Parents and Birthday Parties... WTF
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This^^ I have teenagers 13 and 15 and I still make sure I have some way to get in touch with them and whatever adult is responsible before leaving them anywhere. They don't do sleepovers unless I have spoken to the parent of the other child. This to me is not "helicopter", it is just common sense.I think most posters are missing the point. it's not about to drop off, or not to drop off. It's about common courtesy of introducing yourself and making sure it's ok to leave your child and as I said previously, making sure that parent has a way to et a hold you in an emergency. I'm not opposed to dropping my child off at a party if I know it's ok with the party parent.
Y'all beat me to it. :laugh:
Exactly, there is a big difference in being responsible and just dumping your kid off into the unknown.0 -
Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
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If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.
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Exactly, I extended an invitation. You do not have to accept if it's not convenient for you. At the very least call ahead and make sure it's ok to bring multiple children or drop one off. It's called common courtesy
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If I wasn't specifically included on the invite, I'm assuming it's for my child. If you want parents to say, indicate it on the rsvp. How hard is "You and your child are invited....." many parents assume it's just for the children and make other plans. Only to find out later "uh yah, you must stay" I've always introduced myself, gave my kid a talking to, and then asked when I should pick the kid up. I would have hated it if my mom hovered over every activity and every birthday party. Maybe that's why I was more independent and why I teach my kids to be independent and not afraid of every aspect of their life. expecting some evil man lurking behind a bathroom stall door.0 -
There is a HUGE difference between a Helicopter Parent and a Heads Up Parent. I want my children (ages 11, 9 & 6) to be independent and aware. I provide them with safe and entertaining environments and actively supervise them. It is never my intent to interfere with their play, only ensure that they are safe and acting within appropriate boundaries. I have exposed them to many different places from a young age and they have grown knowing our family's expectations and values and the general norms of our current society. I cannot be there for them each and every second of the day and I feel re-assured knowing that I am/have been constantly teaching them to be self-functioning members of society.
That being said... My children do not invite children to their parties that our family does not know well. And we do not accept invitations from families we do not know. Does that make my kids mad sometimes? Of course, but mad or not, the choices we make as parents are sometimes tough to enforce. I make it my priority to be a part of their daily school lives so that I meet and get to know the families of children that they associate with.
As for sport related items that some have been discussing. A very successful man has been quoted as saying that the most important part thing that his Dad did for him growing up, was to be there, watching. Each and every practice, each and every game. That man is Wayne Gretzky and I take his sentiments to heart. My young hockey players can always look into the stands and know that, even for a practice, at least one of their parents are there to see them succeed or even fall. Same goes for my little figure skater. Is it practical with 3 kids?? Not at all, but I do it. Last season the arena staff joked that they would set up a cot room for me as I LIVE at the rink.
It was my choice to have these beautiful children and it is my job to see them through to adulthood and beyond. No one ever said that parenthood was fair, relaxing or fun and games... but it sure can be rewarding!0 -
Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.
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Exactly, I extended an invitation. You do not have to accept if it's not convenient for you. At the very least call ahead and make sure it's ok to bring multiple children or drop one off. It's called common courtesy
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If I wasn't specifically included on the invite, I'm assuming it's for my child. If you want parents to say, indicate it on the rsvp. How hard is "You and your child are invited....." many parents assume it's just for the children and make other plans. Only to find out later "uh yah, you must stay" I've always introduced myself, gave my kid a talking to, and then asked when I should pick the kid up. I would have hated it if my mom hovered over every activity and every birthday party. Maybe that's why I was more independent and why I teach my kids to be independent and not afraid of every aspect of their life. expecting some evil man lurking behind a bathroom stall door.
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How is staying in the same building "hovering over every activity"?0 -
I guess technically I am considered somewhat "new" the parent game, my daughter just turned 5, but I do not just drop my child off at parties even when it's an "offered alternative" nor have I offered others to do so for multiple reasons- I think it's rude. I feel that too many people nowadays have this " that's not my child, so it's not my business" mentality, which can result in a poor outcome for any child. There has yet to be a reason that I can't take an hour or two out of my day to attend the party with my child, if for nothing else to be a helping hand if necessary for the host. I would only even consider doing that with close friends and family and I can't think of a reason as to why I wouldn't be at the party in the first place (so again no reason for me to drop my kid off and go) With that being said, I attended several parties as a child without a parental figure and I survived, so to each it's own.0
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It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!
