This website has changed!!

Marla64

I didn't mean to sound like I'm on a high horse, and I apologize if that's the way it came across. I am happy to give support to someone who needs help figuring out how to go about what it is they want to do or suggestions when it comes to food and/or exercise. But I honestly don't know what to say to someone who asks someone else to motivate them, so that frustrates me. I figure someone either wants to do it or they don't, and that is completely their right. I'm not here to judge someone who doesn't want to do it. I just don't understand how some people expect someone else to say the magic words that are going to inspire them to make a change.

I feel the same way - I didn't mean to sound condescending or anything. It's just that I really feel like people who look to others to provide motivation are setting themselves up for failure. It's one thing to ask for advice on how to get around the specific problems that someone knows are the things that kill their motivation (such as not enough food variety, bored with exercise, etc.), but to just flat out ask for motivation... I don't really think that's anything anyone else can truly provide. It has to be found within.

what they said--

ivykivy

I agree. But I did keep my fat clothes I like to put them on every now and again and see them fall off.:blushing:
I don't mind harshness, but I realize some people here have some serious issues, so I try to tone it down or just bypass those posts altogether.

I would add, Quit starving yourself. The only people who need to be eating 900 calories are those under doctor supervision and those who are 4 feet tall. You can't put $5 worth of gas in your tank and expect to drive to Vegas (unless you live there). You gotta fuel your body.

BamaRose0107

Agree Agree Agree. Sometimes we all have to hear harsh words to wake us up. Life is not fair its hard and its draining and its tough sometimes but through all that we become stronger people. When I was close to 300 pounds my parents my mom expecially wanted to baby me and hold my hand. I would come home crying when someone was mean to me and she would tell me I was fine the way I was and its ok to be the way you are, never realizing that hated the very site of my body and she sugar coated everything. There is a fine line between supporting and motivating someone and babying and enabling them. It wasn't until my doctor told me that my weight was killing me that I woke up. I was 18 years old with high blood pressure, low blood sugar, poor circulation and severe depression. That day I started changing my life. Today I have no health problems, and I now weigh 175 and I love myself. Once I got out of my own pitty party I saw my own strenght.


Sorry I rambled I just ahd to get that off my chest.

keiko

Agree Agree Agree. Sometimes we all have to hear harsh words to wake us up. Life is not fair its hard and its draining and its tough sometimes but through all that we become stronger people. When I was close to 300 pounds my parents my mom expecially wanted to baby me and hold my hand. I would come home crying when someone was mean to me and she would tell me I was fine the way I was and its ok to be the way you are, never realizing that hated the very site of my body and she sugar coated everything. There is a fine line between supporting and motivating someone and babying and enabling them. It wasn't until my doctor told me that my weight was killing me that I woke up. I was 18 years old with high blood pressure, low blood sugar, poor circulation and severe depression. That day I started changing my life. Today I have no health problems, and I now weigh 175 and I love myself. Once I got out of my own pitty party I saw my own strenght.


Sorry I rambled I just ahd to get that off my chest.

Congrats on finding a new you and on quitting smoking! You are becoming a healthier, better version of yourself.

Marla64

Agree Agree Agree. Sometimes we all have to hear harsh words to wake us up. Life is not fair its hard and its draining and its tough sometimes but through all that we become stronger people. When I was close to 300 pounds my parents my mom expecially wanted to baby me and hold my hand. I would come home crying when someone was mean to me and she would tell me I was fine the way I was and its ok to be the way you are, never realizing that hated the very site of my body and she sugar coated everything. There is a fine line between supporting and motivating someone and babying and enabling them. It wasn't until my doctor told me that my weight was killing me that I woke up. I was 18 years old with high blood pressure, low blood sugar, poor circulation and severe depression. That day I started changing my life. Today I have no health problems, and I now weigh 175 and I love myself. Once I got out of my own pitty party I saw my own strenght.


Sorry I rambled I just ahd to get that off my chest.

Rose-- wonderful story-- God bless you!

And now you're conquering the tobacco, too? Ain't no stoppin' you, woman-- congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!

mrsyac2

I'm sorry, but I have to reply and this may or may not piss some off. I feel like this is turning into a high horse thread.

Some people need support and they should be able to ask for it without being dogged. Why not give them motivation? Why not give them support? I get it... there's no magic formula for quick weight loss. Weight loss is frustrating, especially when you have medical issues and such. People need motivation and support.

