I'm being sabotaged.
sweetalker
Posts: 43 Member
My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.
I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)
Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.
I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)
Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.
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Replies
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You're a grown up right? She can't make you eat or do anything. You have to chose not to let your emotions & guilt take over your common sense when it comes to food.0
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Don't eat the food. If she buys you a Big Mac and you want something else for lunch, throw it in the trash. She'll get the hint.0
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No one can sabotage your weight loss except you. You have the power, she doesn't. Say "no" and walk away.0
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If she is really your best friend she will back you up no matter what you choose to do. Tell her to back off, plain and simple. If she wants to stay your agent and when you get down to the size you want to be, she will market you in the best way. Otherwise, it is time for a new agent. You have to decide what is most important to you.0
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People aren't going to lose the weight for you. You have to just realize that you are the boss. Tell her "I appreicate that you were thinking of me, but I am committed to losing weight and this just won't fit into my plan". Or some variation of that.
Or make her go get you something and while she's gone, throw out the food, all except a bite, and as she's returning pop that last bite in your mouth :laugh:0 -
Kirstie just tell her to leave you alone!0
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Wow...like you said, her paycheck depends upon you...so she is in panic mode right now as to HOW to market you WHEN you lose all of this weight. Just sit her down calmly, and tell her that you're doing this for your health and well being. I'm sure there will be roles that you can take no matter what your size and she'll have to deal with it as it comes. You are in charge! Maybe she doesn't even realize what she's doing. Just get it all out in the open and if she STILL keeps sabotaging you, just start looking around for another agent. If you have experience and are a working actress, I'm sure there will be other agents to gladly take you on. Good luck.
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It's going to take two things...
One, have a heart to heart talk with her and explain the reasons why you're trying to lose weight. Tell her you understand her concerns but you have to do this for your health (and/or whatever other reasons you may have) and you really need her to support you in this. Come up with some actresses who've lost the weight and still done ok - the only one that comes immediately to mind is Minnie Driver. If it comes down to it, you're going to have to tell her straight up that if she's so worried about having a fat actress that she's going to have to start looking elsewhere because that's not going to be you for much longer.
Two, you're going to have to start standing up for yourself and take accountability for your own actions. She cannot control what you eat or how you act. If she brings you another Big Mac, say "thank you but I'm not eating these anymore - do you want it or shall I just throw it away?". If she balks, stand your ground. Shrimp's really not all that bad as long as it's not fried or eated with a ton of cocktail sauce. Maybe make suggestions for lighter fare she can provide that might help others who are also trying to be healthy Keep the junk for those who like it but also offer salad, fruit, protein bars, etc.0 -
My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.
I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)
Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.
Are you that chick from precious?0 -
First off, shrimp are healthy. Yes, high in cholesterol, but also very high in protein, iron, and low in fat and no sugars. The actual calories are almost pure protein.
Second, there's one person who needs to take care of you and you look at that person every day in the mirror. No one can sabotage you, they can only give you the tools to sabotage yourself with. What you do with those tools is up to you. Choose wisely.
Third, "best friends" do not do this to each other. If she's doing this because there's some professional reason as your agent that you should keep the weight on, she should be advising you of this in a professional manner and telling you what professional consequences might result. If this is an acting agent, then you need to tell her to start digging for skinny-person roles for you, because that's your goal.
If she's doing this because she doesn't want a skinny friend, you have to choose - skinny? Or her friend?
If that's the case, I don't see much of a choice there. Find a new bestie and move on. What friend would ask you to continue risking health issues and shorten your own lifespan? And why?0 -
Tell her get behind you --- or out of your way. Simple.0
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Did you eat everyone's share of shrimp or just enough to fit into your daily calorie allowance?she ordered endless shrimp for everyone.
Did you eat the healthy lunch or the Big Mac?I had packed a healthy lunch
From what I gather you are choosing to make unhealthy choices for yourself because you're worried about hurting the feelings of your best friend. Be selfish and put yourself first for a change. Take care of yourself and empower yourself by being unafraid to say no. If your *friend doesn't understand then maybe you need to find a new friend.
* Having a best friend friend as an agent is an entirely different discussion.0 -
It may make your road more difficult when you don't have the support, but that doesn't mean it is impossible! You still hold the power to say no. My family and friends have not been very supportive and there are days when I cave. What I do is focus on the long-term. I log on to MFP everyday and log my food. I own up to the choices that -I- made. (No one shoved them down my throat.) So if someone made a batch of cookies or cake and I eat it, I still log to see what that damage does. Over the long-term if you take ownership of your actions, you may start to realize that you still have control.
Also, my family and friends were not really supportive of me trying to make healthy changes to my life, but now that they see my success they have become much more supportive. If your agent is truly your friend, they will start to be supportive of you because YOU are happy.
In addition to what Minnie said as far as the actor situation, maybe you should remind your friend/agent of all of the actors that also died because of health problems related to being overweight. I think you should worry about your health. You can't be a successful actor if you're not around.
