That one friend who is not happy of your success...?

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  • girlykate143
    girlykate143 Posts: 220 Member
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    Sometimes in life you have to see what is more important. Sometimes with friendships you have to Separate to Elevate. Think about it. Everyone will not be as happy as you are about anything. Thats would be a good time to leave.:laugh:
    I love this!
    My problem has been that people who are around me all the time don't really notice and I've lost nearly 20 lbs. The people that haven't seen me in a while praise me about "how much smaller I am" or how well I'm eating. That 'how well I'm eating' is great to hear. They don't try to "strongly suggest" I eat their homemade cookies or drink their specialty cocktails.

    I just returned from a nice walk where it was more for relaxation and meditation than anything else. (It's a rest day for me.)
    What came up for me was anger and frustration... The know-it-all 14 year old step-son frustrates me when he's constantly making comments about my gross (i.e. healthy) food, or "wow, so you're off your diet ...why diet if you're just going to gain it all back." This is what he knows from his mom. I know that it's HIS insecurity, but what makes me irritated is that his dad doesn't correct him and stand up for me. So, the time to ignore might be coming to a close and it's time for me to actually call him out on his rudeness and insecurity.
    /end venting session. :wink:
  • icedragon009
    icedragon009 Posts: 7
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    I have a to be mother and law and sister and law that are like that. They have never said it to my face but have told my partner that I am fat, i should lose weight....I couldnt eat much around them even if I was starving because i would get these looks from across the table, would end up going home and having some vegies or something just to feel full.
    It is not a nice feeling to have people like them watching and judging you all the time. It's sad to say that his mum has now started at him calling him fat to his face, your getting bigger (after actually losing 5kgs)

    All i can say is, hold your head high. Be proud of what you have achieved. And if you feel better about what you have achieved and healthier too, hopefully one day they will see that too.
  • craftydeb
    craftydeb Posts: 77 Member
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    I'm afraid I would have to be as dismissive of that friend as (s)he is negative toward my success!
  • ahappydancer
    ahappydancer Posts: 34 Member
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    ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"
    Ouch. *hugs* :flowerforyou:
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
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    ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

    Are our moms related?? My mom too told me I shouldn't get rid of the clothes that have outgrown me because I'll probably need them again. I have assured her I won't. Then there is my sister in law. She is always trying to sabotage me, wanting to force food and alcohol on me, but I am strong and I resist! She seems, these days, to like to call me a "skinny lil *****". Sometimes it is meant in a joking fashion, but more than not it isn't. She told my other sister in law she would never let me be thinner than her again. I am not losing weight to compete with anyone, I am doing it to make me more fit and healthy.

    The one I feel guilty about being around with my weight loss are my sisters. They are both obese and I fianlly have talked my oldest sister into losing some weight! She told me tonight she has lost 15 pounds, in 3 months!! I am so proud of her. Now if I could get my other sister to do something it woudl be great! But we all have to do it when we want.

    My mom told me I am neglecting my husband by spending so much time exercising(she's always been heavy). My dad thinks I'm not losing weight fast enough(ex army, always been fit). My brother (17 and spoiled) refuses to eat my food, cause it's healthy and says I'll always be a fatty!

    My friends, (except one), coworkers, and my wonderful husband are super supportive! Wish my family was too
  • ricebarbiee
    ricebarbiee Posts: 58
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    Totally, last year when I went from 180 to 135, all my military wife "Friends" stopped talking to me. When I saw them again at homecoming they all ignored me and acted like they didn't even know me.
  • NYChick84
    NYChick84 Posts: 331 Member
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    Jealousy is such a disease. I hope your friend gets better soon.......
  • sugboog29
    sugboog29 Posts: 630 Member
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    "I could lose weight really easily if I wanted to, it's not hard."

    My sister in law told my other sister in law that should could lose more weight than me cause it's not that hard to lose it! I hate to tell her but actions speak louder than words!!!
  • piesbd
    piesbd Posts: 196 Member
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    Yes, I do. And, to make matters even more complicated she was my daughters God mother.

    We are no longer close. Different interests now, different lifestyle choices. we are still friendly, and if she needed anything I would be there to help, but no longer lose like we were.
  • piesbd
    piesbd Posts: 196 Member
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    Totally, last year when I went from 180 to 135, all my military wife "Friends" stopped talking to me. When I saw them again at homecoming they all ignored me and acted like they didn't even know me.

    Being a military wife for 13 years, I can relate to that.....
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
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    YES!!! My darling MIL. She's constantly throwing digs my way saying that I've lost too much or bulked up or whatnot. It's very disheartening and makes me feel bad about my progress. My hubby defends me saying that I look great and I'm happy and healthy. For reference, she's very overweight so a lot of her insults are born out of pure jealousy BUT it doesn't make it hurt any less, you know?

    I just try to avoid her as much as possible, lol. When I do see her, I never bring up my weight or workouts or things of a fitness nature. I wish I had some sage advice but Haterville will always have residents, unfortunately. :grumble:
  • Bizeebec150
    Bizeebec150 Posts: 88
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    Got one of those friends as well. She now wonders why I don't hang with her as much as I used to...

