Don't Judge but 30/M going from 1200 to 1500 - Nervous
Replies
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First off, relax. I'm pretty sure you've gotten lots of good advice in this thread - people are not going to jump on you as a stay at home dad, etc. As someone who is a part-time home father for years (my wife travelled) - it can be incredible difficult to fit time for yourself in there. But having been there - it is a question of priorities - schedule it and do it, even if it is a short ride to the supermarket.
Congratulations on how far you have come.
Whatever you decide to try - each time give yourself 3-4 weeks of time to see how your body adjusts.
By eating way under - you've fasted fast and that works for a while but your body will adjust and it will require more effort until you eventually fail or achieve an ED. Your body will not let you starve. Bringing back the calories to a more reasonable deficit will likely create a yoyo-like effect in the first weeks - but I was surprised by how much easier it was to stay at a smaller deficit and how effective it was in the longer term. Especially as you approach objective.
Anyway, I see that you already have more than the best advice in this thread.
But a question - Isn't 135lbs really too low?
You people rock!0 -
You are 5'9 and want to be 135lbs, that seems extremely low for a man..
Thats a BMI of 19, which is on the far low side of "normal"
Im female and 5'5 and 135lbs is MY goal weight.
But that's a nonsensical statement. I'm 5'4" and currently weight about 115lb. I know to get my body fat to the level I want it I'll end up around 110lb. Still healthy, still acceptable BMI and for me and my frame easy to achieve (I mean achievable, it's not easy it's taken me 7 months to lose 8lb) - other people see someone slim and small, but I'm acutely aware of the jiggly bits that need toned and thei tight clothing that I'm determined not to grow out of. So to tell someone you've never seen and know nothing about that their goal is wrong based on what you want for yourself is utterly pointless surely?0 -
I'd like to agree with others on the thread about getting your kids involved with your exercise. If you can get them involved, even for as little as 20mins every few days it will be setting them up for a much healthier adulthood. I understand what you're saying about them being 'braniac' rather than athletic types but this shouldn't stop you. Go on a nature walk with them in a park getting them to try and identify the different bugs they find, or get them walking round doing a survey of car colours if you're in a built up area - try to take their minds of the fact they're going for a walk! This should also help with some of the social nervousness as they will have more focus. Just because you won't be burning hundreds of calories doesn't mean you won't be getting any benefit (and do log the walk on here to get an idea of how good for you it actually is!).
You could always do what I saw a guy do at the olympics and do weightlifing reps with his son as the weight!
As a teacher I also feel the need to express concern that you're letting your kids stay up so late in the holidays. It's really important to try and get a well maintained sleeping pattern so they aren't having to readjust too much when they go back to school. Good sleep patterns are one of the most important contributors to successful learning! If they're being more active in the day then that will also help them sleep in the evenings.
Hope I don't sound too pushy and feel free to ignore me if you want. I just hope that you manage to find a way of getting a better balance in your life
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Hola!
Well done on the weight loss, that's some achievement! We all know how hard it is to lose it, but how easy it is to gain it back! It's a bugger.
I've had a quick look through your diary and the thing that stands out is, based on what I know from my own personal weight loss journey, and my from my nurtionist appointments is, you have been eating very little for your stats and there's a high chance you have been losing lean muscle, not just body fat. You don't want this. Your sugar levels are quite high too. Once we drop our calories, our bodies adjust to that lower number of cals.....which is why a lot of the time, people will keep slashing their calories when they don't get the results they need and the body will just shut down and store fat. All that happens though is your body just slows down and when you either return to your old ways of eating or, start eating a hell of a lot more (processed/binge eating), you are more prone to gaining weight but more importantly body fat.
I can relate to you being frightened and not wanting to gain the weight back but I think now is a great opportunity for you to change things which is why you've reached out and created this post in the first place. So well done!
Since you're male, you shouldn't be going anything under 1500 cals however based on your sats, if it was me, I'd be getting your calories up to whatever your BMR is as minimum. This is what you need for basic functions to work, say if you were lying in bed all day. You'll know this no doubt. You need to eat to fuel your body to get you through the day regardless of whether you're doing exercise or not. It sounds like you have a busy day doing everything that you do, so eat as much as you can, whilst still watching your weight as you can.
I read you don't belong to a gym which is fine, not all of us can afford it or are bothered about getting fit. It really depends on what your priorites are. If you want to do exercise then you need to choose to do it, and make the time with no excuses. There's ways to work around exercise for free if you do want to get fit.......even half an hour a day in the house doing lunges, planks, squats, dips, pushups and crunches will give you strength and definition. For fitness itself, we're talking cardio! Get the kids out for a walk around the park, do something fun. If you can afford to get a workout dvd then I would totally recommend Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, 3 x 20 mins workouts - it's absolutely brillant!! Exercise wise, if you start to do it, 50% of your workouts should be weight bearing. It has been found to help weight loss more, opposed to doing just doing cardio. Building more lean muscle allows your body to burn more efficiently and effectively.
Why is your goal 135lbs, if you don't mind me asking? That's far too low for you. You may not like what I am saying but it's true. That's what my goal is and I'm a 31 year old woman at 5ft5.