If you are looking for any support on MFP, feel free to add me. :flowerforyou:
Best of luck!0 -
does she not have faith in your talent to bring the work in after you've lost your weight? is she only getting you parts because of your size and not your acting ability (and if this is the case fire her *kitten* because she's not doing her job). maybe it's time you look at getting a new agent.0
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I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'm gonna set it straight, this watergate...0
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You either want it. Or you don't. It truly IS that simple.
You do not need everyone cheering you on. You do not need your friends or family or co-workers or the fast food chains to stop making the food you don't want to eat anymore, you just have to stop eating it.
Simple.0 -
Kirstie Alley, is that you?0
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Time to find a new best friend, that has your best interest at heart.
Time to find a new agent, that is capable of finding people rolls besides "the fat actress" rolls.
Seems pretty simple to me.0 -
Don't eat the food. If she buys you a Big Mac and you want something else for lunch, throw it in the trash. She'll get the hint.
Now this I like. It is people like this "friend" that cause so many problems and deserve to have their money thrown away!0 -
Just get up and repeat after me:
"I can't stand it, I know you planned it
Imma set it straight this watergate
But I can't stand rockin' when I'm in this place
Because I feel disgrace because you're all in my face
But make no mistakes and switch up my channel
I'm buddy rich when I fly off the handle
What could it be, it's a mirage
You're scheming on a thing - that's sabotage "
Cross your arms, turn around and walk out.0 -
Are you kidding me? Your friend does not have a gun to your head. You're an adult, you're the only one who controls what food you put into your face. At the end of the day, it's your body and your health. You need to put your foot down.0
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I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'm gonna set it straight, this watergate...
To the OP: It's your body and your choice. You need to tell her that. If she has a problem with it, then find a new agent. But if you are careful with your planning and exercise, there is no reason why those things should sabotage you. I have a category that I created in my diary just for indulgences.0 -
I'd have thrown the Big Mac in the trash, right in front of her. No REAL friend would act like this. YOU are the only one responsible for what you eat. If she doesn't like it, she can piss off.0
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People do sabotage our diet. Friends drop by with cake .. oh just one littel piece it wont' hurt.. It takes time and practice to be strong enough to say "NO". Try it a few times, it gets easier.0
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I think some of the other posts miss the point slightly by just saying that you have to stand up for yourself and so on. It is very difficult to do this to someone you like very much or even love. My husband sabotage me a lot especially when it comes to exercise, so I know what you're going through. I think the person who says that you have to talk to her and find out what's going on and why she is doing it comes closest to being helpful. However, it is possible that she - like my husband - is completely unaware of what she is doing and why. The moment I sat down and analysed the problem and figured out that he felt extremely bad about not being able to exercise and getting himself into shape due to permanent back problems and that he was jealous of my being able to go out and work for a new figure - a jealousy he did not want to admit even to himself - was the moment I realised that I simply had to ignore the sabotage and get on with my plan. About once a week I allow myself a treat day with him; either going out for a meal or cooking something special at home. You have to decide how YOU tackle this issue and go ahead and do it yourself because quite possibly your friend is not going to realise what she is doing - whatever you say to her and it might kill your friendship.0
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My Agent? Get a new one
My Best Friend? Not likely. Not if she only sees you as a fat paycheck. (No pun intended)0 -
I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'm gonna set it straight, this watergate...
:laugh: brilliance at its finest...0 -
Yeesh, no, I'm not Kirstie Alley and I'm not the chick from Precious.
I do have it in my contract that I'm not allowed to lose past a certain amount of weight once filming has started (every actor has this), but I'm between films now so I'm doing my best to lose as much as possible while I still can.
I will be talking to her. I just needed some ideas on what to say, and how to start this convo, so thank you for the suggestions.
Those of you telling me "grow up"... that's not helpful at all, wtf???0 -
So dealing with the emotions of yourself and food is one thing, having those close to you in real life not help you is a fact we all have to deal with. To make it worse, we all receive gifts and appreciation tokens in the form of food. Thank you, nice of you to do, I appreciate the offer, but have to decline right now. Words to practice and mean them when people are generous to you and you can't accept. Like being offered free tickets to a pro football game on a Sunday when you are scheduled to be in church as an usher. You have prior commitments. Like your health needs some serious attention (well, in my case it did).
Sweetalker, best of luck. I enjoy TV and Movies and I am really glad you do what you do.0 -
I would say that the fact of the matter is this. Your health is important and you won't be much good in any career if you end up 6 feet under as a result of issues caused by being obese. You have to do what is right for you, there are other agents out there, if this one is unwilling to accept you want and need to lose weight for the sake of your health, and most likely for your self esteem as well. I imagine it is a very difficult position to be in, especially if you tend to get plenty of work as a result of your being outside of the skinny 'norm' within the showbusiness industry.
Talk to your agent, lay things on the line, make it clear you will lose this weight, with or without her support and the reasons why you want to lose the weight, and remind her that weight loss is a slowish process anyway so you will still be castable as the 'fat' girl for a while yet, unless you plan on making this a crash diet, rather than a lifestyle change(the former being pointless really as you will just end up regaining the weight and more in time).0
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