That one friend who is not happy of your success...?

jpohoney

I also had a friend who was a trainer for many years and was shorter than me and stocky. I am tall and lanky (when I am not heavy) so when I told her my goal weight, she told me I should be heavier si I would weigh more than her. Any time attention was taken away from her she would hate it. Those types of friends are so self centered. I did always go to her for info because she was very smart with a lot of stuff, but I have opened my eyes and things started adding up.
There's no need to hate on us! be proud I say! Be proud of yourself what you think is really what matters the most!

cmcollins001

I was one of those friends about 7 years ago. Now before you start flaming me for being on "that" side, let me say this. At first I was happy for my friends weight loss, I was interested in how he did it, and I encouraged him, I was happy to encourage him. He was looking good, down 100 lbs in a year, and I was proud of him. The problem came in two-fold...the first one was that he constantly saying, "when I was fat this" or "when I was fat that" over and over and over again. It got to the point that every single conversation contained at least a dozen of "when I was fat" comments.

I'm fat. I know this. I knew it then and I know it now. It wasn't jealousy because he accomplished something I didn't. At that time I wasn't trying, not even a little bit. Honestly, for a good portion of my life I didn't really care. I was over my shyness and letting my weight control my happiness. If people didn't like me fat, screw 'em. The problem was, I couldn't be happy for him because he never gave me a chance....he was too busy patting himself on the back. I understand that losing weight is a great thing, and I've recently started losing myself because I'm getting too old to continue down my current path. Things have got to change. But, I don't want to be the person so can't talk about anything else but how great and wonderful I am, and not have anything else to discuss but diet and weight loss. He went so far as to write his own book about how to lose weight. It was filled with half-truths and a lot of misinformation, and when he had a registered dietitian read over it and critique the book, she tried to tell him she doesn't agree with half of what he wrote. He ended up telling her she didn't know what she was talking about and that he was 100% right, then he turned around and put her down as a point of reference to substantiate his claims. He self published his book and still, to this day, has 99% of them. We have been friends 2/3rds of our lives, we are 20 days apart in age, and we are still friends, 28 years now. He got mad at me one day and just jumped down my throat because I wasn't happy for him. I told him what I said here...."you won't stop complimenting and bragging on yourself to even give me a chance to be happy for you."

The second part was that we wouldn't stop losing weight. He ended up un-healthy thin. He couldn't find the balance, and he didn't listen to anyone who was concerned for his health. He said it was a challenge to lose another 5 lbs then another 5 lbs. He looked bad. Finally, he realized that this path wasn't good and he began to gain some back.

He's since gain all the weight, and more, back. Most of that was he got married, and she's not much of a cook so there's a lot of Mexican and KFC and buffet's. We talk about it some now and it's not a big deal anymore. Not because he gained the weight back, but he realized he was being a "conceited jerk", his words.

I'm not saying that you're the way he was, nor am I saying it's wrong to be proud of your accomplishments. You should, everyone should. I also know, exercising and counting calories becomes so ingrained in our lives that it seems as though we are consumed by this process. I've been on here almost 30 days now and I can see how fast trying to reach my goals is consuming my time, my energy, and my thoughts. I would be easy to get caught up in talking about nothing else with like minded people...and no one else. But I've realized that there's more to life then my weight loss. A lot of those things in life are why I want to lose the weight to begin with.

Again, I'm not saying you're acting like my friend did, and I'm sure your situation is completely different. I'm also not trying to say that I'm better than anyone else, I'm just me. Like me or not, I'm sure I'll live on. I'm just giving the point of view from someone who has been on the "other" side of this.

jojostar85

NEVER feel bad for something you've worked hard to accomplish!

If your friend doesn't support you, find new friends. It's not worth the energy if she's just going to sap it from you. You can help her, but if she's resistant to it, back away.

juliekaiser1988

Got one of those friends as well. She now wonders why I don't hang with her as much as I used to, but I just can't listen to it. I love her dearly... but I don't have to subject myself to bull****, either.


I surround myself with like minded people. Much better off that way

butterflylover527

Never feel bad for being healthy sweetie! I have a friend like this too. It's really rough and she's ALWAYS trying to get me to have a malt or a huge burger or some deep fried and when I say no she gets totally offended. I've only lost 20 pounds and it's kind of noticable but she never ever ever says anything about it. I don't know if she's jealous or what but I don't want to come out and say "hey, you should diet and exercise with me!" cause then she'll probably think I'm calling her fat, blah blah blah. I feel your pain girly.