See this all the time at my sons basketball practice. Only 2 or 3 parents ever stay. I have always felt that sports involve the whole family. In the past my oldest played baseball. I was there with him for all practices and games. Thank goodness I was. The coach was charged and imprisoned for molesting over half the team! My son obviously was protected from this. The coach tried many times to offer rides to games and practices so I didn't have to go. So yes maybe I am a helicopter parent. I have a darned good reason to be!0 -
i have NEVER left my kids at a Birthday Party even with people that i know & trust (like close friends and/or family). i don't hover over them, but i don't feel that it's fair to ask the parent(s) of the b/d child to watch over 10 - 12 or even more kids. i have a 7 y/o & a 6 y/o. Granted, Chuck E. Cheese isn't my idea of fun, but i've gone there on multiple occasions for my kids & probably will in the future. Whenever just 1 of my children got an invitation to a party, i have called the parent & asked if it would be a problem to bring my other child & pay for the extra child. (If they said it was okay & refused to let me pay for my other child, then i have gotten their child a bigger gift to compensate.) To date, no one has said no but if they did i would make arrangements for a babysitter for the other child. i DON'T think that security at Chuck E. Cheese is tight enough to keep someone from walking off with a child, at least not where i live. There are plenty of times that i've seen the front door not even have a staff member there, just the little ropes to keep people from entering/leaving. i believe that as a parent, we have a responsibility to keep our children safe to the best of our ability. i realize that accidents happen but know that i would never forgive myself if one of my children got hurt due to my neglect - which is what leaving your kid(s) with someone you don't even know is in my book.
SN: when my niece was about 6 y/o, i was at the movies with her Mom & younger sister. She had to go to the restroom (go figure after the huge Coke she had drank), so we were walking down the stairs in the theatre to go out when a lady stopped me & asked if her daughter could go with us also!!!!! My mouth dropped open & before i knew it my niece had said, "Sure!" & took her by the hand. We were in a dark movie theatre & i couldn't tell you what this lady even looked like but she was okay with asking a total stranger to take her daughter to the bathroom! That was 10 years ago & i still look back & shake my head at how irresponsible that was.0 -
I really don't see a problem with dropping your kid off at a birthday party. I get that the parents don't know you however your child is the one who invited the friends to this party and the parents are obviously assuming you're NOT psycho. If your child has a friend over do you expect the parents to stay and have coffee with you while the kids play because they don't know you? No. And as someone else stated it's a party for children, not parents. I wouldn't expect the parents to even want to stay at a kids birthday party.
In our case, we explicitly state that the parents are welcome to stay but not required to. The host/hostess usually plans snacky foods and wine for the parents who stay, we throw the kids outside and let them play, and the parents who want to stay all catch up, occasionally checking outside to make sure the kids are still alive.
We alternate when attending parties for my daughter between socializing with the other parents and taking a couple of precious hours for a quiet meal out. There are some parents who usually drop off/pick up, and some who usually stay. There are a few like us who alternate between the two.
But we also know all of the other parents in our daughter's class and we can all trust each other. And we'll quite often get a response from several parents asking if we would rather have the help managing the kids or not, and they'll base their decision on that.
We're way too rural to have a Chuck E Cheese nearby, though, so parties are usually at a local bowling alley, function room in a small local restaurant, or at the parents' home.0 -
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.
Yeah, and a tornado might pick up your house and drop it in New Jersey.
This is a poor argument - everything can and does happen, just not with equal likelihood.
Your kids are far more likely to die from a car accident, because *you* put them in a car and exposing them to great risk... than being "raped/murdered in the bathroom" by a stranger. If you think these are even close to being equal, you are functionally illiterate when it comes to assessing probability and risk.
People are very bad at overestimating risk when it is shocking (terrorism/pedophilia), where boring/common risks (swimming pools/car accidents) are grossly underestimated. Just because there's malevolence behind it, as opposed to being an accident or natural disaster, doesn't change how likely it is to happen. It just makes it scarier and seem that way.
What would you rather be? Actually be safer, or just feel safer? Wait, don't answer that...
