What gives with the nasty comments about my weight loss?
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Wow - people are jealous I think - i agree with those saying that....and i agree with the ones that say look them in the eye and say "you really just said that??"
My fiance's best friend actually told him that when I lost my weight that he figured I was probably then going to dump him...?!?!0 -
Hmm, me thinks you need some new friends. Your sister is a jealous hag. How rude of her. :huh:0
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ugh - I'm dealing with this too.
I have had friends and famly tell me they "hate me," my partner tell me it's "not fair," and been called a "skinny b!tch" by friends. All in the last week!
I typically just let it go, but it is hurtful and upsetting. I am working hard to take care of myself - it's not as though it happened by accident.
Take them as compliments, don't let it get to you. Like the others have suggested, openly confront them on their remarks.0 -
ugh - I'm dealing with this too.
I have had friends and famly tell me they "hate me," my partner tell me it's "not fair," and been called a "skinny b!tch" by friends. All in the last week!
I typically just let it go, but it is hurtful and upsetting. I am working hard to take care of myself - it's not as though it happened by accident.
Well... are they being serious or sarcastic? Is that just their way of telling you (in a round about way) that you're doing a great job? My friend lost 70lbs last year. We called her things like "skinny *****" and "skinny minnie" for a while, and sometimes still do! We were still fat; she had the discipline that we only wish we had! We were impressed. There was nothing malicious in our comments, as she was well aware. I doubt that any of these comments are hateful.0 -
I have noticed this as well!! Ever since it has been made known that I am trying to slim down, a guy actually went to the length of saying, "Well thats good, it has just been recently that you put on all this weight, and I know I haven't been the only one to notice". Which lead me to think all day well who else has been mentioning my weight behind my back?? And I try not to say anything to my family, or else I can never eat around them without them scrutinizing every calorie I consume.0
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UGH people have no tact...for me it all boils down to boundaries and being assertive. If someone called me a chair it certainly doesn't mean I am one! Keep moving forward and rising above. Use your voice ( although the punch them in the face comment had me rolling) LOL Lots of great advice...mean people suck..especially when they are family!
If it's not kind, necessary or true, shut the F*** up!
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this is why I don't like people and keep to myself....
jus sayin.
total agreement0 -
At the risk of defending your sister maybe she thought she was giving you encouragement (ie give you a goal to work towards), that being said the words are certainly hurtful. Just take it in good cheer, if you are really bothered by it you can always go talk to them, but it probably won't stop the insensitivity. Just find a measure of success that does not include them and bask in it.0
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I'm sort of blunt... well I'm really blunt. I agree- nothing puts people in check of their own stupidity like looking them dead in the eye and asking "really? You just said that to me? You think its ok to say things like that to people?" REALLY?!! If that doesn't work I also like "bite my a**"
This is how I handle it!0 -
My mom freaked out the other day saying I was going to break her plastic adorondac chair. Really? I'm not even 200 pounds! I was speachless and moved to a metal chair. I was very hurt.
Mom's can be the worst sometimes. It seems some can't stop themselves from projecting all thier own body issues on thier daughters. used to have similar issues with my mom. Luckily once I told her how hurtful it was and how it made me feel that all my other accomplishments didn't matter because I wasn't thin she backed off and we haven't had any issues since. Not everyone is that lucky. I have WAY too many friends whose moms just won't stop. All they can do is try to recognize where it comes from and not take it personally.0 -
Your sister sounds like a bit** (no offense to you). Maybe she should find herself a new bridesmaid and free you up to prowl the reception looking hot in your new body!!My sister said to me just the other day, "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding." My good friend said to me, in reference to my weight loss, "I need to start working out. I don't want to be the fat one."
Why do people think that because you're losing weight all of a sudden it's okay to say nasty things about your weight? It's like open season on commenting on my weight. I laugh it off but my feelings are bruised. What do you all do when people are thoughtless like that or just plain mean?
I think your friend was complimenting you --- but could do a better job of it.0 -
What?? I wouldn't even want to be in her wedding then.
^^Yeah, this! I have a bad habit of just saying the first thing that pops into my head when someone is insensitive. I would probably say "fine...I'm out!" And I might regret it later, but I would stick to it for the principle of the thing. What is wrong with your sister?!?