*ADVICE*
For the next 1-2 months do the following:
Increase your cals now. My advice to you is, once you increase your calories to your BMR at least, you will initially get a gain. This will subside in a week or so. Even in the case of an increase to 1500 cals which is what you want to do, yes, 300 calories isn't loads, but it depends on the person. It's huge to someone like you since you've been aiming at 1200 a day, yet hitting the 950 cals figure a lot. So to you, that's a 33% (or 25% when you hit 1200) increase.
The sooner you eat the correct amount of calories, the sooner you can sort your body out and improve your eating habits. I read some research that it takes around 21 days to break/form a new habit. You say you are a stay at home day who is also the maid, butler and cook so I wouldn't deem your activity level to be sedentary as you're going to be "on the go" a lot. Double check your BMR figures. Use this to calculate your BMR and TDEE: http://www.jillianmichaels.com/fitness-and-diet-tips/determining-your-AMR. I would put you at Light Physical Activity based on what you have said as a minimum. For friends I have helped with weight loss advice, once they've worked out their TDEE using the link above, I always say, reduce this by 10-20% and stick to that calorie level each day. In your case, I would probably suggest a 10% decrease from your TDEE since you're not currently doing exercise.
As for your meals, I would recommend that you aim for 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. Don't go any longer than 4 hours in between eating. Limit stimulants and eat as clean as you can and keep on with the good number of fluids you have each day.. for me as a rule of thumb to make things easier for myself, I aim for 1/2 my plate being veg with 1/4 protein and 1/4 complex carb. Change your macros to 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% fat too on MFP under "Goals".
I hope that has helped and, if I can help with anything else, give me a shout and lastly, good luck on your journey.
SarahFirst off, please be gentle with your responses. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and I don't like aggressive criticism.
Since July 23rd I've been at a 1200 calorie deficiency. Actually, I haven't hit 1200 calories since my diet started in April (but I started tracking my food in July). This has been pretty successful though since I lost 64 lbs and have dropped my body fat from 23% to 18% and my BMI from 28ish to 23ish. But now that I am in the "healthy" range for my height, I have been thinking about increasing my caloric intake and changing my macros (again). My biggest concern though is that I'm going to pack the lbs back.
For those curious to run my numbers, I am 30 years old, male, 5'8", and last weighed in at 155.8. My activity level is SEDENTARY because I am a stay at home dad and a homemaker. There really isn't time to do any exercises around the house because I am also the house maid, the cook, and the butler. Again don't judge, this is the lifestyle I chose after losing my job so if you don't like it STFU and keep your "man card" talk to yourself.
So when you run my numbers, you'll see that I have a daily rate of around 2050 calories burned and a BMR of 1,639 calories/day. By eating 1500, I'll still be at a deficient of 500 calories (which I see is recommended) but I'm still concerned that I will A) put on weight,
Cost the family more money because of my increased strain on the family, C) Be forced to eat grains to fill calories (I'm Gluten Intolerant) , and D) Going to stop losing weight even though the deficiency is still there.
My goal is to be at 135 lbs, which puts me in the middle of the "healthy bmi" range. And when I get there, I was going to have egg white protein incorporated in my diet and start lifting heavy crap around the house (can't afford a $10/month gym membership; we are poor).
I dunno, 300 calories doesn't seem like a whole lot, but it's going to create an extra meal in my daily caloric intake and money is already tight trying to eat as it is. And I know some of you are going to say "A man that was at 1200 in the first place, that's stupid" but keep your ego out of this. I need someone to tell me what to expect when I increase my caloric intake and tell me how my body is going to respond to the extra food. Also, when I should I implement the increase? Make a 4th meal (like I plan) or increase my caloric intake each meal?0 -
Makes perfect sense, to me! Not nonsensical at all.0
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Hi,
first of all, I applaud you to be manly enough to take on the job of stay-at-home dad and housekeeper (and butler) - not sedentary at all, but I chose that level for the BMR as well, even though I run around all day being the one bringing home the bacon (or, I should say, the low-fat ham).
Okay, to your question: as you already know, nothing is written in stone, and you have a good grasp of tracking your food already. So just try it out. If you find you gain from an increased 300 cal intake, reduce it to 200. If you find you lose and end up losing too much (personally, I think 132 is really low for a man at 5'8, but I am sure you now what is best for you), add another 50 or 100 cal.
Congratulations on your loss - now you have the luxury of playing with your calories - so just listen to your body and adjust and tweak where and when you need to!!
Cheers
Karin0 -
I think I'm getting soft in my old age bit I think you just need a big cuddle and a bit of more help round the house! You seem a sweet guy who's been through a lot of problems one way or another. Glad you havent had all the kind of replies I was expecting on this thread. Was pretty brave of you to post on the forums in the first place with your kind of personality. Take care x
Yeah I've been very fortunate with my replies, HSP's get bullied all the time but I think this audience is more mature than that so I knew it would be safe to be forward and take a risk. Thank you for the kind words :blushing:0 -
So, I know you are strapped for time, so please don't feel like you have to respond to this. I won't find it rude or offensive. I just wanted to point a couple things out.