I'm trying to ignore her negativity and focusing on what's best for me. Good luck!

reneelee

yep, I HAD a friend like that. she would also try to sabotage my diet as well, she would say things like "I dont think youd look good thin" or "just have some nachos and cheese". and the best part of it all is she is a model!! like b**ch just be happy for me. I couldnt take it anymore so I slowly stopped talking to her, her negativity and constant remarks were just too much and I decided I didnt need or want it in my life.

Yep, we need to be good to ourselves and have people in our lives that support us, not tear us down. Good thing about friends is you can let them go if they are hurting you.

Jemellc

I dont know how to explain this....but
kind of sort of stay away but stay close.....

Keep haters closer, they will make you achiever greater... They are actually motivators.

If they say dumb things that make you want to fail....REMEMBER WHY YOUR DOING THIS ( GOAL/S )

If someone is not happy....they dont like to see others happy.

REMEMBER....
"At the end of the day its all about you. - Planet fitness"

Hope this helps....
- J.C.

saford10

I have to say that I do not have people in my life that are like that. It is sad that so many of you do. All I have to say is that life is to short and you shouldn't have to have negative people in your life. Just remember it is their insecurities and they have to power to change their lives if they really wanted too. Their jealousy is just saying that they wish they were as strong and determined as you. You are just on a different journey than they are. Maybe you can encourage them to join you. Just don't let them bring you down. Keep moving forward in YOUR journey. A happier and healthier you.

danasings

Not anymore.

victoria4321

I had that one "friend". I had to cut her loose for that and some other reasons too actually.

Snuffle0107

Yeah I have a friend that is unhappy that I lost weight. We were close when were both big but as I lost weight she became more distant. Now she has gotten to the point where her comments are more hateful. She makes a point to pick at me about being too skinny or having little boobs and then flaunts her doudle d's. She has also mentioned to others that I probably don't ever eat. At this point I don't consider us friends but our husbands are friends so we are still around each other a good bit.

Jemellc

My friends tell me all the time....
" Jemell you wont be that squishy, or even FUNNY anymore"

I say... oh well. Im gonna love it !

tywayne7513

she is a hater

kimi131

Yep, I have a similar situation. I have lost 50 lbs and mostly everyone around me has been happy about my success. But I have one colleague whom i consider a friend who can't be supportive. She actually calls me a b**** sometimes and not in that funny way that friends sometimes do. She's never been happy about my loss. She makes comments too that it must be because I haven't had kids, which is a cruel comment to make because I very much want a family of my own. Funny thing is, she is actually fairly thin herself. I guess she just doesn't see herself that way.

Stardiva37

tell her to kiss your *kitten*..it is not easy to lose weight and you did an awesome job

tharrington82

OMG My mom said the same thing!

weighlossforbaby

Don't feel bad about your weight loss. She probably feels bad you did something to make yourself happy and she isn't. Don't let her get to you. :flowerforyou:

Elzecat

I have an acquaintance (not a close friend) like this...I generally keep her at a distance--she's fun to hang out with every once in a while, but because of some comments she made in the past regarding my weight loss, I don't particularly trust her with anything serious.

The rest of my friends and family are supportive. And I've made a lot of new friends in running groups and through fitness activities and been told by a few old friends that I have inspired them to try new things. So...it's all good.

islandnutshel

Your friend need to re-evaluate her feelings. We all have insecurities and jealousys but we need to get over them and feel good for our friend's sucesses.
I have the opposite problem. I feel bad that my best friend who I shared the mfp tool with has a harder time with losing weight. She does the daily logging and even eats less than me, but suffers from PCOS. She also works more days a week and doesn't have the same support that I have. So I am careful not to advertise my weight loss, and I work my schedule around her to get her out walking. I don't want her to have those feelings, it would hurt me to see her feel bad about her slower progress.
Only advice: Keep her included in your success. Thank her for any support she shows. Demonstrate that you value her friendship, and that it is something special.

PunkyRachel

Yea, she stopped talking to me. We were best friend for 20+ years, talked about everything, did almost everything together. Now when we do hang out she barely talks to me, when I talk to her she doesn't really talk back. I feel like she wants nothing to do with me its very sad. She is moody and pissy with me all the time. So I can't stand to be around her anymore and am ready to throw in the towel and say I'm done with you!