Why do people get mad at me for trying to be healthy?!?!
sweetchildomine
Posts: 872 Member
Is anyone else having this issue? I have been posting a few inspirational weight loss/health/fitness pictures on my facebook page here and I sometimes write about my workout experiences. I had a friend (she's overweight btw) actually unsubscribe from my posts because of it. I could understand if I was constantly spamming them but I usually only post about once a day on facebook. She said the posts were "annoying" and "We all know you're trying to get healthy and all. Good for you but I don't want to hear about it." WHAT? You're ok with everyone else's 20 posts about their drama with their bf, endless pictures of cats and ridiculous amounts of political graphics but you don't want to see my ONE post a day about being healthy?!?! Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content." and my sister said "JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO WORK OUT AND STARVE YOURSELF DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE DOES!!" ....it just took me aback because A: I DO NOT starve myself and B: It was not a personal attack on her or anyone else. I was just talking about me. On top of that, I get a bunch of aggressive comments from some friends telling me I'm crazy and that I don't need to eat healthy or work out because I don't need to lose weight. Some friends literally get ANGRY when I order something healthy when we go out to eat. "A salad? Are you serious?!?! That's so lame!! If I knew you were just going to get a salad I wouldn't have invited you!" They push ridiculously hard for me to get something fatty whereas before, they didn't give a crap what I ate. I have other examples but I already pretty much wrote an essay haha. But what is up with that?!?! Why do people get so angry when you talk about health, weight loss or fitness?!?! You seriously would think I was trying to talk about religion or politics!!!!
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Replies
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From someone who got told by a friend that they they thought I had an eating disorder last week... yep, I hear you.
My stock response is often "sorry if you can't support my choice to lengthen my life expectancy". Usually shuts them up. If I'm particularly riled, they get the classic "obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated". Honestly, I've come to learn that I have very little time for naysayers when it comes to my lifestyle choice. Also, more often than not, the critics are overweight. Doesn't take the brains of an archbishop to work out where they're coming from.9 -
I think they are just jealous. You keep doing what you are doing. You are doing it for yourself, not for them. Do whatever makes you feel good and live healthier.3
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They probably envy your determination. If you're looking to something like Facebook, but with supportive friends, I suggest you take a look at fitocracy.com1
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Can you remember your reaction to enthusiastic weight losers before you realised what your problem was?!?!?
I was just the same & could not see it until I was ready!! I am distancing myself from a few friends as they do not have a good attitude to it all at the moment & trying to remember all the things I said & did for 40 years to stop from having to take myself in hand........4 -
People say I'm getting too skinny. I tell them that my goal is not to be overweight by objective standards. Body image is in the eye of the beholder, but when I answer that I'm using height, weight, and BMI to guide my choices, that cools them off a little. This sounds like insecurity in your friends as the other poster and you have eluded to. Offering to help may sound sanctimonious, but my improve their health.
keep up the great work. Haters gotta hate. 1 -
Sounds like you need new friends.4
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i hear you... it's really frustrating but hang in there. maybe they'll follow your lead eventually 1
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Its just those people who are jealous of your success. Shows you who your real friends are. 1
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You know the old agage... Jealously makes you nasty - well there you have it.
Sounds like you need to dump the negative nellies and get yourself some new friends who have the same healthy outlook on life that you do.
Good luck0 -
Clearly, its because you making an effort shines a light on their own lives. They know they should be doing something similar (especially if your friend, as you mention, is overweight) but because they can't or won't choose to do anything about it for themselves, they resent you. You make them feel they should be doing something about their own situation, and triggering their guilty conscience that they should be making an effort to live well. People generally do not like feeling this way, it makes them feel attacked, so unfortunately they are responding by trying to make your life difficult.
You have to grow a thick skin and just ignore them. If it bugs you, just try politely asking them to respect your choice to prioritise your health. Good look. And ignore the haters! You look great and you're doing something positive- their encouragement would be nice, but you don't need it to succeed 5 -
I can SO relate to this, you are not alone! I've been tweeting all about my weight loss and I get commentslike "Pleasde dont end up with an eating disorder" - which is just ignorance beyond belief...
and most of my comments come from my nanna who I live with "You'll dissapear" ... but when I go and have two slices of toast..."You're going to blow up like a balloon!"
I can't remember who said ti on here but don't listen to the naysayers, some people just need to have an opinion on everything even if it is invalid. You know your body and yourself better than anyone else.3 -
From someone who got told by a friend that they they thought I had an eating disorder last week... yep, I hear you.