First of all, I guarantee you that 1500 calories will still be a calorie deficit for you. No doubt in my mind. Therefore, you should not fear moving up to that amount. As has been said, you might see a TEMPORARY uptick in your weight, so give it a couple weeks before giving up on it.
Additionally, if you try something new in your nutritional plan and it doesn't work, who cares? All you do is adjust it again, until you find what works. You've already proven that you can lose the weight. So if you try something that ends up putting 10 pounds on, so what? You can lose it again. Think of it as a scientific experiment. Every new test you try gets you closer to the correct answer.
I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the increased calories results. Good luck to you.
You have a lot of great points. Today I'm having a hard time eating the extra calories but I think it's because I am trying too hard to keep my macros balanced. I'll be on my way up to 1500 though soon. Just going to take some mental re-engineering. Thanks again for the reply.0 -
Nobody ever gave me my man card I got in the line for free cake twice and missed out.
I'm not sure what this means but I've stood in line to get free cake before and was excluded before so I'm sorry this happened to you. Getting excluded is a pretty common thing for HSP's.....0 -
1st off, u are doing great! pat yourself on the back! 2nd, I can't tell you exactly what to expect because we are all different but I would reccomend you do go up those 300 calories but SLOWLY, maybe in 50-100 calorie increments? This week go up 50-100 then add more to that next week. At 1500 u won't pack on the pounds. Also, nothing is permanent. Give it a week or 10 days to allow your body to acclimate but if it isn't working for you, go back to what is working for you now. You know what is best for YOU and you are doing great so hang in there. I just have one cautionary thing for you to think about and mull over. When you consume less than 1200 calories you aren't just burning fat but also muscle. You really can't afford to lose muscle because when you do lose muscle, you don't get to choose which muscle. You can be losing heart muscle! So going to 1500 is not only going to give you more energy but strengthen your muscles...including your heart! It's a win-win. So if you do put on a couple pounds just remember that muscle weighs more than fat and you could be rebuilding muscles that may need some re-nourishment from the earlier phase of your diet. A good way to keep it all in check is to take measurements right before you up the calories and begin strength training. Using stuff around the house is a great idea to do that, by the way. Good idea.
I am going to go to 1500 and maybe even my BMR. The problem is finding foods that I deem acceptable to eat at this point. Being gluten free, casein free, and sucrose free (but not fructose and glucose) is making this very hard to make choices since all the healthy foods are spread out over several supermarkets and I don't have that kind of time to shop around. But thank you very much for the idea of measuring; so far I haven't tracked anything and I wish I did. And I will be trying to lift some stuff around the house, I'm just concerned about my back since I have that Thoracic injury and the pec injury to work around. Thanks again.0 -
I don't have any advice since I have just started my journey. But I have several friends who are stay at home Mom's and honey if you think you are sedentary you got another "think" coming. Those women are on 24/7 and I imagine you are too. If any guy rags you...I would say he is feeling threatened and that isn't your problem that's his. Just sayin'0
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First off, relax. I'm pretty sure you've gotten lots of good advice in this thread - people are not going to jump on you as a stay at home dad, etc. As someone who is a part-time home father for years (my wife travelled) - it can be incredible difficult to fit time for yourself in there. But having been there - it is a question of priorities - schedule it and do it, even if it is a short ride to the supermarket.
Congratulations on how far you have come.
Whatever you decide to try - each time give yourself 3-4 weeks of time to see how your body adjusts.
By eating way under - you've fasted fast and that works for a while but your body will adjust and it will require more effort until you eventually fail or achieve an ED. Your body will not let you starve. Bringing back the calories to a more reasonable deficit will likely create a yoyo-like effect in the first weeks - but I was surprised by how much easier it was to stay at a smaller deficit and how effective it was in the longer term. Especially as you approach objective.
Anyway, I see that you already have more than the best advice in this thread.
But a question - Isn't 135lbs really too low?
You people rock!
My goal isn't really 135. I need to update my "about" section. My goal is just to not have fat hanging off my body any where. I've lost it all but the 3 places that I want it off: stomach, face, and thighs. As soon as these areas have less body fat I'll be sitting at my total energy caloric intake. I am just being so health conscious about what to eat though so that my obese epidemic doesn't return so finding acceptable foods to put in my body has been difficult. But this thread has had a lot of great advice about how to keep at a loos until those lbs are loss and I'm really grateful with their respect to my sensitivity. Thanks again for your reply.0 -
sheesh, your schedule sounds like mine. chin up.0
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I'd like to agree with others on the thread about getting your kids involved with your exercise. If you can get them involved, even for as little as 20mins every few days it will be setting them up for a much healthier adulthood. I understand what you're saying about them being 'braniac' rather than athletic types but this shouldn't stop you. Go on a nature walk with them in a park getting them to try and identify the different bugs they find, or get them walking round doing a survey of car colours if you're in a built up area - try to take their minds of the fact they're going for a walk! This should also help with some of the social nervousness as they will have more focus. Just because you won't be burning hundreds of calories doesn't mean you won't be getting any benefit (and do log the walk on here to get an idea of how good for you it actually is!).
