Not the place for relationship advice but much needed.
Options
Replies
-
You sound young. I would suggest that you prioritize what you want from a relationship, what you are willing to put with, and what you are hands-down not tolerant of. You said he committed a deal-breaker ~ they are called deal-breakers because they belong on your "hands-down not tolerant of" list, hence, I would suggest you end the relationship.
You clearly stated that you are unsure of any direction that you are headed in with this relationship and that's another problem. You both either want to work toward a future together or you do not. There is no in-between wishy-washy pity parties because "I dont know if I really love him or he really loves me and well, he just doesn't get me, and I don't understand him." Mature relationships do not have these problems ~ in mature relationships open communication is key ~ not "well, Im going to take a couple of days to decide if putting up with your **** is actually in my best interest because I am afraid to be alone." Smh.0 -
I think it's completely normal that you'd expect for him to stick to what makes you comfortable. My husband has this deal where he doesn't like to be flicked with water. We were washing our hands in the sink and got them completely clean, soap and all, and when I got done I flicked the water off my hands in his face just to be funny. Huge pet peeve of his, he kept going off about how rude it was. I guess in his mind that water is still filthy. Would I like to joke around and flick him with water, specially now that I know it'll create a funny reaction, yes, but I won't because I know it really bugs him. Seriously, you'd have thought I flicked **** in his face based on his reaction. :grumble:
Anyways, yours is more about respect. I think it was good that you were able to tell him how important it was. I think giving it a break, or some time apart would be good because then he can figure out how important it is, since he obviously didn't get that before. If he is too immature to control himself, then I'm sure you can find someone else who is.0 -
He sexually assaulted you, and you punched him. This seems like a totally reasonable response. What I don't understand is why you didn't punch him the second time he assualted you. Or the third. Or the fourth, fith, sixth? No means no. Your body is yours and he has no right to touch you without your permission EVER. If he does, you absolutely have the right to defend yourself, violently if necessary. And I'm at a total loss as to why you want to be with this guy. He isn't going to change. You aren't happy being treated like this. He will only continue to escalate the violation of your boundaries. It will never get better, over time it can only get worse. My advice is get away, trust your first instint and make it a deal-breaker.
how is grabbing your girlfriend's butt sexual assualt? SMH. people are so dramatic. :noway:
Agreed! Sexual assault is NOT the same thing as grabbing/smacking your girlfriend's butt. That's offensive to those of us who HAVE been sexually assaulted. Also, punching your boyfriend in anything other than genuine self-defense is not okay since there would be a HUGE cry of abuse if he punched her back for punching him in the first place.0 -
Horrible place for relationship advice.. But I'll give it a go anyway.
Kick him to the curb.
He's obviously disrespectful. Now, I like a nice slap now and then. But that's a personal thing (and I've been with my fiance for 4 years). You've already said MANY times that you DO NOT like it. And explained why. Yet he still did it again.
Also, if HE thinks he's a loser (has nothing to offer you, doesn't think he deserves you, etc) then he's probably a loser. If he is in the mindset of being inferior, and hasn't changed anything yet, then he probably won't.
That's all I've got to say about that. </gump>
^^^
This0 -
you both have issues. figure them out alone0
-
First of all he says that he's afraid to cheat on me based on the fact that he think he doesn't deserve me. He's insecure because he says he has nothing to offer me and he doesn't know what he wants or where we're going.
Not sure if thats meant to mean he's afraind HE'LL cheat on you or that you'll cheat on him cause he's insecure. If he's afraid he's gonna cheat on him, alarm bells ring straight away he's gotta go.But this is where it gets to the deal-breaker once he spanked my butt and I punched him and he said never to punch him again and I told him fine if he never touched my butt again. To that he said that if I ever punch him or slap him in his face again its going to be over. I said fine as long as he didn't associate with my butt. He ended up doing it again and I brought it to his attention and I had to explain to him how I don't like it and where my parents are from its truly a disrespect to women and it claims them to be property.
After this time he definatly needs to go, he doesnt respect you or your feelings. He did it once and you said you didnt like it, fair enough...he then should NOT do it again...He needs to grow up and realise when a woman doenst want something done to tehm, you DONT do it.
I've just read another post saying that 'a man is a man and grabbing your booty is a part of a man' this is Rubbish. A man is respectful of his girlfriends/partners/wifes wishes. He doenst just do as he pleases.
Its got nothing to do with you needing to be comfortable with your body. Even if you are uncomfortable with it he should still respect that and not grab your *kitten*.0 -
If you already feel disrespected and you're not even sure of the direction of the relationship then end it before you start feeling attached and just concentrate on yourself for a while. A guy who values who you are and what you like and how you feel will come along when the time is right. This time... this guy... doesn't sound "right" for you.0
-
Why do I have visions of the Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones shows in my head right now?0
-
You think you'll be in a relationship with a man and never think he's going to touch your butt? Really? I get the part of not wanting him to do it in public but that hardly justifies you punching him. Both of you seem to have issues.
I believe you can be in a relationship with someone and they not touch your butt, but that depends on the guy. I've met couples who don't even kiss until their wedding day, which I'm sure to some is crazy - but they have boundaries. Regardless of whether "all men" want to touch their significant other's butts (which I don't think is always true), if she sets boundaries then that's what she wants. If she's uncomfortable - then that's her. But hey - I guess I'm crazy, because I've been with my significant other for 4 years - and he respects my wishes.
