I'm being sabotaged.

PomegranatePriestess

I know what it's like to feel sabotaged.

I'm big on personal responsibility, but I know what it feels like to have your willpower worn down.

I don't know you beyond what you share here, but here's my advice: You've got 200 pounds to lose. Chances are, given that and the way you're talking about sabotage, you are in fact an addict, and you (and those who care about you) need to behave accordingly.

Here's how I look at it:

Let's say you were an alcoholic. Do you think your friend would party it up in front of you during your first week on the wagon? Buy everyone a table a round right in front of you? Would she then "apologize" by handing you a bottle of vodka?

It's harder with food. It's not like you can quit cold turkey. But you can get "off the junk."

If you want to talk more, shoot me a friend request.

sweetalker

Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I am an addict. I don't make any excuses for it, though I did have a hard life growing up this is the way I chose to deal with it. Some people cut, some people drink. I eat.

And now here I am with 90kg to lose and I feel very alone.

I did have that talk with my agent, told her "no more Big Macs, I'm serious about this, I want to live to see 40" and she said she would "try harder to understand". We'll see what tomorrow brings. If she brings over another fattening piece of food I'm handing it right back to her - fool me once, etc. etc.

I can't get rid of her altogether, guys. She believed in me when no one else would. I wouldn't have had any success at all without her, that's the truth. She fought hard for me, and she's still fighting hard for my career.

purple_tux1

I hate to break it to you, but this woman is NOT your friend.

You are overweight enough that your weight is dangerous to your health. Would you like to get diabetes and lose both feet or would like to be nice to this woman.

JanaCanada

I will be talking to her. I just needed some ideas on what to say, and how to start this convo, so thank you for the suggestions.

Tell her your health is more important than any job/career or friendship. How much money will she earn if you die of obesity? Sorry if that sounded harsh....but I'm just shaking my head over your dilemma and how shallow your agent sounds. If she loves you, she'll support you. If not, then it's your call. Love yourself enough to take a stand for your life. All of us here support your weight loss journey. Be brave, and good luck. xoxox

Chewster001

Enlist her help in choosing healthy foods and activities for you. Get her involved in caring for you in a healthy way. Ask her to get you a special salad or quinoa or something else that'll help you with your goal. Ask her to work out with you. That way, she'll have a better idea about what makes you happy. She's used to making you happy with food. You have to teach her how to please you differently now that you're making this change.

babeinthemoon

I do have it in my contract that I'm not allowed to lose past a certain amount of weight once filming has started (every actor has this), but I'm between films now so I'm doing my best to lose as much as possible while I still can.

I will be talking to her. I just needed some ideas on what to say, and how to start this convo, so thank you for the suggestions.

Okay. How about this. Reassure her that you realize that it will take quite some time to loose all the weight you would like to loose, and that you want to do it in a healthy manner, which will include a slow and steady pace. Also reassure her that you know the "rules" regarding contracts, and that you will go on "maintainance," and will not loose more than allowed with every new contract.

Tell your agent/friend that you are finally taking your health and well-being seriously, and that you want to be around and working for a very long time to come!

Good Luck! You can do this!!!

subcult

Depending on how famous you are get her to find you a weightwatchers/neutrisystem/ whatever deal then she has a $$reason$$$ to support you.

sweetalker

I actually already do have a deal with a weight loss company, but they were very skittish about it -- because of Kristie Alley. They are very afraid that I will lose a bunch of weight all at once and then gain it all back, making them look foolish. It took a lot for my agent to book me that job, because Weight Loss Company, Inc. did not want to take the chance with someone my size. They also said - because of my double chin! - that I did not "look healthy enough". Boo to you, Weight Loss Company, Inc.

(ROTFLMAO at remarks my agent is "shallow". Well, duh. That's what agents are paid for.)

mamagooskie

Don't eat the food. If she buys you a Big Mac and you want something else for lunch, throw it in the trash. She'll get the hint.

Exactly!! You have all the control.....now put it into action!!

Jacwhite22

I wouldn't change a thing. Some dudes love fat chicks. Not most......but some.

sweetalker

I wouldn't change a thing. Some dudes love fat chicks. Not most......but some.

Wow, that was insulting and shallow.

itsmyvwbeetle

Maybe she doesn't see it as sabotage. Maybe she sees it as trying to save you from yourself. Sometimes people have a different view of what they think is best for us. Sounds like you've taken the right first step by telling her AGAIN that you were serious. If she doesn't get the clue then you may have to turn to more drastic measures.

Good luck!! Keep up the good work and do whats best for YOU!

searolex

@Pomegranite

I know what it's like to feel sabotaged.

I'm big on personal responsibility, but I know what it feels like to have your willpower worn down.

