Dating/relationships conflict of interest.....

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  • ltkasmala
    ltkasmala Posts: 109 Member
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    I think fitness is like any other component of a relationship (though I've been single my whole life, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt... ;) ), but even if in the beginning it doesn't pose a problem, there will come a point where the other half thinks you make it a priority over them.

    I was in that position in college; boyfriend was a bodybuilder--hard core at that--and while I did some exercise nothing like him. Eventually it got to where we couldn't do anything without "his schedule" coming into play and I finally told him I felt neglected and left.

    While I do not claim to be this intense of a fitness person, I do try to exercise 5-6 times a week for at least 30 minutes (some days longer when I can). I have health issues I am trying to keep at bay and now understand the importance of a regular routine.

    Maybe if you could get her interested at least in taking some nice long walks with you, so you can exercise and still talk and interact, that could be a good start. Anyone can walk, even if they can't or won't do other forms of exercise!

    If her lack of interest starts to bother you or your zeal for workouts starts to bother her, however, I'd seriously sit down and talk. I don't think it will get better after that if you don't.

    Hope this helps some!
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    I think MANY couples don't agree on exercise and food.

    Is she obese? Unhealthy? Or just not an exerciser?

    Overweight yes....not obese....told me she take pills to control her weight or to lose. Not an excersiser says she hates the thought of it!!!
    Ahh the pills as weight loss would be a tough one for me. I could easily live with someone who was of healthy weight but didn't like to exercise, however, as long as they didn't object to me doing it.
  • nursedb
    nursedb Posts: 313 Member
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    No WAY! I need a supportive partner who is at least a bit interested in making healthy choices and working out. On the weekends if you wanna get a little crazy and have a few and eat some cheeseburgers no problem...but 75% of the time I need some type of healthy commitment. I don't wanna invest all my love,time and energy into someone who's gonna drop dead on me and leave me alone all healthy and old...lol
  • Italiano7
    Italiano7 Posts: 382 Member
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    Now you have to ask yourself-does she treat you right? If she does then she maybe a keeper. A good woman is hard to find (and a good man) nowadays. You may not have the same interests but opposites do attract. ask her to go to the gym with you 1 time and see what she says. Maybe if she sees how motivated you are it will rub off on her. Dont walk away just for that alone she may come around...
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    IMO it won't work. Recently dated someone who keeps fit but not nearly like me. She soon started calling me vein and self obsessed when she wanted me to start cutting down on the number of times I went to the gym and how I ate... within a few weeks of us meeting.

    Someone who is a long term SO I could understand because time together is important and if one half of the coin feels left out but for someone you're just getting to know calling the shots, nah not me, not so soon.

    Find someone who finds similar interests.
  • TheArmadillo
    TheArmadillo Posts: 299 Member
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    my husband has never been overweight (has mostly been underweight) has had a terrible diet (though improving) and doesn't see the point of working out.

    We've been together 12 years and happy with it. However he is very supportive. Also although he has his 'breakfast of champions' as he has labelled it (cola and on a good day a pain au chocolat as well and believe me that's progress) his lunches are getting better, and he eats whatever I cook in the evening, and I cook healthy most the time.

    He may not exercise but he does walk everywhere (we don't have a car) and he does work in the garden including chopping stuff down and other heavy stuff. But he won't do exercise for the sake of doing exercise IYSWIM.

    Its the supportiveness (if that's even a word) that makes the difference, and although he can be quite lazy he does do what needs to be done. I have to admit though if he didn't walk and didn't eat meals with me and the kids I would probably find it more irritating/harder.
  • cardsfanlv
    cardsfanlv Posts: 110 Member
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    Hopefully your lifestyle and results will be an inspiration to her and will get her to turn her health around for the better! Main thing though, is to be supportive of one another. I don't know where I'd be today without my wife.
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
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    From now on, this is my life. Maintaining a level of fitness, mindful of everything I eat, taking care of myself in all ways is what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I would not even consider adding a life partner that couldn't or wouldn't support that with their own actions.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    I think you deep down know the right answer. However, the right decision is usually the hardest.

