A tip for parents (and others, I guess)

Options
135

Replies

  • malayabee
    malayabee Posts: 30
    Options
    Just because your kid can't access certain content at home doesn't mean they can't access it elsewhere.

    My mom had parental controls on our computer at home until I graduated and left home... But it didn't take me long to figure out that my friend's mom didn't give a flying fornication about the browser history. So I just went to her house if I wanted to google something questionable. Where there is a will, there is a way.
  • pooleekylie
    pooleekylie Posts: 103
    Options
    Raised three girls. Never met a teenaged boy I couldn't intimidate.

    Haha. You definitely have that look.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Options
    The key to keeping the kids off your computer is to show them this video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MskqyR5DRpQ
  • amnsetie
    amnsetie Posts: 666 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Options
    Raised three girls. Never met a teenaged boy I couldn't intimidate.
    BINGO!!!

    I figure the first boy that my little girl brings home is simply unlucky.
    The second one (if), is either really brave, or really stupid.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.

    How do you teach them to make good decisions without also teaching them consequences for bad decisions?
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Options
    Put it this way. My parents asked me questions without accusing. I STILL LIED. Yeah, they don't "think" I've gotten into any trouble, but they would be WRONG. I can put on a good act, and so can most kids.

    I intend fully to have an open dialogue with my children. But if I see something that would make me fear for their safety, I would be very strict, especially if they felt the need to hide it or not mention it.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Options
    wtg bill i think he meant
    respect not distrust
    like what you have achieved
    Well, so far at least.
    They have not hit the teen years yet but, we will see....
    Basically, I look at what my Dad did, and try to do the opposite. Not that he was a BAD person, he was just never around.
    My Mother on the other hand was a bit too much "everything is OK" so, while I would tell her ANYTHING, she lacked in the dicipline department.
  • maggie2731
    maggie2731 Posts: 51
    Options
    As a parent, I know when they're up to stuff and when it's time to see where they've been. I typically leave their stuff alone unless it's obvious they're up to something. It's like when they're 3. If they're quiet you KNOW they're up to something.


    Also have you heard of key catcher? It works wonders. Untill this day my kinds could not figure out how i knew what they were up to.
  • LiftBigtoGetFit
    LiftBigtoGetFit Posts: 3,399 Member
    Options
    It's a good thing some of us parents are also pretty good with this intergoogle computer thingie.
    It almost sounds like you are advocating no dicipline for the kids.

    I think the best thing to do is raise your kids to respect you.
    Hopefully if my Daughter is interested is some boy, she will dump him as soon as he feels the need to start hiding his internet history.

    ^^ THIS
  • Plates559
    Plates559 Posts: 869 Member
    Options
    For awhile there was some serious boyfriend drama, so we just logged their facebook chat. It was pretty damned annoying. at least my husband made them in pretty, easy to read colors? :flowerforyou: I love him! He makes my parenting so much easier with his skills!

    Dang that is worse than reading your childs diary.
  • Jkmumma
    Jkmumma Posts: 254
    Options
    I used to get frustrated because my daughter NEVER STOPS TALKING. She wakes up, and is constantly chattering until she goes to sleep. She's always in trouble at school for it, and no one else can get a word in edgewise. Unless she's eating or running (she runs track) she's talking, even in her sleep.

    Now that she's a teenager, and she tells on herself all the time just because she can't help herself, words just constantly fall out of her mouth, I'm grateful.

    She's a teenager, and I still know about every fight with her friends, all the boys she likes, what boys she's angry with, why she no longer likes a boy, what she's seen on facebook/the internet. While the constant chatter makes my head buzz, it's refreshing to know she can't keep a secret from me if her life depended on it!

    LUCKY ME
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Options
    How do you teach them to make good decisions without also teaching them consequences for bad decisions?

    Golden choir singing "Halleluiah" in the background right now..
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?


    Oh come now. If you just talk to your kids and never, ever second guess their word they won't ever do bad things. Ever. EVER.

    Lol
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.

    Of course - and setting limits teaches them that they cannot do whatever they want and be successful in the world.
  • LiftBigtoGetFit
    LiftBigtoGetFit Posts: 3,399 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.

    How do you teach them to make good decisions without also teaching them consequences for bad decisions?

    ^^ Great Point
  • Midnight_Sunshine
    Midnight_Sunshine Posts: 369 Member
    Options
    Raised three girls. Never met a teenaged boy I couldn't intimidate.

    Heh. I was watching Terra Nova last night and the teenager asked her dad "Dad how do you know if a boy likes you?'

    He looked mortified and said "He doesn't! What boy?! No boys!"

    Made me LOL.
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.

    How do you teach them to make good decisions without also teaching them consequences for bad decisions?

    Excellent point...
  • gauchogirl
    gauchogirl Posts: 467 Member
    Options
    I have three girls (ages 21, 19 and 13). We have never "tracked histories" or police our internet in any way. (and we all have our own computers/laptops/tablets.) There is a lot of opportunity for them to find things but we handle it by actually TALKING to our kids. From the time they could talk, we've been open and honest (age appropriate) about everything. Sex, drugs (even rock and roll!) suicide, bullying, peer pressure, sexual orientation, politics, alcohol, partying, relationships, body issues, religion, yadda yadda yadda. We listen to them. We point out pros and cons and responsibility and possible scenarios and repercussions. It works REALLY WELL. Just BE THERE for them. Mutual respect goes a LONG WAY and doesn't require being a prison guard.
  • RunsOnEspresso
    RunsOnEspresso Posts: 3,218 Member
    Options
    So, what's the tip?

    Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

    And what do you do when they decide to do whatever they want because no one set limits?
    They will decide to do whatever they want eventually. You'd better hope that you have taught them to make good decisions and not rely on you to vet the whole world for them forever.

    How do you teach them to make good decisions without also teaching them consequences for bad decisions?

    I'm not sure if any of you read the original thread for this but I think they OP was speaking to some of the people who were jumping to conclusions and saying they'd hurt the boyfriend, kick him to the curb etc. The problem was the OP of the original post didn't give much info to go on. So basically punishing a kid (or kids) because you perceive what they did to be bad, even though given more information, there may have been a reasonable explanation.

    I read through both threads and I don't think the point of this thread was "no punishment" or "no consequences" just that at times what you first think may not always be what is so don't fly off the handle without some more information.

    If my parents had constantly jumped to conclusions about the things I was doing, I would have rebeled against them. They were open, taught me right from wrong, punished as necessary (after asking me my side & remaining calm) and I turned out fabulous. ;)

Categories