URGENT Mother in Law

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  • ckish
    ckish Posts: 358 Member
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    Also, the way my kids and I have still been able to remain polite in her presence is to remember all of the crazy things she says and the pain she inflicted has been going on for decades. My husband did not have a warm loving childhood, However, he has become a wonderful husband and an amazing father by making sure he doesn't replicate the pain of his childhood. Whenever we are around my MIL and she starts in we remember that ALL of her nastiness helped shape her son - the man that we love and adore - so we drop down on our knees in our mind and thank God for who she is. Although I would have loved to change my husbands childhood I can see that our immense happiness was forged thru the pain. Therefore I make a point to thank my MIL for her valuable contribution in producing the man that I love today. It helps set us out on the right foot when we get together because she really thinks in her warped way she was the worlds best mother which is why she is always trying to give me her "advise".
  • hermanaamber
    hermanaamber Posts: 103 Member
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    Good advice! My MIL will be here for a month!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    My husband gave me permission to use the phrase - "That is how ny husband likes it."

    Yup, if your husband backs you no matter what, then this is a great way to go! My husband knows I hate dealing with his mom (his dad is great, though), and my parents are no picnic, either, so I deal with them. It's an unspoken agreement that we have that we deal with the BS from our respective families. He's always had my back 100% and vice versa.

    So I agree that you should pull the "husband card" anytime you need to - and let him talk to her if you don't feel comfortable if she ever puts you down. He should always defend you.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    I have a grueling 3 hours until lunch with my mother in law. I barely slept last night because of the stress. I want to keep out of the @#$%%%^ field that I usually step in - and avoid saying potentially offensive things.
    Also - I NEEEEEED TO LAUGH.
    What are some of the things I should NOT say?

    Here's the one I thought of: "Well that's not the craziest thing you've ever said to me."
    "hey, your daughter does thins "thing" with her hips. Did you teach her that?"
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
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    "Oh, bless your heart" with a sweet smile.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    "I've been sleeping with your son."

    Nice :love:
    We've been married 22+ years & that would be a truly awkward opener - but only after she updates me on her yeast infection

    Oh, ew. I do love that comment, though. I should hope after 22+ years that you've slept with your husband at least once :wink:
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    "Oh, bless your heart" with a sweet smile.

    Ha! It's the Southern smackdown! Definitely one of my favorite phrases. Unfortunately my MIL is from the South and would get it if I said that.
  • melduf
    melduf Posts: 468 Member
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    Sorry, can't help you: I spend more time with my mother-in-law then my own mother... there was never any awkwardness between us.
  • terri1020
    terri1020 Posts: 38
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    I'm married for 34 years. Cheerful and stupid works every time, I promise :-)
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    "hey, your daughter does thins "thing" with her hips. Did you teach her that?"

    Ok, I will admit that I snorted my coffee after reading this... Hilarious!

    Plus I picture my husband saying this to my mom. Oh, my, talk about awkward.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    Sorry, can't help you: I spend more time with my mother-in-law then my own mother... there was never any awkwardness between us.

    You're so lucky! My ex's mom and I got along super well, to the point where we would have girls' nights anytime her husband and son were out of town (they work together). Losing her was the saddest part of our break-up. Unfortunately I lost the MIL lottery when I married my husband, but I admit that she could be a LOT worse. We don't hate each other.

    Edited to correct a typo.
  • gse313
    gse313 Posts: 252 Member
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    Don't start off by saying "Damn!! You look like SH**!! What happened?!?!" LOL
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I feel so lucky that I love my MIL. However, I have a lot of experience with crazy thanks to my mother and my FIL. Things not to say...

    "I can't blame your other child for not speaking to you, I might be next."
    "Your son and I have already agreed that if he ever gets like you, I'm leaving him."
    "Exactly what makes you think I care what you think?"
    "Your health problems are entirely uninteresting, can we talk about something exciting, like belly button lint?"
  • dfarrington62
    dfarrington62 Posts: 1 Member
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    Avoid the truth at all costs. For instance, don't say:

    "I've been dreading this lunch with you so much, I hardly slept last night."

    "No appetizer for me, please, I want this lunch to end as soon as possible."

    "I couldn't have the pasta, I'm so nervous it would come right back up."

    On the bright side, if you're too wound up to eat, maybe it will help you diet!
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    "hey, your daughter does thins "thing" with her hips. Did you teach her that?"

    Ok, I will admit that I snorted my coffee after reading this... Hilarious!

    Plus I picture my husband saying this to my mom. Oh, my, talk about awkward.

    My husband and I have said worse in front of his mother, and she just laughed. It's almost scary how laid back my MIL is.
  • angiemartin78
    angiemartin78 Posts: 475 Member
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    "I've been sleeping with your son."

    Nice :love:
    We've been married 22+ years & that would be a truly awkward opener - but only after she updates me on her yeast infection

    Oh my!!! You have one of those too???? I swear every time I see mine she has to update me on her latest infection or spat of diarrhea. It really does get to the point where I look at her and politely inform her that she is sharing a little much for me. She also likes to talk about her sex life with FIL - they are no longer together for obvious reasons...She's #@&*ing nuts!
  • mamakira
    mamakira Posts: 366
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    I am not good at nodding and saying "yes". Have always been fighting with her and surprise, after 20 years, we get along very well. :)
    Maybe we just needed a bit longer.

    Also living 1200km apart helps. :D
  • KellyMirth
    KellyMirth Posts: 153
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    Least said, soonest mended. Just smile and nod a lot :smile: Good luck!

    ^ ^ exactly. Spend more time listening than talking and you'll be fine. You can do anything for a few hours, even act pleasant towards an unpleasant person.
  • kidcole11
    kidcole11 Posts: 98 Member
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    Say these things and don't listen to anything she says:

    Isn't this placemat just the coolest thing you've ever seen in your whole life?

    This table is so sturdy.

    Wow! It's so bright in here! The sun sure does make things bright! It's like the lightest day EVER!

    You know that show on tv, the one with the people who are in that family, and they laugh a lot and they all do dumb things and then they have a problem, but they solve it after some awkward attempts to fix it and then they finally do and they usually learn some lesson and then everythings all good until the next episode...yeah....good show..so addicted and like there is nothing else like it on tv. It is SO my fav! You just have to see it. You know?

    Did you say something? I was staring out the window thinking about my plans for later and just lost track of time.

    What? Oh that's so silly. You are such a jokester.

    Yup, as soon as I leave here I'm going to make fun of absolutely all the ridiculous things you said
  • cygnetpro
    cygnetpro Posts: 419 Member
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    Don't do what I do - which is get sooooooo wound up and nervous about not being 'up to par' that I become super awkward - and so when we come to do the obligatory 'hello, how are you hug?' I ALWAYS get my arms wrong - do we, don't we hug? - and I end up holding their boobs. Yup, my hands develop a mind of their own , I aim too high and instead of hands on the waist, it's hands in the boobage area.

    And the more I try not to do it the more insane my arms become.

    Doofus.

    Laughed right out loud at this one! I did something similar the other day, and cringed on and off for several days afterward. Too funny!

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