I agree with everything you say, I also have an unsupportive partner and some of the things he says and does are so unhelpful. It does take will power and I am going to succeed this time. Trouble is he is still in quite good shape despite his poor diet. One day he will wake up and see the light.

sweetalker

I also have an unsupportive partner and some of the things he says and does are so unhelpful... Trouble is he is still in quite good shape despite his poor diet. One day he will wake up and see the light.

Ooooh, "those people" make me so mad! The ones who think that just because it's easy for them it should be easy for everyone! METABOLISM, my friends, it's different for us!

sweetalker

UPDATE: Okay, I had a serious talk with my agent once again about my weight loss. She told me, flat out, that it will be "much, much harder" to book gigs as a thin person, because then I will be "one of millions" rather than one of a kind - and "skinny chicks are not normally known as funny". She knew that would get me - I'm not interested in romcoms, I want the funny stuff. She also told me, and I know she has a point, that it will be tough to NOT be seen as the "former fat chick" if I really do pull off the impossible and lose every pound I need to lose (going to double digits, like others my height) then I will have a great deal of trouble shaking the old "fat" image in the media. Ricki Lake does not often get romantic leads.

Right now, people know me as "fat" before they know me as anything else. My Google results, when you type in my name? "Fat" is the first thing that comes up. ("Sexy" is second - woo hoo!) It's not insulting - that's just how it is in this nasty business. People are properties. Casting directors will talk about you like you're not even there. "Her boobs are too small." "The hair - ugh. Gross," "Can we make her look taller? She's way too damn short." "Maybe a corset?" You have to have tough skin.

So today has been extra extra tough (also celebrating a friend's success, which hurts because I know that's a job I would never get at this size) and I have binged because of it. Drat.

impyimpyaj

UPDATE: Okay, I had a serious talk with my agent once again about my weight loss. She told me, flat out, that it will be "much, much harder" to book gigs as a thin person, because then I will be "one of millions" rather than one of a kind - and "skinny chicks are not normally known as funny". She knew that would get me - I'm not interested in romcoms, I want the funny stuff. Right now, people know me as "fat" before they know me as anything else. My Google results, when you type in my name? "Fat" is the first thing that comes up. It's not insulting - that's just how it is in this nasty business. People are properties. Casting directors will talk about you like you're not even there. "Her boobs are too small." "The hair - ugh. Gross," "Can we make her look taller? She's way too damn short." "Maybe a corset?" You have to have tough skin.

I get what your agent is saying, and I've heard it before, but you know what? It's kind of bull. If you're really funny, you're going to get booked regardless of your weight. Tina Fey is HILARIOUS, and she's thin. Anna Faris is funny. Sarah Silverman is funny. There are TONS of really funny women in Hollywood who aren't overweight. Just as there are funny men who aren't overweight. You are not funny just because you are "fat," and if you are, then you need to get a new shtick.

Bottom line, if she's concerned with you not booking gigs, then the answer is to work on your skills, NOT to remain overweight. If you don't want to lose weight, then that's one thing, but you seem to want to. So do it. And keep being funny. The two are not mutually exclusive.

impyimpyaj

Just saw what you edited to add to your last post. Yes, it will be difficult to shake your old image. But so what? It's possible. It's more than possible. Actors reinvent themselves all the time. Be EXCELLENT at what you do, be honest about yourself in the media, and you can look any way you please. Don't let your weight be a crutch. If you're relying on your looks to book gigs instead of your actual talent, then that's a problem.

Deisel1974

Without knowing much of anything about your business....I would imagine that, at least in the short term, people are going to want to get a look at the "new you". Did Jennifer Hudson lose her job ? Pretty sure she hit the talk show circuit and maybe a book deal ? Not sure. Sarah Silverman....funny skinny.

It's your life/job, you do what's best for you.

pinballmachine

That has to be really tough to deal with! I'm glad you were able to talk to her about sabotaging you. Is it hard to be typecast like this? How do you feel about being the "fat actress"?

Even a loss of 10% of your body weight is a great start.

You deserve to be the best possible version of yourself, not fed Big Macs to keep you overweight.

sweetalker

Tina Fey... Anna Faris... Sarah Silverman. You can count the number of funny skinny (successful!) women on one hand, and most of them were given a shot because they went through a "sexy roles only" phase first (like Anna) or wrote their own roles (like Tina, who also brought Sarah on board SNL if I'm remembering correctly).

Jennifer Hudson is a reality star. So long as they let America look at whatever is in their life, and keep absolutely no secrets, they will find work. It's not something I'm too keen on becoming.

Being typecast sucks, but at least it's work, it's a paycheck, and it's work I LOVE. I've done other things with my life, but I couldn't ever see myself doing anything else at this point. After you've walked the red carpet, you get addicted. LOL

Anyway, I'm going to keep losing as much as I can before it's time to get fitted for a new role. I WANT TO LOSE THIS UCKY UCKY DOUBLE CHIN.

impyimpyaj

Tina Fey... Anna Faris... Sarah Silverman. You can count the number of funny skinny (successful!) women on one hand, and most of them were given a shot because they went through a "sexy roles only" phase first (like Anna) or wrote their own roles (like Tina, who also brought Sarah on board SNL if I'm remembering correctly).

Jennifer Hudson is a reality star. So long as they let America look at whatever is in their life, and keep absolutely no secrets, they will find work. It's not something I'm too keen on becoming.

Being typecast sucks, but at least it's work, it's a paycheck, and it's work I LOVE. I've done other things with my life, but I couldn't ever see myself doing anything else at this point. After you've walked the red carpet, you get addicted. LOL

Anyway, I'm going to keep losing as much as I can before it's time to get fitted for a new role. I WANT TO LOSE THIS UCKY UCKY DOUBLE CHIN.

But the point is, you're already in Hollywood. You're not a person who has to take the sexy roles to get your foot in the door. You're already in. So now that you're there, you can steer your career in whatever direction you choose. Also, I'm gonna send you back to the old-school ladies for some inspiration: Lily Tomlin. Carol Burnett. Lucille Ball. They are FUNNY. And thin. They didn't start as sex symbols first, they started out as funny women. And they're legends.

Good for you for choosing health. The roles will be there for you. Fight for them. And fight for your health.

genefabes

My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.

I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)

Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.

Are you that chick from precious?

:laugh:

bethfartman

Rebranding is hard; she may not be up to the task. Are you also worried you may lose out on jobs once you lose some weight or do you think it will open the doors for you? I would find it a bit insulting that she only sees value in you as a niche 'fat actress' rather than just an actor and a friend. You’ll always be a ‘type’ in this industry; you just have to find a new way to portray yourself. With that being said, if you're no good at your craft, maybe you should stay fat or find a new job. I doubt that's the case, though.

babyhazelz1

Trade in the best friend!

YukonLandcruiser

If you love what you do, are successful in the industry, simply...Get a new agent!

doggiesnot

My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.

I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)

Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.

Communication is key! Tell your agent you understand her concerns and reassure her that you will stay with her through thick and thin, and that you would appreciate her support on your journey.

bethfartman

So a read through all the posts now, I hadn't before I made my first comment. It seems to me, especially in recent years, if you are funny it is far easier to get substantial work and development deals if you are an attractive, fit female comedian. If you are fat you are often subject to 'fat' parts that are only ‘funny’ because you're fat, not because you're funny (I don’t think fat is funny, but many do.) I can’t really think of any fat leading women. Your agent is probably right, you may not get parts at first if you lose a significant amount of weight, but if you keep working and developing your talent you will likely come out a far more rounded and developed artist at the end of it all.
Stop eating your emotions! Binging might feel good while you’re doing it, but if you’re like me you feel awful when it’s over thinking “Why didn’t I stop at 1000 calories (2000 calories, 3000 calories…)!!!” Find something else to do that makes you feel good when it’s over. I exercise now when I’m stressed (not to say I didn’t eat 3 candy bars the other night after my car broke down, but we all backslide once in a while.) I feel good after the workout and don’t want to binge and typically my mind is somewhat off whatever was making me sad/stressed/whatever.
I don’t know about you, but I also reward myself with food. Stop that too!
You can do it, once you lose your first 20 pounds or so you’ll want to keep on going.
Use your friend/agent as a strengthening tool for your willpower. Tell her ‘no’ always (except if she has a job for you, of course.) After a while it will get easier and you will be able to resist other temptations as well. As cheesey as it may sound- willpower is a muscle, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

sweetalker

If you are fat you are often subject to 'fat' parts that are only ‘funny’ because you're fat, not because you're funny (I don’t think fat is funny, but many do.) I can’t really think of any fat leading women.

Thank you thank you thank you! I used these exact words and sent a text to my agent, along with "I am tired of being the Fat Best Friend." she sent back "OK youve got a point, we'll do it your way" YES YES YES!!!

impyimpyaj

If you are fat you are often subject to 'fat' parts that are only ‘funny’ because you're fat, not because you're funny (I don’t think fat is funny, but many do.) I can’t really think of any fat leading women.

Thank you thank you thank you! I used these exact words and sent a text to my agent, along with "I am tired of being the Fat Best Friend." she sent back "OK youve got a point, we'll do it your way" YES YES YES!!!

Fantastic!

deksgrl

Jennifer Hudson is a reality star.

I think she is more than a reality star, since she won an Oscar in a film.

But whatever, I really wanted to say that I agree that you can succeed!! Stay strong.