is he trying to sabotage me?

CLShrader2

I think my husband is trying to sabotage my weight loss. I could be wrong, but it's starting to look like it. He keeps wanting to go out to eat instead of me cooking something healthy and he keeps telling me I need to rest. I went to go do a workout and he tells me that I don't need to and I should just rest. I've only lost 45lbs and I still have almost 60 lbs more to go. I've been trying to focus on "inches" instead of weight the past month because I really want to fit into a new size of jeans instead of being in between sizes.

Is anyone else having this problem with their spouse/significant other? I asked him about it and he just shrugs his shoulders and says I look great. In the past few months he's said that he needs to kick it into gear and lose some weight himself but he keeps making excuses. Could he just be jealous that I'm getting in shape and he's not? Or could it be something else? I need some male perspective here. Lol.

Pomroy89

Ok, I'm not a male, BUT I no someone in a very similar situation and after a while it turned out to be jealousy. only he can tell you what's really going on but you have to persevere and keep going. Put your foot down girl and fight for you don't let someone else control your weight loss! If you HAVE to go out for dinner plan ahead and eat out wisely xxx all the best x

XXXMinnieXXX

lots of people have this problem with their partners. they get insecure... just make sure you tell him you love him and this is.so you can have a happy healthy life together so you need his support... my partner goes through stages where I can tell he's struggling with it and gets insecure. very frustrating! x

CantonMan1234

Male perspective # 1 ... He could truly enjoy being with a full-figured woman. If the two of you have been together 45 lbs ago, then that could be who he fell in love with and who he wants.

Male perspective # 2 ... He could be nervous that once you are down to the weight you want he may not be "good enough" for you and you will leave him behind.

Male perspective # 3 ... You are doing this without him. This could lead to jealousy or sarcasm or any number of things.

These are the main ones that come to my mind. Don't nag him but tell him the truth of how you feel now vs 45 lbs ago. Let him know he is not in competition with your change in lifestyle and let him know that you don't mind cooking. Which brings up

Male perspective # 4 ... He may not like what you are cooking now. It may be that simple.

You are in this for you. Others benefit, but this is your journey.

Better is always possible.

Bolthouse26

OKAY ... I thought I was the only one thinking this and thought that I was going bonkers thinking about all this rubbish. My boyfriend is pretty active, he plays golf 3-4 times a week and eats remotely healthy (umm ... misses meals, eats a lot in one meal, etc) but sometimes he just keeps telling me that we need to save money so I started cooking at home but then sometimes he keeps telling me to go out and eat with him. I asked him to pick up food and we can bring it home but he doesn't wanna do that and get all upset on me. Lately, he has been very irritated. I wasn't sure what was going on but I think it's a mix of us sharing a small living space and him thinking that I'm a failure in my life AND now that i'm trying to lose some inches, he has gone crazy.
Please tell me what to do Its really making me mad and I'm constantly unhappy.

Shayleah05

You ONLY have lost 45lbs?! That is a great job you should be proud! Talk to your husband let him know what you are feeling. You need to keep the communication open.

CLShrader2

I make sure I tell him that I love him all the time. I even tell him he looks great, because I think he does. He maybe has 20-30 lbs to lose, but its not anything like what I had and still have to lose. I try to get him involved with working out with me and he even bought the Insanity 20 min workout for himself, but has only used it once.

I did my workout and plan to keep it up. He knows how badly I want to be healthy and that I won't let anything get in my way. I just hope he can deal with it. Maybe I should just make him talk to me about it.and

Contrarian

I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.

No, they aren't. That was a horrible thing to say.

stagknight

Playing devils advocate and this is not how I feel about women, It might be he believes that you should do as the master of the house commands or even that a woman needs to be thin and attractive while single but need not stay thin and attractive after she has caught a man but should let herself go and settle for being a wife and mother and just looking how ever she turns out after she slides into married life. I know a lot of men who look at it this way.

quill16

I don't think it is jealousy as much as it is guilt for not getting fit himself. My hubby used to feel sorry for me when I worked out, sweated and tried so hard. He thought I needed a "reward" of donuts every week. I would end up in a viciuos cycle until I broke the habit. He realized I was serious. After he saw my progress and how happy I was with myself, he got on the bandwagon and started to exercise.