    I surround myself with like minded people. Much better off that way :)
  • tourettte
    tourettte Posts: 142 Member
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    For me that's my brother. He has a pathological need to put down everyone around him so I am not really upset about it. He's convinced he knows best and that although I am seeing improvement in my health and body shape he knows better.
    It's hilarious- a guy who's 24, lives with his parents, still gets allowance, can't find a job, get his drivers license, graduate college, have a stable relationship and move out knows best how everyone else should live :)))

    Everyone else is really supportive, especially people from work, a couple of them started working out too and we're going hiking on weekends on a nearby mountain.
  • michelejoann
    michelejoann Posts: 295 Member
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    ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

    Oh, that's just awful. : (
  • bobbinalong
    bobbinalong Posts: 151 Member
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    May I say that you ARE NOT the cause of her anger and frustration, she is. You ARE NOT responsible for her actions or attitudes. You are the winner here and be proud of your loss in such a way that it brings encouragement IF those around you chose it as encouragemnt. You go girl!!!
  • amycloutier
    amycloutier Posts: 6 Member
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    They don't realise that it's for you.. they are scared that you're going to out grow them...

    That's the thing, sometimes you do outgrow your friends. When I started this process, I had to change a lot of my past behaviors and that included the people I was hanging out with. Not that they aren't great people, but my lifestyle was changing and they did not want to change theirs.

    That is a part of life. I'm sure you will find a way to make the relationship work for you. You are the one that gets to choose the impact that they have in your life.
  • Karen98100
    Karen98100 Posts: 13
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    You most definitely should not feel bad. You've worked hard and deserve all the happiness that comes along with this major accomplishment. If she's unhappy with herself then that's on her.

    My best friend has made several rude comments since I've lost 20 lbs. One example is my boyfriend said to me while she was there, "my honey is so fit!" to which she replied, "pssssh hahah she's trying to get fit, not really working." My body fat % had dropped to around 22 from 30 at this point, she was just being outright mean. She, by the way, is 5'4 and 360 lbs, and I have never made comments about her lifestyle choices or body image. I cried, she had been making snide comments every time I saw her at this point. It's annoying but I know it's jealousy.
  • vacherin
    vacherin Posts: 192
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    So you've met her too, huh? She gets everywhere, doesn't she? What a shame so many people have to experience this.

    I, too, have a friend to whom I was very close until I made the decision to give up alcohol this year. The little digs and narky comments don't come so frequently now because I see much less of her (unfortunately that was the only way I could deal with the situation). But when I was seeing her regularly she would often comment about how she didn't see the point in what I was doing, and when I told her how much weight I'd lost (after she asked), she said, "Is that IT? In all this time?"

    Other friends have been very supportive in trying to minimise temptation for me, by suggesting meet-ups in places other than the pub, but she has gone the opposite way and actually tries to put temptation in my way because, for reasons unknown, she seems to want me to fail! Our husbands still meet up and go out together but I don't really see her anymore.

    Do you think your friendship could survive the, "Look, I don't know what your problem is but you're being a right grouch about my healthy living" conversation? I'm afraid I was a wimp and preferred to just stop seeing the person than have that chat.
  • michelejoann
    michelejoann Posts: 295 Member
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    There is one person who I can't say is NOT happy, but is more indifferent.

    When I say, "Hey, I'm going to go hop on the treadmill for 30 minutes!", I get met with a sigh and an eyeroll.

    Well, I'm sorry that I would rather focus on my physical and mental well being for half an hour, which in the long run will benefit you rather than sit and listen to you question your work, hate on your job (even though it's got great perks!), hear you whine and complain all night about your art and watch you snack on muffins at 11:00 at night.

    If he only knew that my male best friend just told me how great I looked, and that I looked like I lost more weight (after the 30 pounds lost mark when he last ran into me at the grocery store.)

    I just wish he (the person in question) would be more supportive. He has said that he is happy for me, but I literally have to pull it out of him. But I guess it could be how he was brought up, because his parents don't usually throw out too many compliments either.

    Mostly, he just needs a swift kick in the *kitten*. And if need be, I have a short list of people willing to do that.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    However, one of my closest friends is just not happy with my weight loss sucess. She will never come out and tell it to me but her body language and tone conveys jealousy and anger. She says she's happy for me but I know she isn't. Just the other day she said I was the beautiful best friend (compared to her). She is constantly calling herself ugly and fat and it gets me upset. A part of me almost feels BAD for losing weight. I feel like my success is causing her to be miserable. But I know I can't think like that. I just wish she would be happy for me and stop making me feel bad for BETTERING myself :(

    I'm going to go against the consensus here. She called you beautiful and herself ugly.

    Based on what you've said, she is not making snide comments at you (and a lot of posters have had examples of these), or sabotaging your efforts, and most of her anger seems inwardly-directed at her. She's calling herself ugly and fat, but you somehow are more concerned with how that makes you feel. She probably has a difficult time complimenting you, because that means she has to admit to her problems.

    I think she's looking for someone to reach out to her and tell her she's not disgusting, or for someone to help her.

    Anyway, it's a possibility. Can't really tell from what you've posted here since there's not enough context. But at least allow for the possibility that she's hurt herself, and not trying to crap on you.

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