"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

farroz

I dont take to much offense to it. I know I am overweight and I know I looked better when I was thinner my facial features were more defined, clothes fit better and looked better on me. The funny thing about obesity you cant really hide it so why lie to yourself or others about your weight or goals. Everyone here wants to be healthy and thinner. Being thinner looks healthier and therfore is more attractive to people, including prospective mates. I dont mean to offend anyone but I too find people at a healthy weight more attractive. I think people can be overweight and still be beautiful but when you get obese then something needs to change, hence why I am here. I also think most people want those around them to be happy and many think being thin equates to happieness. Which may or may not be true. Lastly most of us on here who are overweight are unhealthy because we have made poor food and exercises choices and therefore can control are weight and when we dont that in itself is unattractive.

CJ_Holmes

I think part of the problem is that people seem to think women owe it to the general public to look a certain way. The people who say things like this are assuming that of COURSE one of your priorities is to be approved of for your looks, based on a pretty narrow standard of judgement, and they have a right to offer their take on your looks. I mean, hey, we are on a fitness website, but let's question the idea that it is our duty to be asthetically pleasing. People have great reasons to lose weight and take care of themselves. We all like being attractive, but I don't know why people feel like their opinion is asked for.

remisenforme

Years ago, a boyfriend said to me "You'd have a great figure if you lost some weight." I was too kind to say to him "And you'd be handsome if only you'd have a face transplant."

hahah

iLoveMyPitbull1225

thats such a mean thing to say. I really dont think I would ever say this to someone. Most of the time (dont kill me people) its men that say these kinds of things, or other dumb things because they just dont think about what they say before they say it.

KristysLosing

My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."

Wow...seriously? :noway: Some people have no boundaries...

unsuspectingfish

It's a weird concept that talking about weight is so taboo given that it's a very publicly displayed concept.

Sugar coat it all you want, if you are fat, you are fat... You may be very nice, clever, funny, brilliant, that's great! But you are also fat. And physical attraction is very personal, usually not that rational, and it is very possible that someone can't get over this fact. At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.

Rejoice in the fact that you can do something about it at least. Hey, you could be dumb, now that's harder to fix

People were calling the Olympic athletes fat. OLYMPIC ATHLETES. There's calling a spade a spade and then there's calling a spade a shovel because it doesn't fit into your ridiculously distorted view of size and "beauty". Plus, whether it's "publicly displayed" or not, your body is still YOUR body, and no one has the right to tell you what you should do with it unless you specifically ask them for advice.

Shausil82

I hated hearing that when I was bigger. it made me want to punch anyone who said that. I would tell them that when I do lose weight, it would be to benefit my health. Who give a rats butt about being stunning? I'd rather be healthy.

raven3lise

wow basically me

lilsaph

:

Umm yeah...lol we call those a "double bagger"

I see guys on this board, amazing bodies..and well the face doesn't match...he needs a bag over his head...poor fella. It goes both ways.

I call them prawns, keep the body lose the head

laughingdani

Was it a guy that said it? I'm sorry if you've already answered this.

When a guy says it, he usually means, "You're pretty now, but I'm only willing to date you if you're smaller. So hit me up when you've lost weight." Sad, but true.

Regardless of who said it....if they can't appreciate you NOW then they don't deserve to be in your life.

FitBunnyEm

Yes ive been told this in the past...and now i say - screw you to the guys who said it...

leafstucker16

Your beautiful, don't ever let anyone make you think different

Yieya

ugh I have heard that MANY times! :mad: When I was 12 this lady (total stranger) stopped me in the street and said "You are such a pretty girl, you really should lose some weight" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! I am 33 yrs old and I still remember that so clearly... I was devastated. I have plenty of other examples but you get the point:grumble: … Don’t worry, you are going to do this and then when you have reached your goal you can be an inspiration to others like you! You’re beautiful. Period.

bricktowngal

Yeah, people are so mean sometimes. They should look good and hard in the mirror before they judge anyone!

maspicantexfa

Response: "You would be so NICE if you'd just stop talking"

or, "Wow, did you just say that out loud? You must be so embarrassed!"

Bronx_Montgomery

I have said that before...but not in that way. Don't worry I do not discriminate woman on their size. I enjoy woman of all sizes and shapes. But I have said this about a bigger girl before "She is absolutely gorgeous, I could just imagine if she lost some more weight how ridiculous amazing she would look". I have also said this about a thinner girl " Wow she is absolutely beautiful if she was a bit fuller she would look even hotter".

But its all on personal preference. I wouldn't recommend changing yourself for anybody. Just be yourself and who cares what others think.

jacksonpt

Sounds like you need to accept that fact that you're overweight in what is generally a thin-centric society. For most people, over weight isn't attractive.

paperducks

I will never understand why many people go out of their way to be so mean.

Yieya

Sounds like you need to accept that fact that you're overweight in what is generally a thin-centric society. For most people, over weight isn't attractive.

Or it could just be that people need to learn manners and not have diarrhea of the mouth

kiminikimkim

"You would be STUNNING if you straightened your hair' - hairdresser
"You would be STUNNING if you had this shade of red lipstick on" - cosmetologist
"You would be STUNNING if you wore this racer-back camisole over your lace tank top" - Stylist


I think everyone says that. It is no big deal. I think if you are sensitive about something in particular, like your weight for example, then yes, one could find this hurtful. But I believe they are trying to give a compliment. Not trying to be spiteful.

lg3703

Say, "and you would be too if you weren't such an A**hole " =]

pabisc

I have to admit, my uncle actually said something like that once. Pretty much told me I wouldn't find a decent man until I lost weight. Of course my aunt is too thin - sometimes I feel like I'm going to break her when I hug her. It would be hard to live with someone who's expectations of me was to look like a skeleton.

I want to lose weight to be healthy.
I want to lose weight to feel good about myself and have more energy.
I don't want to lose weight to be pretty.

tdaddybarlow

People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.

If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.

I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.

I see what you're getting at and understand what you're talking about about; however there is quite the difference between being attracted to someone and someone being attractive. For instance, I think Rhianna is very attractive. Am I attracted to her? No. That chick has more issues than hoarders have tissues. I have to agree with kairisika with what she said. There is a standard of measurement that will always be in place...Heck! Everywhere else in the world uses the metric system while the US uses the standard. Why? It's what we're accustomed to and we just don't want to change it. Same with our standard of beauty. Would I look better with less fat around my face, neck, belly, and butt? Sure and I know this so therefore I have to work my butt off to get the job done because I love food way too much to just expect it to happen.
Please don't take their comments too seriously. They are just speaking from a place of societal norms.

Onaughmae

Sure...if I had a dime for everytime I heard "You have such a pretty face....." I would be rich now. Gotta love back-handed compliments....NOT

ZugTheMegasaurus

While some of the comments in this thread are pretty cringe-worthy (including the title example), I think people often find offense where there isn't any. If someone says, "You have a pretty face," the only one making that negative is you. That person didn't have to compliment you at all, but they went out of their way to do so. They could have said nothing or said something tremendously insulting, like, "Wow, you're disgusting and ugly." But instead they point out something good about you. How the hell is that an insult?

Honestly, I take the "you have a pretty face" comment as far more complimentary than "you're gorgeous." I tend to feel insulted by the latter. Why? Because I know it isn't true. I know I have some good facial features and am good at putting on makeup. I also know that my body isn't attractive and I dress like s*** on top of it. Somebody who compliments one is more likely to be telling the truth than the other. I'd rather take the real compliment than someone blowing smoke up my *kitten*.

mogletdeluxe

I used to get the "you've got a lovely face...*insert 'shame about the bod' here*".

Thing is, I knew they were right.

Did I have the same sense of humour; generous spirit; kind heart when I was several stone overweight? Of course I did. Did I know that being overweight, and the (whether I liked it or not) associated stigmas with that would be detrimental to my attractiveness? Yes. Did I know that my weight, in the eyes of the beholder, may stand in the way of their perception of said bleeding heart? Yus to that too. Didn't like it, but accepted it.

Is it rude? A little inconsiderate, yes. Was it true in my case? I think so. The truth did hurt. People MEANT well, but were just a little insensitive at times. Sadly, you can't go through life avoiding that.

anfechtungen

I think I would summarize this whole discussion with something my ex-Marine father told me early on in my often tortuous dating years (although I believe the original discussion was about rifles...but it still applies ): "Looks ain't everything, son." Damn simple and effective advice - been happily married for 20 years. Thanks Dad!

yoovie

ljaroch

I also have such a pretty face. Well, I do but I'm sick of it! haha. You know butterface - her body is awesome but her face, ug!? I like to say I'm a butterbody. See it's 2 fold because I am so pretty "but her body ug!", and it's a body made courtesy of butter.

Joking aside though, yes I am sick of people telling me I have a pretty face. Or "you would be so pretty if you just..." Yeah I know I need to lose weight, a lot of it, but people need to mind their own business. Either compliment something about me and shut up or just plain shut up.

Overweight people experience rudeness and discrimination, and I think that surprises some people.

stubbysticks

I've heard something similar before, but me being the type of person I am, I call people out when they say something stupid. If I heard that particular phrase I'd say, "You are SHOCKINGLY unaware of how offensive that is, aren't you?"