What gives with the nasty comments about my weight loss?
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one of my all-time favorite replies: Close your mouth, your ignorance is showing!0
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Kinda ironic that some women don't want to be the "fat" one at a wedding and would rather someone else be called that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
One of the many reasons I like to live with blinders on. I don't like training with people and I don't like sharing details about my weight loss strategy (any more).
People are annoying and offensive but they don't mean to be. We can't make them stop but we can choose how to take things.
I should take my own advice
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One of my best friends has actually said that same thing quite a bit... but about my sister. My weight loss is very much vanity, but my sister had been very overweight and dropped TONS of weight once she was medicated for PCOS and started actively walking. Now my friend is constantly whining about, "being the fat bridesmaid" to the point of making my sister feel bad. Plus, my friend has become very sedentary, has horrible eating habits, etc. Being so health conscious since being active on MFP, it makes me mad that she'd rather make others feel bad than try to actively change herself.
And on the "family note": family is the worst with comments. Hands down. No one can make you feel bad like a mother or sister commenting on your body
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My sister said to me just the other day, "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding."
I'm assuming this is a wedding where you are expected to flip the bill by buying your dress, shoes, accesories, pay to have hair/makeup, etc. I would save myself a few hundred bucks and tell her to kiss my fat *kitten*. What a b!tch she is to say that to you. She should have never asked you to be in her wedding if she cared about your appearance. I would not even attend her wedding much less be in it at this point.....but that's just me. Sorry she is such a brat!0 -
I have one friend who has always been very heavy--she's 5'1'' and weighs 280. I'm 5'3'' and weigh 145. I still want to lose another 10 pounds or so, but I'm happy with the way I look and get a lot of compliments.
Three times since I have lost weight, she has pinched my stomach and says "you still have to get rid of this!!". (there really isn't even THAT much to pinch; my figure is hourglass and I don't typically gain weight there..). Usually I ignore her, but the last time she said it was at a party last week in front of about 10 of our friends. This time after she did it , instead of ignoring her I grabbed her SIZABLE stomach and said "what about this, what are you going to do about ALLLLL this?" and embarassed the crap out of her. Sorry, but she deserved it. Don't belittle me so that you can feel better about yourself.
(the sad part is--she's getting married in December and I am a bridesmaid. two out of the four of us in her bridal party have gained so much weight that there dresses don't even fit anymore--and no, I'm not kidding.)
I'm sorry but good for her, she had it coming. She should've kept that as a private joke. I would never do such thing to my friend in front of a crowd, even if I know them.0 -
haters.
and those are just plain rude people.... I wouldn't want to be in the wedding of someone who would say something like that to me.0 -
I have one friend who has always been very heavy--she's 5'1'' and weighs 280. I'm 5'3'' and weigh 145. I still want to lose another 10 pounds or so, but I'm happy with the way I look and get a lot of compliments.
Three times since I have lost weight, she has pinched my stomach and says "you still have to get rid of this!!". (there really isn't even THAT much to pinch; my figure is hourglass and I don't typically gain weight there..). Usually I ignore her, but the last time she said it was at a party last week in front of about 10 of our friends. This time after she did it , instead of ignoring her I grabbed her SIZABLE stomach and said "what about this, what are you going to do about ALLLLL this?" and embarassed the crap out of her. Sorry, but she deserved it. Don't belittle me so that you can feel better about yourself.
(the sad part is--she's getting married in December and I am a bridesmaid. two out of the four of us in her bridal party have gained so much weight that there dresses don't even fit anymore--and no, I'm not kidding.)
My mom used to grab my stomach like that when I was a teenager if she caught me snacking in the kitchen. It didn't stop until I moved out of the house several years later.
So maybe I'm biased, but if a friend EVER did that to me, in public or private, there would be no public humiliation or turning of tables. I would tell that person that it is NEVER okay to touch me like that, ever. And then the friendship would probably end.0 -
You are a much better person than me! I have a mouth on me. And as for the wedding thing, I was recently kicked out of a wedding because I wouldn't have the money to buy it for another 4 days. She got real ugly with me over it and regardless we aren't frienda anymore. I honestly count myself as way better off!0
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People don't know that it hurts. I used to make comments like that in humor until someone told me how hurtful that is. I simply had no idea. Just tell them being called fat hurts, even when in jest.0
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Well, your sister just sounds like a bridezilla.
As for your friend, she obviously thinks you're looking good and losing weight. Let her use your weight loss as motivation for her own. Why is it a bad thing? You can do it together.
this seems spot on0 -
I usually come back with my favorite.... I may be fat, but you're ugly and NO diet will help that....0
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We call those people "haters."
Smack them from here to Mars. Curiosity needs some company.
Some people just suck. You are doing whats right by you and that is what matters. It's hard, but NEVER let them bring you down. You are strong! Strong enough to get where you want because you want it and smart enough to do it in a healthy manner.0 -
I usully come back with my favorite.... I may be fat, but you're stupid and NO diet will help that....
