Anyone with a significant other who is sabotaging them??

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  • CarmenLynn75
    CarmenLynn75 Posts: 118 Member
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    I felt like this before.. Merv knew I was unhappy with my weight, and yet he'd bring home my favorite spinach dip with the most unhealthy (yet best tasting) nachos to dip in it, or grab chips to watch a movie- always grabbing my fav kind as well as his.. When I'd say how much I wished I was smaller and sexier he'd reply with- 'ur just fine hun. besides, than I'd have to worry about every other guy chasing you'

    UNTIL

    I made it obvious. Not only did I start logging my day on here, but I verbally expressed the support I was receiving 'elsewhere than from him' ONLY by saying how great the support is on here, and how much it's truly helping. I expressed my calorie goals for the day as well as how I did. I honestly didn't even really mean to do this 'to him', it was for me and I was so happy bout it I just shared it all.

    Now? Now that he's SEEN and HEARD how important this is to me and that I am doing it with or without his support- he's awesome. Not to mention I'm sure my overall happy feeling on life has helped as well. He's told he me's proud I'm sticking to it. He's said my 4lb weight loss is 'awesome babe'. Sure, he tells me i'm sexy now- but he ALSO tells me how he knows I'll be even sexier with the confidence I'll have in my old (prior surgery/ms) body and just from doing this FOR MYSELF. He's picking me up a heart rate monitor and books now as surprises instead of junk food. And dare I say that he even walked 3km with me the other day.. I just started putting my shoes on and grabbed the dog leashes- thus saying non-verbally- I'm goin.. with or without your wonderful company.. An low an behold- he even kept up! And appreciates what I do walk everyday that much more now too.

    Bottom line- do it for yourself. Make it obvious. And hope like hell he doesn't want to get left in the dark.
    Best of luck :)

    ..and to give my wonderful man and most men out there the benefit of the doubt- I honestly don't think he knew how to help before until I showed him, and just tried to comfort in the ways he knew.
  • CrueChix
    CrueChix Posts: 47
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    In all honesty, you may need to reevaluate your relationship. Your partner should be your biggest encouragement and if he's not then that is something to really think about. Look good and long in the mirror and realize you can do better and deserve better. I used to have a husband that was not an ecouragement at all, which led to low self esteem and weight gain and now I am with the most wonderful man on the planet. He is proud of my accomplishments, supports me and I give him permission to call me out if he sees me not working out or eating bad. Don't let him drag you down with his bad habits.
  • Mac247
    Mac247 Posts: 57
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    I'm sorry, I'm new to this site. What does DH mean? **** head?

    I believe it's "Dear Hubby" or "Dear Husband", at least that's what it meant on another forum I belong to.

    I'm blown away by the husbands and BFs out there who _actively_ sabotage your efforts. That makes no sense to me. I could see if THEY don't want to change - they continue to eat what they want... but to bring home food that you have specifically told them you don't want in the house, to 'taunt' you? Man, I don't get that at all.

    Sorry for those situations - guess it'll make your willpower that much stronger that much quicker!

    Good luck!

    Mac
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    just break up.

    Yes and stop living in sin!:angry:
  • bcdg24
    bcdg24 Posts: 35 Member
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    My husband says some of those same things!

    Last year, I lost 25 pounds using MFP and taking my kids on long walks in the double stroller, and doing any random workout videos I could get my hands on.

    This year, my company started a wellness program and pays for a group fitness class at a local Fitness Together studio. I've been going twice a week and so many times my husband has criticized my working out, saying I'm not eating enough (when he will skip breakfast and lunch and only eat a big dinner), saying I'm working out on my lunch break when I should be spending time with him; accusing me of getting in shape to please somebody other than him; ridiculous, insecure, stuff.

    Plus, he is a pizza/fried chicken/can'tstandanygreenvegetablesontheplate kind of eater. The GOOD news is that he will encourage the kids to eat their veggies, even if he doesnt eat his own, haha. Occasionally he will get on a "I want to get in shape again" kick and tell me to buy and cook "healthy" food again (He LOVES quesadillas; eating healthy for him means i use whole wheat instead of white flour tortillas and lower fat cheese, lol!)

    Over time, he has had to get used to the fact that working out and fitness will be a part of my (and our) lifestyle. I'm not doing it because I intend to leave him; I'm doing it because I intend to live a long and happy and healthy life with him. I stopped going to the Fitness Together classes, and instead have joined the local YMCA. Monday I took my kids and dropped them off at the Child Watch rooms and worked out for a half hour in the gym. Last night, my husband went with me while my mom watched our kids. It was an excellent workout, and we agreed to establish a routine of Mon, Wed, & Sat mornings working out together.