My stock response is often "sorry if you can't support my choice to lengthen my life expectancy". Usually shuts them up. If I'm particularly riled, they get the classic "obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated".
awesome repsonses btw :-)0 -
I think people are trying to put you off because they would love to be as motivated as you! My friend and I were 'diet buddies' for a while and if she lost loads of weight and I was having a bad week, I'd feel a bit jealous. However, I always tried to stay supportive as she was my friend and was doing well, and that's what your true friends' reactions should be! If you were telling them to change how they eat and live their lives then fair enough, but it sounds like you're just sharing. Keep going and know that it's jealousy! My advice would be to just be upfront and ask why they have a problem with it, and ask how they'd feel if you told them to change how they are acting!1
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Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content."
OK....so you don't want others to criticise your choices, yet you are criticising the choices of others. Perhaps that's why people are getting upset and fed up. It's a bit like ex-smokers who give up and preach to the world how great it is being a non-smoker. Sure, it's the right thing to do, to stop smoking or to get healthy. We know it makes sense. But what you think is "inspirational" might to others seem preachy and annoying. And they're probably a teeny bit jealous as well that they don't have the determination and willpower that you do, so they go on a sabotage mission whenever you go out to eat.
And if you are fed up with your friends' bf dramas, pics of lolcats or whatever else, then you also have access to the unsubscribe button, and have the right to use it, just like they do. Nobody absolutely HAS to read every post that everyone else makes on Facebook. We all have the right to choose what passes our filters and what doesn't.
I'm not trying to rain on your healthy parade at all, or be mean, I'm on MFP so we're in the same camp here, but I'm just saying, lead by example, do your thing, and be happy - you don't necessarily need to tell the world about it, especially when they're not quite ready to embrace the lifestyle you have. Be your own cheerleader, or come on here for support, one thing I've learned in my life is that you have to get support from the right places, you're flogging a dead horse trying to get your overweight, non-dieter friends to support your new choices and applaud it. I've got overweight friends as well, and I know they are not the people who want my weight loss and reduced body fat % and everything else rubbed in their faces when they are still struggling with being overweight, and trying to either come to terms with it and love themselves as they are, or do something about it.21 -
They're jealous hun.
Most of my friends and family have been great, but I have this 1 "friend" that is trying to lose with Weight watchers and it's just not working. She's refuses to listen to anyone's else's opinion and insists her way of doing things are right even though they're not working.
She tries to tell me what I'm doing is wrong, But I'm 2 lbs away from my goal weight! She's still fat! She told another friend she hates it when i get nice comments about my weight loss and no one notices her. So i KNOW it's jealousy!0 -
Eehh, you're their conscience, and you remind them daily that they should be doing something about it. People don't want to do this until their own mind is set to do it. I don't post any nutrition/ exercise stuff on FB, I use this site for that. Just like I am so sick of "friends" political views, that I unsubscribed from them so I don't have to have their viewpoint shoved down my throat2
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I get absolutely amazed by the ignorant comments people will make to me because I am trying to get healthy. I'm 54 next week and people will say things like "why bother". The only "friend" that really speaks to me on facebook anymore are my kids and my workout buddy. Screw them... I'm continuing on.6
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But if it's not something that interests your friends, why would you talk to them about it? I understand you're proud of of your achievements but it sounds like they might be finding it all a bit dull. Shared interests and all that.6
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Maybe your facebook pals are happy the way they are. Maybe a "motivational" post everyday seems like your trying to push your goals and beliefs on others. Your don't need to motivations on facebook every single day. I get both sides of this issue because if they posted every single day how god will save us, or how boo-woo their lives are......that would be a little annoying. BUT being a public network you are free to post your pride on there to try and really some feel good from other!! Just do what you do, and be you!2
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Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content."
OK....so you don't want others to criticise your choices, yet you are criticising the choices of others. Perhaps that's why people are getting upset and fed up. It's a bit like ex-smokers who give up and preach to the world how great it is being a non-smoker. Sure, it's the right thing to do, to stop smoking or to get healthy. We know it makes sense. But what you think is "inspirational" might to others seem preachy and annoying. And they're probably a teeny bit jealous as well that they don't have the determination and willpower that you do, so they go on a sabotage mission whenever you go out to eat.
And if you are fed up with your friends' bf dramas, pics of lolcats or whatever else, then you also have access to the unsubscribe button, and have the right to use it, just like they do. Nobody absolutely HAS to read every post that everyone else makes on Facebook. We all have the right to choose what passes our filters and what doesn't.
I'm not trying to rain on your healthy parade at all, or be mean, I'm on MFP so we're in the same camp here, but I'm just saying, lead by example, do your thing, and be happy - you don't necessarily need to tell the world about it, especially when they're not quite ready to embrace the lifestyle you have. Be your own cheerleader, or come on here for support, one thing I've learned in my life is that you have to get support from the right places, you're flogging a dead horse trying to get your overweight, non-dieter friends to support your new choices and applaud it. I've got overweight friends as well, and I know they are not the people who want my weight loss and reduced body fat % and everything else rubbed in their faces when they are still struggling with being overweight, and trying to either come to terms with it and love themselves as they are, or do something about it.
