embarrassment after losing weight?

flobeedoodle

What bothers me is the inadvertently (I hope it's inadvertent,) nasty things people will say about "fatter me". Especially since I'm still obese, just less obese. It let's me know that however polite they may have been to my face, they were in fact judging me for my weight when I was >250lbs. This makes it highly likely that they are judging me for my current weight, too.

splashangel

I WISH someone would compliment my weight loss. I have officially lost 90 pounds since Jan. of last year and no one ever says anything nice to me about my weight loss. Must be nice! lol :grumble:

90 pounds!! WOW! It's hard to believe no one has said anything. :flowerforyou: Great job though on the loss.

skessa

What bothers me is the inadvertently (I hope it's inadvertent,) nasty things people will say about "fatter me". Especially since I'm still obese, just less obese. It let's me know that however polite they may have been to my face, they were in fact judging me for my weight when I was >250lbs. This makes it highly likely that they are judging me for my current weight, too.

yep. same here. I have to say that no one usually comments on my weight loss (it's not a lot compared to what most of you did, but I think it's visible), and sometimes I think it would be nice if someone did. But then, would not saying "wow, you look good! have you lost weight?" automatically mean they thought I was not looking good at all when I still had the weight? And even if I thought so myself, I still would not want to have it rubbed in that they thought so, too...

kgprice11

you should feel accomplished but yes you will feel embarrasses because you will think "did I really look that big or fat" Honestly no you didn't not at all you just bettered yourself as a human being and sculpted your body in a way that you want to picture yourself!! Be happy any enjoy your new life!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Maryaly40

Yes! I get really embarrassed. Just recently, my husband was telling one of our friends how much I've lost and what I weigh now! :noway: I'm like Why are you telling him THAT???? He said well im so proud of you. See, this guys wife is overweight and I felt as though my husband was kinda "shoving it in their face" that I've lost the weight. That's when I start to feel "guilty" for being able to do this when others are not "ready"? Does that make any sense? There's emotional things that go on inside of you when you lose weight. Especially when you work so hard. Yea, and if I see a guy "checkin me out", I get really shy, embarrassed, feeling guilty cause way down deep inside, I like being "checked out". Am I crazy?????

I was intrigued with my guilty feelings once I read op's post and began to think. I have nothing to feel guilty about. The same woman I mentioned earlier is 100's of pounds over weight. I cooked for her for monthes.About 3. She lost while I helped her but as soon as i stopped she re-gained. I do not get why I would feel guilty around her. She is a precious friend who I love dearly so maybe that plays into it.
Now, about men checking me out. I get out my notebook and ask their name and the date if I'm not sure. I find out the time and log all this down. If "checking me out guy" offers a compliment ,I include that in my notes as well. I then go home and read it and re-read it over and over. Never letting that precious memory grow dull. Hey, 45 ain't what 25 was you know. :laugh:

I LOVE that!!!! Yes, I'm 39 and "checking me out guy" I'm thinking is only in his 20s HAHAHAHAHA I feel so "dirty" LOL!
I'm not used to the attention at all, I let it get over whelming and think too much into it.

thenewmrsgant

I WISH someone would compliment my weight loss. I have officially lost 90 pounds since Jan. of last year and no one ever says anything nice to me about my weight loss. Must be nice! lol :grumble:

90 pounds!! WOW! It's hard to believe no one has said anything. :flowerforyou: Great job though on the loss.

Thank you so much! That actually means a lot!:happy:

serenetranquility

I too have been struggling with this a lot lately. Ive come a long way in being able to say a simple thank you and leave it at that without trying to downplay my success. I even get uncomfortable when my hubby comments on it which is more and more frequently. Ive never been one to take compliments well in any form, i guess ive always viewed myself as unworthy of being complimented. Just yesterday a mom at my kids school walked by me and did a double take then said " oh my goodness i hardly recognized you. I know you had a baby ( ummm, ya the last one 2 years ago!) But what are you doing? Not that you looked that bad before, but boy you look great". This particular mom i have known for the past few years and i really wasn't sure how to respond. She is the mom ive always been envious of because she is naturally gorgeous, athletic, perfect body et. But awful personality. She even invited me to running club with her. I simply thanked her and moved on but am keeping her in the back of my mind as motivation because im sure she never thought i could look good. I dont care to go running with her or now suddenly be friends just because i am healthier and fit, to me she has been and always will be vain. I may have changed on the outside but am still the same on the inside yet only now that im thinner am i worthy of her conversation...so i dont know, all i can say is i think a lot of us struggle with compliments and people noticing and its nice to know you arent the only one.