If you are not a motivator or supporter... fine. That's cool with me, but I think it's a little rude to call people whiny when they are looking for motivation and support.

I didn't mean to sound like I'm on a high horse, and I apologize if that's the way it came across. I am happy to give support to someone who needs help figuring out how to go about what it is they want to do or suggestions when it comes to food and/or exercise. But I honestly don't know what to say to someone who asks someone else to motivate them, so that frustrates me. I figure someone either wants to do it or they don't, and that is completely their right. I'm not here to judge someone who doesn't want to do it. I just don't understand how some people expect someone else to say the magic words that are going to inspire them to make a change.

Agree- You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink (thats what my mom always said) - Nobody is going to do something or stick to something if they don't want it.

tlapdx72

Hi all,

I came upon this site when I was feeling pretty bad about myself. I know that eating less, and working out is the key to losing weight. However, this site has been a place where I can can put my true feelings about how I'm feeling. I thought this site was supose to be a place where people could find encouragement. I come to this site on days when I am having a bad day, and I read the success stories, and it does motivate me. I have been working out for a year now, and have lost almost 40 pounds. Also, if I am having a bad day, and just want to vent then I will. If you don't want to read about it then don't click on it.

kdsmith

If people didn't need motivation and have bad days then this site probably wouldn't be here.

I like the fact that I can sometimes be that person who has helped motivate someone for the day and I also like when I am feeling unmotivated that someone is usually around to help me out.

If everyone is so high on their own motivation then they probably shouldn't have gained weight in the first place...

BrendaLee

I agree on some level...though I love the support that the people here offer, and I really think it helps a lot, I was a little shocked at all of the extreme Thanksgiving meal posts. I think we use too many excuses to overeat in an BIG way. I guess posting about it on here makes you feel a little better, but you quickly learn...that doesn't take away the fact that you just ate a 5000 calorie meal. I'll admit I felt like saying that to a few people, but I didn't because I didn't want to sound harsh. It wasn't the fact that they were sharing their mistake...it was the fact that it was A) Planned, Being justified. We need to wake up and stop repeating the same behaviours that got us where we are.

Support posts in general don't bother me. I like giving (and getting) support...and the occasional virtual smack. I sometimes whine a little myself. I've shared things here that I would share nowhere else, and the support I've received has been priceless.

foxyforce

i didn't read all the comments

but up front

when i come on here and i vent, i do not want hand holding. in fact, no one responds often, i might get like 3. but those that are online i want to tell me how it is. a wake up call. it isn't easy on your own, and i personally consider this a support group.

it isn't a place to just brag about success, it makes me feel like it is AA almost...and we all need a sponsor. this board is my sponsor, and when I **** up, I want to tell everyone, and I want everyone to tell me to get my fat *kitten* back on the wagon

Mindful_Trent

I totally think support is important... and the support here on this site is great.

I just think there is a difference between coming here for support and looking for other people to do all the mental "work" for you. Some people seem to need to find all motivation from what other people tell them. In my experience, motivation that comes from other people will only last so long. In the end, you have to realize that you need to change for yourself, for no-one else, and that you and only you can make yourself do this and provide the ongoing strength to keep it up. Some people have to hit rock-bottom before they make this realization, others don't.

Success stories and encouragement from others are important, and getting advice on making exercise more interesting or solving problems you run into on your weight-loss journey are great (and certainly make the journey easier). I'm part of a group and we're all cheerleaders for each other, and it's great. BUT... at the end of the day if you can't find the motivation within, chances are you won't be able to make this a life-style change that sticks.

Anyways...that's just my 2 cents. Just wanted to clarify and make sure no-one thought from my earlier posts that I am anti-support or anything like that.

PJilly

Nicely said, and I agree wholeheartedly.

foxyforce

I totally think support is important... and the support here on this site is great.

I just think there is a difference between coming here for support and looking for other people to do all the mental "work" for you. Some people seem to need to find all motivation from what other people tell them. In my experience, motivation that comes from other people will only last so long. In the end, you have to realize that you need to change for yourself, for no-one else, and that you and only you can make yourself do this and provide the ongoing strength to keep it up. Some people have to hit rock-bottom before they make this realization, others don't.

Success stories and encouragement from others are important, and getting advice on making exercise more interesting or solving problems you run into on your weight-loss journey are great (and certainly make the journey easier). I'm part of a group and we're all cheerleaders for each other, and it's great. BUT... at the end of the day if you can't find the motivation within, chances are you won't be able to make this a life-style change that sticks.

