That one friend who is not happy of your success...?

sedentarygeek

I have lost a significant amount of weight. Around 41lbs to be exact. Most of the people in my life have been thrilled for me and frequently express how proud they are of me.

However, one of my closest friends is just not happy with my weight loss sucess. She will never come out and tell it to me but her body language and tone conveys jealousy and anger. She says she's happy for me but I know she isn't. Just the other day she said I was the beautiful best friend (compared to her). She is constantly calling herself ugly and fat and it gets me upset.

A part of me almost feels BAD for losing weight. I feel like my success is causing her to be miserable. But I know I can't think like that. I just wish she would be happy for me and stop making me feel bad for BETTERING myself

So I have a question! Do any of you have a person in your life that isn't happy for your weight-loss success?

pudgeylou

I am sad to say that I also have a friend like that, I don't know that I can even call her a friend. She is so bad about things like this though that she isn't happy about anything that she thinks makes me better than her. It truly is just jealousy, and I wish I knew how to fix it but there will always be people like this. Maybe talk to her the next time she says something. It could also be that she is just fishing for compliments from you to make her feel better about herself too. No one likes to feel like the fat or ugly friend, but you should not be made to feel bad for bettering yourself.

NWCountryGal

Her happiness or lack thereof is not your responsibility, nor is it your fault. This is a sort of manipulative, controlling behaviour some folks try to pull on others. Don't buy into it. You are not doing her any favors putting up with it. I think one term is enabling. I think we can enable people not to get help for their bad behaviour.

denise:drinker:

I have lost a significant amount of weight. Around 41lbs to be exact. Most of the people in my life have been thrilled for me and frequently express how proud they are of me.

However, one of my closest friends is just not happy with my weight loss sucess. She will never come out and tell it to me but her body language and tone conveys jealousy and anger. She says she's happy for me but I know she isn't. Just the other day she said I was the beautiful best friend (compared to her). She is constantly calling herself ugly and fat and it gets me upset.

A part of me almost feels BAD for losing weight. I feel like my success is causing her to be miserable. But I know I can't think like that. I just wish she would be happy for me and stop making me feel bad for BETTERING myself

So I have a question! Do any of you have a person in your life that isn't happy for your weight-loss success?

jhunt90

I have a friend like that too, she's really discouraging and refers to my success in this really accusatory way as if I've done something wrong...

suzieqcookie

ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

apriltrainer

not my friends...but my own sisters.

My sisters...one of them says I have no butt. The other always posts about how far she's run on facebook..i.e.

almost everyday she posts, "I ran 5 miles today!" and I always congratulate her. Give her kudos. And other people do too.

Today I posted on my own facebook page that I won a calendar contest...and my sisters say nothing.

It's discouraging.

Katahna

I have one of those, stupid ****er can die in a fire for all I care.

Maddi_InBetweenDays

I lost a very good friend over my weight loss (we had some bumps in the road of our friendship) But she would say stuff like "and you said you couldn't lose weight because of your PCOS" (a metabolic condition that I have never used as an excuse.) or, "just don't get too carried away", or "you only talk about people at your gym". This is someone who lived off of diet coke and cupcakes and yelled at me for taking the stairs *down*. She was hard to deal with on a good day, but she was never supportive and actually did some very detrimental things. I don't think she was jealous or angry, I think she was intimated that I was getting on with my health, where she just wants to go out for dinner and have desert.

ConnieM20

yep, I HAD a friend like that. she would also try to sabotage my diet as well, she would say things like "I dont think youd look good thin" or "just have some nachos and cheese". and the best part of it all is she is a model!! like b**ch just be happy for me. I couldnt take it anymore so I slowly stopped talking to her, her negativity and constant remarks were just too much and I decided I didnt need or want it in my life.

ashlinmarie

I am glad to say none of my friends or family are like that. They aren't the most supportive all the time, but they aren't bitter about it. Of course...I am the fat friend (besides my friend that literally just had a baby 2 weeks ago).

