Honest male answers and opinions wanted

bottleOdom

I want honest male answeres and opinions and if you want to be confidential to protect your manhood then great, but I need answers.

Been married a long time and my man is 49 - I am 40.... so yes, I may just be in my prime and with a dud. I get a lot of "I'm tired's" and "It's too soon's". Really? So sex is only when convenient for him, and it's like planning a calendar. Usually Friday nights but sometimes Saturday instead - never ever two nights in a row and not more than once a week. His choice, not mine.

Yes, we have kids; teens. AND while I may look forward to action because we will have the house to ourselves.... he would rather watch tv. We have the house to ourselves.... um, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this really how it is when you men reach this age?

How do you approach the use of drugs? toys? or is this just a crush to your manhood? Seriously

I'm 5-7, brunette, curvy but not fat, and I think I am pretty - I really don't think it is the scenery that is turning him off. When I get his attention, I can keep it.

ALSO, I'm 40 - I've changed over the years. How can I tell him that he is doing it wrong and not hurt him?

OK, now that I am about to post... mock away with witty sarcasm but some real insight into your male psyches would be great.

pawnstarNate

Don't know...guess everyone is different. me for example 5 out of 6 nights last week. This week 3 times since Sunday...2 in one night....and I'm 43

TheRoadDog

Sometimes I just want to be held.

blkdad

With so little background info, hard to give some really helpful advice, but... a few things to consider:

Has sex become a "weapon" or bargaining chip in the past?
Is he having some medical issues you don't know about?
Does he have someone else?
( remember, don't ask questions, you aren't prepared to hear the answer)
My best advice is at a neutral site, away from the house, just have a candid conversation about how you feel, how it makes you feel when he rejects you, ask what it is....

Good luck, hope the outcome is what you desired. But asking this board when you should be asking him isn't in my opinion the best solution.

ewl6850

This has been the case with a lot of women I talk to lately.

If I ever get to this point, I don't want to live..

Dub_D

Just break up.

randomtai

Just break up.

:flowerforyou:

jplord

Your hubby is so effing lucky.

Maybe once a year in our marriage. 25 years married.

Familiarity is the biggest libido killer there is.

Counseling is good, but not a guarantee. We are proof.

Mubb

Just wake him up already having sex. Its the best way to wake up ever. Have you tried getting really dirty
Just jump on top and do all the work once in a while. I dated a girl that would never be on top,sometimes
I just wanted to lay there and enjoy it.

76tech

Send the kids away.

Put the TV on for your guy.

Put on some lingerie or whatever you feel sexy in.

Grab a toy.

Sit yourself on a chair in front of the TV and start taking care of things yourself.

That should be much more effective than talking to him about anything.

If he asks you to move out of his way, fire the pool boy.

SVCat

I want honest male answeres and opinions and if you want to be confidential to protect your manhood then great, but I need answers.

Been married a long time and my man is 49 - I am 40.... so yes, I may just be in my prime and with a dud. I get a lot of "I'm tired's" and "It's too soon's". Really? So sex is only when convenient for him, and it's like planning a calendar. Usually Friday nights but sometimes Saturday instead - never ever two nights in a row and not more than once a week. His choice, not mine.

Yes, we have kids; teens. AND while I may look forward to action because we will have the house to ourselves.... he would rather watch tv. We have the house to ourselves.... um, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this really how it is when you men reach this age?

How do you approach the use of drugs? toys? or is this just a crush to your manhood? Seriously

I'm 5-7, brunette, curvy but not fat, and I think I am pretty - I really don't think it is the scenery that is turning him off. When I get his attention, I can keep it.

ALSO, I'm 40 - I've changed over the years. How can I tell him that he is doing it wrong and not hurt him?

OK, now that I am about to post... mock away with witty sarcasm but some real insight into your male psyches would be great.

Toys-I recommend that you don't say anything, just take out the toy when in foreplay. If he is a normal guy (for his age), he will find it extremely sexy and hot. I personally wouldn't take this as offensive or somethign that would crush my mandhood. If there isn't any foreplay, then start now.

Doing it wrong- We are not mind "freaking" readers. Shame on you for not correcting him and letting yourself get all frustrated. You don't have to bark out orders, just make those moans louder so he gets a clue what works for you.

BTW, if he turns you down and opts for TV...join him on the couch and bust out your *buzzzzzzzzzzzz* and get to work right in front of him...if he has any sort of decency he will put that remote down.

fcp1234

I was a born a man, so here is what I think.

This is my serious opinion though

Edit *** This is if you absolutely feel the need to talk to him, I wouldnt talk to him but if you do****
I wouldn’t tell him that he is doing it wrong. I would talk about what changes would make you happy.
I wouldn’t use words like “you this..or you that”..I would use “I feel as like..” Sometimes when you start with “you” is accusing somebody and putting them in a corner.