You could always do what I saw a guy do at the olympics and do weightlifing reps with his son as the weight!
As a teacher I also feel the need to express concern that you're letting your kids stay up so late in the holidays. It's really important to try and get a well maintained sleeping pattern so they aren't having to readjust too much when they go back to school. Good sleep patterns are one of the most important contributors to successful learning! If they're being more active in the day then that will also help them sleep in the evenings.
Hope I don't sound too pushy and feel free to ignore me if you want. I just hope that you manage to find a way of getting a better balance in your life
Parenting is a very difficult thing. I come from an catholic/authoritarian mother and a conservative/neglectful father; both in which were not good with my temperament (HSP) growing up. So unlike most people who can turn to their parents for good advice, I have to do all this on my own because I can't trust the judgement of my parents since my two HSP children would be mistreated like me. The problem is simple though: overstimulation. My wife and I refuse to be hypocritical parents who say "no video games or tv after 9pm" when we can't follow our own rules. I understand sleep is EXTREMELY important, but it's difficult to get children to go to sleep when their parents are setting a poor example. And as you can see on this thread, it's not like I have time to cut anyways; the family depends on me to be hyperactive so I can get everything done that needs to be done. So while I appreciate your input, the issue ISN'T that I'm being a bad parent by "allowing them" to stay up; the issue is the lifestyle in this house needs to change and no one is going to make the first move. It will get better when school starts, but instead of going to bed at 1am they will go to bed at 11pm (7 hours of sleep). I know some parents who put their kids to bed at 7pm when the sun is still out; to me that seems like neglect/abuse. Anyways, thank you for your feedback but like you said, this is very sensitive territory and I hope my reply didn't seem too defensive. No parent is perfect, and to be honest, not all parents care about their children's education as much as their teacher (I would rather my children be healthy and happy then be prosperous and orderly - typical liberal parent). But thank you again for your input, it's good to see things from another point of view sometimes.
I will work exercise into my regime. I think I need to get my body accepting the right amount of calories first before that though. I don't need any more injuries. Having a pec injury after only 2 pull ups is embaressing, and I attribute that 100% to me trying to do this too fast and not going at the pace of my body. Thanks again for your reply.0 -
Hola!
Well done on the weight loss, that's some achievement! We all know how hard it is to lose it, but how easy it is to gain it back! It's a bugger.
I've had a quick look through your diary and the thing that stands out is, based on what I know from my own personal weight loss journey, and my from my nurtionist appointments is, you have been eating very little for your stats and there's a high chance you have been losing lean muscle, not just body fat. You don't want this. Your sugar levels are quite high too. Once we drop our calories, our bodies adjust to that lower number of cals.....which is why a lot of the time, people will keep slashing their calories when they don't get the results they need and the body will just shut down and store fat. All that happens though is your body just slows down and when you either return to your old ways of eating or, start eating a hell of a lot more (processed/binge eating), you are more prone to gaining weight but more importantly body fat.
I can relate to you being frightened and not wanting to gain the weight back but I think now is a great opportunity for you to change things which is why you've reached out and created this post in the first place. So well done!
Since you're male, you shouldn't be going anything under 1500 cals however based on your sats, if it was me, I'd be getting your calories up to whatever your BMR is as minimum. This is what you need for basic functions to work, say if you were lying in bed all day. You'll know this no doubt. You need to eat to fuel your body to get you through the day regardless of whether you're doing exercise or not. It sounds like you have a busy day doing everything that you do, so eat as much as you can, whilst still watching your weight as you can.
I read you don't belong to a gym which is fine, not all of us can afford it or are bothered about getting fit. It really depends on what your priorites are. If you want to do exercise then you need to choose to do it, and make the time with no excuses. There's ways to work around exercise for free if you do want to get fit.......even half an hour a day in the house doing lunges, planks, squats, dips, pushups and crunches will give you strength and definition. For fitness itself, we're talking cardio! Get the kids out for a walk around the park, do something fun. If you can afford to get a workout dvd then I would totally recommend Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred, 3 x 20 mins workouts - it's absolutely brillant!! Exercise wise, if you start to do it, 50% of your workouts should be weight bearing. It has been found to help weight loss more, opposed to doing just doing cardio. Building more lean muscle allows your body to burn more efficiently and effectively.
Why is your goal 135lbs, if you don't mind me asking? That's far too low for you. You may not like what I am saying but it's true. That's what my goal is and I'm a 31 year old woman at 5ft5.
*ADVICE*
For the next 1-2 months do the following:
Increase your cals now. My advice to you is, once you increase your calories to your BMR at least, you will initially get a gain. This will subside in a week or so. Even in the case of an increase to 1500 cals which is what you want to do, yes, 300 calories isn't loads, but it depends on the person. It's huge to someone like you since you've been aiming at 1200 a day, yet hitting the 950 cals figure a lot. So to you, that's a 33% (or 25% when you hit 1200) increase.
