in desperate need of cheering up

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1356

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  • Tracepa98
    Tracepa98 Posts: 219
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    random8.jpg



    Hope your day gets better! :)
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    If you'e vegetarian or vegan, you may want to skip this...
    My brother-in-law's mother, lets call her Susan, was a little girl when her parents decided they wanted to raise some chickens. (this was back in the 50's I think)
    Anyway, they set them up in a pen on their acreage so they could be somewhat free range, and things were going well for a few weeks.
    About that time, Susan's mother decided to clean out the cold storage room, and get rid of any canned fruit, veg, pickles, etc. that were a couple of years old. They threw out a bunch, cleaned the room, and suddenly had to leave the house for the rest of the day.

    They came home around dinner time, and found all their new chickens were dead! They realized they must have gotten into the compost pile of old canned food and died of food poisoning. Well, they were thrifty, and didn't want these chickens to go to waste, so even though they couldn't eat the meat, they could at least harvest the feathers to make pillows out of. So they plucked all the chickens, and were done with the last couple when the chickens started waking up. They weren't dead, after all. They had eaten some fermented cherries and gotten drunk and passed out. (as best as they could figure out) Well, now they had drunk, hungover chickens, and they didnt want to butcher them just yet, because they werent really big yet, and it was getting cold out, so the mother told Susan and her sister to go in the house and collect all their doll clothes. They put the doll clothes on the chickens to keep them warm at night. So they had these hungover, dressed up chickens wandering around their yard for a few more weeks until they were big enough to butcher. And that is my drunk chicken story.

    That...was...AWESOME!
  • jmedvesky
    jmedvesky Posts: 1
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    HI, sorry things are so bad right now. It is so gross when the light at the end of the tunnel just isn't there. I can tell you ( i am retired) that thro my career many opportunities passed me by but a funny thing happened, I always ended with jobs that I loved and that paid much more, Hang in there. My sister is extremly handicapped (in a wheelchair, little use of her hands, lives alone and takes care of herself!) she gets up every morning and decides to be happy. It amazes me how it works.Give it a try.

    On a lighter note: Did you know that Mattell has brought out a new Barbie? Divorced Barbie she comes with all of Ken's stuff!

    That's the best I can do.

    Be Strong, be Brave. "This too shall pass"
  • know_your_worth
    know_your_worth Posts: 481 Member
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    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    Who peed in your protein shake this morning? Sheesh.


    Hope your day gets better OP!

    Lmao!
  • MissyMissy18
    MissyMissy18 Posts: 315 Member
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    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    I don't think this was as rude as you all think... it's nice to get hugs and pats on the shoulder when you have a super ****ty day... but I know for me, sometimes I need to hear something exactly like this to really get me to stop feeling sorry for myself and make some changes (not saying OP is feeling sorry for herself... it's just something I tend to do)

    I have way too many people in my life who enable my self pity.. I need more tough love!
  • legs_n_bacon
    legs_n_bacon Posts: 478 Member
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    What do you call a bear with no teeth?













    A gummi bear!
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
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    A toothless termite walked into a bar and asked..

    "where's the bar tender?"
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    Ok, watch this video.. Seriously, it never fails to cheer me up. EVER. Watch it now!!! :happy:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFmqMe0pQ5A
  • emilym_3
    emilym_3 Posts: 62
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    http://www.amazon.com/Victorio-Kitchen-Products-Banana-Slicer/dp/B001F5STWU/ref=sr_1_cc_3?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1345830901&sr=1-3-catcorr&keywords=banana+slicer

    If you have some time to play around on the internet, go read the reviews to this product on Amazon - they are funny.

    I read another one too, that was even funnier. I'm trying to remember the product and I'll post if I do

    Those are hilarious
  • emilym_3
    emilym_3 Posts: 62
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    Kitty!!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Bmhjf0rKe8
  • BabyLeila23
    BabyLeila23 Posts: 410
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    Here you go!!!!!!!

    Q : How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

    A : He forgot to wrap his whopper :wink:
  • amyy010
    amyy010 Posts: 48 Member
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    aw thankyou everybody :) these nice words and funny jokes cracked me up! feelin' a lot better now! feel free to add me too:)
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    Two men walked into a bar and the third one ducked!

    Ahahahahahah

    Yeah...that was lame but I hope you got a chuckle out of the lameness :flowerforyou: I'm sorry today sucks. Tomorrow will be better. I just know it.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    I'm pregnant. And it's yours. And it's twins.

    None of that is true. You're welcome.
  • confettibetti
    confettibetti Posts: 405 Member
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    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    miserable much?
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
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    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    miserable much?

    He is miserable. That's why he spouts his "tough love malarkey". He just really needs to lay off the Nickelback and Shinedown, park his 89 Camaro in the driveway, and go take a nice looooooong walk.
  • BabyLeila23
    BabyLeila23 Posts: 410
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    I'm pregnant. And it's yours. And it's twins.

    None of that is true. You're welcome.


    Funny story....I was at a wedding reception (i might have been drinking, lol) when I got the hiccups. And not just any hiccups....BAD ones...really bad. I couldn't stop laughing. My roommate turned around and said...."HEY! listen, im pregnant." (I stopped instantly and got so scared) "And its yours..." lol seeing as how my roommate and i are both female that obiously wasnt possible. We both laughed extremely hard. My hiccups went away :smile:
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
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    ohhhh I've got one- it's kinda gross- so if you have a weak stomach or are a PRUDE- I don't advise reading.



    There was a 86 year old virgin, she started getting a really bad itch in her crotch- worried, she decided to go to the doctor.

    DR: Can you tell me why we're seeing you today?
    LADY: Yes, I have an itch in my crotch and it's really worrying me.
    DR: Sure, we can run some tests.

    about an hour later DR comes back in,
    DR: Yes ma'am ...we ran some test and it looks like you have crabs
    Lady: Sir, that's not possible. I'm a virgin.
    DR (With puzzled look) well ma'am, the tests show you have crabs
    Lady: That's just absurd- i'm going to go get another opinion.

    (she sees two more doctors and they both tell her the same thing- so now she's very frustrated and heads to another doctor)

    Lady: Let me start by telling you i'm a virgin. So there is NO WAY I have crabs- like the last few doctors have told me.
    Doctor (giggles) Okay, well I'm sure we can figure out what's wrong- let us run some tests

    about two hours go by and the doctor comes back in
    Doctor: Okay well I have good news and bad news- good news is you don't have crabs
    Lady: That's what i've been saying all along!
    Doctor: well, umm ma'am....the bad news is your cherry rotted, and you have fruit flies.
  • confettibetti
    confettibetti Posts: 405 Member
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    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    miserable much?

    He is miserable. That's why he spouts his "tough love malarkey". He just really needs to lay off the Nickelback and Shinedown, park his 89 Camaro in the driveway, and go take a nice looooooong walk.

    haha, agreed!
  • asticoral
    asticoral Posts: 99
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVfTUwk4AJI&feature=related


    I lul'd until I peed myself............... hope this helps

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