I don't think you have issues BUT it does vary by which guy you're with. Set clear boundaries and don't waiver. Consistency is always key. Everyone is going to have their own opinions about this topic obviously based on their own experiences.0 -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assaultIn the United States, the definition of sexual assault varies widely between the individual states. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines sexual assault as "unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."[4]
The National Center for Victims of Crime states:[5]
“ Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent.
" Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent."
Sorry to rain on your parade but if she did NOT consent to it - which obviously by punching someone in the face that says to me quite CLEARLY that she did not then it IS sexual assault. Just because she wasn't raped does not make it OK. Just because someone else's sexual assault was not as bad as yours does not make it any less sexual assault..many women and men have been assaulted in this way and downplaying it just makes it worse for everyone..0 -
Being touched in a sexual manner against your will IS sexual assault. It doesn't matter if you are dating the person. The first time, he didn't know she didn't like it. But the next couple times, he knew she did not want to be touched like that.
Anyway, dump him. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like you don't like him much.0 -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assaultIn the United States, the definition of sexual assault varies widely between the individual states. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines sexual assault as "unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."[4]
The National Center for Victims of Crime states:[5]
“ Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent.
" Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent."
Sorry to rain on your parade but if she did NOT consent to it - which obviously by punching someone in the face that says to me quite CLEARLY that she did not then it IS sexual assault. Just because she wasn't raped does not make it OK. Just because someone else's sexual assault was not as bad as yours does not make it any less sexual assault..many women and men have been assaulted in this way and downplaying it just makes it worse for everyone..
^THIS! Thank you.0 -
Dump him and never look back. You're not married, you don't have kids. You have explained to him copious amounts of times (no matter how irrational) that you do NOT like to have your butt slapped etc. He's not getting it and doesn't respect boundaries.
Don't be needy and settle. Get rid of him.0 -
You think you'll be in a relationship with a man and never think he's going to touch your butt? Really? I get the part of not wanting him to do it in public but that hardly justifies you punching him. Both of you seem to have issues.
^^^^^^This!!!!!0 -
Their relationship issues have nothing to do with him touching her butt.
The action is a symptom of an inherent issue. In her eyes, it's him claiming her as a possession. If she doesn't think it's a cute relationship thing, then it isn't.0 -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assaultIn the United States, the definition of sexual assault varies widely between the individual states. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines sexual assault as "unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."[4]
The National Center for Victims of Crime states:[5]
“ Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent.
" Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent."
Sorry to rain on your parade but if she did NOT consent to it - which obviously by punching someone in the face that says to me quite CLEARLY that she did not then it IS sexual assault. Just because she wasn't raped does not make it OK. Just because someone else's sexual assault was not as bad as yours does not make it any less sexual assault..many women and men have been assaulted in this way and downplaying it just makes it worse for everyone..
Very true....0 -
He's a creep who has no respect for you and you just have ... serious issues.
End it and seek therapy.0 -
I unfortunately got into a relationship with a manipulative guy that was similar. Except he didn't grab my butt. He grabbed my breasts-BOTH-in public. He once had the gall to yank off my towel when I had just gotten out of the shower in front of our 15 year old male neighbor! (When I went in the shower, the neighbor wasn't there, nor did I know he was planning to visit.) He was polite enough (the 15yr old) to cover his face when that now *kitten* of an ex-boyfriend did it to me.
You've told him repeatedly. Stand good on your threats. Break up with him. If you want to give him a chance later, that's your business. But right now, I really think you should let him go. Don't let him get away with it. Don't let him walk all over you. If you do, in the long run, he'll just keep doing it more often.0 -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_assaultIn the United States, the definition of sexual assault varies widely between the individual states. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines sexual assault as "unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling."[4]
The National Center for Victims of Crime states:[5]
“ Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent.
" Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent."
Sorry to rain on your parade but if she did NOT consent to it - which obviously by punching someone in the face that says to me quite CLEARLY that she did not then it IS sexual assault. Just because she wasn't raped does not make it OK. Just because someone else's sexual assault was not as bad as yours does not make it any less sexual assault..many women and men have been assaulted in this way and downplaying it just makes it worse for everyone..
The law says that consent should never be assumed, even when couples are in a relationship or married
Therefore to the letter of the law, every sexual act should be proceeded by verbal or written consent. Hmmmm0 -
Being touched in a sexual manner against your will IS sexual assault. It doesn't matter if you are dating the person. The first time, he didn't know she didn't like it. But the next couple times, he knew she did not want to be touched like that.
Anyway, dump him. He doesn't respect you and it sounds like you don't like him much.
Exactly. Do this in the workplace, whether it's wanted or not and see what happens. No means no. Simple as that.
That aside, I agree with everyone here who said that punching him was not the best response to the initial touching and that you both have some maturing to do (no offense, but you are only 20). He probably finds it amusing after that, to see how you react, whether it's right or wrong. But if he continues to do it after being told not to, that should be a sign that you shouldn't be with him.
Now, I get the fact that with your parents' cultural background, it is disrespectful (I think that's something many people are overlooking here and should probably take some sociology courses to understand why that's important). He should be respectful of your cultural heritage, and more importantly your requests to not be touched in certain manners.
Time to get rid of him and move on. Make this a lesson learned.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions