"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"
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Has anyone ever gotten this "compliment" before? Why am I not stunning now?
Idk, it just hurts...like the only way I'll ever be desirable is if I'm skinny.
Been there - done that - still get this one.... but you are stunning now - so shrug it off - ppl are so shallow. :flowerforyou:0 -
Erm hang on... To the person saying appearance is the attraction and weight isn't attractive etc...
It might be the INITIAL attraction but it certainly ends there if the person is a complete ar$e. There is Celebrity Big Brother showing at the moment in the UK and there is a model in there called Jasmine Lennard. She is a nice looking woman, she says herself she needs to put on weight, but man she has a horrible personality. She picks fights, tells lies about the other housemates and is an out and out vile individual (In my opinion obviously not gospel). To me she looks ugly. Her face looks too big for her body, she has straggly hair and sallow skin. I didn't notice those things before she started being a total b1tch. Go figure.
I used to date a man who was a Gym manager. He had a handsome face and a really buff body. He was also as interesting as watching paint dry. After a few weeks I found him thoroughly unattractive.
So you can speak for yourself thank you, attraction is the whole package NOT just a physical appearance of a person.
SO TRUE!!0 -
yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.
THIS!0 -
i had a lot of i dont date fat people in a 3 week period when i started trying to date again but at that time i wanst as big as i am not i was 50 lbs lighter but i was still kinda heavy0
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Mine was pretty specifc lol You would be so hot if you lost 130 pounds in the next 6 months. i will even buy you a sexy black bikini. That came from a complete d-bag that I stopped talking to on that day. I was awesome/hot enough to sleep with ...but anyways. Have a real man now lol0
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I've always gotten. "You're so pretty for a big girl" or "you would be so sexy if you just lost a little weight.0
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People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.
I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.
AGREE!!
I'm pretty much a 2 bagger fat or skinny so it's what I've got to work with!0 -
It's a weird concept that talking about weight is so taboo given that it's a very publicly displayed concept.
Sugar coat it all you want, if you are fat, you are fat... You may be very nice, clever, funny, brilliant, that's great! But you are also fat. And physical attraction is very personal, usually not that rational, and it is very possible that someone can't get over this fact. At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.
Rejoice in the fact that you can do something about it at least. Hey, you could be dumb, now that's harder to fix
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When I started lifting weights as part of my weight loss plan, my own Mother said to me "You're going to end up being built like a brick **** house, I thought you were trying to LOSE weight"
I think people just don't realise how insensitive, rude and unhelpful they are being.
I just politely tell them that I am not lifting weights to fit in with their fat-phobic, beauty ideals learnt from years of media indoctrination, but so that I can hit harder.0 -
I always found the "You would be stunning if you lost some weight" a strong motivation. I did drop lots of weight and people who told me that owned up to this and are my biggest supporters now. Sure I wont date them , cos they are shallow pr*cks but atleast they are honest shallow pr*cks
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If you feel good with your current weight and body just reply to this backhand compliment: "i'm stunning now, thank you very much" cos that is what you are really . Why should you care about someone elses tastes and standards if you are /happy/ with yourself?
If you want to lose some weight, use this as motivation.
But never ever let it hurt you.0 -
After I had my daughter, a "friend" said "well you're gonna lose all that weight arent you?" " I cant have fat friends"0
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People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.
I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.
Maybe, but physical attraction is something on its own, a separate concept. Maybe you can actually go above this puny mortal concept, but I somehow doubt it, and even question why you would do it... It's not about having a 6-pack or corresponding to what society tells us beauty of physical attraction should be, it's about being compatible with the other person, with their expectation of their partner.
There are 7 billion people on the planet, I really don't see why you should settle for someone with who you'd not be happy in that part of your life. And again, it's personal, and has nothing to do with society standards. Some people would never go out with fit or slim people, love handles are a must, and that's fine as well. Who's to say anyone is wrong with who/why they find attractive...0 -
That was just mean! I think you are beautiful now! Weight loss hasn't made me any pretty it's just made me thinner. I still look like me, i didn't become carrie underwood. Darn it! You either are or aren't and weight loss just makes you healthier.0
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skinny is more attractive........... to most people anyways.0
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yup. came from close friends too. sux to hear.0
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I had my best friend (at the time) say it to me....when we have pretty much the same body type.