I've never criticized the choices of others. When did I say that? I've never made comments on their food choices, I've never made it seem like I'm better than them because I'm trying to be healthier. I don't try to convince them to go workout with me. The most I've done is post pictures that say stuff like "It took more than a day to put on, it will take more than a day to take off. Just keep moving!" and sometimes I'll post a status saying something like "I went hiking today! So much fun!! Burned x amount of calories too!" I don't see what's different from that and someone saying "I went to the mall today! It was a great sale! I saved X amount of dollars!!" I don't need them to applaud me, I'm just saying I don't understand why it's a reason to get angry. I could understand if I was saying "You're fat, you shouldn't eat that." or something like that but I'M NOT. I respect their choices and I'm not sure why they act like I'm doing something wrong by not eating the way I used to.0 -
But you need to consider your audience, otherwise you may as well be shouting at strangers in the street. That's what Twitter's for.
It's a conversation, or conversation starter.1 -
I have mixed feelings about this. With the facebook thing - you have every right to be proud of your achievements and new lifestyle and to post whatever updates you feel like posting. Equally, your friends have every right to hide or unsubscribe from those updates if they are not interested. There are lots of things posted on facebook that I have no interest in, so I hide them. I have a couple of people that post frequently on every visit to the gym for example; I wasn't interested before I started getting fit, and I'm not interested now. Maybe that's just me though - I don't post mundane minutiae of my daily life, and I don't really want to read about other people's either. I think it's easy to assume jealousy sometimes when people aren't interested in our goals and achievements, but I'd feel the same if someone I was friends with suddenly found religion/gave up smoking/became vegetarian/took up politics. There's nothing wrong with any of those things, but one person's new obsession can be just irritating for the next person. Reading that your friend has had a great day hiking is interesting. Reading how many calories burned... for most people, not so much. Since joining MFP, I've become "obsessed" with weight loss, counting calories, nutrition, lifting weights and running. I've learned a lot and have a lot of opinions on the "right" way to get healthy. I could talk about that stuff all day. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea though, so don't, unless asked. Luckily, I have lots of other stuff to talk about too.
With all that said, it sounds like some of your friends have been quite rude. There's absolutely no need to be angry with you for making healthier menu choices, or to make fun of you. That may well be down to jealousy if they also would like to change deep down. Or, it could just be frustration because before, you acted the way they acted, and now you're acting differently, and they might think you're not able to have fun with them any more. Judging from your profile picture, you're still young, and it's natural for young people to not give health and fitness a second thought. They see you living this new lifestyle, and probably hear you making comments too that they might feel like you're judging them even if that's not your intention. The comment to your sister for example - she might take that personally as a criticism on her food choices. It's hard sometimes not to come across as "holier than though" when you have a strong opinion about things. I have to bite my tongue sometimes. I think you probably need to sit down with them and talk about it. Make it clear that you're happy with the choices you're making and you're going to carry on, and you'd appreciate their support. Let them know that this is a personal journey for you, that you're not trying to change their lives or criticise their choices. I know you know that, but they may not. Sometimes just getting things out in the open and talking about it can clear things up.2 -
Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content."
OK....so you don't want others to criticise your choices, yet you are criticising the choices of others. Perhaps that's why people are getting upset and fed up. It's a bit like ex-smokers who give up and preach to the world how great it is being a non-smoker. Sure, it's the right thing to do, to stop smoking or to get healthy. We know it makes sense. But what you think is "inspirational" might to others seem preachy and annoying. And they're probably a teeny bit jealous as well that they don't have the determination and willpower that you do, so they go on a sabotage mission whenever you go out to eat.
And if you are fed up with your friends' bf dramas, pics of lolcats or whatever else, then you also have access to the unsubscribe button, and have the right to use it, just like they do. Nobody absolutely HAS to read every post that everyone else makes on Facebook. We all have the right to choose what passes our filters and what doesn't.
I'm not trying to rain on your healthy parade at all, or be mean, I'm on MFP so we're in the same camp here, but I'm just saying, lead by example, do your thing, and be happy - you don't necessarily need to tell the world about it, especially when they're not quite ready to embrace the lifestyle you have. Be your own cheerleader, or come on here for support, one thing I've learned in my life is that you have to get support from the right places, you're flogging a dead horse trying to get your overweight, non-dieter friends to support your new choices and applaud it. I've got overweight friends as well, and I know they are not the people who want my weight loss and reduced body fat % and everything else rubbed in their faces when they are still struggling with being overweight, and trying to either come to terms with it and love themselves as they are, or do something about it.
