Gym stalker

bricktowngal

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This^ absolutely!

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

kytte

- Do not go "tattle" to management.

I disagree and think this can be dangerous advice. You need to let someone know that you feel stalked. Let's say you are direct with him, but don't say anything to management. He follows you home and something happens. It can be important for someone to know what's going on. Management also needs to know because he may be stalking others.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. .

I wouldn't start any physical confrontation if he hasn't. You can be aggressive with telling him to give you space, but I don't think you need to resort to knocking him the eff out for jumping on the treadmill next to you.

this

perfectingpatti

Please, if you really feel you're being stalked, TELL someone. It is not "tattling". You can do and say all the other things, too, but it's prudent to let someone know.

GorillaEsq

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

Neat.

Pursuant your logic, she should let every manager of every business in town know as well.

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

Walmart has approximately 30 managers. Maybe they could have a store meeting everyday to discuss that she's creeped out by the guy.

She'll definitely have to tell the Subway managers, just in case they both have a hankering for $5 Footlongs at the same time.

postrockandcats

While I understand that the jokes about stalking her are meant to be funny and make her smile, they are in bad taste since this is really scaring her. Just saying...

OP- flat out tell him to keep away. Do it in front of people. If he still does the same crap, go to management. Make a big deal out of it. It's obviously noticed since one of the gym staff has commented to you about him. Everyone has the right to feel safe.

Be careful. Has he ever followed you outside? Be aware of your surroundings. He could just be a dude who's admiring the view and doesn't realize that it makes you uncomfortable. But, he could be more. No one knows that except for him, so trust your instincts and don't take this lying down.

jjl0412

Yeah... Don't MISS!!!!! (with the dumbbell).

realme56

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

I would do both, telling him first because this makes me an assertive woman not to be messed with and giving the clear message that I will not be a victim. Management would be secondary if he continues. The girl said she wears her wedding ring so he is definitely being a creep and may be dangerous so having some self defense skills is important. Hopefully she will not need to use them but we cannot depend on someone else to be there to "save" us!

swordsmith

It puts the lotion on its skin....

Seriously, try to nip this in the bud quickly. If you can stomach it try to do it in a friendly way and if not then go to gym management.

If it gets to the point that he follows you out to the car, etc then really start to worry. Keep your situational awareness up for this guy outside of the gym (either before or after).

As for self defense... well I carry a gun religiously as well as take krav maga. If in doubt kick him in the groin as hard as possible and run.

nevertoolate2

Anyone that follows you that closely is not aware of how they may make you feel. That lack of empathy is beyond shyness/social ineptitude. Even if some consider it isnt, assume it is.

The advice that you are firm with him is the best. You do not need to be cruel or humiliate him, but you dont need to be nice either, just calmly state that you have noticed he always picks machines right next to you but you go to the gym when you do because you want to train alone. Then you can ask him not to follow you around. If he says anything about how he feels about you or sees you, you can explain you are married, happily, and that you would not be interested in anyone else.

It would be a bad idea to befriend him. If he has a distorted view of relationships, this may only encourage him and that is the opposite of what you want to achieve.

Do inform the gym management, if nothing else to tell them that you find his behaviour unsettling and that you have spoken to him. It places them in a postion of awareness and creates a duty of care if he continues to pester. They will also be up to speed if you need them to speak to him.

Are you alone with him in the gym when you are there? That will change the perspective somewhat and I would urge greater caution.

If talking to him is not an option, then consider the gym manager, they cannot claim they are unaware. You should be able to train in comfort and any decent manager would find a way of having a chat with him. If that is not viable, could hubby train with you or pop in one morning. His presence will make your marital status very clear in a way that he cannot ignore, unlike a wedding ring.

I hope you get it sorted, I can only imagine how unsettling it must be.

Going4Lean

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

Totally agree with this advice.
Althought it is easier to say than to actually do it for some of us.

perfectingpatti

Pursuant your logic, she should let every manager of every business in town know as well.

You sure don't like it when someone disagrees with you. This is a non-sensical stretch of what my advice is and you know it.

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

I'll play along. *IF* this guy has been stalking her at the gym, at the grocery store, at the mall, etc then my advice is to let someone there know because there are probably security guards.

Walmart has approximately 30 managers. Maybe they could have a store meeting everyday to discuss that she's creeped out by the guy.

Being "creeped out" is very different than being stalked.

She'll definitely have to tell the Subway managers, just in case they both have a hankering for $5 Footlongs at the same time.

IF he's also followed her to Subway, I'd say it's more than just her being creeped out by him. Wouldn't you?

cramernh

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This^ absolutely!