RunMyOregonBunsOff

Maybe try just saying that you have decided to develope a healthy lifestyle and the weightloss was a side affect. Tell them that you have health and fitness goals and you aren't going to make them happen by sitting on the sofa with a pint of rocky road.

cherrytulips

YES YES YES. You have described EXACTLY how I feel. I'm so glad I can relate, and that I'm not the only one.

bookwormwendy

My husband's family tells him he looks sick. SIGH :huh: I haven't gotten small enough for them to start on me yet. You'll get those people. As for your weight loss, you have every reason to be proud- don't downplay it

tvanhooser

I can handle it graciously enough if they mention it once. But when that becomes the only topic of conversation they can think to talk about when they are around you and they mention it over and over and over again....I find that extremely annoying and embarrassing and superficial on their part. As if the only thing going on in my life now or ever is how much I weigh or don't weigh or that it has anything to do with my character or interests or other news I may have that is way more important than what I weigh. If anyone treats me differently because I weigh more or less, that isn't someone I really need as a friend to put it bluntly. So if that's all they want to talk about, that's a big red flag that my significance in their eyes is only in how much I weigh....which is so not OK with me. And yes, the backhanded compliments stick in the craw too! Didn't ask your opinion or advice about what or how I eat so please don't offer. How I eat is how I got to where I am and it hasn't killed me or made me sick yet so it's really none of anyone's business but mine. I'm not telling them how to eat or preaching the "gospel" of my diet plan. I'm not here to proselytize for any eating plan or fitness expert. If you are interested I will tell you what has worked for me so far but I'm not going to try to convince you to eat that way too. That's your decision just like my eating choices are mine. Unless you see me actually endangering my health (which I am SO NOT!!) then don't let your opinion out to play. As they say, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it...until then keep it to yourself!

kimad

I don't feel embarassed myself... not only do I agree, I tell them how much I have lost, and tell them how I did it (most people ask this anyways). I am SOOO proud of where I came from and if I can help someone else with the motivation to do it, I am happy to share that info. I guess I love the attention - although I am shy - but I am a leo.

Be proud you work your *kitten* off and deserve it.

scottg1024

When I walk I see my reflection in a store window, and I think how I've got so much further to go. Then I have an acquaintance tell me how I've lost SO MUCH weight (and the kicker - am I okay? Am I sick) and I can't help how much bigger I must have looked before.

Gotta keep it all in perspective. It's a journey and it takes time. As long as it's improvement, it doesn't really matter how gradual it is.

Omsy828

i hear this every day, but i feel good not embarassed probably because im at my goal and dont have to lose much more

mccbabe1

I understand being embarrassed, getting used to the changes you've made for your body is a process. Today I was at the grocery store and got checked out by 2 different guys and was mortified. It's definitely not a bad thing, just new and hopefully something I can get used to. You should be proud of what you've done for yourself and do not listen to the people who aren't!

bump!!

wyldfyrchyld58

I have definately experienced what you are talking about, and as everyone says it gets easier and you find ways to shrug it off and deal, eventually becoming proud of yourself. My main concern is your friends. When your friends criticize you for wanting to be healthier and continue losing weight they are not being a true friend and you should tell them that. A real friend would encourage you to become everything you want to be and acheive your goal, not put you down. Tell them that next time they try to take away or put down your victory so far. I know you can keep going and get where you want to. You've gotten this far havent you? The rest is like a peice of zero calorie cake.

mlynnea03

I can't believe so many ppl have admitted to hiding behind the extra weight. I did this for years. For me, it wasn't that I didn't know how to lose the weight. Thinking about the outcome of losing weight (more attention and responsibility to keep up a healthy lifestyle) is what helped me to procrastinate. This is a post that I want to keep because I thought I was weird for feeling this way for a long time. I believe that being aware of the behavior, and knowing that it is normal will keep me from going back to those thoughts and weight.

Like the original poster, it would be very hard to just take the compliments, especially if I hadn't accomplished my goal. It isn't anyone's business if you are there are not. You deserve whatever praise you get regardless of the level. It may be best just to thank the person and move on. If they are a close family member, change the subject. Changing the subject works most times for me. Most times they pick up the hint.

BinaryPulsar

I've never been very good at taking a compliment, but it always means more to me than I can convey because of my awkwardness about it. But, I try to speak up and compliment others when I really mean it. That feels awkward also, but it's a good thing to do.