The sooner you eat the correct amount of calories, the sooner you can sort your body out and improve your eating habits. I read some research that it takes around 21 days to break/form a new habit. You say you are a stay at home day who is also the maid, butler and cook so I wouldn't deem your activity level to be sedentary as you're going to be "on the go" a lot. Double check your BMR figures. Use this to calculate your BMR and TDEE: http://www.jillianmichaels.com/fitness-and-diet-tips/determining-your-AMR. I would put you at Light Physical Activity based on what you have said as a minimum. For friends I have helped with weight loss advice, once they've worked out their TDEE using the link above, I always say, reduce this by 10-20% and stick to that calorie level each day. In your case, I would probably suggest a 10% decrease from your TDEE since you're not currently doing exercise.
As for your meals, I would recommend that you aim for 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. Don't go any longer than 4 hours in between eating. Limit stimulants and eat as clean as you can and keep on with the good number of fluids you have each day.. for me as a rule of thumb to make things easier for myself, I aim for 1/2 my plate being veg with 1/4 protein and 1/4 complex carb. Change your macros to 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% fat too on MFP under "Goals".
I hope that has helped and, if I can help with anything else, give me a shout and lastly, good luck on your journey.
SarahFirst off, please be gentle with your responses. I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and I don't like aggressive criticism.
Since July 23rd I've been at a 1200 calorie deficiency. Actually, I haven't hit 1200 calories since my diet started in April (but I started tracking my food in July). This has been pretty successful though since I lost 64 lbs and have dropped my body fat from 23% to 18% and my BMI from 28ish to 23ish. But now that I am in the "healthy" range for my height, I have been thinking about increasing my caloric intake and changing my macros (again). My biggest concern though is that I'm going to pack the lbs back.
For those curious to run my numbers, I am 30 years old, male, 5'8", and last weighed in at 155.8. My activity level is SEDENTARY because I am a stay at home dad and a homemaker. There really isn't time to do any exercises around the house because I am also the house maid, the cook, and the butler. Again don't judge, this is the lifestyle I chose after losing my job so if you don't like it STFU and keep your "man card" talk to yourself.
So when you run my numbers, you'll see that I have a daily rate of around 2050 calories burned and a BMR of 1,639 calories/day. By eating 1500, I'll still be at a deficient of 500 calories (which I see is recommended) but I'm still concerned that I will A) put on weight, Cost the family more money because of my increased strain on the family, C) Be forced to eat grains to fill calories (I'm Gluten Intolerant) , and D) Going to stop losing weight even though the deficiency is still there.
My goal is to be at 135 lbs, which puts me in the middle of the "healthy bmi" range. And when I get there, I was going to have egg white protein incorporated in my diet and start lifting heavy crap around the house (can't afford a $10/month gym membership; we are poor).
I dunno, 300 calories doesn't seem like a whole lot, but it's going to create an extra meal in my daily caloric intake and money is already tight trying to eat as it is. And I know some of you are going to say "A man that was at 1200 in the first place, that's stupid" but keep your ego out of this. I need someone to tell me what to expect when I increase my caloric intake and tell me how my body is going to respond to the extra food. Also, when I should I implement the increase? Make a 4th meal (like I plan) or increase my caloric intake each meal?
I don't want to comment on everything you said because your advice is for a lifestyle that is different than what I had in mind for myself. I do appreciate your thoroughness and I respect your expertise in this style of body fitness. I am just not that into the fitness aspect of it. The 40/30/30 diet is great for building muscle, but it's not ideal for someone who just wants to be slender with a little bit of noticeable muscle. Like I've said in this post earlier, when we think of a "man" we think of a muscle on top of muscle Arnold from Terminator kind of guy, but that's not the guy I wanna be. Thank you again for your reply but I am going to take a different route with my body transformation; one that matches my personality and my temperament.0 -
Hi,
first of all, I applaud you to be manly enough to take on the job of stay-at-home dad and housekeeper (and butler) - not sedentary at all, but I chose that level for the BMR as well, even though I run around all day being the one bringing home the bacon (or, I should say, the low-fat ham).
Okay, to your question: as you already know, nothing is written in stone, and you have a good grasp of tracking your food already. So just try it out. If you find you gain from an increased 300 cal intake, reduce it to 200. If you find you lose and end up losing too much (personally, I think 132 is really low for a man at 5'8, but I am sure you now what is best for you), add another 50 or 100 cal.
Congratulations on your loss - now you have the luxury of playing with your calories - so just listen to your body and adjust and tweak where and when you need to!!
Cheers
Karin
Thank you for your kind words! So many people have given me compliment for being a stay at home dad, it really is unexpected after having all my peers and other sites tell me "go get a job you bum". They don't really understand how hard it is to manage 3 other people's lives as well as your own plus a 1100 square foot home with 4 animals. It really is a LOT of work. But there's always that conservative minded man or woman who comes along and tells me the hunter/gatherer story and tells me to "man up" so as a HSP I come into venues like these expecting the worst.