Anyways...that's just my 2 cents. Just wanted to clarify and make sure no-one thought from my earlier posts that I am anti-support or anything like that.

i think this part

"BUT... at the end of the day if you can't find the motivation within, chances are you won't be able to make this a life-style change that sticks"

is wrong. why is it wrong? you tell me why it is not wrong. i get where you are coming from and you would like to think that it is all peachy and we all have this great end of the day power within, but we don't. people are sometimes out of control (this is coming from more than a food place) and they don't need people to give up on them. if you are on here to just judge others for needing support, i think that is where the populous of the site has changed.

MadWorld

I completely get where you are all coming from (esp since I'm also a 12 stepper ). I was just afraid this thread might be headed in a direction that might make some feel like they couldn't rely on the boards for support when they've fallen off the wagon.

And of course, if you keep making the same mistakes over and over-- sometimes you do need a good kick in the rear-- just as a good sponsor would.

I do know that we've all been there and we are all at different levels in our weight loss journey. But, after going back and reading everyone's posts again, I think we can all say that we've got a good thing going here on MFP.

And with that... I"m off to bed (if I can get the husbutt to turn off the xbox):yawn:

Mindful_Trent

i think this part

"BUT... at the end of the day if you can't find the motivation within, chances are you won't be able to make this a life-style change that sticks"

is wrong. why is it wrong? you tell me why it is not wrong. i get where you are coming from and you would like to think that it is all peachy and we all have this great end of the day power within, but we don't. people are sometimes out of control (this is coming from more than a food place) and they don't need people to give up on them. if you are on here to just judge others for needing support, i think that is where the populous of the site has changed.

I totally agree that people are out of control sometimes and don't need people to give up on them - as I stated, I do think support is important. But I also believe that if someone is out of control, until they make the decision for themselves that they WANT to change, it's not going to happen. I'm not judging and if someone feels like they need to come here to find motivation, then fine... but really no one can make that decision for anyone else that it is time to eat better and exercise. Someone can get all the motivation they want from other people, but at some point everyone has to look inside and make that decision to change and commit to it before it really becomes a solid part of their life.

It's like the difference between someone saying "I want to lose weight, but I'm overwhelmed...where should I start?" or "Help motivate me to lose weight." If you can't find the desire within yourself, it's going to be an awfully rough road (even rougher than it already is)!

Anyways... I'm not looking for an argument. I just wanted to clarify what I meant.

Hope everyone has a great night and an easy transition back to the "real world" for those who have to return to work after a 4 day weekend!

BrendaLee

Sometimes one statement can shake you up and completely change your thinking. You know- a light bulb moment? So you could come on here ready to give up, and one person may say just the right thing, and your mind changes. Or you may come on looking for motivation, and someone says something that sparks it in you. It happens.

Marla64

i think this part

"BUT... at the end of the day if you can't find the motivation within, chances are you won't be able to make this a life-style change that sticks"

is wrong. why is it wrong? you tell me why it is not wrong. i get where you are coming from and you would like to think that it is all peachy and we all have this great end of the day power within, but we don't. people are sometimes out of control (this is coming from more than a food place) and they don't need people to give up on them. if you are on here to just judge others for needing support, i think that is where the populous of the site has changed.

I totally agree that people are out of control sometimes and don't need people to give up on them - as I stated, I do think support is important. But I also believe that if someone is out of control, until they make the decision for themselves that they WANT to change, it's not going to happen. I'm not judging and if someone feels like they need to come here to find motivation, then fine... but really no one can make that decision for anyone else that it is time to eat better and exercise. Someone can get all the motivation they want from other people, but at some point everyone has to look inside and make that decision to change and commit to it before it really becomes a solid part of their life.

It's like the difference between someone saying "I want to lose weight, but I'm overwhelmed...where should I start?" or "Help motivate me to lose weight." If you can't find the desire within yourself, it's going to be an awfully rough road (even rougher than it already is)!

Anyways... I'm not looking for an argument. I just wanted to clarify what I meant.

Hope everyone has a great night and an easy transition back to the "real world" for those who have to return to work after a 4 day weekend!

I'm with you-- I see the difference--

There was a thread once-- "My desk is making me fat." I kid you not. This woman was whining because she had a desk job, and struggled to keep the candy and crap out of her top desk drawer.