My cousin shocked me though. We're always very competitive and usually just joke with each other and the other day on the phone out of nowhere she was like, "I'm really proud of you and your dedication to running." I felt over-joyed when she said that.

RawVeganFlirt

i have many i moved away after high school and started a new life and made the decision to be fit. while all my friends at home decided to party and over indulge and "let theirself go". only a few of my high school friends still talk to me. but they tell me that people gossip about me and the way i look in my newest pictures and its always rude things.. why cant people just be happy for others? my goodness

RobynMWilson

I had a girl I knew since grammar school recenlty passively-agressively attack me on FB by mocking me and posting how she had McDonald's instead of Shakeology for lunch and when one of her friends came to me for weight loss help is when all of this started. Her friend ended up blocking me when this girl was all over her wall offering to go to the gym with her, etc. Nevermind that she eats Dunkin, McDonald's all the time and drinks like a fish lol.

Bottom line, it's HER problem, not mine. I was upset, pissed, resentful and felt like a fool and then realized that people only treat me the way I ALLOW them to treat me and I wasn't giving her that power of allowing it to affect me. So I blocked her. She's the one that looks the damn fool, not me!

I get looked at as the "skinny *****" all the time at work too, because my coworkers don't realize I was once heavy and I'm a lot more down to earth and friendly than they wanna see since they don't really know me. I even had a girl say she was surprised I was so nice b/c she just thought I was a snotty skinny ***** till she actually talked to me. Again, their problem, not mine b/c I'm actually a very friendly person and professional enough not to be snotty to ppl at work, as much as I'd love to sometimes lol. Funny how as adults we are all still judged based on our appearance, whether good or bad...

sugboog29

ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

Are our moms related?? My mom too told me I shouldn't get rid of the clothes that have outgrown me because I'll probably need them again. I have assured her I won't. Then there is my sister in law. She is always trying to sabotage me, wanting to force food and alcohol on me, but I am strong and I resist! She seems, these days, to like to call me a "skinny lil *****". Sometimes it is meant in a joking fashion, but more than not it isn't. She told my other sister in law she would never let me be thinner than her again. I am not losing weight to compete with anyone, I am doing it to make me more fit and healthy.

The one I feel guilty about being around with my weight loss are my sisters. They are both obese and I fianlly have talked my oldest sister into losing some weight! She told me tonight she has lost 15 pounds, in 3 months!! I am so proud of her. Now if I could get my other sister to do something it woudl be great! But we all have to do it when we want.

amyoliver85

I actually have a friend who is doing that as well, and possibly to a greater extent.

She is approximately a size 20. I am now about a size 9. She always says to me, "People who are OUR size shouldn't dress like that" and she constantly sends me messages on FaceBook about "it's okay to be fat". She has told multiple people that we're the "cute" best friends because we wear the same size clothing and then she recently told someone that I am delusional and she's worried about me because I think I'm skinnier than her.

The thing is...your friend doesn't want you to be skinny. She wants you to be who you were when she was comfortable with you. Now you're bettering yourself and she does not have the strength to do the same.

I have done all I can with my friend. I invite her to go jogging or to hula hoop with me. I encourage her to watch her diet. She did a 5k a few weeks ago and then went and ate pizza and ice cream all afternoon and then had the gumption to tell me that I don't do enough exercising. I have learned to ignore her for the most part. I am getting healthier and prettier and skinnier. She is getting heavier. All I can do is move forward.

The reality is that you can try to be supportive to get your friend on the same track that she is jealous of, or you should ignore it.

NO PERSON DOES WELL WITH CHANGE.

That's why most of us have to try to lose weight over and over and over again. We like comfortable. And other people HATE when we change things about ourselves because they can't control the change. Your friend is simply trying to stop the change. She probably feels like you're moving forward and she's stuck standing still.

