Gym stalker

Tank_Girl

Id get a gym buddy... Preferably a male one

nataliexxxx

Tell him to go away or just keep moving he must get it haha, or maybe you could go to the gym at a different time

GorillaEsq

I disagree and think this can be dangerous advice. You need to let someone know that you feel stalked. Let's say you are direct with him, but don't say anything to management. He follows you home and something happens. It can be important for someone to know what's going on. Management also needs to know because he may be stalking others.

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

If you don't feel safe. Act. Do not rely on others to save you.

I wouldn't start any physical confrontation if he hasn't..

Which is why I said be ready to act.

You can be aggressive with telling him to give you space, but I don't think you need to resort to knocking him the eff out for jumping on the treadmill next to you

Again... Concisely expressing that someone is making you uncomfortable and instructing them to withdraw establishes a legal precedent. It is their actions that follow that statement that determine your right to act, and as to what degree of force is required.

Happy Friday

fcp1234

Introduce yourself to him. Be courteous and polite. Flattered, but resolute in your intentions. Who knows if he is just a socially-inept Prince Charming? And if you're genuinely not looking, what if he is best friend-material?

I wouldn't write him off, but don't be quick to give him your phone number, schedule, and list of ten biggest fears. Talk to him for a little bit, determine his intentions, and, politely suggest that you are not looking for what he is looking for and sometimes it makes you uncomfortable. If he has any sort of social grace, he'll understand. If not, then talk to the gym management before escalating it to a police level.
-wtk

There is no way i can be polite to him, I wish I could beat the s*** out of his a**

How do you know you can't be polite?
Have you tried?

Well, let me put it this way. I have ZERO desire to be nice. He is making me uncomfortable, why should I be nice to him.

perfectingpatti

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

Army_Love89

Introduce yourself to him. Be courteous and polite. Flattered, but resolute in your intentions. Who knows if he is just a socially-inept Prince Charming? And if you're genuinely not looking, what if he is best friend-material?

I wouldn't write him off, but don't be quick to give him your phone number, schedule, and list of ten biggest fears. Talk to him for a little bit, determine his intentions, and, politely suggest that you are not looking for what he is looking for and sometimes it makes you uncomfortable. If he has any sort of social grace, he'll understand. If not, then talk to the gym management before escalating it to a police level.
-wtk

This!

MaryJane_8810002

I started going to my gym around a month ago. I usually don’t pay attention to people in the gym until the girl at the front desk told me that I got a fan. Then I started to notice this guy always being a few steps away from me at all times. He is in the “boys area” when I get to the gym, and then he makes his way over.

Cardio days are the worst, I get on an elliptical and sure enough he gets on the one right next to me. There are at least 20 elliptical in the gym, and only a couple people using them..and he has to pick the one next to me…ugh.
First I thought maybe I was near the TV he wanted to watch, so I went to the very last one in the corner, but nope, there he was next to me again, and there was a pole right in front of him, so he couldn’t even watch TV ( which he seems to do when doing elliptical)
A few days ago I did a few min after he got next to me and moved to another one, like FAR AWAY from his. This morning I moved again. I mean really dude you didn’t get it the first time..??

It’s getting to be very annoying. I don’t mind people starring, but I feel so uncomfortable there now. One of the reasons that I go to the gym at 6am is because I hate crowded gyms, and he has to be 2 steps away from me the whole time, I want to throw a dumbbell on his face so bad..

Any better ideas on how to get rid of him without going to jail?

Balls up and tell him that you don't want him near you. You are a grown woman, what is the problem?

GorillaEsq

Well, let me put it this way. I have ZERO desire to be nice. He is making me uncomfortable, why should I be nice to him.

You shouldn't. See above.

crw72209

I started going to my gym around a month ago. I usually don’t pay attention to people in the gym until the girl at the front desk told me that I got a fan. Then I started to notice this guy always being a few steps away from me at all times. He is in the “boys area” when I get to the gym, and then he makes his way over.

Cardio days are the worst, I get on an elliptical and sure enough he gets on the one right next to me. There are at least 20 elliptical in the gym, and only a couple people using them..and he has to pick the one next to me…ugh.
First I thought maybe I was near the TV he wanted to watch, so I went to the very last one in the corner, but nope, there he was next to me again, and there was a pole right in front of him, so he couldn’t even watch TV ( which he seems to do when doing elliptical)
A few days ago I did a few min after he got next to me and moved to another one, like FAR AWAY from his. This morning I moved again. I mean really dude you didn’t get it the first time..??