Read the other part of the argument before quoting me...my statement was to her response that they make sure children have matching wrist bands with parents before they can leave Chuck-E-Cheese as if that could stop an attack. My point is that predators do frequent establishments where children are roaming freely and that a simple wrist band is not going to save them. Where there is a will, thee is a way. I am completely aware that my kids are much more likely to die in a car wreck...I still wouldn't drop my 6 year old off at Chuck-E-Cheese and let them stay alone with some kids parents I had never even met. Just because statistically nothing will happen doesn't mean it won't.....no reason to get snarky.0 -
It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!
I think it is the opposite now. In the 60s-80s, parents didn't watch their kids every movement and now you get parents arguing with teachers over bad marks, instead of getting upset with the kid.
This is not even the same as staying with them at a birthday party. I just spent my entire weekend at the soccer field, I also spend my entire weekends in the gym for wrestling, on the mountain for skiing, weeknights for 6 weeks at baseball games and whatever else my kids are doing. But I'm not going to hang out at my 9 yo soccer practice, wrestling practice or birthday parties that are meant for him and not me.
Of course I will go to all the games, if he does sports, but not practices etc. My parents didn't miss one of my football games or track meets, but they never attended any practice.
Sorry, erick, I wasn't referring to your post, I only meant to quote the first comment. I totally agree with you.0 -
It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!
See this all the time at my sons basketball practice. Only 2 or 3 parents ever stay. I have always felt that sports involve the whole family. In the past my oldest played baseball. I was there with him for all practices and games. Thank goodness I was. The coach was charged and imprisoned for molesting over half the team! My son obviously was protected from this. The coach tried many times to offer rides to games and practices so I didn't have to go. So yes maybe I am a helicopter parent. I have a darned good reason to be!
Good reason to stay...One of us is always present at practices too but not for the same reason. A couple of years ago my son broke his arm at football practice. I would not have forgiven myself if we werent there to take him to hospital.0 -
Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.
Exactly, I extended an invitation. You do not have to accept if it's not convenient for you. At the very least call ahead and make sure it's ok to bring multiple children or drop one off. It's called common courtesy
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If I wasn't specifically included on the invite, I'm assuming it's for my child. If you want parents to say, indicate it on the rsvp. How hard is "You and your child are invited....." many parents assume it's just for the children and make other plans. Only to find out later "uh yah, you must stay" I've always introduced myself, gave my kid a talking to, and then asked when I should pick the kid up. I would have hated it if my mom hovered over every activity and every birthday party. Maybe that's why I was more independent and why I teach my kids to be independent and not afraid of every aspect of their life. expecting some evil man lurking behind a bathroom stall door.
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How is staying in the same building "hovering over every activity"?
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For me, it's teaching my kids over time to be independent, self-reliant, responsible, gain common sense, and all that fun stuff so when they get older, they're more secure with themselves when they're on their own. My kids and I have a very honest and open relationship, they tell me most everything. When something questionable comes up, we discuss it and various way to handle similar events when the come up again. I have been preaching "DO NOT ACCEPT DRINKS FROM STRANGERS" since middle school when at a party. If you're at a party and you drink goes missing or is unsupervised, get a new one. every. single. time.
They feel confident being out on their own when they do their stuff, and I don't worry *as much* I know I have taught them all their bases and what to do when they're in a sticky situation. from drugs to "wtf, where am I ? I am so lost it's ridiculous" They have built up trust with me, broken it down and had to regain it. Can you achieve this by attending every birthday til they're 13? sure. But I prefer letting my kids live their life with out mommy checking on them every 15 minutes. because, lets face it. You're at chuck's. what else is their to do outside of popping prozac and ripping your hair out?0 -
Things that were perfectly fine and safe when I was growing up just aren't safe anymore. Especially for girls.
What changed? Or is it that you just see and read about it more as the media puts more emphasis on it?
Society has deteriorated drastically since then. When I was growing up if you were in a group of people all adults would be looking out for all of the children whether they knew them or not and would even reprimand them if they were doing something wrong. Nowadays people don't pay enough attention to their own children let alone any one esles. But even if they did pay attention you can't say anything to anyones precious little snow flake about their unsafe behavior because the parents will jump all over you.
