is he trying to sabotage me?

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  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
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    I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.

    Thanks, sunshine. Have you ever considered that the people around you are a reflection of who you are?
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
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    As a professional supervillain and arch-nemesis, I can tell you that this is not sabotage. Tying our heroine to railroad tracks, or replacing vaccinations with a mutating serum turning everyone into Gator People...those are sabotage.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

    This sort of sounds right. You`re introducing changes to a lifestyle you`ve shared until now, which he probably liked just fine. Maybe it`s causing him some anxiety around his own life plan. At the least it`s probably unsettling for him.
  • WickedPixie1
    WickedPixie1 Posts: 111 Member
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    Yeah, I've got one of those...today was weigh in and measure day for me, so I have been doing my little happy dance (not smug, just feeling good), so he feels the need to go shopping and buy a whole load of baked goods, pastries and crap.
    I'm so glad he's oblivious to the fact I don't eat that junk or like it very much.
    I just accept that he has his *kitten* moments and I do what I normally do. If he tries to push it in my face, then I tell him to F'off, he usually gets the point then!
  • CLShrader2
    CLShrader2 Posts: 46 Member
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    I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

    I never even thought about that!! We did go out to eat often. At least once a week and now it's been once a month until the past few weeks when he's wanting to go out all the time. Thanks!!
  • mama4loca
    mama4loca Posts: 181
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    Oh my gosh, I hve this same problem with my husband! Everytime I start losing weight, he will bring home a cheesecake(my favorite but a no- no now) or he'll want to order from my favorite place. He denies it too. I think he's jealous that he still can't get on board...
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Are you cooking the same meals for him, that you're eating?

    Are you working out nearly every day?
  • ffhsanfran
    ffhsanfran Posts: 63 Member
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    Try making them feel comfortable with what you are trying to achieve. If food has been a large part of your life and relationships, now you have got to fill in the connection to people around you in other ways.

    Explain why you are doing this. And how much you can use their support. You want to find and enjoy many things together. The other party might be feeling out of place, with no connection, surfacing their own insecurities about the relationships and themselves.

    Some will get it, some won't. Some will work out, some will not. You will lose some and gain some, and I am not talking about weight.
  • obaker
    obaker Posts: 76 Member
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    I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.

    Exactly what I was thinking.

    My partner LOVES that I have lost weight (I met him when I was at my heaviest) so I know he is definitely not trying to sabotage my efforts.
    But we pretty much got together because we both share a love of food and veging out on the couch in front of a movie.
    Now that I'm exercising and am more conscious of my food choices, he loses a few hours a week of couch snuggle time and I'm always reluctant to eat out.
  • Branok
    Branok Posts: 47 Member
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    I don't have that problem with my S.O. but my friends seem to be the issue! Whenever I try to tell them I'm trying to eat healthy, they badger me and make me feel guilty about it.
    Maybe just try talking to him and let him know how serious you really are about wanting to lose weight and eat healthy :)
  • Sililily115
    Sililily115 Posts: 45
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    I have the same problem! He bought me a jar of nutella D: and pizza! But I know its because hes going away to school soon and thinks other guys will hit on me or something :P
    Its not really a solution lol but I figure when he goes it will be easier, then I can see if he still feels that way
  • SkinMim
    SkinMim Posts: 16
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    Male perspective # 1 ... He could truly enjoy being with a full-figured woman. If the two of you have been together 45 lbs ago, then that could be who he fell in love with and who he wants.

    Male perspective # 2 ... He could be nervous that once you are down to the weight you want he may not be "good enough" for you and you will leave him behind.

    Male perspective # 3 ... You are doing this without him. This could lead to jealousy or sarcasm or any number of things.

    These are the main ones that come to my mind. Don't nag him but tell him the truth of how you feel now vs 45 lbs ago. Let him know he is not in competition with your change in lifestyle and let him know that you don't mind cooking. Which brings up

    Male perspective # 4 ... He may not like what you are cooking now. It may be that simple.

    You are in this for you. Others benefit, but this is your journey.

    Better is always possible.