Yeah, I'm actually working my way up to 1500 as we speak (unsuccessfully so far but I will be going that way soon). The problem is finding foods I find acceptable. With so few clean foods available at the supermarket, no local butcher, and no local farm, eating clean is REALLY tough. I get my calories right now from the best foods I can find. But I will find a way to increase my calories. The real problem I'm having right now is hitting my protein goals. I don't want to take the highly processed powder mix right now, and buying liquid egg whites every other day isn't in the budget, so I need to think of how to do this without making the "wrong" choice. Eating healthy in today's world is a lot like sneaking out of the house as a teen; it must be thoroughly planned out.
Oh and my weight goal isn't 135. It's just when I look at my face and stomach in the mirror and I see a face and stomach that would look good with a medium frame body. I'm thinking of trying to do the C25K when the kids get into school and then just stay up an extra hour longer to get the missed chores done; that would help me burn the extra fat that I want to burn (but now I have to eat those darn calories back so I'm back where I started). I'll get this figured out though, it's a trial and error since I don't have health insurance to see a nutritionist.
Well, again, thank you very much for your kind/gentle reply.0 -
I haven't read all the responses and forgive me if my post perhaps adds to a bunch of others on the same topic.
You don't need to exercise to lose weight. Ive done that successfully and kept it off for years. It will, however, help you with body composition. It sounds like you are at a good weight but find spots that are not satisfying. This could be a body composition issue more so than a weight one.
It is common for homemakers to feel the need to take care of everyone else at the expense of themselves. Kudos to you for logging and working on your diet with dedication. That says you have some ability to let go of the guilt homemakers often feel when they take the time for themselves. The hard part is there is ALWAYS something else to do. It never stops really. The reality is homemakers need to work at balancing their time and support may be needed to let go of the guilt if things are less than perfect. The reality is, even for a bad *kitten* homemaker, there is always a never ending list of things to accomplish. People often don't realize just how much goes into doing this and doing it well. Being a stay at home parent on top of a homemaker, sometimes increases the pressure to always be in the caregiving mode. I'm not slighting working parents here because they have their own guilts and responsibilities that are present as well. But the issue here is not that you don't have the time, but that you don't have the right mindset. Whether that comes from feeling the need to always be ON, maybe even doubly so because society often looks at stay at home dads in a more judging way, though they shouldn't, or whether it comes from a place of really not even liking excercise, the result is still the same. You have decided that exercise is not for you. The reason you will hear opposition to this is because so many of us have discovered that time is rarely the issue and it is more about a mindset that becomes the barrier.
Six months ago, I hated exercising with a passion. But I found someone inspirational with many more obstacles than me and I decided to just go for it. There have been days when I've done a 20 minute workout video at 11pm at night because I just made up my mind that I will do it regardless of my schedule and I will not go to bed until I've accomplished it. Over time I became better at thinking about myself and how to fit it in a better time when I'm not so exhausted. The truth is, you can make it happen. You can involve your kids, do it early, do it late, plan your week so it fits in, or while the laundry is going. But people with heavy schedules make it happen all the time too.
Now if you don't want to exercise, nobody is making you. But of that's the case, the excuses are invalid.
Some people really are content with "skinny fat" and like the look. I wish there was another term. That term is derogatory and I'm trying to be positive about people liking different looks. I was that way at one point. It was actually my preferred look. I didn't know that's what it was called, thankfully. If this was you, I wouldn't care at all about your resistance to exercise. Sure it is a healthy thing to do but we are talking about losing weight and how it looks. The bottom line is you dont have to do it to successfully lose weight. The reason I'm speaking up here though is because it sounds like you do have a specific image in mind and you are all about fine tuning it to fit that image. That is only going to happen by adding specific exercise goals. And yes, my dear bad *kitten* homemaker, you can find the time for it.
As for upping the calories, I did that this summer. I gained 3lbs and leveled out and then dropped those 3lbs. My goal was maintenance. (I actually had a slight surplus for awhile for weight training but it didn't stay on).0 -
Maid, butler and cook? doesn't sound sedentary to me!!
Just an FYI... women can tell you.. nothing sexier than a man who can hold his own around the house! Its frustrating to work hard to keep a house clean a man comes in and 5 minutes later its messy again !!
So to any man who tries to give you grief about it... You're making your woman happy.. are they making theirs happy??
^^ amen. More power to you for taking care of business0 -
Only you can determine your calorie intake, and you already have. Congratulations on taking ownership. There is no scientific evidence for starvation mode except for men under 6% BF and women under 12% so as long as you feel great keep going as you are. Each body is different, the estimates are just estimates.
The bottom line if you are not losing as a trend then you need to eat less. But once you get leaner like you have you have to "taper up" your calories compared to when you were leaner because your body does not have as many fat reserves anymore. Your weight loss will be slower, you must be even more patient then before. I have found 100 calorie increments in either direction until you find your happy place works. ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE. Be wary of others telling you to eat more or less. You own your body, you decide, listen to your body and treat it well. You will know. The proof is in the pudding.0 -
I haven't read all the responses and forgive me if my post perhaps adds to a bunch of others on the same topic.
You don't need to exercise to lose weight. Ive done that successfully and kept it off for years. It will, however, help you with body composition. It sounds like you are at a good weight but find spots that are not satisfying. This could be a body composition issue more so than a weight one.
