embarrassment after losing weight?

Fedup85

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dw4378

In speaking for myself and even though I am far from where I want and need to be, some people have noticed my small weight loss and for me I think it is that I am so used to being unnoticed and in the shadows per say and not used to hearing many positive statements. So when something positive is said its like almost you don't know how to respond because you have never been there before, it's unfamiliar territory to receive compliments. You get used to people always telling you, you should lose weight or getting odd looks when you are eating a hamburger and fries if you are heavier almost as if they see you in disgust. I think for many of us this will definitely will be a learning process, but am hoping that one day I can hear "You look good" and for me to say "I know!! " :happy:

mwheatcraft54

I've heard this can be a problem. Can I say, I'm sorry your friends are so ham-handed. I'm sure they're trying to be nice, but if they could hear themselves . . .

Some people might be curious - like, how did you do it, I'd like to try too. However, none of it excuses rudeness. Honestly, it's rude to comment on someone's appearance other than the general, gentle "Wow you look great!" So go ahead and ignore them. You don't have to be embarrassed - you know what you've done and you should be proud, but don't let them feel anything else about your accomplishments.

MinnieInMaine

We're not used to the attention so it can be tough at first.

Here's the thing...you have to look at it from their perspective. They're happy for you and want you to know that they've noticed how hard you're working and that they're proud of you. Dismissing compliments is kind of rude IMHO. Even if you're not feeling it, just smile and say thank you and that'll end the conversation nicely. As others have said, you should feel proud of yourself - this is no cake walk! You're doing a fantastic thing!

As far as the backhand comments go.... When appropriate, have the same response (smile and thanks) whether you think they meant it as a compliment or they were being snippy (I love "killing with kindness"). And if they saying "you're getting too skinny", explain to them that this isn't about getting skinny, it's about being healthy and fit and they shouldn't worry about you starving yourself or anything like that. Sometimes a direct response is the best way.

emiahnissi

Yes, I know what you mean. I think I even blush when people compliment me about my weigh loss. Even though I ways to go. I was so embarrased yesterday at the gym. I was on the treadmil and this guy who I have seen many times in the Gym got on the treamil next to me and through the mirror he keeped smiling at me.. I got so self conscious. I am thinking he is laughing at me, but to my surprise when he got off the machine he said.. your looking real good keep up the good job. I think at that point I wanted the earth to swallow me..Why I should of been glowing but noooo my behind was motified,

megalin9

I have conflicted feelings about it and don't know why. I feel 100% proud of myself for what I've accomplished and really, sometimes, I feel full of myself! Haha. In my own head, I need to tone down the arrogance a little. But I've had two instances when someone has made a big deal of it, and I totally blushed, almost to the point of tears. I don't know what the heck was wrong with me. I like the compliments. I welcome the compliments. I know I'm lookin' so much better than I did, and I deserve the compliments for my hard work. Why in the world do I blush and get emotional?!

Rubie81

I'm always so proud whenever any one notices. It actually motivates me to continue.

anggoc

The last time I lost weight l got to my skinniest weight ever and also had the same reaction from people.Just stay positive ,stand tall be proud of what you've accomplished! I really let comments get me down,I was embarresed and just wished people would get used to me being skinny and healthy already! This time around I take compliments better( I didn't at first) I also am just focused on my overall health and don't let what others say get me down. Stay focused ,people just have to accept the new you.

kater8er

YES! This is so me! I get really embarrased. I think it's maybe because I never like to think of other people seeing me as *fat* or *chubby*...So when they comment on my weight loss, it makes me think I was somehow a bad person when I was bigger, and that I'm so much more valuable now, smaller.

ffhsanfran

People are made to talk, talk, talk, and bother each other. Any of them have offered help and support? Hold on to them. Trash the other comments. Comments, not people. Hold on to people. Or move to an desolate island.