Please, people--

I've gleaned tremendous support and encouragement here, but personally what motivates me are the successes of others. I see somebody tell me they ran 4 miles, I think, "Heck, let me try that-- I can do that." That's what got me on this journey to begin with. I saw somebody on TV who lost 150 pounds-- heck if she could, why can't I?

I stopped the excuses that day. I've been in "I can't" or "you don't understand my life, don't judge my lack of control" mode most of my adult life-- it had to end.

I and only I control what goes in my mouth-- and by conquering and owning the enemy, I've been liberated. Because, if I CAN finally control my eating, then I can do anything else I set my mind to.

Last word from me on this-- later, peeps.

SHBoss1673

Just read through this post. I have to admit I'm not surprised, either by the people who agree with mrsyac2 or who disagree. After over 2 years on here, I've seen the atmosphere of the boards switch a few times. I don't come on as much as I used to, simply because, well, when this site works, you fill your life with other things (especially more exercise :ohwell: ).
I too become discouraged with some of the posts on here, with people saying things like "I just can't do it" or "I need someone to motivate me." That makes me sad, when it's put in the context of long term (we all have days where we aren't motivated, that's not what I'm talking about). But in the long term, these are the people who "think" they want help, but deep down, aren't ready to make a commitment. That isn't a statement meant to degrade or belittle these people, it's just a fact. There are 3 aspects to becoming healthy 1) Desire to become healthy. 2) Knowledge of how to proceed and understanding your body and mind. 3)The physical capabilities to do so.
If any of these 3 aspects are lacking, you will fail. As for number 1, I think most people who've taken the time to register here, already have it, likewise, I feel like number 3 is also something that most people on this site have. It's number 2 IMHO that give people the most problems. By knowledge I mean understanding the concepts correctly of calorie burn, types of calories, exercise routines, breaking habits...etc. By understanding your body and mind I mean understanding how YOU burn calories (everyone is different), and also understanding WHY you became fat in the first place. I don't mean what you ate, I mean what are the underlying mental reasons you allowed yourself to become overweight, find and solve those issues, and you'll probably be able to reverse it. This is where motivation becomes a problem. The desire to lose weight is one thing, the connection between that and knowing that the ONLY way to lose significant weight and become healthy is to eat right and (usually) exercise more. Nobody can make this connection for you, as easy as the concept sounds, many people (overweight or not) have a disconnect with this, whether it be subconcious, or a decision you've made, until you realize that the problem is one of changing your lifestyle, and never EVER going back to eating the way that got you fat, then you'll probably never make a permenant change.
It's a battle, and yes, I do feel that a lot of people on here look for and (dare I say it) expect, the support of others to succeed. Well, I'm not in that camp, in fact if I must be candid, I feel that's just another form of "cheating on your diet". But that's just my opinion, call it judging, fine with me, I judge, I'm not to pious to admit that, probably 99.9% of people do in their head if not out loud, but I try to keep my judgments helpful, maybe not always supportive, but tough love help is still love!

I feel that you should accept support when offered graciously, but do not go looking for it actively out of desperation. If you don't have the tools, then no amount of support will suffice.

savvystephy

Just read through this post. I have to admit I'm not surprised, either by the people who agree with mrsyac2 or who disagree. After over 2 years on here, I've seen the atmosphere of the boards switch a few times. I don't come on as much as I used to, simply because, well, when this site works, you fill your life with other things (especially more exercise :ohwell: ).
I too become discouraged with some of the posts on here, with people saying things like "I just can't do it" or "I need someone to motivate me." That makes me sad, when it's put in the context of long term (we all have days where we aren't motivated, that's not what I'm talking about). But in the long term, these are the people who "think" they want help, but deep down, aren't ready to make a commitment. That isn't a statement meant to degrade or belittle these people, it's just a fact. There are 3 aspects to becoming healthy 1) Desire to become healthy. 2) Knowledge of how to proceed and understanding your body and mind. 3)The physical capabilities to do so.
If any of these 3 aspects are lacking, you will fail. As for number 1, I think most people who've taken the time to register here, already have it, likewise, I feel like number 3 is also something that most people on this site have. It's number 2 IMHO that give people the most problems. By knowledge I mean understanding the concepts correctly of calorie burn, types of calories, exercise routines, breaking habits...etc. By understanding your body and mind I mean understanding how YOU burn calories (everyone is different), and also understanding WHY you became fat in the first place. I don't mean what you ate, I mean what are the underlying mental reasons you allowed yourself to become overweight, find and solve those issues, and you'll probably be able to reverse it. This is where motivation becomes a problem. The desire to lose weight is one thing, the connection between that and knowing that the ONLY way to lose significant weight and become healthy is to eat right and (usually) exercise more. Nobody can make this connection for you, as easy as the concept sounds, many people (overweight or not) have a disconnect with this, whether it be subconcious, or a decision you've made, until you realize that the problem is one of changing your lifestyle, and never EVER going back to eating the way that got you fat, then you'll probably never make a permenant change.
It's a battle, and yes, I do feel that a lot of people on here look for and (dare I say it) expect, the support of others to succeed. Well, I'm not in that camp, in fact if I must be candid, I feel that's just another form of "cheating on your diet". But that's just my opinion, call it judging, fine with me, I judge, I'm not to pious to admit that, probably 99.9% of people do in their head if not out loud, but I try to keep my judgments helpful, maybe not always supportive, but tough love help is still love!

