Why do people get mad at me for trying to be healthy?!?!

TavistockToad

more often than not, the critics are overweight.

this!

i used to have all my MFP statuses linked ot facebook, but people just didnt get it, and i would get the 'you dont need to lose weight' comments ALL the time, even when a post wasnt about having lost weight (i have been maintaining for the last year, but am losing bodyfat sloooooooowly).

so many people just dont get it and are happy being unhealthy, unfit and overweight, its easier after all!! thats why i love my fitness pals on here! cos they do get it!!!!!

Bronx_Montgomery

I guess as kids they never heard of the Berenstain Bears. They taught me everything about life and how to act.

mebtai2

I agree with some of the previous comments. Dont get involved in the going back and forth and continue allowing your friends to have their opinions. If they are going to get on you for ordering healthy food then maybe you dont need to eat with them. I have been out at Chic-Fil-A with friends and ordered a grilled chicken sandwich when they ordered milkshakes and everything else but they know I have a goal in mind and they support it. You need to make sure you have supportive people in your corner. Maybe in a few weeks or months when they wonder why y'all havent gone out to eat together and they call you to fuss at you, politely let them know that you didnt appreciate being ridiculed for your food choices when we all are entitled to eat what we want.

Facebook is a place to express opinions freely. If they "unfriend" you it's not a big deal, keep on living life and staying optimistic. You're doing what works for you and maybe this is one of those points in life where you and your friends are beginning to go in different directions. It happens as you get older and the cycle never ends of meeting new friends, evaluating friends, and then moving some friends to the status of "acquaintance" because of some reason(s).

We all have different paths and life and should continue working on finding yours and staying true to yourself. Stay positive and keep it movin!!!

jkuhn71

It's been my experience that the most vocal are often the minority. You'll hear "friends" complain about your FB posts, but there's probably a helluva lot more who silently think, "Way to go!" I'm sure you're inspiring more people than you're annoying.

Between photos of my brother and my niece running 5ks and a former classmate's Nike+ running posts on FB... that was one of the catalysts to get me to start running. I knew that former classmate was just as adademic and nonathletic as I was back in high school. I know my brother and niece are genetically pretty similar to me. If they can do it... why can't I?!

You'll see the same thing here. The negative posts get the most attention. Someone who starts a topic on what sucks about MFP will get rolled in 10 hours. A topic about how MFP is awesome will get buried and ignored. But surely there's a lot more people who like this site than those who don't, or it wouldn't exist.

^^^THIS! Very well said!

Lisah8969

On Facebook we have a "secret" group that only includes those of us who are making the change to become more fit and healthy. That way I can post on that page about how I hit 400 miles of walking/running so far this year and I only get support! I could definitely see if I posted something every day about my new lifestyle on my wall, it might turn some people off. I know if I were not actively trying to make myself better and depressed about it (as I have been most of my life), reading about someone else might not be inspiring, but actually more depressing. You definitely have MFP to post on about your accomplishments...nothing but support here! :happy:

I do post on my wall when I have something outstanding to announce like finishing a Half Marathon or something. I'm not going to hide everything!

StarvingDiva

Maybe your facebook pals are happy the way they are. Maybe a "motivational" post everyday seems like your trying to push your goals and beliefs on others. Your don't need to motivations on facebook every single day. I get both sides of this issue because if they posted every single day how god will save us, or how boo-woo their lives are......that would be a little annoying. BUT being a public network you are free to post your pride on there to try and really some feel good from other!! Just do what you do, and be you!

Last I checked it's her facebook wall, if I want to post political points of view, my weight loss success or just a funny joke, I can do it because it's my wall and friends that don't like it are free to not be my friend. Why should she give up writing what she wants to accommodate others.

I say be yourself, the true friends will stick around and the others won't. Will help to thin the herd.

Sure she can write it, but her complaint is that people are stopping following her as a result, and that bothers her. FWIW, I have friends who are very dear to me in real life, but I can't stand them on Facebook.

I have family that I'm not friends with on facebook, however, friends that are trying to put you down, and to me telling your friend that they wouldn't have invited you to lunch if they had known you were going to order salad is not a friend. If I can't stand someones drama on facebook, most likely I'm not going to be their friend in real life for very long because most of the time its spilling over into our real life interaction as well. I'm way too old to be immeshed in other peoples dramas. I don't have time for it and if people don't have time for me, I wouldn't categorize a once a day motivational post or a "I went for a great hike today" as something that would send me over the edge on not following a friend, but post for the 800th time how you got hammered last night (when we are 40 years old) or that you have to cry yourself to sleep because your man is sooooo meeeaaaaaannn...blech, I do not have the energy for it.