Mistyblu08

I think women especially have this problem of being uncomfortable in their own skin...we are always looking for the flaws instead of the beauty and are always comparing ourselves to someone else instead of being happy with what we have....that being said ...just say thank you smile and walk away....those other people are just being Beeaatches cuz they are jealous!! Stick with it and ignore them....I went through the same thing the last time I lost weight from my own family....what happened? I gained it all back and then some....now the same people are like wow you need to lose some weight your getting heavy!!! How crass can you get? Love my family but they suck sometimes lol

ExerciseGeek

You will begin to recongise just how HOT you look and you will be able to proudly say yes I have lost weight, I work hard at what I do and im becoming fitter and healthier than ever, and I love it. Which is the reply which I try and say now. It leaves them thinking 'wow shes doing well for herself' and maybe motivates them too!

You look great, hold you head up and appreciate the compliments, you deserve them

MyMyselfI

Also...even though I am still a few lbs overweight compared to BMI...many closer friends make backhanded compliments like "are you done losing weight now" and "you're gonna blow away" or "your gonna disappear if you get any smaller" and they criticize me when they see my healthy foods or talk about joining a gym.

When it comes to groups dynamics (inculding friends), there is an unspoken hierarchy. Each group has a leader (the strong-willed person) that needs people that they feel superior to. Insecure people need someone even more insecure than themselves to feel superior. I am guessing that when you started loosing weight and looking even more fabulous you changed the dynamic of the group. Your confidence has gone up with each weight accomplishment. You are stepping out of your unofficial role, which is a good thing for you but a bad thing for the other insecure people. Thus, they are trying to break you down mentally with little backhanded comments.

Brush those haters off and keep it moving.

Time for new, supportive, and uplifting friends. Set some boundaries with them before they make you regress.

nxd10

I have three thoughts . . .

One, many people get embarrassed when complimented for an achievement - you did well on a test or just got an award. It's hard to react gracefully to achievement and weight loss is something that is hard for each of us to do and is also something that everyone has a hard time doing. Taking credit for that seems almost like you're bragging.

Second, saying you've lost a lot of weight also reminds you of how overweight you were. And that can be embarrassing. So when someone says WOW you must have lost 100 pounds! It's the same as saying 'Wow you were 100 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT!?'. That's even worse when you know you have more to lose. It's like being congratulated on no longer being the slowest runner in the class or the worst player on the softball field.

Third, it means people are looking at your body. And let's face it, many of us who have been overweight have always been embarrassed when people look at our bodies. And they ask about your weight - which is also an off-limit topic, like asking about your salary or your age.

Talking about your body is personal and not something you usually talk about with people you're not intimate with.

---

Why do people say 'you're going to blow away' or 'you don't need to lose more'? Because they're thinking about how great you look now relative to how they remember you. They're not thinking about how you look now compared to how an 'ideal you' would look. That ideal you is in your head, not in theirs.

I remember a friend's wife lost 400 pounds or so after bariatric surgery she had to have for her health (she was 26). I honestly did not recognize her and did not know what to say. I never said anything about her weight loss (which is why I don't know how much she lost - but she was the heaviest person I ever met and was only 5'2") because it seemed rude. But I'm from New England and I'm sure other people did. I could see in her face when she said 'hi' that she expected to have to go into a long explanation - and didn't want to.

Jexebel

I do that too. When someone says something I shrug and say "I don't know, I guess". It's pretty automatic, I can't stop myself. It is embarrassing. I KNOW they're complimenting me but it feels like they're acknowleding my fatness which made me absolutley hate myself, like really hate myself. Obviously I know everyone knew I fat before, but no one ever says 'WOW you're fat"...well most people. Plus I'm still super self conscious and fairly shy and HATE being the centre of attention and don't want to get into the "How did you do it?! Omg tell us more!"

I guess it comes off as rude but I can't help it.