    Talk to your SO. Don't accuse him of not supporting you because maybe he doesn't realize it. But DO tell him how he makes you feel, let him know you are willing to find a compromise that works well for him, and talk it out! good luck!
  • kimmiedunne
    kimmiedunne Posts: 82 Member
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    I am lucky to have my fiancee - he eats what I make for dinner and I do the grocery shopping. I get him his cookies and stuff, but I only buy enough for him and he's learned to eat them in moderation as well. In turn, he is eating healthier and has started to lose weight as well. He has always said I'm perfect the way I am but if I want to lose weight then he supports that. He is such a good man and supports me in whatever I do.
  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
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    I did.....until the divorce.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    Yes, my wife brings home yummy bad foods for myself and the kids. I don't have to eat them. Yes she suggests restaurants with the word "buffet" or pizza. And sometimes she asks me to watch the kids when I'm supposed to be exercising. And my kids are always giving me their leftover mac and cheese.

    That's life and I'm accountable to me. I don't put that on her or my family. I used to say that my wife was sabotaging me but at some point, I just had to "man up" and make the right changes for me.

    This is not a reflection on anyone else. I'm just saying what's working for me.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    just break up.

    Yes and stop living in sin!:angry:
    LOL wow \m/
  • joe7880
    joe7880 Posts: 92 Member
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    I would just like to point out that the person who decided to do MFP and start exercising is the one in the relationship who changed. The S.O. is the one who stayed the same in a lot of these situations where there is sabotage.

    I'm lucky that my wife decided to change with me (mutual decision) but if your S.O. doesn't want to change and you already have, this could develop into a crack in the relationship that could widen into a canyon, and then end the relationship someday.
  • anneerick
    anneerick Posts: 147 Member
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    Unless he's holding you down and shoving food into your face, you are the master of your own piehole.
    The best answer in this thread

    Here Here :drinker:
  • Itsme_Mary
    Itsme_Mary Posts: 17 Member
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    @corn .. If you don't have anything good to say. Zip it!

    And YES , my DH.. Is the worst at sabotage . OMG. I don't have a great answer for you. But I totally understand where your coming from!
  • Lisabelieve
    Lisabelieve Posts: 12 Member
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    My husband does this.. not on purpose or anything, but he brings sweets home and chips and things like that. I've told him I don't want it in the house, it's too tempting for me. He thinks I should just be able to stay out of it. But it's not that easy!!
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
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    I'm currently single, but I did date a guy who would always want to go out to eat. Of course he didn't force me to eat, but it was like a comfort thing between us and we would chat/catch up from our lives over food. When you get comfortable like that the pounds creep on. He would always offer me food and when I said no, he would get annoyed with me and ask me if I was trying to lose weight. Yeaaaah...glad I'm not with that one anymore.
  • Tracepa98
    Tracepa98 Posts: 219
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    No significant other but my aunt is always buying crap that i dont need! And what I dont understand is that she wants to lose weight and even has a gym membership and doesnt go. Instead she buys cakes, cookies, oreos, snack cakes, chips, cheetos, etc.

    She is in her early 50's and has limited mobility due to several knee surgeries. But if she would only start to eat healthier, thats half the battle. Ive resorted to buying my own groceries lately and keeping them at my desk at work or in my room. I dont say anything to her because its her money but at the same time im frustrated because its wasted money and i want so much more for her than what she is putting in her body.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    When I stayed over at my boyfriend's place, he had a box of Zingers right where I slept. I slept with them two feet from my head. It was rough. I always ended up eating 1 or 2.
  • HolsDoinIt
    HolsDoinIt Posts: 327 Member
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    my gf is very supporting of my weight and lifestyle change...she eats what she wants when im not around but when i come home for dinner its normally a healthy meal..or atleast my portion is healthy..she used to cook everything in butter and use cheese but knows i cant have alot of it so she changed some of her eating habits for me...
  • tubbyelmo
    tubbyelmo Posts: 415 Member
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    Before we got together, my partner and I worked together for 10 years, just as we were getting together my dad died very suddenly, and I lost around 45 pounds in a couple of months. Those pounds crept back on over two years - I comfort eat - and I joined MFP a month ago at my highest weight ever. He knew me plump but got together with me slim, and has made some comments along the way as I got bigger again. Now that I feel I'm getting in control of the emotional eating, and only buying healthy groceries, I ask what he would like for dinner and he'll say Chinese takeaway, I just shrug and cook what I was planning to cook anyway - no matter how much I would LOVE to have takeaway too. He'll eat chocolate in front of me, and he's even phoned me to tell me he's having a burger at work. BUT I'm doing this for me, and no matter what he eats, I can still make my own choices, and hopefully somewhere along my health and fitness journey he will decide to join in. Have a chat with him, just a little bit of support and encouragement makes a huge difference.
  • feltlikesound
    feltlikesound Posts: 326 Member
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    My wife does not intentionally sabotage me, but she is in the military, so has physical training every morning, gym as part of her workday, and then goes to the gym with me in the evenings. With all of that calorie burn not to mention her much larger muscle mass, she snacks all day, and can be a horrible influence when it comes to meal choices, too. It is hard to eat smaller portions, not snack, etc. when your spouse needs both of those things. We're still working on a sense of balance about it!
  • MikeSloaninLDubya
    MikeSloaninLDubya Posts: 10 Member
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    No, but I have notice co-workers in my office like to bring homemade goodies such as banana pudding (not instant pudding) and shove it in my face.... especially after my weight-loss became noticeable.

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