Deliberate Sabotage

Cait_Sidhe

My cat once peed on my "New Rules of Lifting For Women" book. Complete and total SABOTAGE!

Cant0na

My cat once peed on my "New Rules of Lifting For Women" book. Complete and total SABOTAGE!

Cats are little arseholes, that is why they secretly vomit in the bathroom doorway in the middle of the night, knowing full well you are going to walk through that doorway in bare feet at 6:00am!

Tank_Girl

My husband sabotages me... When he knows im hungry after a workout he drags me to a takeaway... im going to start buying my snack before my workout and leave it in the van so im not hungry when he goes to takeaway

I think hes afraid I will get too much attention from other men when I lose the weight

zoeluiisa

Wow, if anyone has a friend who would deliberately sabotage any area of their life, they need to get new friends!

More likely that people sometimes forget you're on a diet - after all, it's your diet not theirs! Or, they misguidedly want to give you a treat because they think you've been depriving yourself.

praxisproject

I think there's a few different kinds of sabotage, some of them are even well meaning.

1. Fear - this is the partners or friends who are afraid you'll "leave them behind" or fear you are planning right now to leave/upgrade. These ones need a good talking to, and some reassurance. It's good to point out that being unsupportive of your dreams and goals is not a trait you value in friends/partners, so won't convince you to stay.

2. Jealous - I think your friend fits in here, it's not about you, it's about her. These ones are always a problem though, unless they're family, consider letting them go if they can't get over it. Tampering with someone's food behind their back is nasty, very disrespectful and dangerous (also illegal most places). If you don't want to confront her in person, do it on the phone, but you should have it out with her, don't give her permission to drug your food, it might be rat poison another time. These ones get worse over time, unless they deal with whatever is bugging them. Some of these only want a "fat friend", so once you don't fit the bill, they'll be ditching you anyway.

3. Ignorance - These are the ones who are just clueless, they often mean well, but just have no idea. Usually either very healthy or very skinny and not through sensible diet, just lucky

4. Sympathy - These ones mean well, but get it all backwards. "You've been working so hard, you deserve a donut/cake/pastry". Educate them and they'll get better. Give them some examples of better treats they can get that you can actually eat (healthy).

5. Show offs - These ones are tricky, and some can really be #2. If someone pushes food at you, but only food they make, or bring, they may just be show offs. Throw out some loud compliments and ask for the recipe, but don't eat it. If they persist, probably one of the other numbers.

AngryDiet

Since you believe it's deliberate sabotage, and since it's likely a flaw in your friend driving her behaviour, and since you aren't responsible for trying to fix your friend, I say DTMFA and get a better friend.

randomtai

I would have done this:

IronSmasher

It's weird isn't it? From my time in the forces, men seem to support weight loss by publicly ridiculing the overweight (men), and teasing them for making poor food choices.

csuhar

What I recommend is not necessarily avoid her, but if she does something that you think is sabotage, politely ask her not to do that. You don't need to say anything about your concern that she's sabotaging you, but something more gentle like "could I just have black coffee" or "could I please have a cup without so much sugar". These statements could come either as she's putting the items in the coffee or even after she's handed it to you. The reason I'd suggest this is that it's a gentle way of letting her know you've noticed what she's done without attacking her.

I can't judge from my outsider perspective if she's sabotaging you because she put those things in your coffee and not hers. The question I'd have is how you normally took your coffee. Perhaps she's thinking she's giving it to you the way you like it while she's doing without sugar and milk because she's decided that's where she's going to cut calories. In my family, the general knowledge is that my mother basically does what we call "coffee flavored milk", so our default behavior is to put a lot of milk in hers if we're preparing it for her. We're not trying to treat her differently, we just usually expect that that's what she wants.

But do try and keep your friendship going and ask her not to do those things, especially because you say your friendship is okay in other areas. That will be the test. If she respects you, she'll stop when you ask her to. If she keeps "forgetting" when you ask her, then there's a problem.

Years ago, I was very sick and the doctors emphasized getting as many calories in me as possible while I was fighting that illness. The result was that, as my parents watched their own diet, they'd give me extra. After I'd gotten better, was back to watching my intake, and no longer needed the "bonus" calories in my meal, I noticed that they still would do that when I came over for dinner. I simply asked them, outright, to please stop giving me larger portions because I no longer needed it and it made it harder for me to watch my intake. Now, I get the same size portions they get. They didn't mean anything by it. They weren't even in the conscious mindset of "he needs the extra calories" that was relevant when I was sick. They were simply in an absent-minded habit of giving me extra.

areufnkiddingme

This

What I recommend is not necessarily avoid her, but if she does something that you think is sabotage, politely ask her not to do that. You don't need to say anything about your concern that she's sabotaging you, but something more gentle like "could I just have black coffee" or "could I please have a cup without so much sugar". These statements could come either as she's putting the items in the coffee or even after she's handed it to you. The reason I'd suggest this is that it's a gentle way of letting her know you've noticed what she's done without attacking her.

I can't judge from my outsider perspective if she's sabotaging you because she put those things in your coffee and not hers. The question I'd have is how you normally took your coffee. Perhaps she's thinking she's giving it to you the way you like it while she's doing without sugar and milk because she's decided that's where she's going to cut calories. In my family, the general knowledge is that my mother basically does what we call "coffee flavored milk", so our default behavior is to put a lot of milk in hers if we're preparing it for her. We're not trying to treat her differently, we just usually expect that that's what she wants.

But do try and keep your friendship going and ask her not to do those things, especially because you say your friendship is okay in other areas. That will be the test. If she respects you, she'll stop when you ask her to. If she keeps "forgetting" when you ask her, then there's a problem.

Years ago, I was very sick and the doctors emphasized getting as many calories in me as possible while I was fighting that illness. The result was that, as my parents watched their own diet, they'd give me extra. After I'd gotten better, was back to watching my intake, and no longer needed the "bonus" calories in my meal, I noticed that they still would do that when I came over for dinner. I simply asked them, outright, to please stop giving me larger portions because I no longer needed it and it made it harder for me to watch my intake. Now, I get the same size portions they get. They didn't mean anything by it. They weren't even in the conscious mindset of "he needs the extra calories" that was relevant when I was sick. They were simply in an absent-minded habit of giving me extra.

dittmarml

Hubby is like this. he offers me food he knows i love after ive already eaten. bites of his food. will 'surprise' me with taco bell as a treat for..idk being me i guess. etc

He's said he thinks ill find someone better than him if i get skinny and he LOVES me heavy so i know he does these things deliberately. Ive got to work on my own self-control so i can stop saying yes to all his treats.

And perhaps you could suggest sweetly that the real issue is fear you'll leave him and suggest that the two of you might work on _that_ rather than have him help damage your health.

I did say "sweetly"....

AngryDiet

Hubby is like this. he offers me food he knows i love after ive already eaten. bites of his food. will 'surprise' me with taco bell as a treat for..idk being me i guess. etc

He's said he thinks ill find someone better than him if i get skinny and he LOVES me heavy so i know he does these things deliberately. Ive got to work on my own self-control so i can stop saying yes to all his treats.

And perhaps you could suggest sweetly that the real issue is fear you'll leave him and suggest that the two of you might work on _that_ rather than have him help damage your health.

I did say "sweetly"....

My response would be to say, "Oh, yeah, now that you mention it I probably could do better. Thanks for the suggestion!"

ShmoozyQ

Wowzer, you need a new friend!