This. Seriously, just stop talking to your friends about your new, healthier lifestyle. In their minds, even if you really don't mean to, you're just antagonising them and their hostile responses are antagonising you. Talk to people who are going on the same journey about it.5 -
Criticizing what you order when you go out to eat is very much over the line.
However, and I am trying to say this as gently as I can, it sounds to me like you are spamming people's feeds with the health stuff. Sure, it is exciting to be getting in better shape, and you should certainly feel free to post your major achievements, but if you are posting little things to motivate YOURSELF, and you are posting them DAILY, then that is really annoying to the people reading it and could easily be perceived as badgering others about their weight.
I was really nervous about telling my sister that I wanted to lose weight because she was constantly complaining about a coworker who was dieting. When I expressed my concern, she said that the coworker only annoys her because she talks about it constantly, but doesn't go about it in a sensible manner (for example, ordering salad at restaurants, but then soaking them in creamy dressing and cheese). Please consider that your sister and friends aren't just being jealous, but that you are actually getting on their nerves.3 -
From someone who got told by a friend that they they thought I had an eating disorder last week... yep, I hear you.
My stock response is often "sorry if you can't support my choice to lengthen my life expectancy". Usually shuts them up. If I'm particularly riled, they get the classic "obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated". Honestly, I've come to learn that I have very little time for naysayers when it comes to my lifestyle choice. Also, more often than not, the critics are overweight. Doesn't take the brains of an archbishop to work out where they're coming from.
I LOVE this response- obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated... AWESOME!
OP- your friends are jealous and upset with themselves. They dont know how you found it in yourself to do what you are doing. You doing great things for yourself makes them feel inferior. Its not you tho- it IS them. I deleted my FB because I felt it was no way to carry on REAL friendships. Consider what you are finding out about your "friends" and act accordingly. Delete them or yourself from them - find like minded ppl or ignore the lazy and undedicated. You are better for what you are doing and the ppl that refuse to change know they are only hurting themselves and you arent the reason they cant find motivation.1 -
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You win!0 -
I have lack of results but I post messages about hitting the gym and got a few friends doing challenges with me. The comments I'm getting are from my male friends who are attracted to bigger girls getting upset with the fact I don't want to be that girl.0
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I get absolutely amazed by the ignorant comments people will make to me because I am trying to get healthy. I'm 54 next week and people will say things like "why bother". The only "friend" that really speaks to me on facebook anymore are my kids and my workout buddy. Screw them... I'm continuing on.
WHY BOTHER??? - wow
GOOD for you for doing this for YOU. My husband is 55 and is working out steadily for the first time in his adult life. We are doing this together and people in his office are way supportive. Most of my friends are too - BUT - I had that jerk in my life. If I met her in work out clothes shed make jokes about house wives in workout clothes that dont workout (umm, but I do?) Then shed sit there 50#s overweight telling me what an athlete she WAS- always rubbing in what she COULD do 20 years ago was 10x better then whatever I could do now. We are no long friends and I feel so much 'lighter' if you know what I mean. Wasnt just this subject- she has issues in a lot of life - my lifestyle was just one of many things that lead to me seeing her for what she was- bitter and down on herself to a point that it couldnt be turned around. In spite of things in common- her nasty attitude negated it all.1 -
[I've never criticized the choices of others. When did I say that? I've never made comments on their food choices, I've never made it seem like I'm better than them because I'm trying to be healthier.
The point I'm trying to make (I think Jester MFP probably made it better) is that some of those things might be interpreted as criticism by others, even if to you it's stating your own preference or whatever, and it is sometimes difficult to tread that line. I'm not suggesting you intentionally were criticising the choices of others, just trying to understand the reasons for some of the negative reactions you've had. The reactions are probably prompted by a mix of emotions, that people don't always understand themselves. If you post about going hiking and burning x number of calories, someone overweight and unable to do that might feel:
"oh, man, I wish I was capable of doing that. I could never hike that many miles. I'm so fat and lazy"
cue feeling negative about themselves, which they attribute to your post, because it's made them think about their problems, and therefore they blame you, and lash out. It's not your positive news they don't want to hear, it's the negative voices inside their own heads.
You're right, it's no different from grabbing a bargain in a sale. But food and weight is political these days, I have feminist friends who disagree with my weight loss and fitness goals because they think I'm trying to conform to the ideals set by men and that women have a right to be fat, blah blah. But I think women have a right to choose what they want for their own bodies, and to be fit and strong and do sports if that's what we want. We agree to disagree. And I don't talk calories or macros or how many miles I did on my bike with them.
Maybe a compromise - you tell your friends, OK I won't post on FB about my health activities and weight loss, but you agree to STFU when I order a salad when we go out and don't try and railroad me into fatty stuff.1
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