    Move on before you get more involved. I don't see how this can end well, or continue with out self-sabotage.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    I've been married 17 years and I am on this site for me and doing this for me. My husband in no way is on the same path, but he will eat healthy if I am cooking. He is very supportive to say the least. This is about you and not her. Period. Why hold someone else to your standards? Let go of the control and let her live as she wishes. I am in no way trying to be mean, everyone just has their own path. Find someone you connect with on an emotional level and who is supportive and work at that. Who knows, maybe one day you find someone who is all about fitness and you fall off the wagon and then what? Do you want that person to just drop you or and not support you? If you really like this woman, talk to her and give her a chance to support you. If you don't like her much then the writing is on the wall.
  • phatnotfat81
    phatnotfat81 Posts: 171
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    If it were me, i'd say don't waste your time...i'm in a similar situation..except i decided to get healthy and he still hasn't (years later)..in fact he has gained a lot of weight and a whole lot more bad habits....now since i've gotten healthy and fine, lol...there's the jealousy issue...i can go on and on, but you get my drift....get you someone who's gonna support you and care about themselves as well.
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    No, I wouldn't since I'm in the gym almost everyday and fitness/health is a very important part of my life. I want to be with somebody who is going to take care of themselves as well.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    It depends how 'against' your lifestyle the person is - I'm a keen runner and I hit the gym a few times a week. I also (try to) dodge greasy food as it often disagrees with me. My other half is less keen on the gym and likes fine foods but he still supports my health kicks e.g. by using cooking sprays/low fat creme fraiche/extra veggies when he does the cooking.

    Someone doesn't have to have exactly the same interests as you, as long as they're supportive and they understand why it's important to you...I couldn't care less about Formula 1, but it keeps him happy! :wink:

    This!!!
  • Yrla
    Yrla Posts: 19
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    Well, if fitness and healthy living are things that you define yourself by, then perhaps getting together with someone who is not at all interested in those things might pose a problem. But I really think it depends, mostly on what else you have in common and what you like about each other.

    My partner and I are polar opposites when it comes to food, nutrition, health, and fitness. He has zero interest in any of those things (including food - he only really eats because he has to, and mostly things out of a packet), whereas they are very important to me. But he is a kind person and will humour me to an extent and listen to me talk about a new type of workout, or come with me to the whole foods market, just like I will discuss the ins and outs of the English football premier league with him (luckily I really like watching football as i used to play myself,but have absolutely no interest in talking about it!).

    At the end of the day, we have a lot of things in common, especially the things that really matter to both of us, such as basic values and political views, and we are in the same line of work. I can't lie though, I do wish he had a bit of an interest in health and fitness as it's a big part of my life, but the fact that we differ so much in this regard is certainly no impediment to our happiness - because we are compatible on lots of other ways. So I guess that's what it comes down to really. Do you have other things in common with this person? And, most importantly, can you respect her choice to live her life as she wants to and would you be prepared to accept her exactly how she is without trying to change her? If the answer to these questions are no, then I'd say move on.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    Another thing to think about is that all of us age if we are lucky. And with that comes all type of health issues, etc. There may be a day when you can't be active. Do you want someone who is caught up in only that or do you want a supportive other half no matter what life brings?
  • myth4ever
    myth4ever Posts: 372
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    Another thing to think about is that all of us age if we are lucky. And with that comes all type of health issues, etc. There may be a day when you can't be active. Do you want someone who is caught up in only that or do you want a supportive other half no matter what life brings?


    But being active today gives you a chance at a better tomorrow.....being inactive now promises you what? That's the deal when you couldn't care less about taking care of your body and health. Who wants to be a caretaker for a loved one at 50or so? Because they refused to make different choices at 25-30?
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
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    I think you would be wrong. As long as she isn't sabotaging you and your goals, why does it matter?

    I agree with this. My husband eats like 4000 calories a day and excercises once a week for like an hour. Total opposite of me. We never fight. About anything. We just accept that we have different goals in that regard.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Another thing to think about is that all of us age if we are lucky. And with that comes all type of health issues, etc. There may be a day when you can't be active. Do you want someone who is caught up in only that or do you want a supportive other half no matter what life brings?


    But being active today gives you a chance at a better tomorrow.....being inactive now promises you what? That's the deal when you couldn't care less about taking care of your body and health. Who wants to be a caretaker for a loved one at 50or so? Because they refused to make different choices at 25-30?


    DUUUUDDDEE, you know what you gotta do, just do it . The longer you wait the harder and messier it will be. And be up front and honest about why you are moving on. None of this, its not you its me crap. We do not learn from our past relationships to grow unless we understand the lesson of that relationship.

    I also wanted to add, I am a recovering alcoholic, coming up on 5 years into the program and of the dozens of people that I see get into a relationship with a heavy drinker, thinking they would get them in AA, 99% of them that stayed in the relationship ended up drinking................just sayin.................

    You can do better. I know I am glad I did not settle for anything less than exactly what is perfect for me. Health and fitness is one of the most important things in the world. To all these people trying to shame you, shame on them. The only thing that this relationship is going to lead to is a big, fat, resentment.

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