How do you react to MFP-friends, who eat way too few

roachhaley

If we are not close friends, I will delete you. I don't comment, just delete.

I am easily triggered and don't want to fall back in to restricting.

However, I do have a few close friends that restrict to low calories and I keep them around because we are good friends.

yancymichele

bump

swat1948

I usually comment and mention that their calories seem a bit low, but then I seldom eat much over 1200-1300 even with exercise because I have hypothyroidism and eating more means I will lose nothing at all. Sometimes I ask if they are eating 1000 calories because that intake is Doctor directed?

aprilwilliams2729

I usually don't comment unless it looks like they skipped a meal or something. Then I might ask if they're ok - sometimes they've had a rough day and appreciate someone checking on them. Otherwise I just don't leave a comment.

funkyspunky872

I delete them ASAP. They are beyond triggering to my ED recovery. You can't stop them. Sure, you can offer suggestions every now and then, but if it's a regular occurrence, they're not going to help. In fact, it'll only push them to eat less the next day.

melsmith612

I only give advice to friends regarding their eating/calories/diaries when they specifically post a blog/update requesting input. Really I don't feel that it's my place to (publicly) judge anyone else's choices. What works for one person may be a disaster for another so I keep an open mind and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I just don't feel like it's my responsibility to police anyone else's eating habits, fitness, water intake, etc. aside from my own.

ObtainingBalance

I comment, I ask them why -- sometimes they have the flu and don't feel like eating much that week but raise it the next week. Most times they purposely want to eat 800 and below. It can annoy me, I don't deal with it. If they don't listen to me telling them it's starvation and they will slow their metabolism down...I usually inbox them about it... if they don't listen, or tell me they want fast weight loss and thats the only way.... I just delete them, I'm not trying to be rude either. But it's undereating when it is below 1,000 calories. I aim for anywhere from 1,400-1,800 / day. I only want motivating/encouraging friends.

megsmom2

none of my friends here have done that...so I'm not sure what I'd say. I suppose if it was one day now and then, I wouldn't be concerned, everyone has days like that when things just dont go right. If it was every day, I'm not sure.
I do have a couple of friends who are eating the right amount of calories, and exercizing, and losing ok...and who never eat a fruit or vegetable. Like almost never ever. I want to support them, but I can't support day after day of unhealthy eating. I end up saying nothing at all most of the time, and then making a positive comment when I do see something good on there.

makeupmuse10

I don't know about a lot of people but I joined MFP for the accountability factor. I want people to make suggestions on my diet and on my activity levels. It's about creating a network of support. I don't have a lot of that in my home with my family so I turned here to get it. I have a few great friends that keep me going and inspire me. I am not worried. Look at my diary, say something....if I don't like your advice I don't have to follow it but as someone who has struggled with weight her whole life I am learning that having a good support system is essential! I am always looking for ways to improve and you might just have an idea or suggestion that will help....

FireFae

I don't understand why some of the posters here are getting so upset about the possibility of someone commenting on their diaries. If it's such a sore spot, why don't you make your food diary private then? That is a sure fire way to not get any comments.

Also, I don't have any friends - at least not that I noticed - that eat under 1200 a day, but if I had any that did that a lot, I would just drop them. The end of story. I want to surround myself with healthy people with healthy brains. I have enough issues of my own to be dealing with someone else's baggage.

Those are my two cents.

PS: You can't save people. They have to want to save themselves. If you notice, it's usually young misguided girls that eat like that ... they'll grow out of it sooner or later. I myself was like that some 5 years ago and I also thought I knew what I was doing and thought everyone else was just a hater or envying me ... now, when I think back, I'm just laughing at my own idiocy. There was no help for me then, I had to arrive to that realization on my own.

Hugs!

SuperstarDJ

Welcome!

...But when I view their completed diaries and see intakes below 800 kcal + exercising, I really feel bad!

This is supposed to be a support forum so if another member is making you feel bad then I would just delete them. If it's an eating disorder, commenting that you think they're eating too little may just 'feed' their ED. I am here to help me gain weight as I have anorexia but I keep my diary locked because I don't want to make others feel bad or feel responsible for getting me to eat correctly, I'm also very ashamed of my eating habits and I don't want to give other sufferers 'tips'.

Lkatinas

I agree with you and I feel if someone has a personal and sensitive comment to make they should send a private message so they arent humiliated infront of everyone since it is a very sensitive subject.

luv2hate

LOL!

opuntia

They might be doing intermittent fasting. Or they may have an eating disorder which they're aware of. Or they may have a lot of allergies/sensitivities to food, and thus have difficulty reaching a higher calorie intake. My approach is to get to know the person, to observe the kinds of comments others make and the person's responses. Generally it's not necessary for me to say anything. My friends tend to be quite self-aware.

I do intermittent fasting. I have stated this on my profile, and I post updates about it, so if anyone were to comment 'OMG - you're not eating enough calories!' on a fasting day, I would feel irritated that they hadn't bothered reading the context behind it. But if someone posts advice about my food intake based on the context of what they've read of my updates and profile, then it doesn't bother me at all, whether or not I agree with it, so long as it's done respectfully.

bilberryjam

I don't understand why some of the posters here are getting so upset about the possibility of someone commenting on their diaries. If it's such a sore spot, why don't you make your food diary private then? That is a sure fire way to not get any comments.

Because kindly meant or not, it's still passing judgement on someone.

And most people with weight issues, whether too fat or too thin, have had a lifetime of people taking one look at them and judging them.

And because it's hard to change your diet and what I, personally, want from a place like this is support and encouragement, not criticism, especially not from people who don't know me.

And my food diary is private for that reason. My one MFP friend (who I know away from this site) can see it and she can comment on it because she knows me and she understands where I'm coming from. She's not a random stranger shouting "UR DOING IT WRONG!"

If I was at a party, I wouldn't go up to a badly-dressed woman and randomly start dispensing fashion advice. I don't see why it's any different because we're talking about food and we're on the internet.

BikinimomE

I don't understand why some of the posters here are getting so upset about the possibility of someone commenting on their diaries. If it's such a sore spot, why don't you make your food diary private then? That is a sure fire way to not get any comments.

Because kindly meant or not, it's still passing judgement on someone.

And most people with weight issues, whether too fat or too thin, have had a lifetime of people taking one look at them and judging them.

And because it's hard to change your diet and what I, personally, want from a place like this is support and encouragement, not criticism, especially not from people who don't know me.

And my food diary is private for that reason. My one MFP friend (who I know away from this site) can see it and she can comment on it because she knows me and she understands where I'm coming from. She's not a random stranger shouting "UR DOING IT WRONG!"

If I was at a party, I wouldn't go up to a badly-dressed woman and randomly start dispensing fashion advice. I don't see why it's any different because we're talking about food and we're on the internet.

I see your point, however, I've never known anyone whose health has been adversely affected (creating poor quality of life and eventually hastening death) because they wore clothing/hair that was out of style.

irenep22

They never listen, i just ignore them now¡ They will suffer the consecuences¡

crazy_ninja

Nothing? Maybe they need a friend to just talk and have fun without being teached all day!

But if they are 18y old girls with one pic of a skinny something and nothing filled out in the profil....ignore them, cause are 50y old fat guys....