in desperate need of cheering up

13

Replies

  • BabyLeila23
    BabyLeila23 Posts: 410
    ohhhh I've got one- it's kinda gross- so if you have a weak stomach or are a PRUDE- I don't advise reading.



    There was a 86 year old virgin, she started getting a really bad itch in her crotch- worried, she decided to go to the doctor.

    DR: Can you tell me why we're seeing you today?
    LADY: Yes, I have an itch in my crotch and it's really worrying me.
    DR: Sure, we can run some tests.

    about an hour later DR comes back in,
    DR: Yes ma'am ...we ran some test and it looks like you have crabs
    Lady: Sir, that's not possible. I'm a virgin.
    DR (With puzzled look) well ma'am, the tests show you have crabs
    Lady: That's just absurd- i'm going to go get another opinion.

    (she sees two more doctors and they both tell her the same thing- so now she's very frustrated and heads to another doctor)

    Lady: Let me start by telling you i'm a virgin. So there is NO WAY I have crabs- like the last few doctors have told me.
    Doctor (giggles) Okay, well I'm sure we can figure out what's wrong- let us run some tests

    about two hours go by and the doctor comes back in
    Doctor: Okay well I have good news and bad news- good news is you don't have crabs
    Lady: That's what i've been saying all along!
    Doctor: well, umm ma'am....the bad news is your cherry rotted, and you have fruit flies.



    hehehehehe :laugh:
  • Foxypoo61287
    Foxypoo61287 Posts: 638 Member
    Hmmm, how do I start with this. I know I do this HORRIBLY, and I SHOULD take my own advice. The more you dwell on the negative the worse it gets.

    I agree with wolf. Welcome to life. He may have said it the wrong way, but he is a man. You know how men are they don't really know how to talk to us ladies. He should have said something along the lines of life has it's ups & downs. Or it's always darkest before dawn. If we didn't have our down moments we wouldn't have our up moments.

    So hate to break it to you, but you post something like this, your going to have a few people telling you " This is life, deal with it" Welcome to the world.

    Hope your day gets better.
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
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  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
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    ahhhh LOVE IT!
  • quellybelly
    quellybelly Posts: 827 Member
    Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
    Because it's two-tired... LOL sorry I am lame.
  • lleesmann
    lleesmann Posts: 41
    All I have to say is that if that drunk, naked chicken story doesn't make a person at least crack a smile you have no sense of humor. That was by far the best thing I've read all day!
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    If you'e vegetarian or vegan, you may want to skip this...
    My brother-in-law's mother, lets call her Susan, was a little girl when her parents decided they wanted to raise some chickens. (this was back in the 50's I think)
    Anyway, they set them up in a pen on their acreage so they could be somewhat free range, and things were going well for a few weeks.
    About that time, Susan's mother decided to clean out the cold storage room, and get rid of any canned fruit, veg, pickles, etc. that were a couple of years old. They threw out a bunch, cleaned the room, and suddenly had to leave the house for the rest of the day.

    They came home around dinner time, and found all their new chickens were dead! They realized they must have gotten into the compost pile of old canned food and died of food poisoning. Well, they were thrifty, and didn't want these chickens to go to waste, so even though they couldn't eat the meat, they could at least harvest the feathers to make pillows out of. So they plucked all the chickens, and were done with the last couple when the chickens started waking up. They weren't dead, after all. They had eaten some fermented cherries and gotten drunk and passed out. (as best as they could figure out) Well, now they had drunk, hungover chickens, and they didnt want to butcher them just yet, because they werent really big yet, and it was getting cold out, so the mother told Susan and her sister to go in the house and collect all their doll clothes. They put the doll clothes on the chickens to keep them warm at night. So they had these hungover, dressed up chickens wandering around their yard for a few more weeks until they were big enough to butcher. And that is my drunk chicken story.

    oh my hell!!!!! LOL
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    OR! - this woman always makes me laugh!

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  • bookwormwendy
    bookwormwendy Posts: 112 Member
    So a hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here." I know, I know, drum and cymbal crash. Hang in there. I had a very ROUGH couple of weeks, well, months really. We lost my aunt to cancer and now the family (okay a few) are squabbling over her estate. I just had to find my zone, do my yoga and let some stuff ride. You'll come through it :smile:
  • kelleygi
    kelleygi Posts: 583 Member
    How bout this one.......I work with this fool! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxPIoSZlCWs :drinker:
  • heliumheels
    heliumheels Posts: 241 Member
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  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
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    gahhhh!!! SO STINKIN CUTE!
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    im sorry you cant take a joke
  • Mrbusterb
    Mrbusterb Posts: 114
    im sorry you cant take a joke
    Wow that was a rough joke
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Or a laugh, or anything. . .

    Today has been one of the worst days of my life.

    Finding out I havent got my dream job, hurting my hand, annoying neighbors, and now we have something wrong with the house. UGH. :mad: :indifferent: :frown: :cry:

    So please, CHEER ME UP GUYS AND GALS! Thanks.:noway:
    I gotta tell you, if that is the worst day of your life, I am VERY jelous of you.
  • LovelyLifter
    LovelyLifter Posts: 560 Member
    SERIOUSLY!!!!

    okay im sorry youre having a bad day :flowerforyou:


    but be thankful for the things you have and that those are very minor problems there are other jobs your hand will heal and houses can be fixed
  • wotews
    wotews Posts: 4 Member
    A friend showed me this site which I now visit every day for a little bit of inspiration: http://greatday.com/
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    OK... Kid goes to school on the first day.
    He comes home and his Father is waiting for him.
    "So Son, how was your first day?"
    "well Dad", the sos starts. "I had sex with the teacher."
    "WHAT!!!!! I can't believe this!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!"
    So, the son goes to his room and the dad is fuming about the situation.
    Finally, he thinks to himself, "Hey, my kid is making it with an older woman".
    He calls up the stairs. "Hey Junior, you can go outside and play now"

    The next day, kid comes home from school and Dad is there.
    "So son, did you have sex with the teacher again?"
    The son answers: "No Dad.. my butt still hurts from yesterday."


    Thank you... thank you.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
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  • JohnTotts
    JohnTotts Posts: 9
    YOU had a crap day? Today I moved a bin bag outside my house that's been there for about two weeks and a ball of maggots fell onto my arm. Extremely disgusted, I immediately went to go shower but realised I'd locked myself out of the house! Had to wait for an hour for my housemate to finish work. Thank god it was raining a like cerrrazy which provided some comfort. Sucked
  • bassmanlarry
    bassmanlarry Posts: 117 Member
    Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work?
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    EVERYONE CARAMELLDANSEN TIME!

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  • Caspiana
    Caspiana Posts: 15
    Hi. I am sorry to hear about all this. I really hope things turn out better. Keep your chin up. :flowerforyou:
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    Lone Wolf. . .this is how ladies deal. . .we vent, talk and move on. If ya' can't say anything nice, don't say anything. Clearly you were raised as a lone wolf our your momma would've taught you that!!


    Oh I thought they went and bought shoes?

    but, I digress...I thought women preferred honesty?

    Hmmm, funny from your first comment I was thinking that YOU THOUGHT women preferred *kitten*. Guess we were both wrong.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    http://youtu.be/MaOn76SP-8s CAT CARAMELLDANSEN TIME YEAH!

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  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    Check out www.imgur.com
    Problem solved!
  • Mama_Mila
    Mama_Mila Posts: 511 Member
    Just go read the autocorrect thread! :laugh:
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    oh, found it! it is the Yodeling Pickle. The reviews on this one are a crack up too:

    http://www.amazon.com/Accoutrements-11761-Yodelling-Pickle/dp/B0010VS078/ref=sr_1_1?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1345831026&sr=1-1&keywords=pickle

    lol wtf?! I kind of want this now.......
  • rachel_kiel
    rachel_kiel Posts: 28
    That's called life. Deal with it. Dont rely on others to buck you up....pull yourself up and good things happen.

    Sick of seeing all the damn negative people here. We all have our ups and downs and everyone needs help, OR ELSE WE WOULDN'T BE ON HERE! :grumble:

    Nonetheless, I hope your day got better, and remember to always keep a smile on your face, you never know who enjoys seeing it :happy:
  • Rodamort
    Rodamort Posts: 171 Member
    I know this is a bit old, but has always been one of my favorite videos when I think life isn't going well. Hope no one has already posted it. :smile:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6s8YmTyEY

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