"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

uhohkerri

wow I read through this entire set of post and responses. I can't say I have ever had this problem, simply because the only people who have ever said I was pretty where the people who sought to take advantage of me. I don't get complimented ever even in a cruel way so um wow I would love for someone to tell me I had a pretty smile or anything. heck all I get from my husband is I love you no matter what you look like. I am the picture of a plane Jane type of person. so to be told your stunning even with the added b.s. statement at the end I would not take offense to. you should take that statement for what it is that person finds you to be a threat so while complimenting you they have to put you down as well to make sure you don't get confident enough to overcome their "I'm better" attitude.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I really don't know why all of you are acting as if it's some kind of insult being told you'd be prettier if you weren't so overweight.

Let's be honest with ourselves here, the vast majority of people in the world, bar the odd fat fetishists and BBW fans, generally don't find very overweight and obese people to be attractive to look at. They take one look at the huge amount of flab bulging out and the fat rolls and the muffin top and the double chin and they find it very hard to find that person physically attractive because of it, even if they have a beautiful face.

Come on now people. You have to admit that. If YOU thought fat was attractive, if YOU thought that you looked just as beautiful fat as you do skinny, you wouldn't be on this site trying to lose weight in the first place.

I don't think I've ever *said* 'you'd be so pretty if you lost weight' to anyone because I'm worried that they'd take it the wrong way, like all of you seem to. But I've certainly thought it in my head. I have one friend for example who is very obese - BMI of about 37 - but has always had SUCH a pretty face and I just think it's such a shame. Rip me to shreds if you will; she has a really pretty face now, but which ever way you slice it, there's no denying that she really would be so much prettier if she wasn't so huge. And that is how most people feel. Sorry if it offends you.

I'm not on this site to lose weight -- just maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Maybe stop projecting your perspective in to everyone else. Also maybe stop assuming that everyone thinks like you, and you are just brave for speaking up. A lot of people don't think like you and actually are applauded when another person's worth determined by their weight.

Being attracted to heavier people isn't "odd", it's not a fetish. It's common. You dismiss it because it doesn't fit into you narrow definition of beauty.

bgelliott

I think a lot of people just don't know how to properly communicate and some are just outright dumb.

I always get the "You look great for having 2 kids"! Really...so if I looked like this and didn't have kids I wouldn't look great? Explain that one to me...!

Like I said, stupid, stupid stupid and some are just mean!

asnnbrg

Come on now people. You have to admit that. If YOU thought fat was attractive, if YOU thought that you looked just as beautiful fat as you do skinny, you wouldn't be on this site trying to lose weight in the first place.

I don't think I've ever *said* 'you'd be so pretty if you lost weight' to anyone because I'm worried that they'd take it the wrong way, like all of you seem to. But I've certainly thought it in my head. I have one friend for example who is very obese - BMI of about 37 - but has always had SUCH a pretty face and I just think it's such a shame. Rip me to shreds if you will; she has a really pretty face now, but which ever way you slice it, there's no denying that she really would be so much prettier if she wasn't so huge. And that is how most people feel. Sorry if it offends you.

"Sorry if it offends you" is sort of the same thing as a backhanded compliment. In other words, it's definitely NOT an apology.

Regardless, why is it a "shame" that your friend has a beautiful face and is overweight? Really, why is that a *shame*? Surely she has other redeeming qualities besides her face? Surely she's worth more than her body? Because as far as I can tell, right now you're only concerned about the fact that she doesn't fit into your narrow standard of beauty, and THAT is what you find a shame. Some friend.

Oh, and as for why people are on the site? Don't try to speak for everyone. You may be trying to become more attractive to others, but I'd suspect plenty of people are just trying to get healthy, become more self-confident or simply feel good about themselves. Most people don't spend their lives obsessing about what other people think of them (or their looks).

CookieCrumble

It's a weird concept that talking about weight is so taboo given that it's a very publicly displayed concept.

Sugar coat it all you want, if you are fat, you are fat... You may be very nice, clever, funny, brilliant, that's great! But you are also fat. And physical attraction is very personal, usually not that rational, and it is very possible that someone can't get over this fact. At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.

Rejoice in the fact that you can do something about it at least. Hey, you could be dumb, now that's harder to fix

I really like this post. I've read all of the others and some I agree with slightly but others make me want to weep with frustration. I really despair when I read posts like, "She's slim and pretty but has no personality"... because guess what? I know some very fat people with no personality too. Your weight doesn't define what's inside you BUT it can and does often define how you present yourself to the outside world.

There is far too much of a taboo about weight; people baulk at the comments of loved ones who point out, legitimately, that they've put on a lot of weight or it's time to slim down. If your loved ones can't tell you - who can? Would you not want to be told that you have bad breath or that you have BO? Would you want to be ignorant of that or would you rather that someone who loves you tells you this. They still love you - will always love you - whatever 'defect' is mentioned, it's not a reflection on you, just something that you need to be aware of. I know there will be outraged posters who feel that "I don't need to be told I have a weight problem, thank you very much...", perhaps. But maybe, just maybe, we don't recognise just how much weight we've piled on. I have been remarkably adept at skirting past mirrors without looking at myself. When I finally slowed down to actually look, I was appalled and wished that I hadn't blotted out the reality for so long. What a waste of time it all is!

For the posters who've commented that their grandmothers pointed out their weight... mine did too. I think this might be because in the last 30-40 years we've got fatter as a nation and our grandmothers, whom we might not see too often, notice the weight gain, which is in sharp contrast to how people used to look - and they comment. Not because they want to hurt but because they want us to stop doing this to ourselves. That's what I think anyway.

So, we have a choice... we can either face the truth or we can gather up the world's cliches that 'celebrate' overweight and brandish them like impotent talismans... we can do that. We're lying only to ourselves and kidding nobody else. People's comments should have no power and no credence to derail us from improving our lives if that's what we want to do. The question is, do we really want to? Anytime I hear that somebody has quit because of a 'nasty comment' I hear "excuses", which is all they are.

I don't mind truths... even if they hurt. That's what truth is. I can't stand deception and whilst I will never knowingly hurt another person with my words, I might well think that they would look better taking off a few pounds - and they know it too, deep down. All this bluster about "Yes but I'm awesome whatever my weight"... if the person truly believed it and lived it - they wouldn't be on MFP and this thread wouldn't be so long. It strikes a chord with so many, including me, and I vowed when I started here to stop lying to myself and finally acknowledge that I have a weight problem and actually, it's NOT ok to continue with it.

dmpizza

Adorability;
What really helps is smiling.

Dulcemami4ever

I have been told this before. Strangely enough it was from women. I haven't really had problems with men like that.