It is common for homemakers to feel the need to take care of everyone else at the expense of themselves. Kudos to you for logging and working on your diet with dedication. That says you have some ability to let go of the guilt homemakers often feel when they take the time for themselves. The hard part is there is ALWAYS something else to do. It never stops really. The reality is homemakers need to work at balancing their time and support may be needed to let go of the guilt if things are less than perfect. The reality is, even for a bad *kitten* homemaker, there is always a never ending list of things to accomplish. People often don't realize just how much goes into doing this and doing it well. Being a stay at home parent on top of a homemaker, sometimes increases the pressure to always be in the caregiving mode. I'm not slighting working parents here because they have their own guilts and responsibilities that are present as well. But the issue here is not that you don't have the time, but that you don't have the right mindset. Whether that comes from feeling the need to always be ON, maybe even doubly so because society often looks at stay at home dads in a more judging way, though they shouldn't, or whether it comes from a place of really not even liking excercise, the result is still the same. You have decided that exercise is not for you. The reason you will hear opposition to this is because so many of us have discovered that time is rarely the issue and it is more about a mindset that becomes the barrier.
Six months ago, I hated exercising with a passion. But I found someone inspirational with many more obstacles than me and I decided to just go for it. There have been days when I've done a 20 minute workout video at 11pm at night because I just made up my mind that I will do it regardless of my schedule and I will not go to bed until I've accomplished it. Over time I became better at thinking about myself and how to fit it in a better time when I'm not so exhausted. The truth is, you can make it happen. You can involve your kids, do it early, do it late, plan your week so it fits in, or while the laundry is going. But people with heavy schedules make it happen all the time too.
Now if you don't want to exercise, nobody is making you. But of that's the case, the excuses are invalid.
Some people really are content with "skinny fat" and like the look. I wish there was another term. That term is derogatory and I'm trying to be positive about people liking different looks. I was that way at one point. It was actually my preferred look. I didn't know that's what it was called, thankfully. If this was you, I wouldn't care at all about your resistance to exercise. Sure it is a healthy thing to do but we are talking about losing weight and how it looks. The bottom line is you dont have to do it to successfully lose weight. The reason I'm speaking up here though is because it sounds like you do have a specific image in mind and you are all about fine tuning it to fit that image. That is only going to happen by adding specific exercise goals. And yes, my dear bad *kitten* homemaker, you can find the time for it.
As for upping the calories, I did that this summer. I gained 3lbs and leveled out and then dropped those 3lbs. My goal was maintenance. (I actually had a slight surplus for awhile for weight training but it didn't stay on).
Thank you for your time taken in this reply. I understand what you mean by the "home maker guilt" but what really drives me to push myself so hard around here is my wife's "bread winner guilt". Sadly, she is discreetly an overly competitive woman and has tried to play martyr since she went back to work, and the only way to keep her martyrdom at bay is for me to overwork myself to exhaustion so she can feel good about NOT being home. My wife wants the "better" of both options for herself and she sees being home as the more desirable position. She has openly said that she is not going to be the man in the relationship with a "trophy husband" sitting at home spending her money. So it's one thing to have the men in society telling me that I'm a loser, but to have my own wife do it too makes things hard. But the thing is, without me here doing all the chores and cooking, she would be lost and we would be living 3 steps backwards from the health we are today. So I try to not have her emotional abuse hurt me, I realize she's only saying this because of her social anxiety and her fear of being away from the house; but it's hard to tune out things when her idea of how husband and wife should function is re-enforced by all the conservative Americans friends she shares our life with.
I am not sincerely trying to resist exercise. I am just trying to figure out how I can satisfy all of my home maker duties, satisfy all of my fatherly duties, satisfy all of my pampering my wife duties, satisfy all of my disinfecting duties, and satisfy my "clean diet" duties (cooking takes time) and then have the energy to go exercise. The only way this is truly going to work out is if the expectations placed on me were lower; and with a competing wife who feels cheated on her "job" at home, this isn't going to happen. But I do plan on doing the couch to 5k program when I can take my exercise seriously. I see myself as a runner and not a body builder. As a matter of fact, a lot of HSP's are runners or cyclists; I just need to convince my wife to allow me to pursue this dream.
Anyways though, thank you for your reply. I will be working towards a healthier me and I think with all the advice in this thread I've been able to figure out who that healthier me is.0 -
Maid, butler and cook? doesn't sound sedentary to me!!
Just an FYI... women can tell you.. nothing sexier than a man who can hold his own around the house! Its frustrating to work hard to keep a house clean a man comes in and 5 minutes later its messy again !!
So to any man who tries to give you grief about it... You're making your woman happy.. are they making theirs happy??
^^ amen. More power to you for taking care of business
Thanks :blushing:0 -
Only you can determine your calorie intake, and you already have. Congratulations on taking ownership. There is no scientific evidence for starvation mode except for men under 6% BF and women under 12% so as long as you feel great keep going as you are. Each body is different, the estimates are just estimates.