I had a cousin I was very close to growing up. When she was getting married, I was pregnant with my son...very pregnant. She told me it was too bad I was pregnant or I could be in her wedding. We have barely spoken since. Either you want to make me a part of your life or you don't.0 -
In the event you come across these and/or similar comments again:
Your Sister - , "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding."
You – “Who says when I do I’ll want to be in your wedding”
Your Friend - , "I need to start working out. I don't want to be the fat one."
You – “ Too Late” .0 -
My sister said to me just the other day, "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding." My good friend said to me, in reference to my weight loss, "I need to start working out. I don't want to be the fat one."
Why do people think that because you're losing weight all of a sudden it's okay to say nasty things about your weight? It's like open season on commenting on my weight. I laugh it off but my feelings are bruised. What do you all do when people are thoughtless like that or just plain mean?
I was pregnant when my "best friend" got married. I heard that right before the wedding she was telling people that she didn't think it would look right for a pregnant girl to walk down the isle. Seriously? 1) I was already married and had 1 kid and 2) I wasn't the one getting married!! Needless to say our friendship fell apart.
About 2 years ago she got back in touch with me and apologized.
Remember that she is your sister and you love her, but let her know that her comments are not okay.
As for your "friend": Sounds like jealousy to me. You must look FANTASTIC!!
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I had a cousin I was very close to growing up. When she was getting married, I was pregnant with my son...very pregnant. She told me it was too bad I was pregnant or I could be in her wedding. We have barely spoken since. Either you want to make me a part of your life or you don't.
How selfish of you! Don't you know the pictures are the most important part of a wedding!?!? :noway: :noway: :noway:0 -
Ugh, having same problems here. I've lost 19lbs (out of the 98 I wanted to lose) already and have just joined MFP for a bit of extra support. (I have hit a plateau)
My family have declared open season on commenting on how I look ALL the time, a lot of it rather back-handed compliments, which I find really hurtful. I also have a few friends who are trying to lose weight as well, one of them is awesome and says things like "I can SEE you're losing weight, I'm so jealous! What are you doing?", and another who is really bitter.
Bitter friend asks every week how much I've lost, she's very competitive, says things like "Oh I don't have time for that, I'm too busy" (in reply to me doing 30 mins elliptical every morning before my kids get up) or complains that she's been working really hard too and that "it's just not fair" that she's not losing too.
I've noticed she starts full on with exercise but doesn't stick to it, instead of easing into it as I have, and constantly slips up with food, every week it's a different diet of deprivation which ends in a binge. I've tried to be helpful and say things like "I'm using this website to keep track of absolutely everything I eat", and she'll rave on about her new magic diet. I have a Health Science background so don't need lecturing from her, and about a fortnight ago she decided from a magazine article that she's insulin resistant (which she probably is), but had to tell me ALL about it, despite me having battled it with my PCOS for years. I explained that yes I try to eat mostly low GI food but still watch my calorie intake, but she's busy eating way too much (especially animal fats) as long as it's "low GI". I tried to explain that yes, I'm insulin resistant too, and she completely ignored me, just lost in her excuses.
I guess her jealousy bugs me more than it would from any other person as she fails to see how hard I'm working to lose this weight, it's not coming easy for me but I determined to stick to it, & it'd be nice to get some recognition for the hard work, rather than just her pity party which involves putting me down.
I think some time avoiding her might be necessary to preserve our friendship. I know that sounds really harsh but I'm finding her constant personal attacks very deflating, I've never been able to use put-downs as motivation!
edited to add: sorry for the novel!0 -
A quick reply of "Wow - did you really just say that?" will stop a lot of people in their tracks.
Truth.0 -
PURE jealousy!
Simple as that. Losing weight is never bad ever.0 -
Seriously? "If you want to be in my wedding?" I would not WANT to be in a weding of someone so shallow, sister or not. HELL NO. Please tell her " no thank you" and go lose all the weight you want for yourself, and not for her and on your own healthy time frame. Be beautiful and stay strong!0
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I guess for siblings, I've never been timid at all. I'd just say, "what the f*** did your fat *kitten* just fart out at me, b*tch?" But, like I said, it's just my dimb-*kitten* sister. I'll say whatever I want.