But like other posters have said...her happiness is not your problem. You want your friend to be happy, yes, but you can't make her be happy. You should NEVER feel guilty for bettering yourself and moving forward with your life. That doesn't help her one bit, anyway.

Just be your beautiful, healthy self. She'll either get on board, get used to it or leave of her own free will. Let it be her decision.

Hmwarren84

I feel your pain! Lost a friend recently and I believe it is because of that very reason. Once I dropped 40 lbs she started acting differently toward me. Pretty soon she was saying I was obsessed with losing weight and didn't have time to hang out with her. I will admit that I have been dedicated to making myself better and unfortunately that means I stopped drinking and going out to eat as often. Either way.. she has stopped talking to me and recently deleted me from facebook. I hurt from the loss of a friend but all my other friends have been understanding and have cheered me on through this.Any person who will make you feel bad for making healthy changes in your life doesn't deserve to be there.

Perfectdiamonds1

Sometimes in life you have to see what is more important. Sometimes with friendships you have to Separate to Elevate. Think about it. Everyone will not be as happy as you are about anything. Thats would be a good time to leave.:laugh:

Katahna

They don't realise that it's for you.. they are scared that you're going to out grow them...

Irish_eyes75

I'm in the "mom" club too. So sad that what should be our biggest supporter is the biggest source of pain.
Also - all my friends suck

brandipachter

Oh my! I thought I was the only one! I feel like friending every one of you! One of my (used-to-be) best friends is a bit of a fitness junkie. I think she was threatened when I started working out and getting healthy. She would make comments implying it was temporary, and even openly laughing at the thought of me working out. Sadly, we don't really talk much anymore. I just couldn't takethe negativity and critiscism from someone that was supposed to be supportive. I think it really says more about their character than yours. My advice would be to bring it up (maybe she's not aware she's doing it), and if she doesn't change it may be healthier for you to move on.

JaneDoughSanAntonio

I have one of those as well. (I think everyone has at least one!) Mine's a co-worker, though, so unfortunately, I have to "play nice," and hopefully one of us (hopefully me!) will move on to greener pastures.

She is CONSTANTLY bringing food and then she'll say something like, "I'd offer you some, but you're on a diet," like she's doing me a favor, but I know she's really thrilled to be publicly "leaving me out." I just shrug and politely decline.

She also says stuff like, "My sister's on a diet, you're on a diet, soon I'm going to be 'the fat one'" or "I could lose weight really easily if I wanted to, it's not hard."

I've been working my butt off at boot camp (well, technically it's still there) and walking, and trying my darnedest to eat right, but it is NOT easy. It's exasperating, but she's one of the most immature people I've ever met (and is 20 years older than me), so I try to ignore it as much as possible, and work my frustrations out at the gym.

MissSusieQ

my flatmate's like this.
she's overweight too, but shaped differently so wears a size smaller pants than me... until recently.
I've been trying really hard, and am starting to see the rewards, and that's when she started the snide little comments. I'm pretty sure she's just envious of my success, since she often talks about how she needs to drop a few, but never does anything about it.
i get really self-conscious when i'm making my meals in front of her, because my way of monitoring what i'm eating is to log and weigh everything, and it's like i should be ashamed of what i'm doing, and i am. i actually seel like a real idiot weighong out my food in front of her.
she knows i'm trying really hard, and she knows i have shocking will power, and she'll offer me sweets and treat foods, and when i say no thanks, this silence hangs in the air. or, she'll make me dinner as a thankyou for something i've done, or 'just to be nice', but she'll make something rich and delicious and dessert to follow, and will make it so i seem really rude and ungrateful if i say no thanks.
at one point, she decided to try to eat better, so bought bags of marshmallows as treats, since they're fat free. I pointed out to her that (nicely, non accusingly) a) fat free is not sugar free, and if you eat a bunch of marshmallows, your body just turns the sugar into fat, and b) if she doesn't regularly eat sweets and treats in her non-diet life, why would she add sweets when she's trying to diet? and she didn't speak to me for days.