Cassie8877

Man i hear ya! I hardly ever post on facebook due to the fact because the "real people" in my life are not on the same page i am on right now.. im working on bettering myself.. they are worried about who said what and who did what.. and they just dont care and are not supportive of me working out and doing what i do.. but hey as soon as something goes wrong in my love life better be damn sure my phone is blowing up... but keep focus on your self and you will go far! keep it up!

darrensurrey

There's a school of thought that suggests friends come in and out of our lives. We grow together and grow apart. You need to mix with people who have similar goals in life to you so you can more easily achieve what you want. When I have a particular goal, I'll try to meet those with similar interests so we can motivate each other (hence I am here) and to learn more.

There's also the phrase "God gave us friends to make up for our relatives".

wewon

Human nature can be funny, I've been on both sides this so its hard for me to take a really polarized view of 'your bragging' or 'they're jealous' because 90% of the time, there is a little bit of truth to both.

Sure they may feel a little insecure seeing someone demonstrate how poor their own choices are, but I don't think its jealous that they don't want to hear a commentary every time you do make a healthy choice, or feel the need to explain something mundane with a 'I eat healthy' slant to it.

Now before I get slammed for being jealous, keep in mind that I'm also on MFP making better choices for myself and seeing results. I'm saying what I am saying as a result of hard lessons of knowing its really not needed for me to make a show every time I resist eating a soda or a slice of cake. Right or wrong, I am aware that behavior has alienated some people. Yes, they should be able to handle it, but people should be able to do a lot of things that we don't.

sicilysclover

Clearly, its because you making an effort shines a light on their own lives. They know they should be doing something similar (especially if your friend, as you mention, is overweight) but because they can't or won't choose to do anything about it for themselves, they resent you. You make them feel they should be doing something about their own situation, and triggering their guilty conscience that they should be making an effort to live well. People generally do not like feeling this way, it makes them feel attacked, so unfortunately they are responding by trying to make your life difficult.

You have to grow a thick skin and just ignore them. If it bugs you, just try politely asking them to respect your choice to prioritise your health. Good look. And ignore the haters! You look great and you're doing something positive- their encouragement would be nice, but you don't need it to succeed

^ this sums up everything I was going to say! LOL

TrimAnew

I had a friend (she's overweight btw) actually unsubscribe from my posts because of it. I could understand if I was constantly spamming them but I usually only post about once a day on facebook. She said the posts were "annoying" and "We all know you're trying to get healthy and all. Good for you but I don't want to hear about it."

I actually don't have a problem with her unsubscribing. She doesn't want to hear about it as much. Maybe once a week is all she wants to hear and anything more than that--like every day--is like spam to her. I can understand that. So what? She unsubscribed. I unsubscribed to things all the time--especially political junk--but I still like to keep the "spammer" on my friend list. Unsubscribing is a fairly polite and unobtrusive way to do it. It's much nicer of her to unsubscribe than to complain about it.

WHAT? You're ok with everyone else's 20 posts about their drama with their bf, endless pictures of cats and ridiculous amounts of political graphics but you don't want to see my ONE post a day about being healthy?!?!

Maybe she's unsubscribed from that too. Or maybe she just cares more about that. Or maybe those things don't make her feel bad about herself. Just respect it's her choice. Personally, I'm just grateful that we can unsubscribe from things now days. It used to be all or nothing.

It sounds like your friends are getting burned out by hearing about your weight loss journey so much. Try cutting back on how much you tell them. You can always post here daily and no one here will mind.

WendyTerry420

JEALOUSY!

wellbert

get out of the crab bucket.

honey_bee_keysha

Sounds like you need new friends.

This!

Ge0rgiana

OP, you are gorgeous. Your body now (which is similar in build to mine) looks a lot like my goal. :flowerforyou:

My honest answer for this, the best one I can think of, is people are afraid of people changing. Also, I think it hits on feelings of inadequacy that they struggle themselves with their own desires for achievement and fears of both success and failure.

(Psychology is a hobby. :bigsmile: )

glamouritz64

First of all...take a look at yourself--you ALREADY look good. The fact that you are taking steps to be healthy and look even better brings the haters out. Let their hate motivate.

I have an army of haters, and I recruit DAILY. *popping my collar*

ChappyEight

Another similar one...