BSmith0926

Some days I have good days and When people comment I say YES 37 Pounds and still counting! I plan to lose another 26 pounds and I am proud I am doing something for myself! Then there are day I want to crawl under something! I feel shame and tell myself I should of done something sooner. The bad days all I hear is Hey its about time you did something about your *kitten*! And really that's not what anyone has said, So like me Maybe as you go it will get better for you. Look in the mirror and decide are you happy with what you have done? If you are relax you will feel better soon with the comments If not then just keep at it and don't give up it will get better! Good luck I hope You feel better soon!

DoomCakes

What crappy friends... they should be glad. Tell them you're not doing it to lose weight to be skinny, you just want to be healthy. So what if you eat healthy food... so what if you want to work out. Maybe THEY need it, or will anyways (in the event they are the skinny girls that think they can always eat whatever, do nothing, and never ever gain a lb)

But I know what you mean. I get embarassed when people make note that I lost weight, or that I look good. I don't like telling them what I'm doing, I don't like talking about it to them, especially family, friends, and co workers. The only person who knows in depths what I'm going through is my significant other, because he actually sees it. I'm not doing it for them, I'm doing it for me. So they don't need to know what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, and I don't want to hear about it. But I'm strange. xP

susiebear29

I feel exactly the same, I also get sick of people commenting on it and calling me SKINNY I HATE THAT WORD!!!! why does it have to be such an issue?!!! people are funny aren't they!! you should be extremely proud of yourself and all your hard work don't let anyone take that from you

llamalland

I feel this way sometimes. On one hand, I'm eager to see/hear peoples' reactions when they see me, but if they say too much more than maybe, "wow, you look great," I feel embarrassed. After if they notice I've lost WEIGHT, they must have noticed that I was FAT before! I mostly thought I was sliding under the radar when I was fat..... not so much, I guess.

deksgrl

I understand being embarrassed, getting used to the changes you've made for your body is a process. Today I was at the grocery store and got checked out by 2 different guys and was mortified. It's definitely not a bad thing, just new and hopefully something I can get used to. You should be proud of what you've done for yourself and do not listen to the people who aren't!

This is a self esteem issue, and some people (like me) are like this even if they haven't been very overweight. I generally:

-don't notice if someone is checking me out.
-if I do notice then I think they are looking at the woman next to me, or something else. It has to be really really obvious for me to think they are checking me out. Then I don't feel good about it, I always feel like "what are you looking at?" and it makes me want to crawl in a hole.

Boyfriend says guys are always checking me out, and that it should make me feel good. He totally doesn't understand when I try to explain to him how it makes me feel.

happyfeetrebel1

I get it!! People tell me I'm 'too skinny' and I'm not. I'm just not morbidly obese like they're used to seeing me.

The funniest thing, is that while a few people tell me I'm too skinny, almost everyone approaches my hubby and asks him about it. (we work at the same place). I think it's funny that a lot of peeps won't approach me. I'm pretty outgoing, LOL

Anyway, I don't think most peeps are jealous. I'm getting GOOD vibes from people, I just think they don't know what/how to say stuff, or are worried that something might be wrong.

Flixie00

I get a lot of people saying to me that I must want to stop going to the gym all the time now that I am "skinny", I tell them that I am concentrating on strength training and that I am still overweight but that 1lb of muscle looks better than the equivalent fat. They have no idea what I am talking about, so just nod and say "that's good".

My best friend told me recently that I have an addictive personality and that this is just a phase I am going though, and that I will get tired of it soon. Had the opposite effect on me, makes me want to prove her wrong, so am looking to run a half marathon sometime in the spring of 2013.

Maryaly40

Yes! I get really embarrassed. Just recently, my husband was telling one of our friends how much I've lost and what I weigh now! :noway: I'm like Why are you telling him THAT???? He said well im so proud of you. See, this guys wife is overweight and I felt as though my husband was kinda "shoving it in their face" that I've lost the weight. That's when I start to feel "guilty" for being able to do this when others are not "ready"? Does that make any sense? There's emotional things that go on inside of you when you lose weight. Especially when you work so hard. Yea, and if I see a guy "checkin me out", I get really shy, embarrassed, feeling guilty cause way down deep inside, I like being "checked out". Am I crazy?????