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

This is by far the best, sound advice. Kudos though to the Gym associate who gave you the heads up...

I highly doubt someone with a mental disability would be left unsupervised in that type of environment... I dont buy that for one moment this stalker has that issue.

Personally speaking, Im too outspoken (but know that if I type out what I want to say, MFP would delete my post and probably ban me, LOL!) and would definitely make it bluntly clear with him to back the F off!...

Making no communication with you whatsoever and continuing to be within two footsteps means a good swift kick in the junk if he didnt heed to my first warning....

Married or not - the stalker needs to get steppin'... and I dont mean on a machine!

GorillaEsq

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

I'll play along. *IF* this guy has been stalking her at the gym, at the grocery store, at the mall, etc then my advice is to let someone there know because there are probably security guards.

So to recap...

My Advice: "Take control of your own personal safety and well-being by being clear, concise and assertive whilst preparing to physically defend yourself if required, pursuant 20 years of my chosen career and expertise on the matter."

Your Advice: "Find Paul Blart, mall security."

To each their own.

BioShocked89

First things first, tell him that he's making you feel uncomfortable. For all you know, it could be something much simpler. Maybe he is shy and has a crush on you? Maybe he is trying to work up the courage to speak to you? After you speak with him, note if he takes you seriously or if he shrugs it off.

If he continues after that point, take action:

Start recording it. Write down the time, what he was doing, and maybe a witness who sees it happen. If he is stalking you, that way, you can go to the gym's management and show them what he's been doing and how he's been bothering you. Or, if it progresses, the police. (I doubt it would go that far, but you never know). Hard data is very important in proving stalking, because otherwise it's a "he said she said" case.

fcp1234

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

Totally agree with this advice.
Althought it is easier to say than to actually do it for some of us.

Its really not hard for me to do. I am not the nicest person in the world.

I am from Europe, been living in US for 6-7 years. If this happenned in Europe I would have said to him " WTF you looking at, you f**** loser, leave me alone". And I know that would have been it. Im not really sure about here, because you guys have so many laws and rules..oh and crazy people:)

perfectingpatti

So to recap...
My Advice: "Take control of your own personal safety and well-being by being clear, concise and assertive whilst preparing to physically defend yourself if required, pursuant 20 years of my chosen career and expertise on the matter."

False. Your advice was to tell her not to "tattle" to managment of the gym where she's being stalked. That is dangerous advice and no one should feel like they are "tattling" when it comes to their safety.

Your Advice: "Find Paul Blart, mall security."

My advice was to be aggressive, but to also TELL someone she feels like she's being stalked.

postrockandcats

With due respect, you are completely wrong. Management's role is to make money, not act in the capacity of law enforcement and judicial procedure. If anything your advice puts the gym in a position of liability regarding several legal issues, which if they are already not aware, their lawyer will be quick to point-out.

Maybe at your gym, but at ours it is their responsibility to keep their members safe. If someone is stalking another member, they WANT to know about it.

Neat.

Pursuant your logic, she should let every manager of every business in town know as well.

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

Walmart has approximately 30 managers. Maybe they could have a store meeting everyday to discuss that she's creeped out by the guy.

She'll definitely have to tell the Subway managers, just in case they both have a hankering for $5 Footlongs at the same time.

Right now, it's contained to the gym. If he doesn't stop after being asked by her, then going to the management and saying that one of the other members is behaving inappropriately is the right course of action as behaving as such would probably violate some of their membership rules. If them stepping in solves the problem, then all is well. If it DOESN'T and the stalking is escalated, then she needs to step it up by going to law enforcement.

randomtai

I don't see the big deal... Tell him to back the F off.... If he doesn't a swift kick in the nuts will work wonders.....

cgarand

If all else fails maybe you need to eat some beans and cabbage before going to the gym. :laugh:

GorillaEsq

Its really not hard for me to do. I am not the nicest person in the world.

I am from Europe, been living in US for 6-7 years. If this happenned in Europe I would have said to him " WTF you looking at, you f**** loser, leave me alone". And I know that would have been it. Im not really sure about here, because you guys have so many laws and rules..oh and crazy people:)

Let's say, just for the sake of argument, this entire issue is COMPLETELY in your mind, and doesn't really exist. (Again, for argument's sake only. I believe this guy really does make you uncomfortable, with good reason.)

You tell the guy to back off... His feelings get hurt... Boo-hoo... He pulls up his man-panties, and devours a gallon of ice cream while watching Oprah for 3 days...

And later you realize you were wrong... he's really just a harmless, socially inept weirdo.