IronmanPanda

Maybe he doesn't like your cooking?

VeggieKidMandy

LOL I have this problem as well, in fact I posted a weight loss picture up on here and got like 15 pages worth of comments....I went to go look for the page to see if anyone else said anything and it has been removed...I was like wait whhhha?? So I contacted my fitness pal...and sure enough someone from my end removed it. So I asked my husband about it and he told me to not show off my *kitten* so he deleted it. -_-" Mind you I was fully clothed!! I would just let it fall to the wayside and do what makes you happy....reassure him that you are doing it just to be healthy and not so you can look good because guys usually see that statement as a threat. Good job on the 45 lbs by the way!!!

wtfusernameisnttaken

Mine is just... well not as motivated as I am. You can't count on other people to push you in your direction. You're going to have to stand your ground and make the best choices you can for yourself.

CLShrader2

Male perspective # 1 ... He could truly enjoy being with a full-figured woman. If the two of you have been together 45 lbs ago, then that could be who he fell in love with and who he wants.

Male perspective # 2 ... He could be nervous that once you are down to the weight you want he may not be "good enough" for you and you will leave him behind.

Male perspective # 3 ... You are doing this without him. This could lead to jealousy or sarcasm or any number of things.

These are the main ones that come to my mind. Don't nag him but tell him the truth of how you feel now vs 45 lbs ago. Let him know he is not in competition with your change in lifestyle and let him know that you don't mind cooking. Which brings up

Male perspective # 4 ... He may not like what you are cooking now. It may be that simple.

You are in this for you. Others benefit, but this is your journey.

Better is always possible.

#1 We've been together for close to 7 years. He was with me when I was much smaller than I am now. So I don't think that could be it.

#2 I don't think that could be it. We are very comfortable with our relationship and we know that we're in it for the long haul. No matter what. "Til death do you part" deal.

#3 That could be true. I try to get him involved with me but he won't do it. I try to get him to walk with me, but he won't.

#4 I'm cooking a lot of the same things but I've made cuts to cut calories out of the recipes. I have been cooking new things and he tells me when he doesn't like something I make.

DaintyAngelDreams

my bf does this all the time... when he's being careful and I want to go out for dinner, or share some sweets watching a DVD, he'll say no and then get grumpy if I ask again.... If I'm being careful and he wants to go out for dinner, or share some sweeties he'll get into a mood if say no and make me feel guilty... men 'ay!

But from reading what you wrote, I'd say he is prob a little jealous and insecure... maybe reassure him you still love him and think he's gorgoeus

CLShrader2

You ONLY have lost 45lbs?! That is a great job you should be proud! Talk to your husband let him know what you are feeling. You need to keep the communication open.

I am very proud of my accomplishment so far. I just know that I have a long way to go. lol

fit4lifeUcan2

When i first started to try and lose weight my DH would still bring home ice cream, chips and other junk food even after I asked him to stop buying those things. I explained that it was hard for me to get started losing the weight and at this point I was still fighting cravings. He just kept buying the junk. So I finally sat him down for a serious talk. I said listen you work all day walking to deliver mail. You burn off what you eat easily. YOu just blink and lose 10 pounds. I on the other hand just look at ice cream and gain 10! So please please help me out here. I really want to do this. I made him a deal that if I can lose the weight I'll be a sex kitten for him again. But at my current weight I was not happy with myself and didn't feel like having sex. I didn't even want to see myself naked let alone have him see me naked. I also went over all the health issues I had and how we would save a lot of money on meds etc. I got a tattoo on my lower back (tramp stamp) that he helped me design and he's never been happier and hasn't tried to sabotage my WL efforts since. I can now handle junk food being in the house without being tempted to dive into the bag but you know what? No one wants that stuff anymore anyway. Everyone loves eating healthier now. Even our son says he has more energy when he eats healthier. He doesn't feel like going straight to bed in the middle of the day after a healthy meal He used to want to come home when his friends were playing ball because he was too tired and couldn't keep up. He's a stick skinny lanky kid by the way. not an oz of fat on that kid.

