what NOT to say to your wife/gf when she's crying....

24

Replies

  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
    I get.. Sweetheart, crying is only going to give you a headache.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Are you PMSing????? :noway: :noway: :noway:

    Especially when you know damn well she no longer PMSes!!!!! Just a small rant. Had some nonsense go on at work yesterday, been struggling with my weight loss and really needed the hub lastnight for support and he failed me. Again. :sad:

    Geez. Are you married to a twelve year old? I thought most males stopped mentioning PMS after the first time they got slapped for it.
  • buffybabe
    buffybabe Posts: 180 Member
    "calm down" i think that's the worst
  • rprussell2004
    rprussell2004 Posts: 870 Member
    "What... AGAIN?"
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    "No, really.... here... YOU take the hotdog and throw it down the hallway. I swear, totally like that. True story, chick."


    Never, ever, ever, ever heard this.... but I think it could be bad!
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    .....I'm almost finished....

    Hysterical!!!! Best reply yet.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,728 Member
    A bit of advice ladies. If you want support call a girlfriend. Men are in the business of fixing things. So if you go to your partner and say... 'I had such a bad day at work and I'm stressed' the hubby/partner will immediately go into fix it mode. The mind will race to try and figure out how he can 'fix' your issue. Totally ignoring you and your immediate need of say a hug. Better scenerio. Pick up the phone and call your bff and vent to her. You will get far better results. Then once you've talked it out with her and you feel better. THEN talk to the hubby. Your emotions are not at a fervered pitch and his lack of sympathy won't matter so much. Just sayin'
    It's not that we don't sympathize, it's that we aren't mind readers and the emotional torrent doesn't relay meaningful information so we get confused & frustrated. If we didn't sympathize, we wouldn't want to try to fix things.

    Love the idea of calling the BF to quell the storm!
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
    I feel bad for men. They usually dont know what to say, stumble around their words and end up saying the wrong thing no matter what they say. I say dont be so sensitive. Men are men. We love them for who they are, not their ability to try to read our minds!

    This is very true. Fortunately, but husband grew up in a house full of women, so when I'm crying about some irrational, emotional BS, he just wraps his arms around me until I stop. Maybe let your hubs know that that's a good route to try next time?
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
    Never say, "I hate when women do that."
  • VoodooLuLu
    VoodooLuLu Posts: 636 Member
    My hubby is great with cheering me up! He sits down n actually talks with me n hugs whenever i need it
  • jppd47
    jppd47 Posts: 737 Member
    "your sister didnt cry when we tried it, just saying"
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    A bit of advice ladies. If you want support call a girlfriend. Men are in the business of fixing things. So if you go to your partner and say... 'I had such a bad day at work and I'm stressed' the hubby/partner will immediately go into fix it mode. The mind will race to try and figure out how he can 'fix' your issue. Totally ignoring you and your immediate need of say a hug. Better scenerio. Pick up the phone and call your bff and vent to her. You will get far better results. Then once you've talked it out with her and you feel better. THEN talk to the hubby. Your emotions are not at a fervered pitch and his lack of sympathy won't matter so much. Just sayin'

    This. I still have to remind myself of this when I've had a bad day and all I want to do it b1tch about it but the husband starts trying to offer me solutions. Now I just say "give me a damn hug".

    Love it... Thats getting to the point. Mine kinda knows the drill at this point. 25 years of marriage. He'll ask, what do you need me to do. And I'll say. a hug would be nice...
  • cruzcrzyMarie
    cruzcrzyMarie Posts: 251 Member
    A bit of advice ladies. If you want support call a girlfriend. Men are in the business of fixing things. So if you go to your partner and say... 'I had such a bad day at work and I'm stressed' the hubby/partner will immediately go into fix it mode. The mind will race to try and figure out how he can 'fix' your issue. Totally ignoring you and your immediate need of say a hug. Better scenerio. Pick up the phone and call your bff and vent to her. You will get far better results. Then once you've talked it out with her and you feel better. THEN talk to the hubby. Your emotions are not at a fervered pitch and his lack of sympathy won't matter so much. Just sayin'

    I've been married almost 30 years, and this response is SPOT ON.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    I always help out my man friend. I'll go to him "Okay. I just need you to sit there, smile and nod and pad my back." Or I'll tell him "Just tell me I'm the prettiest girl in the world."....


    It's not their fault they have a Y chromosome and can't compute womanese.

    This...or just hug me...that's all....just a hug....

    now my problem with my ex was that I would tell him what I needed and he'd still find a way to not follow through...
    a
    for example, I need a hug just hug me....and he would drag the kids into the room to say they are sorry? they weren't even the problem....or just shrug and walk away to go "do" something that needed doing "right now"

    so yes...just tell him what you need...its when you tell them and they still don't get it that you have to worry.
  • cakeordeath
    cakeordeath Posts: 229 Member
    yeah men are like deer in headlights when it comes to a women crying. im sure he means well, just he's a guy. -hugs- it will get better. you shoudl look up the tale of two brains, it opened my eyes to why my husband has the emonital (sp?) range of a spoon.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    A bit of advice ladies. If you want support call a girlfriend. Men are in the business of fixing things. So if you go to your partner and say... 'I had such a bad day at work and I'm stressed' the hubby/partner will immediately go into fix it mode. The mind will race to try and figure out how he can 'fix' your issue. Totally ignoring you and your immediate need of say a hug. Better scenerio. Pick up the phone and call your bff and vent to her. You will get far better results. Then once you've talked it out with her and you feel better. THEN talk to the hubby. Your emotions are not at a fervered pitch and his lack of sympathy won't matter so much. Just sayin'
    It's not that we don't sympathize, it's that we aren't mind readers and the emotional torrent doesn't relay meaningful information so we get confused & frustrated. If we didn't sympathize, we wouldn't want to try to fix things.