It stings to this day! But she can suck a lemon, I'm beautiful inside and out.0 -
Yes constantly. Really annoying. It makes you so self conscious.
As if I don't know that I'm a little overweight, do you really have to point it out?0 -
Came from my ex-fiance. Too bad I didn't get angry about it then, just butthurt. If I had gotten angry about it I would have been 98% of the way to world domination, instead of 82% as it currently stands.0
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boy oh boy. my dad told me that.0
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well technically, he used the work "knock-out".0
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I've been hearing that since I was about 18 and started to actually care about my appearance. It's a double-edged sword....I think that usually when people say it, they mean well. Sometimes, though, they can't understand why it would be hurtful. I understand that I have the potential to be a frickin hottie...but that means that right now I'm still fat, and that's the part that sucks. I try to use it as motivation, but sometimes it still just makes me feel like crap because of how far I am right now from my goal.0
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I've gotten, "You're face is cute but..." and then he proceeded to look me up and down to finish that sentence. Needless to say I never saw him again.0
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Has anyone ever gotten this "compliment" before? Why am I not stunning now? Idk, it just hurts...like the only way I'll ever be desirable is if I'm skinny.
Yep , and (from a very drunk person in the pub) 'I'd ***** you if you were thinner' which got ' Yeah ? I'd **** you if I had no self respect'
However I know my bad one is saying 'Nice face , shame about the mouth' when I hear some of the yelling like a hoyden that seems to go on round here..0 -
Yeah I might be fat... (I know you didn't mean me precisely) but in future is it ok for me to say "Yeah nice face, you have a massive hooter (nose to those not in the uk lol), get it fixed and I will date you"? Or "Yeah but you are a prawn - nice body shame about the face"?It's a weird concept that talking about weight is so taboo given that it's a very publicly displayed concept.
Sugar coat it all you want, if you are fat, you are fat... You may be very nice, clever, funny, brilliant, that's great! But you are also fat. And physical attraction is very personal, usually not that rational, and it is very possible that someone can't get over this fact. At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.
Rejoice in the fact that you can do something about it at least. Hey, you could be dumb, now that's harder to fix
No, it isn't. There are ways to politely decline someone if it is in a dating situation.
Or that they are that obsessed with weight that they can't see beyond weight on someone else??At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.
Family, I can accept it from them... Strangers, I won't. They have NO right to speak to someone like that.0 -
The sad thing is, I believed that crap in high school. But now, (if anyone had the stones to say it to my face) they'd be seeing me walk away as fast as my thick legs could carry me. I'm now with someone that is actually lamenting the fact that this weight loss is causing my butt to shrink - an asset (pun intended) - that he very much appreciates.
Ignore the jackwagon that uttered those words - and be proud and confident with who you are now.0 -
It's been said about me, but not to my face. It sucks! But the real beauty is on the inside and you damn well know it. So shake that nonsense off and do what is best for you because that is why you are really here.0
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OOo this thread is too real. My worst one was from a girlfriend of mine while we were out at the bars:
"I admire the fact that you are so confident. I mean, I know that you are a bigger girl, and that by societal standards, I am prettier than you, and considered more attractive because I am skinny, but you never let that phase you. Even though I get more attention from guys, I want you to know that I admire your confidence either way". WTFFFF!! It was totally out of the blue too. Made me feel like ****. I wanted to say, 'well damn! I was confident because I never thought of myself that way! Thanks a lot for the boost!" Grrr.0 -
Girl, forget them! I was stunning when I was slimmer and I'm still stunning now. See yourself beautiful and learn to not care what other people think.
I once had a man to tell me that I was an uglier version of Oprah Winfrey. I laughed in his face and told him I don't give a damn what somebody like you thinks!0 -
yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.
yup0 -
This is my general reaction:
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