CLShrader2

Playing devils advocate and this is not how I feel about women, It might be he believes that you should do as the master of the house commands or even that a woman needs to be thin and attractive while single but need not stay thin and attractive after she has caught a man but should let herself go and settle for being a wife and mother and just looking how ever she turns out after she slides into married life. I know a lot of men who look at it this way.

Lol!!! This is definitely NOT it. lol!

IzzyBmydog

yep just stay strong and keep on your path...

CLShrader2

I don't think it is jealousy as much as it is guilt for not getting fit himself. My hubby used to feel sorry for me when I worked out, sweated and tried so hard. He thought I needed a "reward" of donuts every week. I would end up in a viciuos cycle until I broke the habit. He realized I was serious. After he saw my progress and how happy I was with myself, he got on the bandwagon and started to exercise.

This is so what he's doing!! He brought me home a candy bar last week and said you're doing great here's a treat. Needless to say it's still sitting in the candy basket until he eats it. lol

oregonzoo

Keep doin' your thing sweetie. It's probably nothing to do with sabotage... he just truthfully wants you to be able to enjoy life and relax a bit.
My fiance says "I'd rather have you weigh more and be rested and eating what you'd like" and it truthfully comes out of concern.
Keep doing as you are and show you can handle it. He's proud of you I'm sure.


And if it IS insecurity, he'll get there. Just prove to him that in your old body you loved him, as you do in the new you.

76tech

I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.

Thanks, sunshine. Have you ever considered that the people around you are a reflection of who you are?

Beastette

As a professional supervillain and arch-nemesis, I can tell you that this is not sabotage. Tying our heroine to railroad tracks, or replacing vaccinations with a mutating serum turning everyone into Gator People...those are sabotage.

firstsip

I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

anemoneprose

I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

This sort of sounds right. You`re introducing changes to a lifestyle you`ve shared until now, which he probably liked just fine. Maybe it`s causing him some anxiety around his own life plan. At the least it`s probably unsettling for him.

WickedPixie1

Yeah, I've got one of those...today was weigh in and measure day for me, so I have been doing my little happy dance (not smug, just feeling good), so he feels the need to go shopping and buy a whole load of baked goods, pastries and crap.
I'm so glad he's oblivious to the fact I don't eat that junk or like it very much.
I just accept that he has his *kitten* moments and I do what I normally do. If he tries to push it in my face, then I tell him to F'off, he usually gets the point then!

CLShrader2

I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

I never even thought about that!! We did go out to eat often. At least once a week and now it's been once a month until the past few weeks when he's wanting to go out all the time. Thanks!!

mama4loca

Oh my gosh, I hve this same problem with my husband! Everytime I start losing weight, he will bring home a cheesecake(my favorite but a no- no now) or he'll want to order from my favorite place. He denies it too. I think he's jealous that he still can't get on board...

ironanimal

Are you cooking the same meals for him, that you're eating?

Are you working out nearly every day?

ffhsanfran

Try making them feel comfortable with what you are trying to achieve. If food has been a large part of your life and relationships, now you have got to fill in the connection to people around you in other ways.

Explain why you are doing this. And how much you can use their support. You want to find and enjoy many things together. The other party might be feeling out of place, with no connection, surfacing their own insecurities about the relationships and themselves.

Some will get it, some won't. Some will work out, some will not. You will lose some and gain some, and I am not talking about weight.

obaker

I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

Exactly what I was thinking.

My partner LOVES that I have lost weight (I met him when I was at my heaviest) so I know he is definitely not trying to sabotage my efforts.
But we pretty much got together because we both share a love of food and veging out on the couch in front of a movie.
Now that I'm exercising and am more conscious of my food choices, he loses a few hours a week of couch snuggle time and I'm always reluctant to eat out.