The second comment was a compliment.0 -
Don't you just hate the plateau??? Ugh. I know I struggled after my first 19 loss. Then I got lazy and was not logging in each day. Gained back 5 ! UGH UGH. Trick your plateau. Eat way few calories about 2 days a week and make them back up on other days. During your workout go fast and slow, fast and slow. Not just a steady rate. This burns more. I have been doing this the past week and gave back a pound. I read an article from the Mayo clinic, I believe, and it said after 4 weeks your body gets used to what you are doing so you need to change it up. So I started taking a Zumba class once a week. So far just one and I am sore but hope to see more pounds leave me after the month. Be brave and strong. This is not easy. I know.0
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it is still ok to beat the **** out of your siblings even when your over 30 u know maybe you have to be a bit more carefull with non familly members :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. People have gotten so $hitty and passive aggressive with me about my weight loss.
It is so stupid. But it's not about you chickadee - you rock and you decided to make a change. Don't let the haters throw you off your path0 -
I had a cousin I was very close to growing up. When she was getting married, I was pregnant with my son...very pregnant. She told me it was too bad I was pregnant or I could be in her wedding. We have barely spoken since. Either you want to make me a part of your life or you don't.
How selfish of you! Don't you know the pictures are the most important part of a wedding!?!? :noway: :noway: :noway:
Yes and the memory of a very close cousin who was pregnant at the time should be a great one. :explode:0 -
I have one friend who has always been very heavy--she's 5'1'' and weighs 280. I'm 5'3'' and weigh 145. I still want to lose another 10 pounds or so, but I'm happy with the way I look and get a lot of compliments.
Three times since I have lost weight, she has pinched my stomach and says "you still have to get rid of this!!". (there really isn't even THAT much to pinch; my figure is hourglass and I don't typically gain weight there..). Usually I ignore her, but the last time she said it was at a party last week in front of about 10 of our friends. This time after she did it , instead of ignoring her I grabbed her SIZABLE stomach and said "what about this, what are you going to do about ALLLLL this?" and embarassed the crap out of her. Sorry, but she deserved it. Don't belittle me so that you can feel better about yourself.
(the sad part is--she's getting married in December and I am a bridesmaid. two out of the four of us in her bridal party have gained so much weight that there dresses don't even fit anymore--and no, I'm not kidding.)0 -
Unfortunately it's going to be a constant thing. Not sure how human nature came about like that but I prefer to refer to it as jealousy. You either get that or the constant barrage of friends that 'want you help' but insult every suggestion you give them. I just stopped. Gave up listening to people's negativity. Smile and do something to make YOU feel good about yourself.0
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My sister said to me just the other day, "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding."
If I was you. I wouldn't show up to the wedding just on the basis of that comment. You don't need to take garbage.0 -
A quick reply of "Wow - did you really just say that?" will stop a lot of people in their tracks.
This really works well. I have used that before.0 -
That's absurd that your sister would say that. I'm so sorry to hear that.0
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Don't you just hate the plateau??? Ugh. I know I struggled after my first 19 loss. Then I got lazy and was not logging in each day. Gained back 5 ! UGH UGH. Trick your plateau. Eat way few calories about 2 days a week and make them back up on other days. During your workout go fast and slow, fast and slow. Not just a steady rate. This burns more. I have been doing this the past week and gave back a pound. I read an article from the Mayo clinic, I believe, and it said after 4 weeks your body gets used to what you are doing so you need to change it up. So I started taking a Zumba class once a week. So far just one and I am sore but hope to see more pounds leave me after the month. Be brave and strong. This is not easy. I know.
Thank you for this! Definitely not liking the plateau! And funny you mention the four weeks thing because it's been four weeks since I started using the elliptical as my main exercise, I've worked up to doing 30 mins a day, so perhaps as you said my body has gotten used to it. I will change it up a bit. Perhaps doing 10mins elliptical, 10 mins bike etc. Thanks!
Loving this site so far!
edited to add to stay on topic: with great help like that I'm sure nasty comments in real life won't bother me so much!0
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