Say, "Oops. My bad." and move on.

Problem solved.

T34418l3angel

She might see him at Kroger. Now, my question is this... Should she let each department manager of Kroger know? Probably a good idea. If she encounters the guy in the frozen food section, but she only told the deli manager, she'd be totally screwed.

I'll play along. *IF* this guy has been stalking her at the gym, at the grocery store, at the mall, etc then my advice is to let someone there know because there are probably security guards.

So to recap...

My Advice: "Take control of your own personal safety and well-being by being clear, concise and assertive whilst preparing to physically defend yourself if required, pursuant 20 years of my chosen career and expertise on the matter."

Your Advice: "Find Paul Blart, mall security."

To each their own.

I completely agree with gorillaesq. legally in most businesses they can not or will not throw someone out or even have a talking to the accused "stalker" because that's basically saying "sue me for discrimination". I used to be a customer service manager at Walmart and unless someone has a keep away court order we can't say anything to them. I'm now a bartender and if someone told me they are being stalked I honestly wouldn't do anything, why drive away a paying customer for a gut feeling? telling management will get you nowhere except a witness in court after he kills you.

GorillaEsq

I completely agree with gorillaesq. legally in most businesses they can not or will not throw someone out or even have a talking to the accused "stalker" because that's basically saying "sue me for discrimination". I used to be a customer service manager at Walmart and unless someone has a keep away court order we can't say anything to them. I'm now a bartender and if someone told me they are being stalked I honestly wouldn't do anything, why drive away a paying customer for a gut feeling? telling management will get you nowhere except a witness in court after he kills you.

Yup.

Lawyers DREAM of the day someone comes in and says, "The manager of _______ asked me to leave because they didn't like me. Oh, by the way, I'm black / Latino / male / female / have brown hair / etc / etc.

Management is not law enforcement.
Management is not a judiciary body.
Management is there to protect the business and make money. Not protect you.

Plus, I would never argue with a woman wearing an Optimus Prime mask. There are just some lines you don't cross.

JenaePavlak

I agree with most of these posts.. If you can't just ignore him, and he's really bothering you, tell the gym management that he's making you uncomfortable..

BootCampC

Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.

If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.

- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.

Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."

The end.

This statement serves two primary agendas...

1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.

2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.

As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).

If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.

If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.

Happy Friday.

Yes ! this..

perfectingpatti

I completely agree with gorillaesq. legally in most businesses they can not or will not throw someone out or even have a talking to the accused "stalker" because that's basically saying "sue me for discrimination".

I didn't say they would throw the person out. They received a member complaint about another member. It is within their right to speak to that member about the complaint, without making any accusations. If he is stalking her, it will let him know others are aware of it.

telling management will get you nowhere except a witness in court after he kills you.

IF he kills her, wouldn't she WANT someone to be a witness in court?

Again....I'm not saying she shouldn't say anything to the guy, even be rude/mean/aggressive. I'm saying if she really feels stalked, she should tell the management at the gym.
.

T34418l3angel

I completely agree with gorillaesq. legally in most businesses they can not or will not throw someone out or even have a talking to the accused "stalker" because that's basically saying "sue me for discrimination".

I didn't say they would throw the person out. They received a member complaint about another member. It is within their right to speak to that member about the complaint, without making any accusations. If he is stalking her, it will let him know others are aware of it.

telling management will get you nowhere except a witness in court after he kills you.

IF he kills her, wouldn't she WANT someone to be a witness in court?

Again....I'm not saying she shouldn't say anything to the guy, even be rude/mean/aggressive. I'm saying if she really feels stalked, she should tell the management at the gym.
.

I think the point is she doesn't want to get killed...........

cbi1972

Stop being a coward and end it by being direct.

perfectingpatti

I think the point is she doesn't want to get killed...........

I get that. Her telling managment is not going to be what gets her killed. It's just one more way she can be protecting herself. When women are subjected to sexual harrassement, one of the first things they're advised to do is to tell someone. Telling someone is important when it comes to being stalked, harrassed, threatened, etc.

GorillaEsq

IF he kills her, wouldn't she WANT someone to be a witness in court?

No. She'd be dead. 10 of 10 dead people agree, that they're already dead, nearly 100% of time.

Personally, I'd angle for the "not being a murder victim" thing, instead of worrying about Joe the 1st Shift Gym Manager providing testimony at my murderer's trial.

I'm proactive like that.

tismyhardbody

I dont think some people here understand what a stalker is.
This doesn't sound like "Stalking. It sounds like he has a crush on you and is trying to find a way to start up conversation.
Just start one with him and tell him you are married.