I edited it.0 -
I don't think either of these people were trying to be rude or bridezilla. We have no way of knowing the tone of voice, but I imagine the sister was just acknowledging your weight loss and trying to be funny - the same with the friend. the problem is that both of these comments were rather backhanded compliments. Kind of: "Wow, you used to be so fat!" I've experienced a bit of this myself (like my dad telling me after I lost 35 lbs. that he was so glad he could be proud of me now.) But I've just learned to take the intended compliment and throw out the unintended rudeness. Sometimes people who love you DO say stupid things
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I usually come back with my favorite.... I may be fat, but you're stupid and NO diet will help that....
I edited it.
I like the edit!0 -
Haha, someone at work said "Wow so to lose that much weight did you pretty much starve yourself? doesn't sound healthy to me." So I replied, "Well, no, but with how fat you're going to be with eating all that crap, perhaps you might need to"
It felt gooooooood =]0 -
kick em in the shins-hard0
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kick em in the shins-hard
I love you.
Shin kicks are boss.0 -
My mother in law (she's over weight herself apx 5'3" and weighs 290lbs) told my hubby last week he's getting fat. He's working on it (5'10" weighs 238lbs) but also runs marathons. He was really hurt by her comment.0
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It's because they see you succeeding it makes them feel bad, so they want to you to stay with them and not be a success.0
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Sheds some light on the whole "Attractive people are the mean ones" huh =]0
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:drinker: I would dump those *****es. Be proud of who you are and what your doing for yourself. They are just mean and you don't need that.0
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My mom freaked out the other day saying I was going to break her plastic adorondac chair. Really? I'm not even 200 pounds! I was speachless and moved to a metal chair. I was very hurt.
Wow 0 -
Family, unfortunately, comes with the territory. I have an older Aunt (she's in her mid-70s) who will say things like that, thinking it's okay. I also have an Uncle who won't speak to you if you so much as cross your eyes in his direction.
Your friend though sounds like one I used to have. She liked me because I was fat and didn't dress to impress guys and she was chunky and dressed like a middle class hooker. So guys would opt to talk to her anywhere we went, she even dumped some guy's friend on me (I was already dating by then) and the guy and I couldn't agree on anything so we decided on a "mutual dislike" and went our separate ways while my friend and his verbally screwed each other.
Family you can't really help except to tell them nothing or distance yourself and let them be the ones to contact you. Friends you can always tell them off straight or drop them like dumbbells. You don't deserve or need negative crap about something that's already hard and often emotionally trying.0 -
honestly, after blowing up at my friend the first time it happened i've just learned to kind of shrug it off now. when people KNOW you're doing this (as in working out and eating better, known to the non mfp world as dieting) it kinds of gives people an open door to have dialogue about it and usually its in the form of them judging you. don't let it get to you, just prove all the haters wrong and keep your head high.0
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I don't think either of these people were trying to be rude or bridezilla. We have no way of knowing the tone of voice, but I imagine the sister was just acknowledging your weight loss and trying to be funny - the same with the friend. the problem is that both of these comments were rather backhanded compliments. Kind of: "Wow, you used to be so fat!" I've experienced a bit of this myself (like my dad telling me after I lost 35 lbs. that he was so glad he could be proud of me now.) But I've just learned to take the intended compliment and throw out the unintended rudeness. Sometimes people who love you DO say stupid things
Even if they don't mean it in offense, if one does take offense regardless they need to know not to crack those sorts of jokes. I can be very blunt and straightforward in regards to advice and it often can come off as mean, but I won't know that until someone says something so if I continue giving them advice in that fashion eventually they'll stop coming to me or accuse me of something. A simple "that hurt my feelings" gets the point across on all levels.0 -
You have handled you mom-in-law's comments with a great deal of restraint as well as grace under fire. My compliments to you!
I think that it's o.k. to set boundaries on her behavior. You could ignore her comment and simply change the subject. That will usually do it for most people. If she persists, you might tell you that you appreciate her interest, but that this is a personal health issue that you are handling for now. Hope it doesn't ever have to go beyond that. Best wishes to you for a healthy and happy future!0 -
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Here are some suggestions on what to do with the money you would have spent on your sister's wedding, buying a dress, a gift, participating in an asshat wedding shower or a calorie laden bacherlorette party full of messy drunk bimbos:
Buy yourself new running shoes and work out gear! You deserve it and you've totally lost enough weight you need it!
Go on a weekend retreat for yoga or boxing or your sport of choice!
Get your hair and nails done some where super fancy!
Get a session with a personal trainer!
Go somewhere fun with someone who has been supportive of your journey!
Take the wedding weekend and go camping! You will have a blast and come back refreshed!
She totally doesn't deserve to have your awesome dedicated self in her wedding.0
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