I completely disagree. When child abductions first began being publicized in the media in the 60's and 70's, parents said the EXACT same thing, that society was deteriorating.
Same thing as adults like myself saying that teenagers have no respect now and that we never acted like that in the 80's/90's. Guess what parents in the 80's were saying? Something along the lines of "teenagers have no respect, and I would have never spoken to an adult like that".
The PERCEPTION of crime increasing is greater than the actual statistical danger. That being said, if you want to be at a party with your kid, that's totally fine. Just don't judge the parents that are comfortable enough with what they've taught their children they feel they can run over to Starbucks across the street and read while their kid enjoys the party.0 -
Things that were perfectly fine and safe when I was growing up just aren't safe anymore. Especially for girls.
What changed? Or is it that you just see and read about it more as the media puts more emphasis on it?
Society has deteriorated drastically since then. When I was growing up if you were in a group of people all adults would be looking out for all of the children whether they knew them or not and would even reprimand them if they were doing something wrong. Nowadays people don't pay enough attention to their own children let alone any one esles. But even if they did pay attention you can't say anything to anyones precious little snow flake about their unsafe behavior because the parents will jump all over you.
I completely disagree. When child abductions first began being publicized in the media in the 60's and 70's, parents said the EXACT same thing, that society was deteriorating.
Same thing as adults like myself saying that teenagers have no respect now and that we never acted like that in the 80's/90's. Guess what parents in the 80's were saying? Something along the lines of "teenagers have no respect, and I would have never spoken to an adult like that".
The PERCEPTION of crime increasing is greater than the actual statistical danger. That being said, if you want to be at a party with your kid, that's totally fine. Just don't judge the parents that are comfortable enough with what they've taught their children they feel they can run over to Starbucks across the street and read while their kid enjoys the party.
If you read all of my posts, I never once judged anyone. Whereas the people that say they would stay have been called helicopter parents, over protective etc.
I don't really care if it is just my perception over statistics. I don't feel that things are as safe now as when I was growing up and could leave the house and daybreak and not return until dinner time.
I choose to not ever have to worry about that time I left my kid at Chuck E Cheese with a stranger and something happened to her.0 -
I do not drop my kid(s) off @ birthday parties, unless I have already talked to the parents, or already know them. Even with my teenager, when he asks me to go somewhere he knows I want to know the details (who will be there? Where is it at? Will so& so's parents be there?).
I have had real life experience with other parents leaving their kids @ a party. When my son was 9, I threw him a halloween party for him and his friends. Out of the ten 9 year old boys, one parent came up to introduce themselves, leave me an emergency contact number, etc.... The rest of the parents dropped their kid off in front of my house.
So I had 11 boys in my care, and I had the emergency information for one child.
I would be very uncomfortable leaving my child @ a halloween party w/out AT LEAST meeting the parents.
It's an individual comfort level. I am not comfortable leaving my child with a stranger, nor am I comfortable leaving my child with a child care provider w/out some type of emergency contact information.0 -
As a kid, my parents never stayed at my friends' birthday parties. It never occurred to me that parents should. I think it's a grey area and probably depends on how you were raised. If you want parents to stay, I recommend stating that on the invitation. And not picking such an obnoxious place to have your kids party. Hey, if my kid was going to chucky cheese, I'd get the hell out of there too.0
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I think most posters are missing the point. it's not about to drop off, or not to drop off. It's about common courtesy of introducing yourself and making sure it's ok to leave your child and as I said previously, making sure that parent has a way to et a hold you in an emergency. I'm not opposed to dropping my child off at a party if I know it's ok with the party parent.
Agree but also it's important to let the parents know ahead of time that they are expected to stay for the party if that is what you want and need.0 -
Some of you people are crazy, your children are your greatest gift, call it what you want but I NEVER leave my kids with strangers and I rarely leave them with people I do know. My kids learn to do things on their own and to get over their hangups. When they are young I am right there and when they get older I will still be watching but out of their view. I AM overprotective and intend to be until the day I die, if there is one thing God or the cosmos won't judge me for it's being a negligent parent.
And really if someone shows up at a party and leaves their kid I will tell them to pack up their kid and take him/her too. I am not here to babysit strangers kids. I don't care if some kids parents don't like me or are pissed I won't do their job for them.0
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