I feel that you should accept support when offered graciously, but do not go looking for it actively out of desperation. If you don't have the tools, then no amount of support will suffice.

Very well said, Banks. :flowerforyou:

foxyforce

Just read through this post. I have to admit I'm not surprised, either by the people who agree with mrsyac2 or who disagree. After over 2 years on here, I've seen the atmosphere of the boards switch a few times. I don't come on as much as I used to, simply because, well, when this site works, you fill your life with other things (especially more exercise :ohwell: ).
I too become discouraged with some of the posts on here, with people saying things like "I just can't do it" or "I need someone to motivate me." That makes me sad, when it's put in the context of long term (we all have days where we aren't motivated, that's not what I'm talking about). But in the long term, these are the people who "think" they want help, but deep down, aren't ready to make a commitment. That isn't a statement meant to degrade or belittle these people, it's just a fact. There are 3 aspects to becoming healthy 1) Desire to become healthy. 2) Knowledge of how to proceed and understanding your body and mind. 3)The physical capabilities to do so.
If any of these 3 aspects are lacking, you will fail. As for number 1, I think most people who've taken the time to register here, already have it, likewise, I feel like number 3 is also something that most people on this site have. It's number 2 IMHO that give people the most problems. By knowledge I mean understanding the concepts correctly of calorie burn, types of calories, exercise routines, breaking habits...etc. By understanding your body and mind I mean understanding how YOU burn calories (everyone is different), and also understanding WHY you became fat in the first place. I don't mean what you ate, I mean what are the underlying mental reasons you allowed yourself to become overweight, find and solve those issues, and you'll probably be able to reverse it. This is where motivation becomes a problem. The desire to lose weight is one thing, the connection between that and knowing that the ONLY way to lose significant weight and become healthy is to eat right and (usually) exercise more. Nobody can make this connection for you, as easy as the concept sounds, many people (overweight or not) have a disconnect with this, whether it be subconcious, or a decision you've made, until you realize that the problem is one of changing your lifestyle, and never EVER going back to eating the way that got you fat, then you'll probably never make a permenant change.
It's a battle, and yes, I do feel that a lot of people on here look for and (dare I say it) expect, the support of others to succeed. Well, I'm not in that camp, in fact if I must be candid, I feel that's just another form of "cheating on your diet". But that's just my opinion, call it judging, fine with me, I judge, I'm not to pious to admit that, probably 99.9% of people do in their head if not out loud, but I try to keep my judgments helpful, maybe not always supportive, but tough love help is still love!

I feel that you should accept support when offered graciously, but do not go looking for it actively out of desperation. If you don't have the tools, then no amount of support will suffice.

your knowledge on health is sound.

however, i disagree with this.

but, i think it is important that people reckon with the climate on here, and notice the changes, because it means that they are not completely oblivious to social issues. however, people do need support. if you are just coming on here to brag about how well you do, that isn't the most encouraging thing either. i personally want to see others that have struggled. to point to another comment on this, have we all not had candy calling to us? seriously! have we not all caved? kudos to the people who come on here to talk about it.

i think its ridiculous that anyone would expect anything from anyone on this board, whether that be support or whatever. but it is just as ridiculous to expect people to be strong and to not want support.

it may not be 'ideal' for all of you, and you might want a sugar coated image of people having an easy route, the motivation all the time to exercise and to never make mistakes, and god forbid they feel bad about it! there is nothing wrong with people coming on here for support. in fact, thats when i liked the boards the most.