It’s getting to be very annoying. I don’t mind people starring, but I feel so uncomfortable there now. One of the reasons that I go to the gym at 6am is because I hate crowded gyms, and he has to be 2 steps away from me the whole time, I want to throw a dumbbell on his face so bad..

Any better ideas on how to get rid of him without going to jail?

I'd Stalk you............ =p

ok ok on a serious note.. and just throwing this out there. Maybe the guys is some nerdy dude who is shy around women and he is trying his HARDEST to work up the nerve to ask you out..


Or maybe he wants to wear your skin at night to bed...



I'll let you decide.

He wants to wear your skin at night......
THAT cracked me up!!!

fcp1234

Well, let me put it this way. I have ZERO desire to be nice. He is making me uncomfortable, why should I be nice to him.

You shouldn't. See above.

That was a well thought nice advice, thank you

bricktowngal

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This^ absolutely!

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

kytte

- Do not go "tattle" to management.

I disagree and think this can be dangerous advice. You need to let someone know that you feel stalked. Let's say you are direct with him, but don't say anything to management. He follows you home and something happens. It can be important for someone to know what's going on. Management also needs to know because he may be stalking others.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. .

I wouldn't start any physical confrontation if he hasn't. You can be aggressive with telling him to give you space, but I don't think you need to resort to knocking him the eff out for jumping on the treadmill next to you.

this

perfectingpatti

Please, if you really feel you're being stalked, TELL someone. It is not "tattling". You can do and say all the other things, too, but it's prudent to let someone know.

GorillaEsq

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

Neat.

Pursuant your logic, she should let every manager of every business in town know as well.

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

Walmart has approximately 30 managers. Maybe they could have a store meeting everyday to discuss that she's creeped out by the guy.

She'll definitely have to tell the Subway managers, just in case they both have a hankering for $5 Footlongs at the same time.

postrockandcats

While I understand that the jokes about stalking her are meant to be funny and make her smile, they are in bad taste since this is really scaring her. Just saying...

OP- flat out tell him to keep away. Do it in front of people. If he still does the same crap, go to management. Make a big deal out of it. It's obviously noticed since one of the gym staff has commented to you about him. Everyone has the right to feel safe.

Be careful. Has he ever followed you outside? Be aware of your surroundings. He could just be a dude who's admiring the view and doesn't realize that it makes you uncomfortable. But, he could be more. No one knows that except for him, so trust your instincts and don't take this lying down.

jjl0412

Yeah... Don't MISS!!!!! (with the dumbbell).

realme56

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

I would do both, telling him first because this makes me an assertive woman not to be messed with and giving the clear message that I will not be a victim. Management would be secondary if he continues. The girl said she wears her wedding ring so he is definitely being a creep and may be dangerous so having some self defense skills is important. Hopefully she will not need to use them but we cannot depend on someone else to be there to "save" us!

swordsmith

It puts the lotion on its skin....

Seriously, try to nip this in the bud quickly. If you can stomach it try to do it in a friendly way and if not then go to gym management.

If it gets to the point that he follows you out to the car, etc then really start to worry. Keep your situational awareness up for this guy outside of the gym (either before or after).

As for self defense... well I carry a gun religiously as well as take krav maga. If in doubt kick him in the groin as hard as possible and run.

nevertoolate2

Anyone that follows you that closely is not aware of how they may make you feel. That lack of empathy is beyond shyness/social ineptitude. Even if some consider it isnt, assume it is.

The advice that you are firm with him is the best. You do not need to be cruel or humiliate him, but you dont need to be nice either, just calmly state that you have noticed he always picks machines right next to you but you go to the gym when you do because you want to train alone. Then you can ask him not to follow you around. If he says anything about how he feels about you or sees you, you can explain you are married, happily, and that you would not be interested in anyone else.

It would be a bad idea to befriend him. If he has a distorted view of relationships, this may only encourage him and that is the opposite of what you want to achieve.

Do inform the gym management, if nothing else to tell them that you find his behaviour unsettling and that you have spoken to him. It places them in a postion of awareness and creates a duty of care if he continues to pester. They will also be up to speed if you need them to speak to him.

Are you alone with him in the gym when you are there? That will change the perspective somewhat and I would urge greater caution.

If talking to him is not an option, then consider the gym manager, they cannot claim they are unaware. You should be able to train in comfort and any decent manager would find a way of having a chat with him. If that is not viable, could hubby train with you or pop in one morning. His presence will make your marital status very clear in a way that he cannot ignore, unlike a wedding ring.

I hope you get it sorted, I can only imagine how unsettling it must be.

Going4Lean

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

Totally agree with this advice.
Althought it is easier to say than to actually do it for some of us.