When is a relationship beyond fixing

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  • ashleydillinger
    ashleydillinger Posts: 18 Member
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    If you're asking if your relationship is beyond fixing, it's beyond fixing.

    I don't think this is true at all, and frankly it's bad advice. If you're asking if your relationship is beyond fixing, it shows that you've recognized a problem. Isn't that, after all, the first step to fixing ANYTHING?
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    You should try Tae Bo together and see if it fixes things.

    this^^^^^

    but it's over when you both stop working on it. even if one of you is still working on it and the other isn't the relationship is still doomed.
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
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    Have you both just given up trying?

    You and Him have problems that are causing arguements. Fix the problems, figure out what mistakes you BOTH are making.... change.... change is always good.

    Relationship counseling? Ask him what happened to you to. Communicate with your BF.

    Do you love him? Love goes beyond our ever changing emotions.

    If you don't even know why you two are together still, and you have no interest in being with him anymore or working at it (changing).... then you might as well split up.

    Relationships require a lot of time investment.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
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    You're together four years and the last two months have been rocky.

    Figure out what the problem is. If it's something that is solvable, solve it. Only you know if you can live with this or not.

    If you really can't even have a conversation anymore, get into a therapist's office. He or she will make you talk rationally and keep you on task. The last four years of your life deserve at least that.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    We live in this culture where the longevity of a relationship is celebrated; where sometimes that becomes more important than the satisfaction in a relationship. People are always quick to say, "You've been together SO long, don't give up!" Meh. If you're unhappy, go be happy. There doesn't have to be some rock solid reason to break up with anyone (i.e cheating, fighting so many days a week, etc.). You can fall in love with someone who is a wonderful person - but maybe they aren't right for you for a lifetime.

    If you're not happy, go be happy! You don't need anymore justification than that.

    Wow, this seriously hit home..

    I came from a relationship break up where I still don't have a reason and it bugs the crap out of me. I'd say that you should have a reason of some kind. Not just "because", but have some reasons why it isn't working and be honest. Sometimes honesty is really hard, but it always ends better that way and I think usually everyone feels better when it's honest and sincere.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'm another advocate of Tae Bo. It saved my marriage.

    Long Live Billy Blanks!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Take a break, see how it feels. Be totally okay with being alone for a little while. Maybe try dating again, if you feel inclined. Too many people say with people they don't love or even like out of fear of being alone, and that's really unfortunate.
  • markpmc
    markpmc Posts: 240 Member
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    You break up with every boy/girl friend you have until you get married. Even then it's not a sure thing.
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
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    As soon as she says the pooper is off limits.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    For me, there came a point when I was thinking about how and when the relationship would end. I knew, basically, that it would not continue. I just didn't know how much longer it would be or what would be the catalyst that ended it. I think from that moment on, it was beyond fixing...probably because having accepted that it wasn't going to last, I didn't WANT to fix it. It was another year before we were actually done, but it was a bad year. I should have just ended things then--actually, the moment of realization came when I was trying to end it, but he started crying and being a big old wuss about it, and I'm a pushover, so I backed down and let him walk all over me for another year. Sometimes, when I look back at how stupid I used to be, how naive, I just have to shake my head and thank god that I learned some lessons. Can't wait until the day I look back on myself now and think, "God, I was so stupid and naive!" :laugh:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
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    29504734.png


    Also...this ^^
  • fittertanme
    fittertanme Posts: 259 Member
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    I would give it one more chance sit down together and if you cannot agree to things then you need to say what you feel should happen and again if that fails then tell him its over
  • LesleeBeAlive
    LesleeBeAlive Posts: 504
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    We live in this culture where the longevity of a relationship is celebrated; where sometimes that becomes more important than the satisfaction in a relationship. People are always quick to say, "You've been together SO long, don't give up!" Meh. If you're unhappy, go be happy. There doesn't have to be some rock solid reason to break up with anyone (i.e cheating, fighting so many days a week, etc.). You can fall in love with someone who is a wonderful person - but maybe they aren't right for you for a lifetime.

    If you're not happy, go be happy! You don't need anymore justification than that.

    Wow, this seriously hit home..

    I came from a relationship break up where I still don't have a reason and it bugs the crap out of me. I'd say that you should have a reason of some kind. Not just "because", but have some reasons why it isn't working and be honest. Sometimes honesty is really hard, but it always ends better that way and I think usually everyone feels better when it's honest and sincere.

    I am married, there would have to be a valid reason.
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    I'm not sure who coined the phrase "a relationship/marriage takes work", but it's complete crap, IMO. Love is effortless. You should get along easily. I've been with my husband 3 years and married for 2, and we never fight, apart from the occasional getting after him to put his shoes away. We don't need to. There's really nothing to fight ABOUT. If he's not your absolute best friend, he's probably not the one for you.
  • runnerjenn0708
    runnerjenn0708 Posts: 400 Member
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    Unless there are kids involved, just end it. It's not worth it. It shouldnt be that hard. You want to be with him, he wants to be with you. The end. When that part stops, it's over. It's sad that people make something so simple and beautiful so complicated and ugly.

    agreed
  • dalana84
    dalana84 Posts: 75 Member
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    First, thank you to everyone that's responded so far. I'm taking the time to read each of them, I haven't abandoned my own topic!

    I just recently thought about relationship counseling and have looked into it a little bit, plan to some more.
    The arguing and tension breaks my heart because I miss what we used to have and this is what makes me want to try and dig around before just throwing in the towel.
    Then I read the posts about people coming in to your life for a reason and wonder if that is the case. I could walk away from this having learned a little bit more about healthy/unhealthy relationships.

    I think I will step up to the plate and initiate a conversation about how things are going, I still believe that we can be honest enough with each other to come away from it gaining an answer to the problem.

    Thank you again MFPers, there are some really intelligent people around here =]
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
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    If you're asking if your relationship is beyond fixing, it's beyond fixing.
    Corn is wise.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    If you're asking if your relationship is beyond fixing, it's beyond fixing.

    This. You have checked out if this is what you are asking. When one person has fully checked out it is a point of no return.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    Get pregnant and then get married. .That always fixes struggling relationships.
  • bottleOdom
    bottleOdom Posts: 11
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    I will tell you the same thing my sister told me. Eventually there will come a time in your life when you will look at your partner and basically just go " ick". Whether it is the same routine day in and day out, the toothpaste that is always in the sink, the smell of your partner, it just annoys the living day lights out of you. And it may be several times in your life.

    I laughed then but not now. Relationships are work. Whether you are married or dating, to stay with someone is a committment. And all commmittment requires communication. Sometimes the subject of the communication can be difficult, but it has to be done.

    At least with communication, you then know if what is there is worth it or if the "ick" is just not worth it.

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