Leeanne1974

I would, personally, say something like "it's ok, I have plenty of food in and will make my own sandwich" rather than making a comment about fat content etc in the food that they are choosing to eat.
When we are eating healthily / dieting etc it is very easy for us to say what we think out loud rather than thinking before we speak.
I know I have been in the past!

Not to the OP but to the lady that said her friends / family are concerned thinking that they she is getting obsessed... Maybe they are genuinely concerned that you appear to be losing too much weight? Just an idea. It may not be true but sometimes, again when we are in a strict routine of what we eat and do, it is easy to not see what others see.

marthathebear

Speaking as someone who is old enough to be your mom and quite wise (in my own opinion) They are jealous because of 3 things:

1. Too lazy to do it for themselves
2. Afraid if they joined you in the healthy lifestyle they would not succeed as you have
3. Have you looked at yourself, you are beautiful and they are afraid you'll just get better looking

If they would only join you, I'm sure you would be a great support for them.

Head up, shoulders back and to h#ll with their comments.

kathymcgregor

good response its really hard for some people to lose weight and being called overweight by someone who is so "healthy" isn't very nice and could be quite annoying!

tmfrater77

I just try to surround myself with like minded friends who share my drive to be healthy and love for fitness. It makes it a little bit easier to maintain the lifestyle I have chosen for myself. The main goal for me is to be healthy and that's all that matters. If other people don't like it, tough luck!

RealWomenLovePitbulls

i don't know what peoples problems are, and i personally think everyone should try to be healthier and not that you should push it down their throats or anything, but maybe one of those things you post could inspire someone else to get healthier also... i get tired of hearing, your thin why do u need to exercise, why do u need to watch what you eat... um, everyone, fat, thin, whatever needs exercise and healthy food, you can be "skinny" and still be unhealthy, God knows when I was a teenage, I was the definition of skinny-fat, I could (and did) eat whatever I wanted and was skinny, really skinny, but my diet consisted of fast food and junk food and zero exercise, so i was definately NOT healthy. and it seems that its usually the ones that should be more concerned with their health that don't want you to be, i think its a defense mechanism becuase they know they need to get in shape too, so it makes them feel better to rant on you. think i just had a small rant of my own.

darrensurrey

Another similar one...

:laugh:

Thewatcher_66

AS the old saying goes, "misery loves company."

Determinetogetitthistime

Yep, I always get that, it doesnt matter what you eat, or i am wasting my time trying to eat healthy. I get the what the hello are you eating all the time. I think its just people see that you are serious about being healthy and they are jealous. Its hard especially when I am munching on my celery and they are having pizza and what not. .

EnchantedEvening

Here's the thing. As excited as I was for my relative's wedding, I got tired of seeing posts about it every single day. Same for people who post political stuff every day. Or cat pictures. Or baby pictures. Or weight loss updates. It's not that I don't want to hear about it or see pictures; I just don't want to see it *every day*.

Picture life without Facebook. Would you call, email, or text someone a daily update about your weight loss, wedding, cats, baby, or politics? Of course not. You'd go crazy if someone did the same thing to you too. Those of us who remember life before Facebook treat it like a phone call instead of assuming our friends care about what we're doing every hour or every day.

There's something to be said for fewer updates. If a friend of mine posted her weight loss every day, I would be proud, but I probably wouldn't notice/care after a while because of the overload of posts. If she posted her weigh-in once per week, then sure, I'd be right there clapping and cheering. It's more about information overload than anything else.

When people have 200-300 people in their news feed, they have to filter some of it. It would take me DAYS to catch up on just 12 hours of activity if I kept everyone in my news feed. It doesn't mean I don't love them or care about them; they simply overwhelm me with daily information about everything in their life, and it's much easier for me to visit their page once per week to see how they're doing (this goes back to the phone call analogy).

As far as saying something like, "I'm not going to eat Chick-Fil-A because it's fattening and bad for me," that comes off kind of preachy and sanctimonius, even though that isn't your intent. If someone was talking about their wedding colors and you said, "I don't like the color red. It's too harsh," you can imagine how they could take that as an attack on their choice. That may not have been your intent, since you're just talking about your personal preference, but it can kill a conversation because it can *sound* passive-aggressive.

When someone asks if I want to go to McDonald's, I just say, "Nah, I don't like fast food," not, "No way. I'd never eat there. Their food is processed, fatty junk." I don't see it as an "opportunity to educate them" as others have mentioned because I KNOW they know it's processed, fatty junk. So what? It's their body. They can do what they want with it. I liken this to "educating" people about religion or any other personal preference. You're just bugging them and being snotty. (Not you, OP, the others who take that stance.) If someone ASKED me for nutrition advice, then of course I'd share some tips with them, but I cannot stand it when people offer unsolicited advice.

I do think it's horrible that they tease you for ordering a salad and say they shouldn't have invited you. Those are not real friends. Your real friends will want to spend time with you no matter what you are eating or not eating. They would even take it a step further to make sure you were accommodated (I would never bring my vegetarian friends to a steak house or my low-carb friends to Noodles & Co).

Breeoxd

I would, personally, say something like "it's ok, I have plenty of food in and will make my own sandwich" rather than making a comment about fat content etc in the food that they are choosing to eat.
When we are eating healthily / dieting etc it is very easy for us to say what we think out loud rather than thinking before we speak.
I know I have been in the past!

Not to the OP but to the lady that said her friends / family are concerned thinking that they she is getting obsessed... Maybe they are genuinely concerned that you appear to be losing too much weight? Just an idea. It may not be true but sometimes, again when we are in a strict routine of what we eat and do, it is easy to not see what others see.

Thats a nice balanced approach I think. More flies with honey, as they say

Kali_Dreams

Is anyone else having this issue? I have been posting a few inspirational weight loss/health/fitness pictures on my facebook page here and I sometimes write about my workout experiences. I had a friend (she's overweight btw) actually unsubscribe from my posts because of it. I could understand if I was constantly spamming them but I usually only post about once a day on facebook. She said the posts were "annoying" and "We all know you're trying to get healthy and all. Good for you but I don't want to hear about it." WHAT? You're ok with everyone else's 20 posts about their drama with their bf, endless pictures of cats and ridiculous amounts of political graphics but you don't want to see my ONE post a day about being healthy?!?! Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content." and my sister said "JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO WORK OUT AND STARVE YOURSELF DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE DOES!!" ....it just took me aback because A: I DO NOT starve myself and B: It was not a personal attack on her or anyone else. I was just talking about me. On top of that, I get a bunch of aggressive comments from some friends telling me I'm crazy and that I don't need to eat healthy or work out because I don't need to lose weight. Some friends literally get ANGRY when I order something healthy when we go out to eat. "A salad? Are you serious?!?! That's so lame!! If I knew you were just going to get a salad I wouldn't have invited you!" They push ridiculously hard for me to get something fatty whereas before, they didn't give a crap what I ate. I have other examples but I already pretty much wrote an essay haha. But what is up with that?!?! Why do people get so angry when you talk about health, weight loss or fitness?!?! You seriously would think I was trying to talk about religion or politics!!!!

Sometimes it's not what you have or w/e that make ppl hate on you.. It's your ambition and determination. Phuck them HATERS. My sisters the same way but I'm doing the damn thing

bradphil87

I don't post pics of my dinner or check in at the gym, or post about workouts etc. because it really can rub some people the wrong way I've herd. So I text about workouts, adding weight to the bar, losing weight etc. with friends who share my love for fitness. Others might just not want to hear about it

mil2584

I am very late to this conversation; however I have to chime in. My girlfriend and I have begun our healthy lifestyle back in January, and we have never felt/looked better in our lives. I found this stream of conversations after doing a quick google search on, "Why do people get mad at me for being healthy?" which lead me here.

People don't like change; people like to see that you are partaking in the festivities by eating the same garbage as everyone else and drinking excessively. The moment you derive from that equation, people freak out!! They will consume you and try to change you if you are not partaking in the same bad behaviors as them. Its a reality check for them when you are making the right choice by ordering a salad, or drinking a 4 oz glass of red wine instead of a double bacon cheese burger with extra fries and multiple 16 oz beers. They get defensive because they think that you are silently judging them. The best part is when someone tells you, "Hey man you look great! Maybe you can help me out, I've been trying to get healthy!" Then that same friend gets mad at you for being healthy...

You will never win. The best thing is keep doing what you are doing, post all the success stories you want, and if people have a problem with them, don't worry about it because two things will happen; one, you will have inspired them, or two, you may have exposed some major holes in your friendships. True friends will support and encourage you on! The flaky friends will just try to bring you back to their level to make themselves feel better.

If we listened to our "friends" my girlfriend would not have lost over 40lbs and I would have the muscle definition that I have now.