Now as far as him not wanting it too much… Sometimes sex becomes a chore if you always have to have the whole full sessions or foreplay and all that good stuff. Sometimes its much easier to skip that and get it over with. Im talking about if you work, have kids, house pets etc..
When it feels like so much work, you wouldn’t even wanna do it. Just something to think about.

Good luck

wolfpack77

No way to know if its true, but I'm going to throw it out there anyways. It could be biological. Men around their 50's have significantly reduced testosterone levels, some more than others. It starts tapering off in their mid to late 30s. This plays a big role in their energy levels and desire for sex. But a lot of men at this age still have a healthy libido, so it could be that your man has lower levels, which is more common than you'd think.

The good news is that this is very easy to diagnose and is very treatable. There's a lot of natural ways to boost testosterone levels including working out and a healthy diet, but his doctor can also put him on a prescription booster.

There's a lot of older dudes in my gym that have done this to help them with their gains, since their levels are too low to really build any new muscle.

high test levels = more than u can handle, I promise that. :bigsmile:

MattTheWaterRat

Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

oneworkoutatatime

we can all post what we think or know from a male point of view , but your husband is the only one who cam accurately answer this question... just gotta talk to him or writ him a letter

bottleOdom

Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

I'm not dead - and I like sex. Been trying all sorts of things.

Thanks but I need suggestions.

wareagle8706

Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

a starfish? Wtf.....

PhotogNerd

I propose you have a "sex weekend". Send the kids away and have sex as much as you both can handle. Morning sex, after breakfast sex, nooner sex, after dinner sex, have a shower together...more sex. Sounds silly but do it...forcibly if you must. Pull out all the stops!

Does he like bj's? Maybe while he's watching Tv? Touch him frequently, send him pics while he's at work. It's not just going to magically fix itself.

Best of luck.

strikerjb007

Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

a starfish? Wtf.....

yes, a starfish. I gotten that in the past too. I know what he means. lol.

fleur_de_lis19

Send the kids away.

Put the TV on for your guy.

Put on some lingerie or whatever you feel sexy in.

Grab a toy.

Sit yourself on a chair in front of the TV and start taking care of things yourself.

That should be much more effective than talking to him about anything.

If he asks you to move out of his way, fire the pool boy.

YUP! This!

What about this new bull s**t they are saying on the tv about a condition called "Low T"? (low testosterone) Maybe its real.

OMG.. i pray my husband never gets this way!

fleur_de_lis19

What about warming him up like a lady? Wine and dine him and then, give him a nice massage and when hes nice and relaxed "bam!" Attack him like a f**king praying mantis.

hbrittingham

I do think that lower testosterone could be an issue. It can cause all sorts of issues beyond lowered sex drive, such as depression, lethargy and trouble sleeping. Lower testosterone can also make the "recovery" time a bit longer, which could be why he can't or won't do it every day. There's nothing so discouraging to a man as having a woman all hot and ready and not being able to perform. That can make them feel like a failure as a man.

SVCat

Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

a starfish? Wtf.....

yes, a starfish. I gotten that in the past too. I know what he means. lol.

TMI Tuesday: Last GF got the axe bc of this. A shame too, most good looking woman I was ever with but damn...it was like trying to hump a cadaver.

BruteSquad

Here it is, in all it's glory, and I may lose friends that read this.

You have to be willing, as a man, to have an open and honest discussion about these things. If he isn't then you will get no where.
Second, as a man, I know my limits, thus a hitachi magic wand, ball gag, and rope are useful tools. This can do the job for me with little effort if I am a spent force, or if I am legitimately tired.

For me drugs are off the table. No drugs. But I don't know what physical shape he is in. When my blood pressure elevated, I was not able to be all I could be...could not stand at attention for any length of time. And it was embarrassing. 60lbs later it has a mind of it's own.

Now, lets have a little talk about the male ego. You NEVER tell him he is doing it wrong. You simply tell him what you like or what you prefer. That said, you have to be prepared to hear what he likes or prefers and if you are saying, "I already know" then you don't. And if you don't want limits on your answers, make sure he knows you won't put limits on his answers.

If none of that works ask him to choose a stunt double......

stinkpurty

Sometimes I just want to be held.

That's okay. Sometimes I just wanna roll over and eat a sandwich.

robmcd88

Something is either wrong with him or your approach. There must be a time he’s said I like it when you wear _____ I like it when you do _____ I want _____ etc.. get out of your comfort zone if that’s the case and fill in all the blanks. If that doesn’t solve the issue then maybe he has some medical problem.

McBully4

Maybe once a year in our marriage. 25 years married.

Once a year ?!?!?!

if 364 days pass before I get some i'm tossing myself off a building on the 365th

karynspeace

BUMP! Very Interesting stuff here! Hang in the sister!

ILoveTheBrowns

have an affair

Jacwhite22

Is it ever just sex or is it always a big ordeal with lots of foreplay and cuddling after? Don't get me wrong....those things have their place......but every time it gets tiring. Sometimes it's more work than it's worth. I can rub one off in 5 min.

avir8

slip a lttle blue pill in his dinner, he'll have to turn to you for some relief.