girls have our needs that need to be met! Go find a good lay;-) I'm sure there's many guys out there willing to satisfy your every need ;-)