The bottom line if you are not losing as a trend then you need to eat less. But once you get leaner like you have you have to "taper up" your calories compared to when you were leaner because your body does not have as many fat reserves anymore. Your weight loss will be slower, you must be even more patient then before. I have found 100 calorie increments in either direction until you find your happy place works. ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE. Be wary of others telling you to eat more or less. You own your body, you decide, listen to your body and treat it well. You will know. The proof is in the pudding.
Thank you for this. I am actually still losing at the 900-1200 calorie deficiency but it has slowed. After doing some research I learned that my daily burn is reaching my caloric eating level. So I think the safest thing for me to do is to climb and meet it some where in the middle. And when my daily burn and intake have met, I'll probably increase 100 calories and start exercising. What also drives me into concern was how easy it was for me to tear my Pec when I did my two pull ups. Either I am WAY out of shape, or my deficiency has put me at a disadvantage. And I don't need any injuries since I have no health insurance (icing my pec and wrapping it daily for 2 weeks now but still sore - no dent or anything, just tender).
But thank you for your reply, scientifically, this makes the most sense to me.0 -
You only have to be who you want to be. The image you want for yourself is the only one that matters. What's important perhaps is identifying what it is you want most and finding out how to achieve that. You don't have to have the same goals. But it is wise to understand what it takes to reach the image YOU want.
You sound like a caring parent and someone who enjoys what he is doing, even if it doesn't fit the perceived norms in society. It is more important that you do what is right both for you and your family. Just remember, however, that all of us need a little balance in life. It's okay to want some time for yourself. In fact, it's better for everyone in the long run if you do even if it doesn't feel like it in the beginning. For what it is worth, this is advice moms often have to remind each other of as well.
At our last duty station, my husband was the primary caregiver. I worked 70 hours a week, went to college, tutored and taught an after school club. I didn't feel like I had anything left to give so I left it to my husband. The truth is, I was completely out of balance. What's interesting is in that neighborhood there were a lot of families in the same role. The fathers actually had a group and took care of each other's kids when needed. The women barely knew each other. (Now the roles have reversed again for a bit. It changes according to what we need at the time and the opportunities that are there).0 -
I'm on a small screen, my phone, thus I missed your earlier reply before I made my second post.
If it makes you feel any better, some stay-at-home moms aren't always given support for that position either. Society, and some husbands, have this idea that they should do both jobs. Some do it out of necessity. Others are pressured for what they want to do, whether it is the stay at home option or the working parent option. The support is mixed.0 -
I would incorporate the extra calories where you would feel you need them, for example if you feel your meals are inadequate add calorie there, if not try adding high calorie snacks such as nuts with those a little goes a long way. As far as adding weight, I highly doubt this will be a huge difference. You shouldnt pack on the pounds with just 300 calories so long as you stay active your body will adjust. You may see a slight increase at first but you will level out. Just drink a lot of water and stay active oh and above all stay focused!! You know your body better than anyone so do what works for you and good luck!!!0
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Congratulations on being a stay-at-home dad! I think you will be fine if you increase your calories, because I think your activity level is too low. Someone who does all you would have to do all day is NOT sedentary. Best wishes.0
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oh bieng a stay at home dad is a work out all its own!!:laugh: Congrats to you on that!I JUST STARTED INCREASING MY CALORIES FROM 1280 TO 1400 AND I LOST 2 POUNDS:) I WORK OUT 3X A WEEK AND SO FAR SO GOOD. I AM GOING TO INCREASE THEM ANOTHER 100 IN A WEEK OR SO. ILL LET YOU KNOW IF THIS WORKS. I WAS NERVOUS TOO. BUT REMEMBER YOUR BODY NEEDS THE ENERGY FROM THE FOOD TO KEEP YOUR METABOLISM GOING. I KEEP THAT IN MY HEAD AND IT HELPS. IT WILL WORK FOR YOU JUST BE PATIENT. ALSO I WOULDNT WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT NOT BIENG BLE TO WORK OUT. YOU MEN ARE LUCKY YOUR BODY BURNS CALORIES MUCH QUICKER THAN WE DO:( SO I HAVE TO GO THE EXTRA MILE. GOOD LUCK
But you see, I don't work out. I can't. Even when summer vacation is over, I still have all this responsibility tying me to the house, so all I can do is do lunges and sit ups and squats while doing m day2day work. But thank you for your input anyways. I appreciate it.0 -
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I have to question your weight goal.... 135 or even 145 that I read in a later reply... that sounds awfully low. I am female in my 40's, 5'4",weigh 145 and a size 10. A man of your height and that weight seems like you should be fine where you are. I am all for being healthy not skinny.
seriously.. look up his BMI it's healthy0 -
I have to question your weight goal.... 135 or even 145 that I read in a later reply... that sounds awfully low. I am female in my 40's, 5'4",weigh 145 and a size 10. A man of your height and that weight seems like you should be fine where you are. I am all for being healthy not skinny.
seriously.. look up his BMI it's healthy
Yes, look at his BMI - at 135#, he could lose 13 pounds and STILL be in the healthy range. I'm the same height and targeting 140. I'd rather not carry anything extra for 70.3 miles.0
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