Colleen790

Every time (there's been a few times I've lost a significant amount of weight). I have family member, an aunt particularly, who comments you're losing too much, you're face is getting too thin, you look better with a bit of weight on, even when I was at the highest scale of weight for my height. Now I say I'm doing it for my health, and if I don't like it, it's always easy to get the weight back. I put it down to jealousy thats your losing it and they're not.

darlenem12

It sounds like your not use to this, I would recommend down playing how much you've lost. As for your so called friends, sounds like they are jealous, and they probably want you to gain some weight, whatever you do, take care of yourself first and don't listen too your friends, listen to your body, and remember that you will be healther in the long run if you keep the weight off. I know from personal experience, your friends just need to get use to the new you, and the ones that don't get use to the new you, drop them, and do join a gym. You will be glad you did.

BarbWhite09

IM SO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS LIKE THAT! I just feel SO awkward when people mention my weight loss...Like I just want to go hide in a cave.

delilah47

When someone asks, I usually say "I've been working on it." As for the comments about your healthy food. They are just jealous ... and stupid for saying stupid things about your food. I don't know what gets into people sometimes. :noway:

Qskim

You know when you go to a beach day after day and it's fascinating how the sand has shifted? You think about the weight of that sand and the force of water it took to move it? Most people when they c a weight loss have a similar kind of fascination. We c something every week in the media about obesity being an epidemic and yet you stand before them having conquered it. You are a lesson, a wonder and an example. Not everyone is jealous or trying to interrupt your effort..they are applauding the hard work you've achieved. Stand before them and own it and be gracious and understand their fascination. Losing the weight isn't the only example you are giving, how you live with who you've become is just as inspiring.

HakunaMatata519

I think a big part of it is the embarrassment of what was "before". When people compliment me about HOW much I've lost, I feel like they KNOW how big I used to be and it makes me bummed that I ever let myself get that way... or that they had noticed how big I had gotten. Make sense?! LOL

You should just come up with something you say everytime someone notices so you KNOW what your reply will be. Maybe "Thanks for noticing!" or something simple.

ShrinkingShona

I think a big part of it is the embarrassment of what was "before". When people compliment me about HOW much I've lost, I feel like they KNOW how big I used to be and it makes me bummed that I ever let myself get that way... or that they had noticed how big I had gotten. Make sense?! LOL

You should just come up with something you say everytime someone notices so you KNOW what your reply will be. Maybe "Thanks for noticing!" or something simple.

Stephaniew519, I was just going to write exactly the same thing. I have not been losing weight for that long but I am already incredibly uncomfortable with people mentioning it. When I get congratulations the best I can muster is a quiet "Errrr.... thanks". And it is mostly because I am embarrassed about how large I let my own body get in the first place. After a traumatic start to the year, it was like a light bulb went off in my head & the whole "Calories in, calories used" business just suddenly made sense. It's not been entirely easy, but I have an incredible sense of self determination about my future health/weight. I can't believe I let myself live a miserable, self hating life for the 20 years before that, when fixing it was completely within my control. So, that's the sort of stuff that goes through my head on the rare occasion someone mentions it. In some ways I am really looking forward to meeting new people in future who never knew me as that fat woman.

mmickeep

I like when people give me compliments, but they ask me how much I have lost, what I am eating, what exercise I do, how much I weigh. They ask too many questions!

MJH5773

I like when people give me compliments, but they ask me how much I have lost, what I am eating, what exercise I do, how much I weigh. They ask too many questions!

I feel the same way! They start becoming way too inquisitive. I'm happy to help but it starts becoming frustrating after a while.

I have a question somewhat pertaining to this topic. When someone does start complimenting you on our weight loss, does anyone ever feel obligated to compliment them about something in return? I am sometimes able to come up with something or change the subject pretty well but other times it gets really awkward.

freespiritistaken

Yes,this happens to me too. When they compliment me,I'm usually like "maybe a little,not sure though" or worse i may be like "if u say so... " I'm very shy and when I get any kind of compliment i act weird..... But it's cool when people notice.

KeriW626

ok, as of today I have lost 50lbs for the year, the fastest part since I joined MFP. However; even having lost the 50 lbs, I dont see any changes. Others do, if they say anything to me about me losing weight, or getting skinny. I just tell them, No actually I am finally getting healthy. End of subject, unless of course they would like to join me for some dancing or raw zucchini, my new loves.

I will be dong something totally out of character, I am going to a Luau, I am going to wear the Hawaiian dress I have worn for the past two years, and under it my new sarong. I still have 60 lbs to go, so I am sure I will not impress anyone there except my good friends. woohoo for me.. lets see if I feel uncomfortable in the sarong.

I wish you all luck and hope you become more and more comfortable with the changes you have made. The you, that you are and always have been.

munchlaxx

I can never handle compliments. I can't even handle them from my dude...and we've lived together for 4 years so far. He recently told me I have become more "sexy" and I just stared at him while my face felt bright red. :blushing: