"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

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  • Askyewalker
    Askyewalker Posts: 40 Member
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    yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.

    ^^^This ....my entire life!
  • LaceyHas
    LaceyHas Posts: 1
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    I've been there soooo many times I really can't recall. I am a pear-shaped girl and everyone around seems so totally interested in my butt that actually my boyfriends turned kinda... obsessed. 'You'd be AMAZING with a smaller but, honey'. Yeah. And you'd be AMAZING with a brain.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
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    yup. it hurts just as much now as it did when i was 13. (now 36)
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    My grandma is the best at these sort of compliments. I have learned from a young age not to take her words personally, because she really doesn't mean them to hurt. Since getting pregnant here is what she has said:
    "your legs are getting huge, just like your mother's did when she was pregnant"
    "you're too pretty to be fat so you better lose the baby weight. I'll buy you sensa" (<lol)
    "You look like you're going to pop"
    "That must be a big baby"

    The list goes on. I love her to death, but she certainly lacks tact! I don't mind so much because I do know at least she will always be honest!

    And unfortunately, it is going to be a big baby!


    OP, you are stunning now and you should never forget it!
  • Firno
    Firno Posts: 22 Member
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    The first time I met my husbands Grandmother her words were, "You would be so pretty if you just lost weight." She would tell me this almost every time I saw her. It hurt a lot. I still think of this when I am working out for fuel to keep me going.
  • Stephanie_Autry
    Stephanie_Autry Posts: 228 Member
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    When I was overweight, my own husband told me this before we married. He said you would look amazing if you lost some weight. When he sees me now at my current weight- he says I would look amazing and have the perfect body if I was really skinny!!!! It's kind of frustrating because I want to lose more weight, but at the same time... I want him to except the way I look right now. Guess I can't please everybody! I'm trying not to get discourage though- I think that's why I been depressed sleeping all day the past few days.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    No one has ever said that to me. Maybe losing weight won't make me stunning.
  • MrsB123111
    MrsB123111 Posts: 535 Member
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    Story of my life...
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
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    My own father said that to me years ago. He wasn't trying to be malicious, he just didn't think. It had it's effect though and that is unfortunately irreversible.

    Same here. In fact I heard it from all my family. My stepmom put me on my first crash diet when I was 12.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    I hate the concept that this is somehow a backhanded compliment. Guess what? Most people that are overweight probably would look better, stunning even, if they became a more healthy size. Doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful PERSON, doesn't man you don't have a pretty face.... it just means that you have the potential to be healthy, fit, and gorgeous.


    Hows about you not give two flying trucks what people say about you and just feel good about you, who you are, what you're doing, and how hard your working to be that healthy, stunning person?


    Love,
    Fat girl with a pretty face
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    I'm sorry to say that I have said something similar to a girl *ducks*

    The way it came out and taken was not the way I intended it.

    She was a very cute girl and we were both overweight. My sentiment was that she was inherently a beautiful woman and that she could only get become more awesome, not less.

    Of course what came out of my mouth was just not what you say to girls. The moment the words came out of my mouth I knew she'd take it the wrong way.

    I think most guys that say that are not trying to be mean. They genuinely think you're beautiful. They just don't know how to edit in their heads quick enough (me included)
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
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    And for the record I like girls that are not that slim. I like slim girls too but there's something about a woman with a bit more ...
  • jfatheree78
    jfatheree78 Posts: 78 Member
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    The back handed "compliments" are endless. I always got "You dress really nice for your size".. Un, really? You can't just say I dress nice, or that I have good style? Are my clothes being compared to tents? I always resented that compliment even though I know the person saying it meant well.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    I'm stunning now. Meet Mr. Left Hook, bitc#. *punch*

    That's just how I roll.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    I hate the concept that this is somehow a backhanded compliment. Guess what? Most people that are overweight probably would look better, stunning even, if they became a more healthy size. Doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful PERSON, doesn't man you don't have a pretty face.... it just means that you have the potential to be healthy, fit, and gorgeous.


    Hows about you not give two flying trucks what people say about you and just feel good about you, who you are, what you're doing, and how hard your working to be that healthy, stunning person?


    Love,
    Fat girl with a pretty face

    Although I agree... the reason I have issues with these comments is because they are not in the least bit constructive or helpful.
  • HurricaneElaine
    HurricaneElaine Posts: 984 Member
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    I've gotten "you have such a pretty face" for my whole life.

    One night when I was in my clubbing days, I'm all dolled up, my younger brother Ed looks me up and down and says, "Damn, you'd be HOT if you weren't so heavy!" :grumble:

    BUT - when I was out at the clubs - a lot of the guys would tell me "You are the most beautiful fat woman I've ever seen"! Which I actually kinda liked! :blushing:
  • banshishi
    banshishi Posts: 197
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    Im new ..well more of a lapsed user..so first Hi...second yep heard it all the time, hear it all the time, and the worst offenders for it are women not men, and quite frankly I have never given a toss, it comes in the same treat with contempt catagory as..why would you want to have so many tattoos, you have such pretty blonde hair why do you dye it black etc etc etc... I dont care..I want to lose weight to be healthy, if I am stunning at the end of it, bonus, if I am not, thats just a matter of someone elses opinion, as long as my man thinks im stunning no matter what I weigh then all is kewl as far as I am concerned.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
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    I have gotten and still get these comments quite often. It probably stings the most from bumbling men.. but don't underestimate the emotional damage a superficial and conditionally loving mother can do too! It is such a letdown when the person passing the compliment specifies an area (such a pretty face).. or leaves the "but...." hanging in the air.
    It constantly reaffirms how much weight is tied to the conception of female beauty in our society..

    However. As I work to change myself (inside and out).. I can honestly say I know I look better. I might have had a pretty face before.. but to be honest, I do feel it has improved since losing some weight! It doesn't mean that I am any less worthy or attractive of a person on the inside. I have just learned to separate the physical from personality now. Just like being overweight isn't a personality flaw, neither is being thinner a personality positive. They shouldn't even be linked. Am I a better person just because I look better? No.. of course not.

    So now I am able to take a compliment and not have it tied in so closely to my conception of myself.. and the flip side of that is I can take a negative (whether it is meant that way or not), and roll with it much better, knowing that the other person is probably just trying to be nice, or is at worst, kind of an idiot.
  • rachael52
    rachael52 Posts: 86 Member
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    It's a stupid and thoughtless comment. Every day I read these posts of people who have been trying to lose weight their whole lives. It is hard, hard, hard. You joined MFP for a reason, you have your own goals and reasons, just stick to them... look what you've already accomplished. I bet you feel better than you did and what matters is how you feel. Good luck!
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I think people mean well when they say that. They just don't realize that it sounds rude. Whenever I see a person comment on someones weight they seem to think they're going to motivate that person some how.

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