    Love the idea of calling the BF to quell the storm!

    What about when you JUST told him exactly what's wrong and then started crying? I think it's pretty obvious. I still get, "Calm down."

    I couldn't get upset, though, because he was trying to fix my car at the time.
  • GermanicKnight
    GermanicKnight Posts: 445
    "But I am a grower not a show-er!
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    I LOVE UNICORNS!
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
    As a side note, in regards to the PMSing thing....I called my son's father, one Sunday morning, crying hysterically because the baby was running a high fever. And he was all like, 'But it's a fever, I don't understand why you would be crying. Are you about to get your period?" I hung up on the *kitten*. Could not believe his insensitivity. Turns out two days later I did get my period. I was totally PMSing. I wasn't crying because the baby had a fever, I was crying because I was alone with my sick baby and remembering that not too many months ago I actually had a husband that would've stepped right in as the Doctor and told me that everything was going to be fine.
  • AlexandraLynch
    AlexandraLynch Posts: 161
    Except don't call me, because after I've said, "Uh-huh" and "that sucks!" about five times, I tend to work on solving the problem and getting quite anxious when I can't.

    We're actually reversed in this house. He's the one who cries about emotional things. I don't.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I feel bad for men. They usually dont know what to say, stumble around their words and end up saying the wrong thing no matter what they say. I say dont be so sensitive. Men are men. We love them for who they are, not their ability to try to read our minds!

    i agree....

    though yesterday my husband got it totally right for once... i was REALLY mad (we are having a stressful time with buying a house) not with him, just in general and kind of spoiling for a fight and he just turned round and called me a kn*b!!!! so i stared at him for about 10 seconds and then burst out laughing!
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    You're fired!

    Men are ****s, we just don't know what to say, period (no pun intended). Unless we have clear instructions on a chart that has a Yes and a No side, we're screwed...

    I agree. Plus as women we change with the seasons. (some more frequently). What worked yesterday may not work today. I love when women say. We aren't hard to understand. HA. We are impossible to understand. Nothing is consistent with us. Plus we expect our husbands to read our minds. No hinting ladies. Saying wow I love that blouse may not get you that blouse. Say. I love that blouse, can you get that for me on my next birthday. Spoils the surprise yes. But most men suck at surprises.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    my husband has it easy. (in the crying wife department, anyway- it makes up for how much trouble I am everywhere else)
    [A] I rarely cry. Maybe once every 3-4years. (used to be less, hitting 30 changed everything)
    when I am upset, I want to be LEFT ALONE! and the last thing I want is a hug or conversation.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
    well, since you're already crying, lets try the back way...
    Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!
  • JessicaV623
    JessicaV623 Posts: 31 Member
    well, since you're already crying, lets try the back way...

    BAHAHAH this is awesome!

    I think if my SO said that to me, I would burst into laughter.
  • Charlie003
    Charlie003 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Man up!
  • sydnisd183
    sydnisd183 Posts: 247 Member
    A bit of advice ladies. If you want support call a girlfriend. Men are in the business of fixing things. So if you go to your partner and say... 'I had such a bad day at work and I'm stressed' the hubby/partner will immediately go into fix it mode. The mind will race to try and figure out how he can 'fix' your issue. Totally ignoring you and your immediate need of say a hug. Better scenerio. Pick up the phone and call your bff and vent to her. You will get far better results. Then once you've talked it out with her and you feel better. THEN talk to the hubby. Your emotions are not at a fervered pitch and his lack of sympathy won't matter so much. Just sayin'

    this is a good one. can't stand when i have a rant and a man says "well the solution is..................................."

    ugh
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    "soooooooooo is that a 'no' on the beej?"
  • embercakez
    embercakez Posts: 141
    can we use those tears to lube your butt?
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    Sorry to hear you're struggling.

    May I ask what you've done to support your husband/boyfriend? Having been there and done that, I'm willing to bet your hubby feels this way: no matter what he said, he was going to be wrong as you've set him up for failure. Before the raging men-haters start roaring, take a moment and read...

    In a perfect world, what does "support" look like to you? In other words, what would you like to have your husband do or say to support you? Have you ever relayed that information to your husband in terms that he can understand? If not, how is he supposed to know? If you cannot clearly articulate what "support" looks like to you, how is your SO supposed to know? Telepathy??

    By what you've written here, you were emotional due to a series of upsetting situations. In all likelihood, he was not aware of those circumstances, nor did he have any input or control over them. He likely has his own stuff going on, the same as the rest of us, but you start dumping out your raw emotional energy and try explaining why you are upset and crying. Emotions aren't logical and, in most cases, talking about emotional situations comes across as rambling and often irrational.

    Men tend to be analytical and we look for solutions. Unfortunately, those skills don't transfer easily to emotional situations. He ends up getting a ton of emotion in his lap. He is left feeling raw and confused, has no idea what you want from him and doesn't have the vocabulary to articulate how he feels so he ends up saying something insensitive.

    Going forward, if you want a particular kind of support from your SO, tell him about it!

    AMEN. I've been married 25 years. been together 27. It is a two way street. People marvel at our relationship. took years to get here but we never gave up. There is a book called the 5 love languages. A good read. Once you realize what your partner needs and he realizes what you need you can't go wrong. One thing ive learned is. Men are definded by their careers. You must must must build him up in that area. Is he a good provder? Tell him so. ARe you proud of him. Tell him so. Does he rock your world. Tell him so. Most women are defined by their homes and children. we like reassurance in that area. Tell her she is the bomb diggity of all moms. Tell her it doesn't matter if the house isn't spotless cause she looks amazing... I could go on and on. I'm very passionate about relationships and helping people succeed in them. It really isn't hard if you have 2 people committed to one another.

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