    I agree . It's definately one of these three .
  • lyxus
    lyxus Posts: 85
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    I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.

    THanks Einstein!

    Talk to him, he might like you the way you are, but tell him that you don't fully appreciate yourself etc....
    Insecurity maybe... Communication is the key
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    LOL I have this problem as well, in fact I posted a weight loss picture up on here and got like 15 pages worth of comments....I went to go look for the page to see if anyone else said anything and it has been removed...I was like wait whhhha?? So I contacted my fitness pal...and sure enough someone from my end removed it. So I asked my husband about it and he told me to not show off my *kitten* so he deleted it. -_-" Mind you I was fully clothed!! I would just let it fall to the wayside and do what makes you happy....reassure him that you are doing it just to be healthy and not so you can look good because guys usually see that statement as a threat. Good job on the 45 lbs by the way!!!

    Oh my gosh that is terrible.

    When my dad's 350+ pound girlfriend wanted to lose weight my father told her " I thought you were married to your stomach." She eventually stopped being scared and adopted a weight loss regimen. She was out of the house more, associating with co workers, more secure with herself and had a healthier diet. My father was very insecure because they lived very far (he in the city, she in the suburbs) and thought she would associate with other men. He didn't want to admit it but he really missed her, he missed when she used to take him out to eat or they would go to certain food related places.

    In other words talk to your spouse.
  • Macrocarpa
    Macrocarpa Posts: 121 Member
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    I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.

    0/10.

    Not even mad.
  • blackjax007
    blackjax007 Posts: 52
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    I don't think he's trying to sabotage you. Maybe he is just used to the old lifestyle where you guys ate a lot of unhealthy stuff and went out a lot. Maybe he'd rather do other things together with you then exercise. Try to get him to buy into the new healthier lifestyle.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    My husband and I are both getting in shape and losing weight, but he has chosen the paleo diet while I simply choose to eat what I want and stick with moderation, etc. To be quite honest, our menu revolves around his paleo crap and I am SO sick of eating meat and vegetables twice a day. I hate our repetitive reheated smoked meat with vegetables on the side. I'm SO ready to go eat something at a restaurant half the time because I can't imagine another f*cking salad. Seriously. Half the time, I just make myself something else because I can't imagine gnawing on more pork shoulder. I love food, but paleo has pretty much ruined our menu (for me).

    My point is maybe he's miserable because you don't eat the same things. Trust me, it's possible. I rarely enjoy a delicious meal with my husband anymore, and we used to really enjoy food together. To him, food is just fuel. I still really enjoy delicious whole cheeses and pasta and savory desserts. It has affected our meals together and that makes me really cranky.

    In addition to that, it's like pulling teeth to get him to enjoy a single beer. I really love wine and good beers, but it's not as much fun drinking them by yourself. The young, fun couple that met years ago is no longer... we are now the older couple with children who doesn't eat or drink together... we merely eat different meals in the same room while one person enjoys a cold beer or glass of wine. It's kind of depressing sometimes.

    Maybe he just wants you to indulge with him and enjoy something fantastic. Just something to think about.

    If it were me, I'd make him a really delicious meal that fits into your calorie budget. I kind of wish my husband would do the same... unfortunately, he only cooks for his own needs. I'd love it if he'd choose one of his meals based on what *I* like, even just once or twice a month.
  • ycart1981
    ycart1981 Posts: 3
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    My husband does the same, although Im pretty sure he does it with a good heart. I work my butt off with exercise and eating well and I try to encourage him to do the same and then ill get home from and he'll have bought me a packet of Tim Tams. Ive told him time and time again do not buy them. But he thinks having 1 or 2 a night with a cup of tea is not going to do any harm. Or he'll come home with some take away thinking he's doing me a favour so I dont have to cook. He does a lot of physical work and works everything off at work, where as I sit on my *kitten* all day in an office so Ive really got to watch what I eat. He is very encouraging and supportive though and always tells me Im doing a great job and he loves me no matter what.
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
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    Yup, he is insecure and feels that if you lose weight and become more attractive he will lose you.

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