What is considered 'cheating' (mature relationships)

jg627

What do you consider cheating? For me, I have what I call 'the golden rule'. That is, I go where she goes, period. That pretty much rules out swapping / borrowing / lending and includes any expression of sexuality/emotional attachment between people regardless of gender. Maybe that sounds restrictive to some, but not necessarily, if you're creative about avoiding golden rule violations. What do you guys think?

For clarification: the golden rule refers to sexy time practices, not like going to the mall or hanging with friends and whatnot.

jesekelynne

How does that work for a job? Also, what if you just want space for a little bit? I love my hubby, but I also enjoy my girl's nights out with my friends, as he does his boy's nights out. You have to trust that the person you are with is going to make good decisions, if not should you really be together?

Just read you clarification...sounds better!

jg627

How does that work for a job? Also, what if you just want space for a little bit? I love my hubby, but I also enjoy my girl's nights out with my friends, as he does his boy's nights out. You have to trust that the person you are with is going to make good decisions, if not should you really be together?

check the edit

proudarmywife06

I think cheating is physical contact period even if your having a threesome..its still cheating b/c you are only in the relationship with the one person, not both.

jg627

What I meant was, let's say you have an 'open relationship' and one of you brings home a playmate, while the other sleeps on the couch in the living room. I am not a fan of that plan. I go where she goes.

jg627

I think cheating is physical contact period even if your having a threesome..its still cheating b/c you are only in the relationship with the one person, not both.

Threesomes are a potential golden rule violation, easily, and it's playing with fire.

geogie54

I would go where she goes. This doesn't work for everyone , how does she feel about this?

jg627

I would go where she goes. This doesn't work for everyone , how does she feel about this?

she agrees. If a friend of hers, who was married, invited her to a threesome with her husband, I would be pissed. I think she would feel the same way if the tables were turned.

linz1125

In my eyes cheating is anytime you turn to someone other than your spouse/SO for something you would normally get from them. Theres both physical and emotional cheating...both are hard to recover from.

pastryari

Some people are secure in their relationship and others aren't. It varies depending on the couple and the level of trust they have with each other.

Each couple makes their own rules, there isn't one set that everyone lives by.

Bahet

Cheating is doing something sexual or intimate with someone else that you wouldn't want your spouse to find out about.

jesusHchris

Simple stuff, really, they should teach this in school. I've been considering taking up teaching - people tell me I'm an excellent influence on children.

Anyway, here's the list:

- If she did it, it's cheating.
- If I did it, it's cool.

That wasn't that hard, now, was it?

jg627

Cheating is doing something sexual or intimate with someone else that you wouldn't want your spouse to find out about.

That's a good way of putting it, I think. Simple and covers all the bases.

spongekitty

Cheating is when you do something sexual with someone outside of your relationship that your partner has not previously agreed to in some manner (ie you may not need explicit permission to blow a specific rando, if your boyfriend has previously stated that he is fine with you blowing any rando if he finds out after/if he never finds out)

I like to follow Dan Savage's take on monogamishness, too. That is if you are doing your best to be GGG (good [in bed], giving, and game [for anything]) and your partner absolutely refuses to meet your needs (within reason-- no one's asking you to accommodate a scat fetish, but, for example, if you can't get off without a vibe and they won't give you orgasms), you can either seek permission to meet them elsewhere or meet them behind their back with no remorse. That sort of thing (going behind their back) should only really be used when basically everything else makes the relationship worth keeping (children, great chemistry, shared property, whatever) otherwise you're better off dumping and playing the field for a new partner who can meet those needs.

EDesq

I consider "Cheating" anyone or anything that does or potentially will cause Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental and/or Psychological Detachment between EXPRESSED Partners/Spouses/SO, and the Partner/Spouse/SO does not inform the other Partner/Spouse/SO of this person or thing and the details of the relationship. Basically, the 3rd Party Relationship IF FULLY Known and details expressed to the non-participating party would HARM the Established Relationship and/or Non-Participating Partner/Spouse/SO.


ETA: This pretty much covers all types of relationships: Monogamous, Open, Straight, LGBT, EVEN Friendships...

pooleekylie

I like to follow Dan Savage's take on monogamishness, too. That is if you are doing your best to be GGG (good [in bed], giving, and game [for anything]) and your partner absolutely refuses to meet your needs (within reason-- no one's asking you to accommodate a scat fetish, but, for example, if you can't get off without a vibe and they won't give you orgasms), you can either seek permission to meet them elsewhere or meet them behind their back with no remorse. That sort of thing (going behind their back) should only really be used when basically everything else makes the relationship worth keeping (children, great chemistry, shared property, whatever) otherwise you're better off dumping and playing the field for a new partner who can meet those needs.

This makes me sad. So what about the people in relationships who don't get anything out of sex? If they can't be GGG no matter how hard they try? Their partner should just dump them for someone who will fulfill their needs in bed?

There's so much more to relationships than just sex, but so many people think that sexual compatibility is the defining factor.

billsica

If you look at anyone and think they are attractive you are cheating. If I ever catch my wife looking in a calvin klein catalog, its divorce time.

nadsazombie

I consider cheating to be anything you wouldn’t want your partner to do to you…
JMO

SPNLuver83

I agree with you OP. To be faithful not only includes physical actions, but emotional as well. The one you promise yourself to should not only be the only one getting your body, but your heart and soul as well.

brevislux

In general, I think that would be any physical or deep emotional relationship of which your significant other has no knowledge and for which they've not expressed their agreement.

jg627

Cheating is when you do something sexual with someone outside of your relationship that your partner has not previously agreed to in some manner (ie you may not need explicit permission to blow a specific rando, if your boyfriend has previously stated that he is fine with you blowing any rando if he finds out after/if he never finds out)

I like to follow Dan Savage's take on monogamishness, too. That is if you are doing your best to be GGG (good [in bed], giving, and game [for anything]) and your partner absolutely refuses to meet your needs (within reason-- no one's asking you to accommodate a scat fetish, but, for example, if you can't get off without a vibe and they won't give you orgasms), you can either seek permission to meet them elsewhere or meet them behind their back with no remorse. That sort of thing (going behind their back) should only really be used when basically everything else makes the relationship worth keeping (children, great chemistry, shared property, whatever) otherwise you're better off dumping and playing the field for a new partner who can meet those needs.

So if your partner stopped doing something they used to do or simply wouldn't do something, you'd get it from someone else?