MadtownMadisonian

When I was in my 20s I managed to diet and exercise my way from size 16 to size 8, and while I loved shopping for clothes for the first time in my life, I felt incredibly uncomfortable with being checked out on the street. Many years later I dieted from a size 26 to a size 16 (I think you can see my life pattern here, sigh...) and began getting the kinds of compliments you are talking about. The problem wasn't being checked out - by then I was middle-aged - but every "wow good for you" felt like a moment when I ought to say "well I should never have let myself get that fat to begin with, so I don't deserve credit for losing some of it." Same thing when I stopped smoking - all the "way to go" comments were met with a feeling of being undeserving of praise, as all I was doing was ending something that I was bad and wrong and weak to have begun,

I recently embarked on yet another effort - this time to go from size 26 to size 12 (or, more accurately, from someone with borderline high blood pressure, aching feet and sore knees to someone off medication and climbing stairs without huffing). And as I am only at the beginning, I am determined to hear the comments with equanimity and simply say "Thank you. It feels very good indeed."

Arrabindi

I know exactly how you feel. Before I started losing weight I didn't want anybody to know that I was unhappy with my body - there were a lot of insecurities I didn't want anybody to see. So admitting that I have actively done something to lose the weight is also admitting those insecurities. I have intentionally lost the weight really slowly, so when people comment on it, I usually say something like "Really? I'm not sure. I guess I have biked a lot lately, so maybe I've lost a pound or two, but my clothes feel the same." And if I'm out eating with people who comment, I always make it look like I'm definitely not trying to lose weight. I am getting a lot better though, and my amazing boyfriend knows about every single insecure thought in my head, so I don't have to hide anything from him.

splashangel

Yes! I get really embarrassed. Just recently, my husband was telling one of our friends how much I've lost and what I weigh now! :noway: I'm like Why are you telling him THAT???? He said well im so proud of you. See, this guys wife is overweight and I felt as though my husband was kinda "shoving it in their face" that I've lost the weight. That's when I start to feel "guilty" for being able to do this when others are not "ready"? Does that make any sense? There's emotional things that go on inside of you when you lose weight. Especially when you work so hard. Yea, and if I see a guy "checkin me out", I get really shy, embarrassed, feeling guilty cause way down deep inside, I like being "checked out". Am I crazy?????

I was intrigued with my guilty feelings once I read op's post and began to think. I have nothing to feel guilty about. The same woman I mentioned earlier is 100's of pounds over weight. I cooked for her for monthes.About 3. She lost while I helped her but as soon as i stopped she re-gained. I do not get why I would feel guilty around her. She is a precious friend who I love dearly so maybe that plays into it.
Now, about men checking me out. I get out my notebook and ask their name and the date if I'm not sure. I find out the time and log all this down. If "checking me out guy" offers a compliment ,I include that in my notes as well. I then go home and read it and re-read it over and over. Never letting that precious memory grow dull. Hey, 45 ain't what 25 was you know. :laugh:

denmark979

girl there's nothing embarrassing about being fit or healthy. you should tell them that maybe they need to make some changes.

Stephanie_Autry

girl there's nothing embarrassing about being fit or healthy. you should tell them that maybe they need to make some changes.

This ^ Haha! :laugh:

HorizontallyImpaired

Your mindset is still in the larger body... it takes longer for our minds to catch up with our bodies.
You are not alone! women especially have harder times accepting compliments and being noticed by men.
You will get used to it eventually

As far as your friends are concerned - it always seems like the ones that have eatting issues are the ones that arent as supportive.
I personally had a experience with this. I had to tell a close friend that I appreciate his opinion - but in the future to keep the comments to himself.

thenewmrsgant

I WISH someone would compliment my weight loss. I have officially lost 90 pounds since Jan. of last year and no one ever says anything nice to me about my weight loss. Must be nice! lol :grumble: